A/N: Season 8 of Be With Me is finally here!
Haha sorry for the wait. Laptop broke the day after my last update. Bought a new one last week so here we are! Thank you for the messages and keeping in touch with me. There might be some repetition in this chapter regarding some character's emotions since I haven't gone back to read all 47 chapters to remember what I had already mentioned, but hey some reiteration never hurts!
:*: Ambivalence :*:
The week between Thanksgiving and Trunks' homecoming was a flurry of mixed emotions amongst the various people involved. For him, every day that his flight neared was a fight of ambivalence. He hated the fact that his actions involved so many of his friends and family members. There was no win-win scenario, somebody had to be hurt. Looking at all of the options he had, he would end up in the hurt category as well, regardless of what he decided. Had he played his cards the way his mother had told him, he would have hurt Gohan, Pan, and himself. The route he chose hurt his family, and himself. The guilt he would have to live with, seeing the betrayal he had done reflected in his mother's eyes once he told her. He furrowed his brows, cringing his eyes shut at the thought.
What's done is done. He kept repeating to himself, hoping that at some point the repetition would grant him some solace.
He was the heir to a company his ascendants had founded, passed along throughout the generations. A company that he himself signed away, sealing its fate with the simple scribble of a pen along the dotted line. The contract to Robert Tatum granted Gohan the happy ending he had worked so hard for. The man deserved it, it was that fact that Trunks was able to find solace in.
Gohan would be happy, and so would the love of his life, Pan.
Yes. That was enough. Their happiness was his happiness. He would learn to live with the shame and betrayal he had committed towards his family. He no longer had a career set for his future. He had no CEO position waiting for him post graduation. But he would adjust and work towards his goal like any other graduate.
Everything will work out... It'll take time, but everything will be okay... Uneasiness set in as unshakeable doubt lined his thoughts. Maybe it was paranoia. Maybe he already knew things would not end well.
Powerless. He felt so powerless at this point. A new emotion for him, one that had never shone so strongly through his blue eyes. He hated it.
It was his power that put him in the situation he was in. His power that attracted deviant business people such as Miss Cunnings. His power that decided who he would betray.
"You never had the power, brat." Vegeta scoffed, listening to his son vent on the other line. "You were manipulated going on this damn trip. You were thrown into this situation by someone who is far more powerless than you. Your power comes from your own hands. You didn't build your mother's company. You didn't cause the financial ruin it's in. You never had power coming into this, nor should you bare any blame."
Trunks was silent. His father was so wise. He wanted to find peace in those words. He wanted those words to make his mother not hate him once he returned.
"Let me ask you this: Had you chosen the other route, would you feel any better about the outcome?"
Trunks was silent still, thinking briefly about sleeping with Rachel for the deal, betraying Pan, the Son family. He stopped at that. "It's hard to even think about. I chose the right decision. I know that now. It's just going to be hard telling mom."
A heavy sigh came from Vegeta's end, as he too was battling his own demons in this charade. "We'll get through it, son. Get some rest, I'll see you tomorrow."
Tomorrow... Trunks thought after ending the phone call. The six months was finally over. He was going home.
xXxXxXx
Goten was seated outside Nagoya Campus' coffee lounge, working on his newest sketch for his Christmas home and landscaping model. Given the chilly temperature outside, the majority of the lounge customers remained inside for their java needs. He, however, needed the frostbitten air for inspiration.
"I ask you to meet me for coffee and you choose the coldest spot in the house?"
His dark eyes floated up to her blue, a smirk set on his lips. "Maybe next time you should be more specific on your seating preferences."
They laughed as she took the chair adjacent to his, glancing at his newest sketch. Her eyes drifted from his detailed penciling to his focused eyes, his face set in stone as he worked so intently.
"Sorry, just wanted to finish the outline real quick." He explained as he flipped his pad shut and slid it into his backpack. "So, what did you want to talk about?"
He took a sip of his coffee, then offered her a drink. She accepted without hesitation; not only was she freezing, she would jump at any chance to share something with him.
"Trunks is coming back tomorrow." Bra cupped the coffee in her palms, it's warmth melting her icy hands. "Are you still upset with him? I know you don't talk about him much, but you two have been through a lot together. I talked to him earlier this week, he sounds really stressed out. And I think he's really hurt that you've been ignoring him this entire time."
Goten's eyes remained downcast as her speech waned off, waiting for him to respond. "I'm not mad at him... Just the whole situation. I take it out on you a lot, which I've never really apologized for."
"Apology accepted." She interrupted briefly, taking another sip of his coffee.
"Pan's been stressed out this past week too. She won't talk about it, but I can tell."
"Speaking of which, you and I should pick him up from the airport. She can wait at your house and break the news to him there, that way he doesn't have a heart attack from seeing her right after landing."
Goten considered it for a moment. "Fine by me, you'll have to smooth it over with her though."
"Already did. He lands at 6:15 tomorrow night. We should leave right after school to get there on time. I'll meet you at your place?"
Goten snatched his coffee from her cold hands, drinking the last of it before she could finish it off. He ended his gulp with an exaggerated 'ahhhhh'. "It's a date."
She failed to fight back a smile. She didn't need the coffee anymore, those three words warmed her enough. Regardless as to how long she had known him, she couldn't figure Goten out. Maybe that's why every time she saw him, spoke to him, smelled his scent near her, was teased by his inebriated side, hurt by his actions, her heart would not let him go. In her mind she would tell herself that she's over him, sees him only as a friend, but the way her body reacted around him was a far, far cry from that.
She, too, was fighting her own ambivalence. A fight of lust and friendship, hope and rejection, happiness and hurt. She allowed these contradictory emotions to exist within her. The worst part was, he didn't have a clue. Then again, maybe that was for the best.
xXxXxXx
Fat. Nervous. Anxious. Scared. An overall wreck. These were the words screaming in Pan's mind as her pale, fearful face stared at her body in the mirror. Her eyes were glazed over, empty. She felt as if she were in a haze, struggling to move in some nightmare. Her biggest secret was no longer discreet. She was six months pregnant. Six months pregnant and her boyfriend had no clue.
She felt her head lighten as she continued to dwell on this. He would be standing in this room in less than twenty-four hours. He would either embrace her, or... Or what? Would he really be upset and... and hate me for this? He was under a lot of stress, Bra made that clear after she had talked to him on the phone the other day. What if this is all too much for him to take? Tears consumed her dim eyes now, pouring over her bottom eye lid in a silent cry for help.
She sat on the edge of his bed, her breathing growing more rapid, more shallow. Her head was spinning now. These were the symptoms that had sent her to the emergency room just months earlier, when the nurse had revealed to Goten and Bra that she was pregnant.
She tried to regain her composure, tried to think of a relaxing thought, anything. Semester finals were coming up, she had an essay due the next day that she hadn't been able to focus on all week, and her boyfriend was coming back after six long months to find out she was pregnant. "Trunks..." She choked just above a whisper, her breathing growing ragged.
As if sensing her distress, two light taps came from the door. "Hey, Pan? Pizza's here." Goten waited for a response. Nothing. He knocked again. "Pan? I'm opening the door." He warned her, in case she was getting dressed or something. Usually she was at the kitchen table doing homework at this time of the evening. He figured she was probably napping, he'd have to wake her up so she wouldn't get behind on her assignments. She was sitting at the edge of the bed, her eyes downcast, fingers clenched into her black stretch pants. Her troubled breathing didn't go unnoticed. "Are you okay?" He paced to her side, dropping to a knee to see her face.
Tears.
She shook her head from side to side. "Please... please call my mom..." She knew it was selfish of her to worry her mother who was in the next city over. She really needed somebody to lie to her and tell her everything would be okay, and nobody ever did that better than her mother.
Goten whipped out his cell from his pocket and shuffled through his contacts until he found her name in the "V" section. He went to hand the ringing phone to her, but she held up her palm, gesturing for him to speak.
"Hey, Videl? It's Goten. Pan's having some trouble... Er-hang on." He pulled the phone away from his mouth. "Do you want her to come over?" He asked Pan, she nodded. He returned the phone to it's normal position. "Yes... Okay, thanks."
Awaiting her arrival, Goten sat by her side, following Videl's instruction to 'not leave her alone'. She was only six months, surely she wasn't having labor pains yet, right? Over the course of the next hour, Pan's breathing was still rough, but she was able to inform him of her symptoms and how she just wanted her mother at her side.
Knocking was heard from the front door. Goten left her side to greet his brother and sister in-law and directed them to Trunks' room.
"Honey, are you okay?" Videl crooned, sitting at Pan's side with a hand rubbing her back. Pan broke out into a sob, relieved that her mother was finally there. Videl shooed the men in the doorway out of the room, asking for privacy.
Gohan followed his brother into the kitchen, politely refusing the pizza he offered him. "So, he's coming back tomorrow?"
Goten slipped a slice out of the box. "Yep."
"A man's true character is tested under these circumstances."
"He's not gonna leave her. Trunks is more of a man than that." Goten defended him, shocking even himself. "When he first told me he liked her, it was kinda funny imagining the two of them together. But he really proved himself."
Gohan laughed. "Yeah, I had my doubts about it too. The Briefs are a family friend, and he had never done anything to make me distrust him. Sure, you and him got into trouble in your high school days, but what two adolescent boys didn't?" They laughed again. "So, what do you plan on doing living arrangement-wise?"
Goten's eyes narrowed in confusion. "What do you mean?"
"I'm pretty sure Pan will be moving in with the baby. You plan on staying here with them?"
"I hadn't thought about it..." He took another bite, his expression more solemn now. "Funny how fast things can change. Seems like just yesterday we were two high school boys. Now we're almost done with college, and he's starting a family."
"When life happens, it happens fast. That's why you have to enjoy every moment with every person you love. Who knows what can happen in the next day, hour, minute..."
Goten empathized with his brother. If anybody knew about life changing circumstances, it was him, with Videl being sick and all.
"Just watchout. Since Trunks already started, you're the next man in the bunch to knock someone up."
"You know, I always pictured you as more of a romantic than that. That's the best way you could phrase it?" He joked, but Pan's situation was very similar to Videl and Gohan's. Young, scared, and in college, but they made it work. "Besides, I can't even get a girlfriend. I'd rather be abstinent than knock someone up."
"Jesus Christ, Goten. Still haven't found somebody?"
He thought for a moment. "Well, it's not like I don't have options. There's actually somebody I've thought about for a while. I just... It's not the right time right now, especially with all this drama."
"You've thought about it for a while? Does she know that you like her?" His younger brother shook his head side to side. "You're going through a tough time yourself, sometimes it's easier to have someone there to comfort you along the way. If she's really worth it she'll stick around, just don't expect her to be available forever. Life happens even when you don't want it to. She finds someone, and you're stuck with the regret of waiting too long, then what? You have to find someone all over again. You have a lot going for you, Goten. Don't underestimate yourself. Timing is just an excuse that self-conscious people use to live with the fact that they lost something they could have had."
Goten was quiet, acting as if he were too busy chewing his pizza to respond. Gohan was right. He was always right. Goten came off as confident, ambitious, funny, everyone could see that. What they couldn't see was his intimacy issues. His fear of allowing someone getting close to him. Someone that would spot his flaws, someone that had the capability to hurt him if they didn't like who he was. This particular girl on his mind had the potential to do just that. This 'time' he kept referring to as an excuse was supposed to be used to build his confidence, to ready himself to finally take her hand in his. Instead, he was inadvertently building a wall against her, blocking her emotionally out of his heart.
With Videl working on calming her daughter, Gohan eventually started working on the pizza with his brother, the two of them talking about anything and everything. Goten treasured these moments with his brother. With all the hiatus everyone has been in, they were finally able to engage in light, comical conversation instead of the heavy stuff.
Over the next hour, they finished the pizza and shared recent memories at the kitchen table before Videl joined them, clad in jeans, a black jacket, and a black headwrap covering her hairless scalp.
"She's asleep now. She was having a panic attack. Stress isn't good for the baby, she could work herself into premature labor so keep an eye on her. I told her to stay home from school tomorrow, and to give me a call if she needs me. Same for you, Goten. Even if you're slightly unsure about something give us a call."
Goten nodded. "Thanks guys."
"No, thank you." She embraced her brother in-law in a warm hug. "You've been taking such good care of her. We owe you."
"Consider this payment for me being a pain in the ass my high school years and for you guys taking care of me when I was too messed up to go home."
"Deal." Gohan laughed.
He hated to see them go, but it was getting late. No matter how far they drove away, his brother's words remained with him.
Don't expect her to be available forever.
He had a two hour road trip with her tomorrow. Was he nervous? No. They were comfortable around each other. Conversation came easily, and if not the silence didn't bother them. It didn't bother him anyways.
At the rate he's been snapping at her lately, he felt like he had damaged their friendship. Certainly she doesn't suspect that he has a thing for her anymore. Their brief coffee meeting yesterday was so simple and so comfortable. There was that word again. He felt comfortable with her. Even walking her back to her dorm afterwards, running his hands up and down her jacket sleeves to warm her with friction, causing her to laugh as he playfully shook her in the process, everything felt so natural, and felt right.
Hope. Rejection. Intimacy. Isolation. Comfort. Fear.
Which way the balance scale would tip, only time would tell.
For now, he was going to bed. Trunks Briefs, his best friend that he hadn't spoken to in months, was coming home tomorrow.
He missed the hell out of that guy, but what if his best friend wasn't coming back? What if the Trunks he once knew had vanished once he waved goodbye to him in the airport six months ago? How had these circumstances changed him? This is what Goten feared.
Life happens, even when you don't want it to...