Gone in 60 seconds - 4

Part 1: Fragments 57
Part 2: Fragments 66
Part 3: More Fragments 50

"I should probably give you a list of rules," John told the pair. "Rule number one: be less of a dick. Rule number two: accept responsibility for your own actions. Rule number three: don't expect to be the exception to the rules; if you do something stupid, expect it to backfire on you. Rule number four: you know demons exist and so does hell, so think carefully about where you want to spend eternity and where your actions are leading you."

Amy and Warren stared at him in shock.

"What?" he asked.

"I think you're supposed to order us to serve you and do chores," Warren said slowly.

"Let's clear up some things right now," John said. "I didn't enslave you, nor am I looking for slaves. You were made slaves by your costume choices and the whims of a capricious god. I'd order you free, but I'm pretty sure your new magic would drive you insane and kill you if I did that."

"I didn't think of that," Warren admitted.

"Neither did I," Amy added.

"Rule number five: have more self-control," John said. "I've heard it helps."

"So you aren't going to order us to do any kinky sex things?" Amy asked.

Warren made a face, horrified at the thought.

"Not unless you request it and possibly not even then," John said. "If you need stuff to do because of the whole house elf thing, feel free to consider yourselves ordered to clean."

Warren snapped his fingers and the blender on the wet bar was suddenly clean and put away. "Cool," he said, staring at his hand.

"Feel free to pop home and clean there too," John said. "Try to live your own life in-between any cleaning needs."

"OK, I'm feeling better about this," Warren said.

"If you need anything, my door's open - unless I'm on the can or masturbating, in which case it's probably better to wait," John said.

Amy made a face.

"I could order you to answer questions truthfully," he reminded her, knowing teens of either sex spent a fair amount of time wanking.

Amy looked horrified at the thought.

"Oh yeah, no trying to harm or kill me," John added. "But feel free to research ways we can safely free you. Have I forgotten anything?"

"No, but I think we have to live here," Amy admitted. "My magic is kinda pulling at me."

"OK, I'll kill my next door neighbor and you can move in there," John said after a moment's thought, much to the horror of the two teens. "What?"

"You're going to kill your neighbor?" Amy asked weakly.

"He plays ABBA records 'til dawn while I'm trying to sleep and I think he's been stealing my newspaper," John replied. "I'm pretty sure those are signs of a demon."

"How much sleep have you been getting?" Warren asked.

"Not much," John replied. "I can't sleep at school because I'm being stalked by a sex crazed blonde, and here I have a neighbor who blasts ABBA all the time." John glared at the wall between the two apartments as ABBA's 'Take a chance on me' started playing loudly.

Amy snapped her fingers and the sound of ABBA dropped to nothing.

"Bless you!" John exclaimed ecstatically.

"We can just enlarge a closet or something," Warren said, pushing John towards his bed. "You catch up on your sleep."

"OK," John agreed, collapsing face down on his bed, fully clothed and starting to snore.

"Great, we've enslaved ourselves to a lunatic," Warren groaned.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

John stumbled to the shower, half awake. He wasn't much better coming out of the shower and stared in surprise at the clothes laid out on his bed that he didn't recall putting there. With a shrug he got dressed and decided to spike his blood with Red Bull since he was so out of it.

Amy leaned against the dresser and watched him change into the clothes she'd laid out for him, using her house elf abilities to remain unseen. 'Being a house elf might not be all bad,' she thought to herself with a grin. She'd reserve judgment until she discovered if she could 'clean' the boys' locker room at school.

"You are such a pervert," Warren said after John had left for school.

Amy rolled her eyes. "Like you aren't going to 'clean' the girls' locker room."

"I... I can do that, can't I?" Warren said in surprise.

"Any place he regularly hangs out is fair game for cleaning," Amy said, "and that means all of Sunnydale High."

"That works," Warren said slowly. "We need to get him to hang out in a few places with large collections of books on magic so we can free ourselves, but in the meantime this might not be so bad."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"How can I help you?" Giles asked, trying not to give away the fact that he thought of John as anything but a normal student.

John looked around cautiously, making sure Buffy was nowhere nearby. "I need a couple of books."

"On?" Giles asked.

"Avoiding fatal attraction type girls, the fae, and the basic rules of magic and the safe use of," John said.

"I don't believe the school board would allocate funds for any books of that nature," Giles said.

"Fatal attraction type girls?" asked Willow, unable not to say anything as she and Xander were looking through a stack of odd demonic tomes nearby.

"The kind that chase you around with sex toys," John said slowly.

"Wooden dildo," Xander snickered, putting two and two together as he recalled when Buffy chased John around the graveyard.

"I'm sure she didn't mean it like that," Willow said, jumping to Buffy's defense but unable to think of an excuse.

"I'll browse for what I need. Yell if she comes in," John said. "I swear if she doesn't get the hint soon I'm calling the cops and requesting a restraining order." He vanished into the stacks.

Giles and Willow exchanged glances while Xander fell out of his chair laughing.

"It isn't funny," Willow snapped at him.

"Yes, yes it is," Xander disagreed, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes.

"I may have to have a word with her," Giles said, shaking his head before going back to cataloging.

John came out of the back of the library with a small stack of books a few minutes later. "I need to check these out."

"You!" Buffy exclaimed as she came in the library and spotted John at the counter.

"Bad touch!" John yelled and dove over the counter.

"Miss Summers!" sneered Principal Snyder, having entered unnoticed behind her. "I've noticed a certain pattern to your behavior recently, and it's unacceptable at a place of learning. You will cease harassing Mr. Flint right now!"

John peered over the counter cautiously.

"It's alright, son," Snyder told him gently. "There may be many things allowed at this school, but sexual harassment is not one of them."

Buffy turned white and looked horrified as John gathered his books and circled around her to escape the library.

"I'll be watching you, Miss Summers," Snyder warned her before leaving the library.

"Buffy, what have you been doing?" Giles asked suspiciously.

"Trying to verify he was human, warm blooded..." her voice trailed off.

"Hey, he left his thermos," Xander noted.

"Aha!" Buffy exclaimed. "This'll prove he's not normal!" She opened the thermos and frowned. "I thought it would be blood."

"Let me see," Giles said, taking the thermos and pouring a small amount into his coffee cup. "Too watery for blood."

"It smells a little like blood," Willow offered as she examined it.

"Let Angel try it. He knows blood better than we do," Xander said, dropping a not-so-subtle reminder of what Angel was, but doing it without any overt criticism or insults, so no one could complain.

"That would probably be best," Giles agreed.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

The rest of the day passed without incident, though John kept a close eye on Buffy just to be sure she wouldn't try anything.

"Nice cosplay," Andrew told him as school let out.

"Cosplay?" Jonathan asked curiously.

"Yeah, he's wearing the schoolboy outfit from Harry Potter," Andrew replied. "See the red and gold tie and Hogwarts crest on his jacket?"

"Oh, yeah," Jonathan said.

"Something happened during Halloween," John admitted. All my clothes are either this or black robes."

"You remember Halloween?" Andrew asked hopefully.

"Yeah..." John admitted slowly.

"We have to talk," Jonathan said seriously.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"I can hear colors!" Angel declared, staring around himself in awe and tugging at his clothes.

"This is all John's fault!" Buffy groaned, as she tried to keep Angel from stripping.

Xander looked in the thermos and grinned, it was still half full.

Typing by: Ordieth