Thank you for the tremendous response – wow, so fun to read the reviews! Yes, I've tortured you long enough. Enjoy!
Kelly took two steps back, almost felt like he was pushed away, hard. So this is how it's gonna be? Jay in. Way in.
"Mind if we have a word?" asked Severide keeping his voice low, trying not to punch the asshole in the face. Feelings swept away with the entrance of the cop.
"Looks like you already had a word." Jay and his arm still wrapped around Erin not going anywhere.
Erin pulled that arm off her shoulder. "Give us a minute."
"You sure?"
"Give - us - a - minute." The icy stare left nothing to the imagination. Halstead took off toward his team, all eyes on the three. Now two.
"He takes orders pretty well."
"Kelly, can we get out of here?" Erin asked ignoring the dig. "Go somewhere. Talk?" Erin didn't want to walk away from this. It had been too easy to not respond to a text, a message. Regret had a way of eating at your soul; she was feelin' it now.
Ten years ago Severide would have told her to go to hell. Five years ago. Heck, one year ago. He couldn't form those words.
Instead, he said, "Yeah."
A quick wave off to Shay, whose eyes had never left her best friend. Erin didn't dare look in the direction of CPD's table. She led the way out of Molly's and to her car.
"Want me to drive?" she asked feeling nervous, as if she were meeting someone for the very first time on a blind date. Shake it off.
"Can't drive yet." Kelly slid into the passenger seat, a mix of emotions. Anger, how could she ignore him for all these months? But also, he had to admit…eagerness at getting a chance right now. A chance to say everything he wanted to, all that he'd pushed far away. The only audience to his pent up words, his mind, his thoughts. Enough to drive a guy crazy.
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She sped off to her brownstone in silence, the short drive taking what seemed an eternity. They walked up the steps slowly, Kelly lagging a little behind. She realized he wasn't one hundred percent…nowhere near it. Couldn't drive yet? Antonio hadn't mentioned that. He said the lieutenant was back at work.
They sat on her couch and Kelly spoke first, "You go ahead." Benny hadn't taught him much, but 'ladies first' was one thing.
"No, you start. Please."
"I don't really know where to begin…" Long pause. Deep breath.
"I wanted to say so much the day you walked off. I wanted to say I was sorry…I get crazy when I think of you…with Halstead. When you said you were takin' care of him, I just lost it."
"I know, Kelly. I'm sorry I didn't fight for us…I didn't fight you on making me stay away. I didn't know how much to push, so I didn't push at all."
"Yeah, I know. I wouldn't let you in. Feelin' so damn sorry for myself…that's the hardest part. That wasn't me."
"I shouldn't have listened to you. You wouldn't have listened to me."
"Shay says it's 'bull headed.' She calls me a 'stupid ass' at least once or twice a week." He laughed lightly, Erin cracking her first smile also.
"But, Erin. The thing I don't get is why didn't you call me back, text me, somethin? Did you ever wonder how I was doin? Anything?"
"God, Kelly, yes. I think about you every day. Antonio's been keeping me updated. He gets everything from Gabby and passes it to me."
"But why couldn't you talk to me. I called you how many times? You couldn't just pick up, tell me it was over. Let me say my peace? You say yours." Kelly couldn't avoid the elephant in the room any longer.
"I was so damn afraid to talk to you, Kelly. I was ashamed…I couldn't face you. I just couldn't…" Erin put her face in her hands, reliving the whole incident with Shay. That feeling of utter helplessness…of knowing nothing you could do or say would make any of it better.
"Ashamed? Afraid of me? What the hell, Erin? We had one screamin' match. It's kinda the way we do things." He'd expected her to say many things…those words not even comin' close to what he'd imagined. Afraid?
"I knew Shay had given you a play by play. I didn't want to go over all of it with you. I just wanted it to go away. I needed it to go away. I am so sorry…" The tears that had been threatening for so long finally made good on their threat, spilling down Erin's cheeks.
"Shay? What did Shay do? This whole thing's about Shay?" Kelly thought he was confused before, not understanding Erin's actions. Now, he knew he was completely in the dark.
As dumbfounded as he was, Erin was struck with a realization making everything crystal clear. Shay had never said a word. Not one goddamn word.
Lie. That was her first instinct…that survival of fight or flight. She wanted to choose flight. Instead, she settled on the truth.
She told him all that happened, replaying it in her mind. Jay spent the night, comforted her, kissed her, held her. Everything she needed, he gave.
Hit by a train. I had a house fall on me and now I've been hit by a damn train. That's how Kelly felt, air leaving his lungs, hands shaking, not believing the words out of Erin's mouth. It all made sense. Shay's face when she came back in his room. The way she looked at him. It was pity and now it all made perfect sense.
He got up and headed for the door. Done. I am fucking done, he thought. He hadn't been this blindsided since, when? Renee Whaley. His fiancée. His cheating fiancée. Just days before their wedding…their happily ever after. He didn't think he'd ever feel that way again, protecting his heart from it ever happening again.
Erin was up on her heels pleading with him to stop.
"What could you possibly say to me? What?!"
Those words of Shay's repeated now. This time Erin had an answer.
"Kelly, I love you. I miss you and I don't want to spend one more damn day without you in my life. Okay? That's it. If I could take back everything that's happened, I would. Your accident, me staying away… Jay."
That damn "I love you." How long since they'd said that to each other? Working through so much, just to have it come down to this. But there it was. Her husky voice saying those words he wanted to hear, needed to hear. And there they were…hanging in the air, all alone.
Kelly turned around and took the small brunette in his arms. He had no idea why. It went against every fiber of his being. Every macho bone in his body said to turn and run. He brought her in tighter, both arms encircling hers in a comfort and warmth she'd longed for and missed in a way she couldn't imagine ever getting used to…something in her torn away that would never be replaced or fixed.
Through all of the bullshit, the fighting…it all came down to one thing. Can I live without this woman? The answer was no. As much as he wanted to be "all good" without her, he wasn't.
"Kelly, I do love you. I've wanted this from the moment I walked out. I can't be without you. I can't. Please don't…" Erin's tears would not let up. She felt like she was holding on to this man for dear life.
Kelly still didn't say a word, just squeezing her in tighter, letting himself be held. He hadn't been touched by her in such a long time. He wanted this.
They held each other for the longest time. Not moving, afraid that any disturbance would bring them back to the reality of the situation and all hell could break loose.
Kelly was the first to pull back a little. He led Erin to her couch and held her hands in his, looking into those beautiful eyes, that face. His hand went instinctively to the back of her neck bringing her in, their lips touching softly at first. He brought her face in harder, the force of their lips almost bruising.
Erin pulled back now. She stood up in front of Kelly leading his face to her stomach. He let it rest on her, feeling safe for the first time in months. She reached for both of his hands and led him to her bedroom.
The familiar feel of her body, her every curve…felt familiar and new at the same time. The tenderness of her touch surprising him, her fingers brushing his face, his neck, down his chest. Her mouth following each touch.
Erin let herself be taken in completely. She'd never felt the passion and sense of wanting to give it all back as she did with this man.
Kelly felt the same. When Erin rolled off of him, settling into his shoulder, one leg draped over him, he knew he was right where he belonged. The feel of her on him all night gave him the best sleep he'd had in months.
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A bright ray of sun shone through the bedroom window landing on the sleeping couple. Kelly was hot and sweaty, Erin radiating enough heat for a third world country. He tried to kick off the covers but almost called out, the pain in his leg worse than he'd felt in weeks. Those little white pills. He needed one now. How many hours since his last one? His leg and hip screamed too damn long.
He slid himself off the bed quietly nearly dropping to the floor, biting back the curse trying to escape his lips. He hobbled to the bathroom knowing that the hot water would help. Why the hell didn't I bring my phone in here? Shay could be at Erin's doorstep in fifteen minutes depositing some relief in his hands. He could see that look on her face…he didn't need that right now. Dawson, Casey…maybe they would make the drop off. No, Shay wouldn't just hand 'em over; she'd head over. Didn't matter, phone was in the pocket of his jeans on the floor that could've been a mile away. Hot, hot shower his best option.
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Erin awoke to the sound of the shower…stretching slowly, a small smile spreading across her face. Kelly hadn't snuck off in the early morning regretting the night, his decision to give it another go. That was what they were doing, right? She got up heading to the kitchen…coffee and a big breakfast on her mind. Pancakes for one were no fun but watching the way Severide gobbled them up was better than eating the syrup laced discs herself. The knock at her door disturbing the zone she was in. Who would come calling this early on her day off? Her first thought scared her, angered her, and made her not want to answer. Jay.
Looking through the peephole, her tension lessened a little…just a touch. Leslie Shay nervously shifting from one foot to another, brushing a stray hair back behind her ear, eyes darting around, was on the other side. Jesus.
Erin opened the door wide bracing herself for an attack, hopefully just verbal.
"Hey, uh, is Kelly here?"
That was it? A "Can Kelly come out and play?" He must not have let her know he was staying the night; she was worried. That was all.
"Yes, in the shower. Come in. I'm making pancakes if you can stay," said Erin motioning for her to sit down at one of the dining room chairs.
"Uh, no, I've gotta run. I'm just gonna go back for a sec. Need to tell him something. That's all." Shay was a bundle of nerves, backing away to where she imagined the bedroom was.
"I already told him Shay. No lies. He knows everything."
"That's good. Yes. Umm, really good. But this is something else. Uh, I'll be right back." She rushed off to the back, hearing the water from the shower as she drew closer.
Weird. Those two. Just don't get it, thought Erin shaking her head. She's really going back to see Kelly in the shower?
Shay tried the door to the bathroom. Unlocked.
"Kelly," she whispered.
"Shay."
She pulled the curtain aside and found her roommate sitting in the tub hot water pounding down on him
"I can't get up." He'd dropped to the bottom of the tub a while back thankful that the water hadn't turned cold. He tried pulling himself up but his hip was on fire now joining his leg.
Shay popped out a pill from the packet she held in her hand putting it in Kelly's mouth. He slightly opened his mouth letting a little of the shower water in and swallowed hard knowing relief was on its way.
"What the hell were you going to do?"
"I don't know."
"Typical," she snorted reaching her arms out to help him up. "I should leave your ass down there."
"But you're not."
No, she helped him out drying him off and leading him to the bed. She found his pile of clothes from last night dumping them next to him. He lay down, strategically placing the towel. Shay laid down next to him.
"You gonna say I'm stupid, have my head up my ass?" he asked.
"Nope. I was gonna say I think you should call Monty. I don't think you should be in this much pain."
Fifteen minutes and Kelly could get dressed. Shay went out to help Erin with breakfast and let her know what was goin' on.
Kelly popped one more pill out and in his mouth.
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Shay decided to stay. When Kelly came out from the back, he looked like a new man. Smiling, not limping, smelling so clean…refreshed.
"Better?" Shay asked serving him a huge stack.
"All better," he smiled digging in. "Mmmmm, Dawson's got nothin' on these."
"I'm glad you like," said Erin kissing him on the cheek before grabbing the chair next to him. This felt good, so good. Everything missing in her life, back. The one thing missing, back.
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Kelly and Erin embarked on this second act of their relationship, things as good as before. No, better. Having been apart brought a new appreciation for each other. Their screaming matches not as frequent, but still popping up once in a while. Have to keep things interesting.
Shay was on board, her love for Kelly overpowering any lingering doubts about the commitment of the detective.
"So you okay with us back together?" he asked his best friend.
"It doesn't matter if I'm okay with it or not. But, yeah, I'm good with it."
"It does matter. I'm glad you get it." He kissed her on the forehead.
"I get it. I get you, Kel. Clarice married another guy, got pregnant with his child. I forgave her. Oh, I get it," she answered.
"I'm happy with her. And kinda miserable without her."
"You don't have to explain. She gives you something no one else can. That's why we stay with someone in the end."
"I think you know me better than anyone else," he said kissing her again on the forehead.
"Duh."
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"So what's goin' on with you and the fireman?" asked Jay after the night at Molly's. He knew the answer but needed to hear it from her.
"We're givin' it another go. I love him. He loves me. That's really it." Erin didn't want a heart to heart. This was her best friend, but awkward now because they'd entered the realm of seeing each other. They hadn't kept it professional.
"If he hurts you, he's dead."
"It's not like he dumped me, cheated on me. There were circumstances. You know." Erin looked at him smiling at the protectiveness. It did feel good knowing he would always have her back.
"Yeah, he's still dead if he hurts you." Jay returned the smile, and they were off to bust some bad guys.
"Jay."
"Huh?"
"Thanks." Erin realized she couldn't have hand-picked a better partner. Voight knew his stuff. They were more than compatible, but brother and sister was for the best. It was the way it would be left.
They went to dinner a couple of times after their night together, but never entered into a real relationship. Erin knew on some level if she had there would not be an opportunity to have a second chance with Kelly. She'd been holding out for that without consciously thinking about it.
Their night together was one of fulfilling a desperate need. She needed a friend more than lover. Someone to wipe her tears and listen to her cry. Someone to assure her that everything would be alright. He had done that and it'd made them even closer. They'd come as close as two people can to having sex without going through with it. Kelly hadn't asked for details; she didn't offer any.
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Coordinating schedules became a priority and easy to get in sync, with squad's lieutenant still on light duty.
"Joe's tonight?" asked Kelly thinking how long it had been since he'd been to their favorite place.
The beautiful couple entered the little restaurant, smiles all around. The owner and waitresses knew the firefighter had been injured, but not a word for months. It was good to see them back.
When Erin ordered her usual, Kelly knew she was the one. The one who did offer him something no one else could. The one he would not live without. As much of a pain in the ass that she was…she was his pain in the ass.
He laughed as she shoveled another forkful in her mouth.
"Mmmmm," she moaned for at least the tenth time. "Soo good," she mumbled mouth full.
He shook his head laughing watching her meat loaf disappear.
This gorgeous girl and her damn meat loaf.
What do you think? I really like them together, so you know I had to let them forgive each other. Sophia Bush is going to be on the ChiFi season finale, so...fingers crossed. Maybe we'll get some more Linseride.