Chapter 05: Useless

The following days, sleeping was what Raph was doing most of the time. Sleep was his friend. It let him forget how much he was hurting, it helped forget his current condition, and he simply loved the state between sleep and waiting, this sweet in-between stage where everything was just golden and pleasant and fine. He would sleep just to reach that state later. His world was complete there, now more than ever.

Bu then, there was this moment, too, when he finally had to wake up, when he couldn't hold on to this state any longer. And this was when the truth hit him with full force, when he realized that his foot was still in the support splint, when he knew he couldn't train today either. So he started each morning with a frown and a sigh.

Like every morning Raph got up, heaved himself into the office chair and rolled to the kitchen. He listened for any noises in his brothers' rooms, for any movements, even peeked inside Leo's room, but it was empty. So his brothers were already up. Good. That meant breakfast should be finished soon.

But when he had finally made his way to the kitchen by jumping the stairs with the office chair under his arm, he stopped in the entrance and his eyes widened in shock. The kitchen was empty.

What was going on here?

Slight panic rose within him. Where were his brothers? He hadn't heard any noises from the dojo.

Okay, maybe they're having some morning meditation session, he tried to calm himself. Yes, this had to be it.

With a determined nod he rolled over to the dojo – only to find it empty, too.

Now he was out of ideas, and panic took over again. His brothers were gone!

At that moment, the door of Splinter's room slid open and the ninja master appeared in the dojo.

Raph let out a quick sigh of relief. At least his sensei was still here. But then he was all panic again.

"Sensei!" he addressed Splinter. "The others, they're gone!"

Splinter looked at him slightly confused.

"Well, of course they are," he said in a calm voice.

"What!?" If any more panic could have been added to Raph's current state, this would have been the moment. "WHY are they gone, sensei? What happened? Are we under attack? Why didn't anyone wake me up?"

Splinter frowned. "Raphael, please calm down. They are gone because they are on their patrol."

"What!? In the morning? During daytime?" Raph's eyes widened even more. Had his brothers totally lost it?

Splinter choked a laugh as he realized what was going on here, but couldn't fight back a soft chuckle.

"Raphael," he said to his son. "Everything is fine. Your brothers have left for their evening patrol."

Raph blinked a few times. "W-wait, what?"

"Raphael, it is already nine o'clock in the evening." Splinter looked at his son amusedly. "You have been sleeping all day."

"You serious?" Raph's jaw dropped a little. But now that he thought of it, he hadn't looked at the watch all day, so yes, this most certainly was a possibility.

Splinter replied with a nod.

"Uhm, okay," he said then, straightening up in his seat, forcing his facial features into a serious look. "I'll be in the kitchen then."

And with that he rolled out of the dojo.

After having a very late breakfast, Raph was in the living room again. He had turned the TV on, but he just couldn't concentrate on what was on. His thoughts always drifted to his brothers.

What if they got into trouble? He wouldn't be there to help them!

Okay, not that he would be much of a help anyway, with his broken ankle and all, but he could still operate the Shellraiser's weapons, right? And maybe he could even ride the Stealth Bike, so if they needed him he could help. He would help!

But they usually went on their evening patrols by foot, so this was off limits for him now.

He sighed. Maybe he should call them, just check if they were okay.

But no, this was stupid! He would seem like dragon, checking on her husband and making sure he wasn't going to a pub after work.

No, no, he wouldn't call them.

Besides, why was he so worried today? He hadn't been that worried yesterday or the day before yesterday, so why was he worried now? Because he hadn't seen them leave? Because if he had he could convince himself that they left in a great mood and in a good condition and that they would be able to face whatever was waiting for them topside? Was that the reason?

He thought so. He hadn't seen them leave tonight. He didn't know if maybe one of them seemed a bit down or unconcentrated, he just didn't know.

Okay, this wasn't getting him anywhere. Painting worst case-scenarios in his head was making everything just worse. He needed to do something.

But with a broken ankle, his opportunities sure were limited. He couldn't even play a game of pinball, because he would need both legs for this and couldn't play from a sitting position. He glanced over at the TV where this very old gaming console, which Donnie had repaired for Mikey last week, was resting. Mikey had shown him how to play yesterday. And although Raph had acted as if he hadn't been interested at all, he still had paid attention.

This could work. He needed to concentrate to play this game.

He got up and hopped over to the TV on his good leg.

Two hours later he was so absorbed by the game, he had completely forgotten to worry over his brothers. The game was pretty easy, though, just pushing a few buttons, making this pixelated figure, which should be some sort of a warrior jump around and run and swing its sword. But it sure was entertaining. And he couldn't wait to surpass Mikey's high score!

It was that moment when he heard voices from the lair's entrance, and they somehow seemed odd.

He quickly turned his head, and when he saw what was going on, he rose in no time, balancing on one foot. He tossed the gaming console away. High scores didn't matter any longer. Nothing mattered any longer.

His eyes grew wide as he saw how Leo had wrapped his mask over his left forearm.

"What happened?" Raph asked immediately, trying his best to keep the panic out of voice, but failed completely.

"Just a scratch," Leo said. "We ran into a group of Purple Dragons, and one of them got lucky with his knife."

Raph's eyes widened even more.

"It's not that bad, really," Leo said quickly, but Raph saw things a little differently.

Moments later, Raph was sitting on the left side of the couch where he could easily rest his ankle on a pillow and watched how Donnie patched Leo up.

Raph's brow was furrowed, his mouth pressed into a stern line, and he had his arms crossed over his plastron.

If he had been there, he thought, this would never have happened. Purple Dragons never got that lucky when he was around. He should have been there!

But then realization hit him. Even if he had, there would have been nothing he could have done. The fight had taken place in a small side street. Neither the Shellraiser nor the Stealth Bike would have been of any use. He wouldn't have been able to fire any weapon without risking hitting his brothers, too.

He clenched his fists without unfolding his arms, until his fingers started hurting.

I'm useless!