Eleventh Entry
Lighting and I are partners now and because we're partners, I told her everything.
I told her how it was Snow's fault my mother got killed. How he just let her go, instead of saving her. It's his fault and he has to pay. He's probably the reason why Lightning's dead popsicle sister is the way she is. It's his fault that Lightning is now a l'Cie. Hell, while we're at it, let's blame world hunger and the spread of diseases on Snow too. He's the root of everyone's problems and I'm going to deliver a swift shank of justice and then run like hell before anyone realizes Snow's been stabbed. My revenge is the reason why I followed her in the first place. Lightning is strong and I want to be too. But I can't get stronger if I don't throw myself into the fight.
Lightning said that I have to control my emotions. Sympathy will only grant me defeat. She explained that I have to focus on my goal and shut out everything else. What she said makes sense. When I'm in the process of killing Snow, I can't let anything else distract me, like people screaming in horror or the sound of the cops coming. I can't let anything stand in my way and if I start to waver, then I have to suck it up and deal because only doubt will cripple me. I know taking revenge on Snow won't bring my mother back, but hearing an apology just won't cut it either. It won't erase my grief, it won't ease the pain. But killing Snow will give me something to replace the pain. It'll give me satisfaction because I feel like I did something about it. I took control over something that I didn't think I could control before and that means a lot, considering my current status as a l'Cie.
Lightning also said that it was the Sanctum that killed mom and not Snow. Who's side is she on anyway? Maybe she was right, and it was their fault, but they weren't the ones that let my mother fall. Snow got her killed and nothing's going to change that. And what's her problem anyway? Does she like Snow? Is she suddenly bailing out on me because I like to stare at a blade and daydream about it covered it Snow's blood? She's not supposed to show the sympathy she chastised me about earlier. She's supposed to hate Snow as much if not more than I do since he's engaged to her underage dead popsicle sister! What's there to like about him anyway? It's not like he has a rocking body and has the strength to punch a person's face off. Because he doesn't! And it's not like he's soft on the eyes with his handsome good looks and bad boy stubble because I hadn't noticed!
She says she's on the side of Truth.
Well, the truth is that Snow got my mother killed. The truth is going to set him free in the form of a blade to the chest…or neck…I still haven't decided yet, but when I do, it won't be pretty.