Title: Creeping On A Stranger
Word Count: 9,064
Summary: Seblaine Week 2014: Day 1 (Alternative Meeting). Sebastian has always had a habit of getting in the way and making a nuisance of himself. Since his little sister had gotten sick when he was eleven, he has spent years trying to gain back the attention of his parents.
Disclaimer: I am in no way associated with Glee, FOX, Ryan Murphy or anything else related to the FOX universe.
Warnings/Spoilers: Angst (of course).
A heart came through from Michigan.
It echoes within his head so rapidly that it distorts out of shape, into something he doesn't recognise seconds after his mother tells him. Whatever he might have expected from the frantic rush to get to the hospital, it wasn't that his sister was getting a transplant. He'd thought that the odds were too small of a heart coming through. He'd thought her blood type was too rare to find a match. He'd thought that after four years-
And suddenly he realises that if this works, if this goes right, he could have another decade, more, with his sister.
His knees buckle and Hunter barely avoids landing on top of him. He's a tangled heap of limbs and sobs and he no longer gives a fuck if his mother is watching him fall apart or not because he's too far gone to even try to think straight about this. Lillian could be okay. Lillian could survive. Lillian could get out of hospital, go to school, play sport, sing, dance, paint.
The possibilities for her life after the operation become endless.
He knows he has Hunter's arms around him and he can feel fingers stroking through his hair that he thinks are probably Therese's but neither of them attempt to move him from his heap on the floor. Neither of them attempt to tell him to get up. Neither of them reduce their protective stance around him, wherever his parents are or whatever they're doing. Neither of them fill his head with 'It's going to be okay' but the tiniest bit of hope flickers within his chest because maybe, just maybe, it will be okay.
"Hey." Hunter's arms slacken, a large hand settling on Sebastian's cheek to try to guide him into looking up. He fights it because he doesn't want the mess of his tear-stained face seen by his roommate. Hunter huffs and prods at his forehead. "Dude, is Blaine a curly-haired kid?"
He freezes. There's a long moment where the avalanche of hysteria stops and teeters within him. He looks at Hunter blindly. His roommate's gaze is over Sebastian's shoulder when he inclines his head. Sebastian tries to sit up to follow his eyes, past the chairs and couches to see back to the door where Blaine is scowling in a wheelchair. An orderly stands behind him. He thinks her name is Marnie.
"Blaine," he breathes when their eyes meet. Blaine's the best thing Sebastian's seen all day, the most beautiful and needed sight he's had since James found him after the Warblers had finished singing. It's been weeks since he visited Blaine and he realises how stupid he was to take a break from the other boy when the mere sight of him is enough for some of the panic in Sebastian's chest to loosen.
He doesn't think about what to do. He's scrambles free of Hunter's body and stumbles through the lines of chairs and couches to get to Blaine, desperate to hold him close and surrender into Blaine's care. By the time he gets there, Blaine has been carefully helped to his feet by the orderly and Sebastian sweeps him away from the wheelchair and into a hug, holding on fiercely as Blaine's arms surround him with warmth and safety and familiarity. The gesture fills him with guilt after he'd avoided seeing Blaine for the past weeks while he'd tried to figure himself out.
"I'm here," Blaine whispers against his ear, a set of fingers curling around the back of his neck for comfort. "I'm here, Seb. Breathe for me, remember?"
He's conscious that Blaine's still developing his ability to walk and he's not sure how long he can stand. He's not sure how much Blaine is holding onto him to offer support versus his own muscular-skeletal weaknesses that means Blaine needs support too. He shuffles them a few steps to the nearest couch and Blaine brushes a brief kiss to his temple as he sits and then holds out his arms for Sebastian to press into. He doesn't waste any time curling into Blaine's side. He listens to Blaine's breathing, listens to the quietness of his voice as he runs Sebastian through the same breathing exercise that he'd done when Hunter had called Blaine weeks ago. He feels Blaine's chest rise and fall against his cheek, feels his fingers smoothing through his hair and down the back of his neck. It's not enough to turn him silent, but it is enough to soothe his panic. If Lillian was his sun and moon and rock, Blaine was his stars and sunshine.
He doesn't know where anyone else is in the room right now. He doesn't care.
"I've got you," Blaine promises when his sobs have eased to the occasional hiccup. His body feels temporarily drained of the emotional uproar that has churned through him since James had found him. He sinks into Blaine's embrace, cuddling into his smaller body and pressing his head to Blaine's shoulder.
"Blaine, right?" Hunter's voice sounds somewhere to his right. He feels Blaine stiffen slightly and he scratches his fingers gently against Blaine's back. He has a feeling Blaine is recalling the story he'd told about his first meeting with Hunter and the shift in his body language is a result of his anxiety. Even though things with him and Hunter are still a bit weird, he knows Hunter wouldn't harm him or Blaine.
"You must be Hunter," Blaine says, his tone cautious and careful as he clutches Sebastian closer. "Thank you for being here."
"Sebastian wanted me to be," Hunter explains and Sebastian feels his roommate's hand touch his shoulder. He tries to pretend it's his imagination that Blaine leans away. "You want me to still be here or have I been replaced?"
His normal reaction is to snort but his nose is so congested that a breathless laugh escapes him instead. He draws away from Blaine's embrace enough to look towards his parents who have resumed being huddled together in the corner. Therese has somehow ended up in the middle of the room but her gaze is fixed on him. He feels a shiver run down his spine for reasons he can't really explain.
He looks up at Hunter, his eyes feeling itchy and sore and ready to be removed from his head. His lungs ache in his chest. His roommate looks strange in his school uniform. It only really starts to dawn on Sebastian that he's in his uniform too. Hunter is looking at him in a way he can't quite discern, probably because his roommate still has that impassive face thing going. There's something in his eyes though, something he'll have to remember to ask about later.
"D-Don't go too far," he whispers, bunching his fingers into Blaine's shirt because yes, Hunter has been replaced but he's not too proud to admit it. He still wants Hunter around as shelter from his parents.
"Wouldn't dream of it, man," Hunter says with a squeeze of his hand against Sebastian's shoulder. "I'll just be over there and read until you want me, alright?"
He nods and Hunter moves away again. He can feel the straightness of Blaine's spine reducing.
"He makes me uncomfortable," Blaine admits, reaching up to dab at Sebastian's cheeks with his cardigan sleeve.
"He… H-He won't h-hurt you," he says, eyes closing briefly to allow Blaine the opportunity to clean his face. He prefers to think that it's an instinctive move and that Blaine isn't crossing past the boundaries of being a friend.
"It's not me I'm worried about," Blaine replies, the softness of his cardigan dragging over his face followed by gentle fingers spanning his cheeks. He opens his eyes again and it takes him a moment to focus blurry eyes on Blaine's radiating concern.
"W-We're better n-now," he says, not willing to elaborate despite Blaine's arched brows. He doesn't know how much Hunter has to lose but Sebastian knows how to be discrete with the details of who he hooks up with. No one will ever know unless Hunter wants them to know, and considering the front he puts up of not being interested in bisexuality, he doubts that will ever happen. It's not his secret to tell so a secret it will remain.
"Okay," Blaine sighs, his thumb brushing along the puffy skin of Sebastian's cheeks and the curve beneath his eye. It's intimate and makes his stomach flutter. "So, can you tell me what's happening?"
He stammers his way through the scant details he knows. It's a struggle to keep himself together when he starts explaining the process of a heart transplant and what it means for Lillian's prospects. He can remember sitting in the corner of the doctor's room with Lillian on his lap years ago. After the latest failed surgery to help Lillian's heart, the cardiologist, Charlie Hopper, had told his parents a transplant was needed and his sister was going to be put on the list. He'd been told to keep Lillian distracted from what was being said but both of them had carefully pretended to play with each other's hands while listening intently to every word. Lillian had asked him to explain it better when he'd gotten home and he'd had to sit with her on the computer and try to make sense of the complicated medical words on the screen without being caught by their parents.
The couple of years that have passed since then have felt more like decades.
At some point, he returns to resting his head against Blaine's shoulder and lets Blaine's fingers wind through his hair. He's too exhausted to cry right now but he's aware of his heart pounding too hard and too fast. His breathing occasionally hitches when the realisation of it all stabs through him again. His hands quiver where they're curled into Blaine's shirt.
He sits huddled into Blaine's smaller body taking every bit of comfort that he can until he realises that his neck has been twisted into the same uncomfortable position for too long. When he tries to move, he whimpers and Blaine's fingers move to massage his neck that he struggles to stretch and rotate.
"Hey, I have an idea." Blaine helps him sit up with a hand on his back. His head spins as he orientates himself. "Let go for a sec."
"But-"
"I'm going to shift to the end of the couch so you can curl up and rest your head in my lap, okay?" Blaine interrupts gently and he feels bad for assuming Blaine was going to try to leave. He should trust the other boy more. Blaine's only trying to make Sebastian more comfortable. He doesn't know what he did to deserve this boy as his friend after creeping in on him while he'd been unconscious in the PICU so many months ago.
He lets go of Blaine's shirt even though it feels physically painful to do so. Blaine scoops the cushions out of the way and scoots to the end of the couch. Within thirty seconds, his head is settled on a pillow in Blaine's lap and Blaine's fingers are stroking through his hair again.
"Better?" Blaine says, moving his thumb to brush along the sore stretch of muscle on his neck. He releases a delighted breath of relief.
"Much," he concedes, wrapping his arm across Blaine's legs. He knows Blaine will take care of him and keep him safe. He trusts Blaine to take care of him and keep him safe. He doesn't give a crap about his parents being on the other side of the large room. He knows they could interrupt them at any point, but Blaine is comforting and comfortable and he's so grateful that it makes his eyes water. "Thank you for being here."
"Like I'd be anywhere else," Blaine say, smiling down at him as his fingers leave tingling trails against his scalp. "I told Ben he could either organise a wheelchair and an orderly or I was taking my frame and hobbling up here. He insisted that was a bad idea so I told him he'd better get the wheelchair organised quickly because I was leaving in less than thirty seconds."
An amused smile drags at his lips which makes Blaine's smile grow. "My hero," he teases and Blaine pinches his cheek and sticks out his tongue.
"A hero complete with a chair on wheels which I can't even operate myself because I'd just go in circles," Blaine says with a disgruntled huff.
An unexpected burst of quiet laughter escapes him before he can stop it.
"Are you laughing at the fact I still have a gimpy arm?" Blaine pouts, his eyes wide with mock outrage.
It feels so wrong to be telling jokes with Blaine and smiling at a time like this. His smile wobbles as he recalls the seriousness of the situation he's in. "Maybe?"
Blaine scoffs and rolls his eyes. His fingers resume the gentle stroking of his hair. "You're horrible."
He pokes out his tongue and Blaine snorts and pinches his cheek again. Even when everything in his life is completely inverted, Blaine is capable of being a rock in the middle of a storm. He realises he's come to adore Blaine being in his life. He's not sure if that's a problem.
He sighs quietly and adjusts his head on the pillow, his eyes drifting closed for a moment. There's no way he could possibly sleep but he can allow himself to relax, just a little, because Blaine's here and capable of helping more than Sebastian ever expected.
"Talk to me," Sebastian requests when the images behind his eyes grow dark and stormy, flickers of blood red and Lillian's pale face. Blaine's fingers pause for a moment.
"About what?"
"Anything. I keep thinking about her and I-"
"Okay, okay."
Blaine's fingers resume their steady movements, easing Sebastian's burst of desperation as he sought a distraction. He wonders what races through Blaine's head as he searches through topics. He notices Blaine's fingers don't falter, don't lose rhythm, with stroking his hair.
"Right so… Um… I have a tentative release date of sometime within the next month?" Blaine begins uncertainly and it helps Sebastian stop thinking about Lillian so much as he listens to Blaine talk about the slow progress he was making. Even though Blaine still lacks a lot of strength and fine motor coordination, he has enough determination that he thinks he'll be able to cope at his house after a few adjustments are made and he keeps his frame for support. It isn't until Sebastian notices the pain in Blaine's words that he realises Blaine hasn't been home since early November and now it's the middle of April.
He listens to Blaine talk about his uncertainty over school next year, how his parents had asked if he wanted to live with his older brother for a while because LA was more accepting than Ohio. Sebastian keeps quiet about his wish for Blaine to attend Dalton. He's not sure there are any reasons for Blaine to stay in Ohio and go to a public school here. He's already worked out that he's one of the few people that have stuck by Blaine. Perhaps he's the only one. He suspects the attack broke any previous friendships.
He listens to Blaine drift towards a new tangent, something about the events in the rehabilitation ward that have caused minor squabbles and major uproar. There's an elderly grandmother who fell in the shower and broke her hip and refuses to get up and walk. There's a sixty-something man who lost the lower half of his right leg after a motorcycle accident. He's halfway through listening to Blaine talking about a group game of blackjack that had occurred a few days ago when it all begins to fade away.
He's behind the wheel of a car. He's not sure why. He's never driven before. He isn't sure how to operate the pedals properly. He struggles with coordinating his feet and the steering wheel. When he peers through the windscreen, he doesn't recognise the streets he's driving through either. Is he in some part of Westerville he's not wholly familiar with? There aren't any street lamps to illuminate his path but there's an eerie glow against street corners. He senses he's merely driving through a long tunnel of black, black, black. Maybe the street corners are actually just branches of the tunnel.
Something sticky slides down his arm and the side of his face. It's thick and viscous. Try as he might, he can't wipe it away because his limbs are paralysed. His hands are clamped around the wheel of the car. His foot is jammed on the accelerator. He can tell he's moving – he can tell he's driving fast – but he can't see. He's barrelling through a tunnel of black and he's completely out of control.
There's a light ahead. It's far away, small, barely a pinprick but at the speed he's travelling, it starts to expand. It transforms from a pinprick to a finger, from a finger to a fist, from a fist to a beach ball, from a beach ball to the size of the sun.
And then he realises it's not a light at the end of the tunnel at all.
It's the headlight of a truck.
He's sure he opens his mouth. He knows he wants to open his mouth. He tries to scream.
Silence echoes around him.
He's powerless to the impending crash. He can't warn the other driver that his car is beyond his control. He's trapped and he can't tear his eyes away from the light expanding greater and greater.
He catches the gleam of the truck's metal grille, sees the wide whites of the eyes of a stranger. He tries to scream again because there's the faint clang then screech of metal colliding.
There's a blinding white light.
And then it all goes dark.
He wakes with a scream, flinging his arms around him because there are arms on him and he can't get away and the nightmare has seared its way onto the backs of his retinas and all he can see is the metal of the grille coming at him and the truck driver's eyes and the racing thud of his heart as he knew he was going to die and then he'd-
"Seb!"
He startles at Blaine's firm hands cupping his cheeks, drawing him away from the glare of bright headlights and instead he sees warm caramel brown eyes. He's trembling all over, his heart beating so hard it feels like it's trying to escape his chest, his breathing so short he feels dizzy. He hasn't-
"It was just a nightmare," Blaine says, calm and slow and gentle. "Look at me, Seb. Focus on me. You're okay. It was just a horrible dream."
The lingering wisps of the nightmare make his brain fuzzy in the present. He doesn't understand why Blaine's here – he wonders how he fell asleep on Blaine's tiny hospital bed – before he realises they aren't on Blaine's hospital bed.
The panic of the impending crash is nothing compared to the overload of guilt and shame that he feels when he realises he fell asleep.
"I-" His lower lip traitorously wobbles. He bites on it to keep it steady as tears fill his eyes. How could anyone fall asleep when-
"Hey, you weren't out very long," Blaine assures, tugging him closer and wrapping him into a tight hug. "You didn't miss anything, Seb. I would have woken you."
He's no longer sure if he's upset because of the nightmare or the guilt of falling asleep while Lillian is in pieces on an operating table. He listens to Blaine because it's too hard to fight everything on his own. At least temporarily. He's already capable of worrying about what will happen when he and Blaine get separated, when he and Hunter have to return to Dalton, when he has to deal with his parents.
Blaine draws away to assess him. He's still shaking, but he thinks it might be because of the constant thrum of anxiety which has threaded its way through his entire nervous system. His sister isn't that far away and she's in the middle of surgery that could solve a lot of problems.
"Are you with me?" Blaine asks, cradling his face to hold him steady.
He searches the honeyed eyes in front of him but he's not sure what he's looking for. He gives a weak nod and Blaine smiles tentatively before tangling their fingers together. It's warm and familiar, something safe that he hadn't realised was capable of grounding him so effectively. Without words exchanged, Blaine moves down the couch and he settles again in the offered lap.
And sees Hunter staring at him from a much closer chair.
He sits up quickly, nearly smacking Blaine's chin with his head. "What are you-"
"We were just talking," Hunter interrupts, holding up a hand that barely slows his torrent of uneasy questions. The words do nothing to reduce the sick feeling in his stomach.
"About what?" he says suspiciously, glancing between Hunter and Blaine. Blaine looks guiltily towards Hunter and it confirms that it must have been about him. Fear, hurt, betrayal burns through him and he lets go of Blaine's hand like it's electrocuted him and stands. A blanket he hadn't noticed before slips from his shoulders to the floor in a pile of blue and white hospital-issued fabric.
"Sebas-"
"Don't," he warns, moving away from Blaine before he says something he'll regret. He already feels like he's been playing with explosives all day. He doesn't need the paranoia of his only friend and his roommate swapping stories about him to be the spark that sets him off.
He needs something to do which will keep his hands busy. Casting his eyes around, he sees the small cafeteria area and approaches the coffee maker with a particularly fervent determination. He's pretty sure both Blaine and Hunter are watching him - maybe his parents are too - but he doesn't know what else to do. He doesn't want to leave the waiting area in case news comes. He doesn't want to trade the sting of betrayal that Blaine and Hunter were talking about him for the devastation his parents have inflicted after months without contact. He'd prefer to avoid them as long as possible. It's a sick game of tug-o-war and he's barely balancing in the middle.
A hand reaches for a neatly packaged blueberry muffin beside him and he nearly jumps out of his skin.
"Is that Blaine Anderson?" Therese asks casually, leaning against the wall beside the coffee machine as nonchalantly as possible and peeling the wrapper open.
He rolls his eyes because he can recognise what she's doing. He knows she's just keeping her hands busy too while she tries to dig her way into his personal life. He stabs at the coffee machine again, his frustration brewing more than any coffee that is meant to be coming out of it.
"He asked you for information on Lillian once," he says because Therese knows who Blaine is. She'd treated him. She'd heard his excuse for creeping in on Blaine when he was caught at a hospital room that wasn't Lillian's. Therese isn't a fool. She doesn't need to pretend she is.
"Indeed." She nods and picks at a chunk of the muffin. "You seem very…close."
He looks at her incredulously. She looks smug as shit about something and he doesn't like it. This morning when the Dalton boys had been rowdy, he'd hoped the butt of the joke wasn't going to be him and been reassured when it hadn't been. Now there's all these smiles and guilty looks and secretive glances and he's pretty sure the joke is definitely him except he doesn't know what's so funny.
"We're just friends," he says, slowly and clearly. He really hates how many times he has to explain that to people. It's not like he and Blaine have kissed or exchanged undying vows of devotion or any of a hundred other disgustingly romantic sentiments. Blaine just brings him comfort and he needs all the comfort he can get right now.
She shrugs and pops a piece of muffin in her mouth. Her eyes glitter with mirth instead of what he might have expected - disgust, hatred - at the close friendship he shares with Blaine. "He obviously cares about you," she continues, pushing him more than he's willing to be pushed.
He grimaces because Blaine's just been talking about him with Hunter and he hates knowing that. He returns to jabbing buttons on the coffee machine. He's almost prepared to just give up and punch the stupid thing when one of her hand covers his.
"You need to allow your friends to take care of you, Sebastian," she says, pulling his hand from the machine. It's probably because she knows he wants to pick it up and hurl it across the room. "Your parents- They're struggling right now. They have no idea how to approach you."
He scowls and rips his hand away from hers. Anger makes his gaze turn red. "And I'm not struggling?" he snaps, gritting his teeth and pressing his lips together as the rage swells within him.
She sighs, stepping closer and adjusting the lapels of his blazer. "Of course you are, Seb," she says gently, smoothing the fabric along his shoulders. "I've seen you grow to adore Lillian, although I can recall you weren't thrilled when you realised what having a baby sister really meant." She winks, but he has no idea what she's implying. "I know you would have given up your own heart if it would have saved her."
His neck stiffens at her words, his eyes averting to contain the rush of tears that threaten to spill down his cheeks. He wonders how she knows him so well when they haven't talked that much over the years. He's not even sure his parents realise that he truly loves Lillian so much that he'd sacrifice his own life for hers. He doubts his parents would be sad about it.
As if Therese is capable of reading his thoughts, she presses on. "I've also seen what they've done to you over the years, leaving you to grow up on your own with no guidance or support," Therese says, her fingers straightening the knot of his tie although she leaves his top button undone. He's surprised he still has the tie on. Maybe that's why he feels like he's choking all the time. "I've seen you change from a wide-eyed little boy into an insecure teenager who thinks he has nothing to lose."
He doesn't know where she's going with this and maybe that scares him more than anything. It feels like her words might be capable of carving him into pieces and he's not sure he has the emotional capacity to handle such a thing right now.
"Why are you-"
"Lillian's always been someone you could lose and you've known that for a long time," Therese interrupts and he shuts his mouth and stares down at her. She's a couple of inches shorter than him now. She never used to be shorter than him. He can faintly remember tugging at her skirt for another jelly snake. Maybe he's been growing the past few months. Maybe he'll gain back that height Hunter seems to have gained on him. "I think Blaine's becoming someone else you could lose, and maybe even that other friend from school who's here, and you're scared like hell of that so you're locking yourself away from letting them near you."
He has no idea how she's analysed him so deeply and so well. He feels like she's just torn open his gut and exposed his heart and soul for the world to see. Except she's not crowing with victory, not lauding it over him, but instead continuing to look patient and calm while her words linger on his skin and tears slide down his cheeks.
"Your parents haven't understood you for a long time because they stopped trying when Lillian got sick," Therese says, reaching up to touch his cheek and thumb away the wetness. "But Blaine? I can see he cares about you and I think that Hunter boy does too. You need to let them take care of you right now because I can guarantee you that Amelia and William wouldn't know the first thing about looking after you, Sebastian."
He struggles to understand her words on top of the conflict that's already in his head over Lillian, his parents, Blaine, Hunter. It all merges together into something that threatens to be completely overwhelming. He doesn't understand how Therese knows all this. He doesn't understand why Therese has put herself on his side of the fence. He's not entirely sure if Therese is confirming that his parents abandoned interest in him a while ago or not, but that's how he's interpreting her words and it hurts. It hurts to think that he lived under his parent's roof and they had as much interest in his wellbeing as they've apparently done since he was dumped at Dalton in January.
"Why are you telling me this?" he whispers, his defences starting to crumble under Therese's observations.
She smiles sadly and places her muffin on the table, reaching for his hands and grasping them between her own. They're warm and firm and steadier than his have been for hours. "Because whatever happens with Lillian today will change everything," she says, looking directly in his eyes. "Whatever happens, your parents will want to reach out to you, to apologise for their mistakes, to mend the bridges they've broken, to brush away your hurt and say it's all better now."
He frowns. He doesn't understand why it would be a bad thing to see his parents own up to their mistakes.
"Sebastian." Therese draws his attention back. "I don't want it to seem like I'm telling you how to run your life but you don't have to forgive them straight away. Whatever they try to make you feel will be so that you ignore the hurt you feel because of them. They will try to make you forget the anger that's cascaded out of you and the tears you've cried because of their disinterest. And you have every right to feel whatever you feel after they approach you to repair things." She squeezes his hands and folds them together, cradling them in her own. "Don't allow them to negate how you've felt the past years because they haven't cared for you properly. Do you understand me?"
He wants to say no because that would be the truth. He has absolutely no idea what she's talking about. She'd gone from someone that understood him perfectly to someone talking about shit he didn't understand at all.
She squeezes his hands again, offering him gentle comfort. "You don't have to forget how they've made you feel, Sebastian," Therese says, finally letting his hands go so she can press a few buttons on the coffee machine. It starts whirring and making clunking noises and he wonders what the hell she did to the stupid thing which was so special. He thought he'd hit every damn button. She reaches for an apple that brings her mouth closer to his ear. "I'm on your side if you want to talk about them," she says quietly, picking up her muffin and wandering away to the same seat she'd been in earlier.
His eyebrows crinkle together as she sits, winks at him and pulls out her phone.
What the hell was that all about?
The coffee machine hums with a life it hadn't held before. He grasps one of the paper cups hopefully and puts it beneath the spout. He presses a button and the machine clunks again and it sounds almost ominous when there's an internal hiss and some steam comes out the back.
And then dark liquid salvation begins to dribble into the cup. He pretends to focus on making the coffee, touching another button to add milk when the coffee has poured forth, but really he's still churning over what Therese had said. She'd made it blatantly obvious she was on his side but what did that actually mean? Why would his parents apologise and try to reduce the importance of how he'd felt? Surely if they were apologising it meant they understood the extent and gravity of their mistakes, right? They were adults. They were meant to be mature enough to take responsibility for their actions and understand why their actions had been problematic in the first place.
…right?
The coffee machine quietens after the milk spews into the cup and he guesses he's done with it for now. He ends up selecting a large chocolate chip cookie to take with him. When he turns around, he realises that he's not actually sure where he's taking it to. He doesn't think he wants to sit with Therese and end up with his brain tangled by even more riddles. There's no way he's going anywhere near his parents. When he glances to his left, Hunter is still sitting opposite Blaine but they don't appear to be looking at each other or talking. He supposes he can't avoid them forever and as much as he doesn't want to admit it, Blaine's here for him. So is Hunter. He'd been grateful for their support and strength earlier so being a jerk isn't fair when he still needs them.
He sighs nervously and approaches the couch. Hunter's already seen him and leans back in his chair, eyes scanning down his body and up again. It unsettles him. It almost feels like he's being checked out.
He stops by the couch, looking at Hunter first before focusing on Blaine who is staring at the floor with his hands clasped together. "I'm sorry," he says quietly, placing his coffee and cookie on a side table and crouching in front of Blaine in an attempt to find his eyes. "I was rude and I shouldn't have been."
Blaine's eyes drift to him, faintly shiny with unshed tears. Tan fingers reach for Sebastian's face so he shifts closer, allowing them to curve around his cheek. He relaxes into the touch and his eyelids flutter.
"You're hurting," Blaine says, "and you're scared. I don't hold it against you."
He smiles weakly and reaches for Blaine's hand to grasp. Their fingers thread together when Blaine hesitantly returns the smile. Some of the tension in his belly unravels as he picks up his coffee and cookie and sits on the couch. Blaine moves closer because he can't lay down and sip his coffee, letting his hand rub circles into Sebastian's knee.
Hunter stares at them with wide eyes.
Sebastian had intended to ask about the discussion that had taken place when he'd fallen asleep but the words stick in his throat when he goes to say them. Maybe he doesn't want to know. Maybe he doesn't need anything else on his mind right now.
An uncomfortable silence falls around them while Sebastian sips his coffee and nibbles at the biscuit. He's not particularly hungry or thirsty but he'd used the place as an escape which meant he was forced to return with something. He probably has to consume it despite feeling convinced he'd have an easier time swallowing lava.
He checks the time, notes that it's approaching two-thirty, and starts doing calculations in his head. If James had found him shortly after eleven, and assuming Lillian had gone into surgery half an hour to an hour before that, and heart transplants can take anywhere from four to eight hours, then he's known for around three and a half hours and Lillian has probably been operated on for at least four hours, possibly slightly more. He forces himself to be comforted by the fact no one has come to tell them bad news.
"Are you hungry, Blaine?" Hunter says. There's something about his careful neutrality that makes the skin of Sebastian's neck prickle.
Blaine shifts nervously beside him and Sebastian wonders if Blaine and Hunter are really terrible liars or if Sebastian's just more adept at concealing his thoughts and feelings by sneering at everyone. "Um… Yeah, I… Ordinarily I would have had lunch by now…"
Sebastian realises that he was probably asleep in Blaine's lap when he would usually have eaten. He hadn't considered that others needed to eat too. He internally berates himself for his selfishness when he looks down at his half-eaten cookie.
"I'll go get a few sandwiches." Hunter stands, picking at a spot on his blazer in an attempt to not meet Sebastian's eyes. "Do you want something too, Seb?"
He thinks about the consequences of having too much food in his stomach if the news about Lillian is bad. He doesn't want to hear the worst because he'll almost definitely throw up. There's already a churning nausea that makes him feel desperately sick.
"Get something anyway," Blaine speaks for him and Hunter gives a brief nod before walking towards the doors to take him out of the waiting room. Blaine rubs at his knee until his roommate is gone, and then reaches for his hands holding the cookie. "What's going on?"
He looks at Blaine with narrowed eyes, his forehead crinkled with confusion. Defiance pokes at his heart. "My sister is getting a heart transplant. What do you think?"
He sees the flash of hurt that Blaine can't conceal in his eyes and looks down at his lap. He doesn't deserve to have Blaine here. Maybe he shouldn't even be here. He'd been determined to break his mother but he doesn't want to break Blaine. He can't afford to lose him. He's already ashamed at the pain his harsh words could inflict on someone as precious as Blaine.
"I think you're terrified," Blaine says, freeing the cookie from his hands and placing it on the coffee table. "I think you're trying to stay strong because your parents are here and I think you're anxious because of your sister and I think you're spending too much time in your head because you can't find the words and I think you're unable to stop wondering about what Hunter and I talked about so it's making you not trust either of us."
He glowers at the carpet. He can't believe this is the second time in an hour that someone has peeled apart his heart and revealed he has one to the world. Blaine forcibly wriggles his fingers between the gaps in Sebastian's and holds his hand tightly, thumb dragging over his knuckles.
"Hunter had no idea your sister was sick. He just wanted to know what he shouldn't say to avoid you getting angry with him or breaking down in tears," Blaine explains with a marginal increase in the strength of his grip. The steadiness in his voice seems to suggest he isn't lying and Sebastian isn't sure how to feel about it. He hadn't expected his roommate to really…care that much. "He wanted to know how you and I met and why we were friends." A quiet, breathy laugh escapes Blaine. "He couldn't understand why I didn't throw you out of my hospital room when I woke up and you were there."
Sebastian's shoulders begin to sag when he realises he'd gotten angry and defensive for no real reason. He feels sick with guilt. He should have trusted Blaine to keep his secrets. He should have trusted Blaine to know what to say. "I don't understand that either," he mumbles, because why Blaine has stuck around has been a mystery for months.
Blaine laughs again, a little louder this time, and squeezes his hand. "I wake up and there's a boy staring at me? Please. I thought I was having the best dream ever," Blaine teases.
His lips twitch, even when he wants to stay mad and hurt and afraid.
"We talked about Dalton and some of the stuff you've been doing in classes. He mentioned he was in the Warblers so I asked what that was," Blaine continues, shrugging his shoulders which bumps his arm against Sebastian's. "We talked about what a shitty roommate you are because you use the bathroom for too long in the mornings."
"I do not," he protests, his eyebrows drawn together with outrage. When he looks at Blaine, Blaine's smiling and the hurt around his eyes has faded.
"I didn't take the opportunity to gossip about you just because you were sleeping and he was there to talk to, Seb," Blaine says with another squeeze of his hand, directing his words precisely at Sebastian's deepest fears. He wonders how Blaine knew exactly how he felt. Maybe he was more transparent than he thought. "You also should know he didn't ask anything that was particularly invasive. Give me some credit, Bastian. I wasn't going to spill that you actually have a heart to someone who scared the hell out of you on the first day you met. I still don't trust him."
He grimaces and realises just how badly he'd screwed up, how thoroughly he'd misinterpreted the entire situation. Blaine had no reason to trust Hunter with anything because Blaine had no idea that he and Hunter weren't still in a bad place. And maybe Hunter was just being a genuinely caring roommate and he shouldn't have expected the worst from his only two friends.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have as-"
"You're already forgiven," Blaine interrupts firmly and he falls silent, because Blaine is so stubborn and determined that it leaves him in awe of how strong this boy has become without him being around to see it. He wonders if Blaine was always this fierce or if he's toughened up since the attack and cuts through the crap everyone says because he doesn't want to waste time with bullshit. "Can I hug it better?"
Rolling his eyes but smiling slightly fondly, he tugs Blaine into his chest and folds his arms around the smaller boy. Given how many times his roommate has apologised to him over the months, he's vaguely amused that this time he has to apologise to Hunter. "Thank you for being here," he whispers against Blaine's ear, breathing in his scent. When Blaine draws away, Sebastian quickly kisses his cheek in thanks. He wonders if it's his imagination that Blaine's face is slightly pink and he looks oddly flustered.
"I told you I wouldn't be anywhere else," Blaine says, his eyes struggling to maintain focus on Sebastian's face. He doesn't understand the expression that Blaine is obviously trying to conceal and he's not sure what it means. He's not sure he wants to ask because he isn't sure if he'll like the answer.
Blaine changes the direction of the conversation by demanding to know why he hadn't mentioned the Warblers before and he's surprised to discover that Blaine likes singing and dancing. There's a pretty cutting remark about gay guys and singing and dancing but he doesn't particularly want to feel the sting of Blaine's palm against his cheek. Blaine's interest in the Warblers shifts towards their own debates about music when Hunter returns with an overloaded tray. Sebastian wonders how he'd managed to carry four types of sandwiches in plastic triangle containers, a couple of tubs of yoghurt, two bottles of juice, soda and water, and a handful of other assorted snacks like nuts and candy.
"I might have overdone it," Hunter says in the closest thing to sheepish Sebastian has ever seen.
He struggles not to gape at the amount of food, dragging the coffee table closer to allow Hunter to put down the tray. "You think?" he says, leaning back against the couch. He figures he may as well let Hunter and Blaine decide what they want first. He's not that hungry anyway.
"Eat," Blaine encourages, pressing a sandwich into his chest. "Even just half. You know Lillian would want you to take care of yourself."
He sighs and looks down at the egg salad sandwich through the plastic. "I don't want to be sick later," he admits, his eyes prickling. Blaine brushes a comforting hand to his wrist and presses closer to his side. He gives in with the gentle weight of Blaine's body against him, opening the container and gnawing at a corner of the sandwich.
Blaine asks something about what Hunter has been doing in Chemistry recently and gradually Sebastian gets drawn into the conversation. It distracts him from his anxiety enough to consume half his sandwich. He's not sure he dares to eat more but he does take one of the bottles of apple juice and a bag of mixed nuts. Blaine loops their arms together, interlocking elbows, and Hunter pulls out his phone before he begins tapping his thumb across the screen. Sebastian wonders if anyone is messaging Hunter to find out where they've been all day.
"I cannot believe you are able to eat at a time like this."
He jumps in fright and looks over his shoulder. His father's expression is twisted with disgust as he surveys them with dark eyes. Sebastian tries not to rise to the bait.
"If you'd like something, Sir, then-"
"Not from the likes of you," William snaps at Blaine and Sebastian falters slightly as he stands with Blaine's arm through his. His interest in the food is abandoned, his hand pressed gently to Blaine's shoulder to keep him seated and demonstrate he'll protect the younger boy. It's one thing to criticise him but he won't let anyone insult or harm Blaine, especially not someone like his father.
Past his father's shoulder, he can see Therese rising from her seat and pocketing her phone as she watches the standoff.
"Go back to mom," he says thickly, swallowing hard to keep his emotions in check and maintain his composure. He can feel the warmth and solidness of Hunter's presence close behind him. "I don't want you here right now."
William's jaw tenses, his eyes hardening, the edges of his lips twisting into a cruel sneer. "That makes two of us."
It's a devastating blow. It brings tears to his eyes before he can conceal them, and he's pretty sure his father sees it. He turns his head to the side to focus on the wall and sees Hunter move closer out of the corner of his eye. His roommate's hand presses low on his back for support and might be about the only thing that stops his knees from buckling.
"Sebastian has every right to be here, Mister Smythe," Hunter says firmly and sharply, his tone as clipped as William's. Sebastian briefly admires his military training, his ability to shut out the emotions and be crystal clear and direct. "Sebastian deserves to be here just as much as you and your wife. I'd also remind you that Sebastian is your son and he is the brother of your daughter." Hunter steps closer, the edge of his hip bumping Sebastian's side. It almost feels like Hunter isn't just protecting him but looking to intimidate his father. "Now, Sebastian has already asked you to leave so I'd advise you to do that."
When Sebastian glances at William, it looks like he's attempting to sort out what to say. He's definitely thinking something over in his head, his eyes scanning Hunter's face over Sebastian's shoulder and then returning his attention to Sebastian. His gaze drops to where Sebastian is still grasping Blaine's shoulder and his eyelid flickers when Sebastian subtly increases the pressure in his grip so Blaine knows he's safe.
"William?" Therese intervenes with a pleasantly unflustered smile. She grasps his father's elbow between two hands. "How about we leave these boys alone and I take you back to Amelia?"
She offers William no chance to protest. The whiteness around her knuckles is evident in just how tightly she's gripping his limb as she steers him away. After a few steps, she glances over her shoulder and gives Sebastian a wink.
With the fury of his father's presence dissipating with the distance Therese puts between them all, the fear Sebastian had been struggling to contain begins to break.
"I-" His hands tremble as he looks at Hunter over his shoulder. "Thank you."
Hunter shrugs, as if he hasn't just done something monumental for Sebastian, and returns to his seat. Sebastian sinks onto the couch, his arm wrapping around Blaine's shoulder to pull him closer. He can tell the brief encounter with William has shaken the smaller boy just as badly.
"Your father reminds me of mine," Hunter says, a scornful grin stretching his lips, as he resumes eating a tub of yoghurt. "I wouldn't be able to stand up to mine without getting a black eye, but your father makes a good imitation."
Sebastian blinks in surprise because the off-hand comment reminds him how little he knows about Hunter's family. He feels a shiver drag down Blaine's spine and presses his nose against the loose curls. "I'll keep you safe." He whispers the promise against Blaine's ear, pressing a light kiss to Blaine's temple to seal the words to his skin. Blaine gives a tiny nod and cuddles closer into his side. He wonders if it's normal to feel like your stomach is filled with fizzy warmth at the gesture.
"So is your father always that much of an asshole?" Hunter asks lightly, conversationally, scraping a spoon around the yoghurt cup. "Because honestly, it would explain a lot. Do you think it's genetic?"
"Hunter," he warns, not particularly in the mood for his roommate's mockery. Besides, if Hunter's father would give him a black eye then perhaps there's something genetic in the Clarington line too.
Hunter smiles as wide as a shark and flutters his eyelashes at Sebastian's glare.
"You look ridiculous," Blaine mutters from beneath Sebastian's arm. Hunter's eyes drop from Sebastian's face to Blaine's and transforms his look into a set of absurdly large lips pouting. "More ridiculous."
Hunter wrinkles his nose. "Tough crowd," he complains, scooting forward to tidy up the consumed food containers and rubbish littering the tray and wandering off to find a bin. Sebastian is grateful he has a chance to talk to Blaine without anyone watching them too closely.
He adjusts his arm around Blaine, raising his free hand to cup Blaine's cheek and find his eyes. "You okay?"
Blaine's eyes close, leaning into the touch much like Sebastian tended to do. His thumb drifts over the swell of Blaine's cheek. "Yeah, just… I didn't expect your dad, you know?" Blaine mumbles, releasing a shaky sigh and opening his eyes. "Thank you for standing up for me."
Sebastian offers a small smile, fingers tracing over the skin of Blaine's face because he's become intensely fascinated with the opportunity to touch someone like this. Usually it's Blaine soothing him, but now the roles are reversed and…he likes it.
"When your leg is less gimpy, I'll let you stand up for yourself," he teases, his lips curling into a smirk.
Blaine snorts and smacks lightly at his chest. "I can stand, Seb-ass-tian."
Sebastian laughs quietly, brushing a soft kiss to Blaine's forehead and soaking in how easy it is to care for Blaine and comfort him. It's like taking care of Lillian, only better.
"I stepped in because it was my father and he shouldn't speak that way to anyone," he murmurs against Blaine's hair, inhaling deeply to calm his own jittery nerves down. Blaine's fingers curl into the fabric of his blazer, as if he can tell Sebastian's not entirely okay after the encounter either. "You'll fight your own fights one day, B," he says as he draws Blaine towards him. "Then it'll be me thanking you for stepping in when I'm about to break someone's nose."
Blaine hums, tilting his head to rest it against Sebastian's shoulder as his fingers slip past Sebastian's blazer to fist into his shirt. He can feel the faint tremble in Blaine's hand even though he's distracted by the warmth of Blaine's skin so close to his. "Violence solves nothing," Blaine whispers.
Sebastian could argue with it, could make a joke out of it, but he knows Blaine was badly injured by an incredible amount of violence. As callous as he can be to his parents, he knows that making light of violence to Blaine would be completely inappropriate.
Instead, he nuzzles at Blaine's hair and enjoys having this boy tangled within his arms.
Hunter returns, flopping into his chair and pulling out his phone which is buzzing again. He wonders if Wes is texting him or if it's other Warblers. He suspects Hunter has probably been messaging someone at school to let them know something is going on. In any case, Hunter's far more popular and noticed than Sebastian is. People have probably noticed he's absent and wondering why.
"Any idea when there'll be any info?" Hunter says as he taps at his screen again.
Something cold washes over his shoulders at Hunter's question. He checks his watch with a twisting dread in his stomach. It's approaching 3.30 which must mean it's been about five hours. He opens his mouth to say something but the words get stuck as he breathes anxiety into his bloodstream. Hunter is watching him expectantly, his eyes occasionally dropping to where Blaine is tucked into the side of his body, and he's overcome with the sensation that he isn't sure he can speak. He isn't sure he can answer that question. He isn't sure he wants to answer that question because what if all they get when news comes is bad?
He ends up shaking his head and pressing part of his face against Blaine's curls. Blaine's fingers flex and curl in the fabric of his shirt comfortingly, but it doesn't do much now that his attention has been drawn back to the time, back to why they're all here in the first place.
He wishes the waiting wasn't so long.
He's pretty sure he might just lose his mind.
~TBC~