Made in the Shades - Me and My Shadow Clone
"That's a lot of orange," I muttered, watching a wall of Narutos beat a traitorous chunin like he owed them money.
"Iruka-sensei!" Naruto yelled, quickly helping bandage his beloved teacher and dismissing all his clones, just as Sarutobi and half a dozen ANBU appeared in a swirl of leaves.
I watched as everything got solved. Naruto was promoted and the traitor was drug off for medical treatment. I'm almost sure at least one clone kicked him so hard he lost a sandal in him and popped himself, so I suppose Naruto did technically break a foot off in his ass.
"Why haven't you popped yourself?" Naruto asked me.
"Go fuck yourself," I reply cheerfully, before someone nailed me in the side with a senbon and I start cussing up a storm.
"You're bleeding," one of the ANBU noted.
"Thank you, Captain-freaking-Obvious, I don't know what we'd do if you weren't around!" I snapped at him.
"Ow!" Naruto yelps as someone pokes him with a senbon to see if he'd pop. "What'd you do that for?!" he demanded.
"Who are you?" the ANBU wearing a goat mask who'd stabbed me demanded.
"Looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, obviously it's a fucking bear!" I yelled at him.
"I don't talk like that!" Naruto yelled.
"Often," I corrected him. "We didn't talk like that often, but we sure as shit think like it a lot."
"You can't be me, I'm me," Naruto said, confused.
"How many times did we fuck up the clone jutsu?" I asked.
"A bunch, but I eventually got it!" Naruto proudly exclaimed.
"You sound a lot angrier and fouler mouthed than Naruto," Sarutobi noted pointedly.
"I've first been stabbed by this asshole," I replied, gesturing towards Goat, "and quite frankly it feels like someone has pulled the gauze off my brain. Everything's so clear now. Things that made no sense are falling into place. There's no way a single henge knocked you out and I'm willing to bet you knew I'd never be able to use the same clone technique as the others. This was a setup and I was the stalking horse to expose the traitor."
"I don't see it," Naruto said with a frown.
"I get it, we suffered a severe head injury at some point, but the clone you made of yourself somehow lacks the damage. I'm a physical clone without brain damage," I said in shock.
"Let's continue this at the hospital," Sarutobi ordered.
Two hours and twelve assorted medical tests later...
"Genetically they're both identical," the doctor reported.
"Then why's he so different?!" Naruto demanded.
"Go ahead," Sarutobi said at the doctor's questioning glance.
"The seal holding back the Nine Tails leaks a small amount of youkai into Naruto's body, it is causing damage to some of his more delicate areas like the endocrine and reproductive systems," the doctor explained.
"What?!" Naruto shrieked almost in a panic.
"Fortunately," the doctor continued loudly, "we have records of his mother having a similar problem and its gradual disappearance as she went through puberty."
"So he's almost brain dead until his balls come online?" I asked.
"That is one way of putting it," the doctor admitted.
"And..." Naruto trailed off, pointing at me.
"Without any youkai in your system, you heal at an accelerated rate, either from fighting the effects for so long or possibly an emerging bloodline. We won't know until you have children," the doctor explained.
"So they're both Naruto?" Sarutobi asked, just to make it clear to the two genin.
"Right down to the DNA," the doctor agreed.
"I need a hitai-ate," I say, while Naruto tries to digest the fact that there was two of him now.
Sarutobi pulled a scratched and dented hitai-ate out of his pocket, that I was sure hadn't been in there before, and handed it to me. I ran my fingers over it reverently before quickly tying it on. Yeah, giving me his hitai-ate from when he was a genin was probably a ploy to play on my emotions... and it was working.
"We'll work out all the details later. For now you... two go home and get some sleep. Team assignments are in the morning," he said, instantly distracting us from asking any more questions as we both rush home.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0
I awoke early and made half a dozen clones to clean the place and make breakfast while I showered. My dreams had been confusing mishmashes of ... everything. I can remember my entire life in vivid detail and now that I know about the fox, it all makes sense.
Looking in the mirror I see I still look the same as always, though I certainly felt different.
A sudden rush of memories hit me and I realized one of my shadow clones had dismissed itself after cleaning under the sofa, finishing up the floor. Well, that put a whole new spin on things, didn't it?
I got dressed in my favorite orange jumpsuit - thankfully we have quite a few - and scarfed down a couple of cups of ramen while looking through all the junk that the clones found under and behind the furniture. Lost and forgotten homework assignments and old scrolls seem to have collected in the odd corners of my- our apartment.
My clones and I read through them while waiting for Naruto to wake up. Seeing the time, I had a clone make him some ramen and another setting out a clean jumpsuit for the day, while a third shook him awake and drug his lazy ass to the shower.
"Ramen without the wait," Naruto said in wonder after he was showered and dressed before devouring it. "Race you to school!"
"You're on!" I replied as we both bolted from the apartment, leaving the clones to clean our mess.
Naturally it was a tie.
"Naruto?" Kiba asked, staring at the two of us.
"Yeah?" we chorused.
"We have to get you a new name," Naruto told me.
"I am you... though we'll both change as time goes on, and you are carrying a bigger burden," I admitted. "Fine, sometime this week I'll come up with a new name, but let's drive everyone nuts using the same one first."
"I knew I liked you for a reason," Naruto said just before we both burst out in laughter.
We took a seat near the front, to the right of the asshole.
"Why are there two of you?" Shikamaru asked, when it became apparent no one else would.
"And how did you graduate," Kiba asked, recovering from the shock of there being two of us.
"Clone jutsu and classified," I answered before Naruto could, reminding him we weren't to talk about it.
Hearing the key word 'classified', the subject was dropped. Even student ninja know better than to poke their nose into classified matters. T and I doesn't discriminate based on age, after all.
As things settled down I got bored. We were half an hour early and just sitting around doing nothing was boring, so I started playing with a spare coin and thought about the leaf exercise. I tried to stick it to my finger, but I pulled one side harder than the other and it started spinning.
Naruto looked at me and raised an eyebrow.
"Leaf exercise," I explained, not needing to say anything more as he pulled out his own coin and figured out how to duplicate what I had done. Soon we were competing to see who could make theirs spin the fastest and the longest.
A mistake made on Naruto's part sent his coin spinning past me to Sasuke, who'd actually been watching with some interest on his face. I gestured at the coin and sent my own spinning to Naruto who caught it with his chakra and tried to push it back towards me.
It soon became a pushing match as we both pushed the coin back and forth between us using just our chakra. With both of us concentrating all our focus on a spinning coin, exerting more and more pressure, we never noticed the approach of one of Sasuke's fangirls until she hit me, distracting me and sending a coin spinning like a buzz-saw right at me.
The coin actually cut a furrow in my right cheek as it blew past, drilling a hole right through the classroom, and from the looks of it, the outer wall across the hall as well.
"Give me your seat-" Sakura began before I turned and glared at her, blood dripping down the side of my face.
"Shit!" Naruto exclaimed, quickly pulling out a handkerchief and holding it to my face, probably to distract me from killing the bitch! What the fuck did we ever seen in her anyway?
"What happened here?" Iruka asked as he arrived.
"Sakura attacked Naruto, screwing up whatever they were doing and causing one... Naruto to get a cut," Ino offered sweetly.
"And why were you attacking a classmate outside of a spar?" Iruka asked before shaking his head. "Never mind, we don't have time for that now. Take a seat so we can assign teams."
Sasuke slid my coin back to me with an almost friendly nod and some sympathy on his face. It almost freaked me out.
Team assignment did not make me happy, so I went to get some ramen while Naruto went to pester Sakura. Personally, I thought you'd have to be brain damaged to like that bitch... huh, apparently that was indeed a requirement, considering Naruto's response.
Fuck it, I'm sure things will look better after some ramen.
Typing by: Ordieth