Toy Soldiers 3

Xander blocked Captain America's punch and threw one of his own in return that Cap barely shifted to dodge.

"You're learning fast," Cap complimented him.

"Without the both of us in one brain, I can actually concentrate on something," Xander said cheerfully. "Plus, Tony's brain is a rather large upgrade from my old one."

"Drop!" Captain America ordered, dropping to the mat himself.

"Wha-" Xander began just before a flying Tony slammed into him, sending them both into a wall twenty feet away.

"Sorry," Thor called out.

The Avengers quickly rushed over to check on the two downed men.

"Are you okay?" Beast asked as Tony and Xander climbed to their feet.

"Why'd you hit him so hard?" Wasp demanded.

"He told me to stop playing around and hit him," Thor explained.

"Bruised, but not broken," Tony said proudly. "I should have upgraded myself years ago!"

"You're going to tinker with yourself for the next couple of centuries, aren't you?" Xander deadpanned.

"Nah," Tony waved it off. "I'll tinker with the design, but I'll only upgrade myself if I get damaged enough to require it. I've seen too many villains created by the self-improvement kick. How about you?"

"We lack the tech and even with the upgrades I've got now, I'll be lucky to last a decade," Xander told him.

Tony winced. "Yeah, you guys are playing for keeps."

"What?" Wasp asked.

"How dangerous is your home?" Thor asked.

"He fights demons almost daily and if he tried to explain what was going on to the authorities, he'd end up in a padded cell," Tony said.

"My home is just a step away from hell," Xander explained. "Evil in every shadow, few heroes and even they work in the dark, but it's home."

"What kind of weapon do you favor?" Thor asked.

"Edged," Xander replied. "Most things die when you remove their heads, which makes it an ideal solution most nights."

Thor chuckled.

"I think you're being pessimistic. With a good set of armor you could live a long, full life," Tony said.

"A set of your armor would bring down every government agent and demon trying to take it for themselves. Plus the tech level for repair and upkeep is way beyond what we have."

"I was thinking of something a lot more low-key," Tony told him. "No flying or repulsers, more medieval and lacking all the fiddly bits."

"How do you mean?" Xander asked.

"Powered body armor that you can wear under your clothes," Tony explained. "Not as good as an Iron Man set of armor, but something to wear for your typical night out on the town."

"That would be perfect," Xander said as he thought of the possibilities. "People expect bullet proof vests and Kevlar lined clothes to be tough and wouldn't look any further."

"Exactly," Tony agreed. He turned to the Avengers. "Blunt damage is good. Now who wants to stab me?"

Sunnydale

Buffy dove behind a tombstone, just ahead of a flurry of bullets.

"Come on, Buffster," called out a familiar voice. "Don't you want to play?"

"Vampires aren't supposed to use guns!" she yelled, keeping low to the ground and trying to figure out how to escape from the vampire that had her pinned down.

"I'm a fledge, I know I'm a fledge, and unlike most fledges - well, vampires in general really - I am not a complete idiot. I'll use whatever tools I need to achieve my goals," Alexander called out reasonably.

"I thought you wanted me alive, so you could make me your bride," Buffy yelled back, stalling for time as she caught her breath, winded from running and dodging.

"A bullet in the leg won't kill you," he promised. "Besides, I breathed life back into you, it's only right I suck it back out." He chuckled evilly. "Of course, you could always change my mind."

"What? How?" Buffy demanded.

"I do recall you bragging about being head cheerleader," he told her, slowly approaching where he had her trapped. "If you suck well enough, maybe I won't."

Buffy looked around and didn't see any way she could escape. "What about Willow?" she asked.

"Do you really think you're that good at giving head?" Alexander asked, amused. "Once a week and I won't touch her."

Buffy slipped a stake up her sleeve and tossed a couple of them out from behind the head stone. "Deal! If I'm good enough, you have to leave Willow alone!"

Alexander grinned. "Fine, but you damn well better be good!" He waited, not stupid enough to walk blindly behind a tombstone where Buffy could be waiting with stake in hand.

Buffy slowly peeked her head out from behind the tombstone. "I'm still seeing the gun."

"I'm not stupid enough to be unarmed around you," Alexander said bluntly. "If we're both unarmed, you have the advantage and the only blow job I'll be getting is by the wind as my ashes scatter about."

"Fine," Buffy said nervously, "but it better not be pointed towards me at any point!"

"Agreed," Alexander said cheerfully.

Buffy nervously edged around the tombstone and the hand holding the gun came up. Alexander grinned evilly and a man in a black trench came out of the shadows and brought down a sword, slicing off the vampire's right hand. The demon barely had time to howl as the hand dusted before the sword swept around and removed its head.

"Xander!" Buffy cried out in horror, seeing the vampire wearing his face explode into ash.

"What?" Xander asked, sheathing his sword.

"Xander?" Buffy asked, staring at the Xander who looked like a larger, more heavily muscled version of her friend who had just killed his vampiric doppelganger.

"Yeah, it's me, Buff," Xander told her. "I was gone a week and you let my body get turned and then were stupid enough to make a deal with it?!" he asked in disgust.

"I was planning on staking him!" Buffy swore, pulling her hidden stake out of her sleeve.

"And he was planning on shooting and turning you as soon as you came out from behind that tombstone," Xander told her.

"He wasn't going to wait until after the blowjob?!" Buffy asked, wide eyed.

"No, that would have been stupid," Xander said, "because all he had to do was turn you and he'd get all the sex he wanted without getting staked."

Buffy groaned and retrieved her stakes. "Well, I thought you - erm, he would be distracted enough to allow me a chance to stake him, where if I just waited I was toast."

"Yeah, I guess that was a little better," Xander admitted.

"Are you an angel?" Buffy asked as she examined Xander and pulled out a cross to hand him.

Xander accepted the cross and kissed it, just before Buffy leapt forward and hugged him tightly. "You're alive! You're alive! You're alive!" she squealed.

"Yes, I am," Xander agreed. "Alive that is. I don't think I qualify as an angel."

"How? You know what? Doesn't matter. We have to get you to Giles to make sure and then tell Willow immediately!" Buffy babbled out almost as fast as Willow would have.

"OK," Xander said agreeably.

Buffy grabbed him by the hand and started dragging him towards Sunnydale High, a great deal of tension leaving her at his easy acceptance of being tested by Giles. They reached the library in record time and paused to catch their breath. "You're not breathing that hard," Buffy noted.

"I got some upgrades," Xander told her, "and you didn't run full out."

"But not an angel?" Buffy asked, still feeling a warmth from his presence that was almost the opposite of what she felt from demons.

"No halo or wings," Xander assured her.

"You died," she told him.

"Yeah, except I wasn't here when it happened," he told her. "Let's go inside and I'll explain it to everyone at once."

"OK," Buffy agreed. Before he could move she gave his hand a squeeze. "I'm glad you're back with us," she said softly.

"You aren't getting rid of me that easily," he promised her. "I'll go first holding up the cross, you follow, so they'll feel safe."

"OK," Buffy agreed.

Xander entered the library and held up the cross. "Cross," he announced to the room at large so they wouldn't miss it.

*THUMP*

Willow passed out while Giles and Jenny just stared at him in shock.

"That went better than I expected," Xander told Buffy, handing her back her cross.

Typing by: Ordieth