Note: I borrowed some dialogue right from this episode in some places and added my own in others. I hope you like it.
Chapter 2
Kathryn was getting a stress headache. She massaged her temples but it wasn't reliving the tension. Chakotay had been correct: this undoubtedly was one of the more personally difficult missions. Especially since she couldn't let anyone else in about the nature of the mission.
She shook her head. No, she had to protect them. It was bad enough that her decision had stranded them all in the Delta Quadrant. How could she knowingly lead them into a potential situation that would make it all but impossible to get back to Earth by destroying subspace leaving the entire quadrant un able to use warp speed. That is if they weren't all killed in the blast if the Omega molecule became unstable and reacted.
It was bad enough she'd allowed Seven's participation, that was a breach but she needed the former Borg's knowledge. The small bit of information she was about to share was another breach but for more personal reasons. There was a very real chance that Kathryn would not be returning from this mission. If the explosion from the Omega molecule didn't kill her then the effects of the theta radiation poisoning from would.
The chime signaled Chakotay's arrival to the lab.
"Come in," she unsealed the doors with her command.
The doors to astrometrics swooshed opened and her first officer— her best friend– strode in. He still looked angry. His crisp control was back in place but she knew him better than that. Fist clenched at his side, jaw tight yes, he was still very much upset with her. She didn't want it to end like this. It couldn't end like this.
"Status report." They could at least get the banal chitchat out of the way. She was taking a leap of faith with the rest and being a slight bit selfish. Knowing wouldn't make it any easier for him to watch her leave Voyager, but at least their final moments would not be lost in anger.
She fondly remembered their last goodbye they had shared on New Earth. Those hours spent wrapped in each other's arms as they weaved a tale of how life might have turned out for them if they had remained on the planet.
They didn't have time for such frivolity now.
"Everything is going according to schedule." Chakotay's stiff response made her sigh.
He wasn't giving an inch. She took for granted his unwavering support and endorsement. She needed it to make her monumental task, of getting their crew home, more manageable. They had come so far on their journey: from mistrust and uneasy alliance to deep friendship and love home. Their friendship, as complicated as it was, had been an anchor in the tumultuous storm of the Delta Quadrant. He was so dear to her and it hurt to think of leaving him without at least having some inclination as to why she'd left.
She took a deep breath and folded her hands in front of her more to keep them from reaching out to stroke the side of his face and remove the tension that was there.
"The Omega Directive doesn't allow me to say much, but I want you to know what to expect. You're right. I do owe you that much at least."
Chakotay's' stance relaxed as she filled in what details she could.
"Would it be out of line to ask where you are going?"
A small smile curved her lips as he turned around her words from this morning on him. She had a long way to go in way of this making this up to him, but she needed him to understand and there was so little time. If this was going to be one of the last times they were alone together, she wanted them to end on a good note.
If she was honest with herself, keeping him isolated from her duty to destroy the Omega molecule and their potential separation was what was tearing her up inside. Not long ago, when Kathryn battled that alien who wanted her to enter his matrix willingly, Kathryn had fought to stay with her crew.
Fought to stay with Chakotay.
Even if she believed at the time the only way to remain close to him was some half-life of haunting Voyager, she wasn't ready to let go. Her desire not to leave him was stronger than the alien force trying to trick her to believe she needed to 'crossover.'
And much of her fight had been of this man. She loved him. As simply and as completely as anything she'd ever known or believed in. And if the worse was to happen on this mission, she wanted— needed— him to know that.
"If all goes according to plan, Seven and I will return in three days."
"And if it doesn't?" His jaw was tight with tension.
She took a deep breath. "Then the sensors will detect an explosion in subspace. If that occurs you'll have less than ten seconds to jump to warp and get out of here. Set a course for the Alpha quadrant and don't look back. Understood?"
He stared at her for a moment. "I find it hard to believe that even Star Fleet would order a captain to go on a suicide mission. This shuttle excursion is your idea isn't it? Kathryn, I know you too well."
He did and that only made her love him more. He saw exactly who and what she was and still he not only loved her, he stood by her side. "Let's just say I've had to amend the directive given our circumstances out here in the delta quadrant."
"Amend them again. You're determined to protect this crew and this time you've taken it too far."
"Chakotay, you have your orders and I expect you to follow them."
"That's expecting a lot. You are asking me to abandon my captain and closest friend, hell, the woman I love without even telling me why."
His words gripped her. They usually didn't speak so frankly about their feelings.
"If it was just a simple matter of trust, I wouldn't hesitate to tell you. But would knowing why really make any of this easier?"
He stepped closer to her. "This is a dangerous mission, fine, I'll acknowledge that. But isn't it more likely to succeed with everyone working behind you, working together? Us working together; facing the worse, shoulder to shoulder?"
Kathryn wanted to close the distance between them. Allow herself one final moment to rest in is arms. Would that be too foolish? Would her death be harder for him to bear? She didn't want to put him through that.
"I won't ask the crew to risk their lives because of my obligation"
He reached for her and caught hold of her arms. "Voyager may be alone, but you're not. We'll keep classified information limited to the senior staff. We'll take every security precaution. Just don't do try to do this all by yourself. If I have to lose you, I want to know I did everything I could to ensure your safety and possible success. If we work together there is a better chance of you returning to me."
"I thought this wasn't about us?"
Slowly, he drew her into an embrace. "Kathryn, everything is about us. Star Fleet could not possibly speculate on a situation like ours. We're all more than just a crew. You and I are more than just friends. Your needs, your obligations are mine. Regardless of whether or not you like it, you're stuck with me. At least for the next 70 or so light years. We're connected: you, me, Voyager. We're in this together."
For a moment she let his words and warmth seep into her. She had felt so utterly isolated by this mission.
Peace and strength. She and Chakotay were two sides of the same coin. She leaned back to look up into his unbelievably handsome face and for the first time in almost 20 hours, she felt hope.
"Assemble the troops."