A hard one to write, but a big payoff. Hope you enjoy.

Kelly, Mills and Newhouse were one floor below the blast, feeling the power of it, smelling the toxic fumes, hoping their masks would hold up. Severide motioned for them to head up to the eye of the hurricane, a dread settling in that some of their brothers were caught in the explosion.

A cloud of deadly gas greeted them as they entered ground zero. Through the plumes of smoke, the firefighters were met by a scene that looked more like nuclear disaster. Everything was melted away, resembling a Tim Burton movie far removed from reality.

The three could feel remnants of the poison entering their lungs. "Quick!" Kelly commanded pointing in three different directions.

Newhouse found a victim first, one of the cooks, arms blown off...the remaining torso littered with shards of glass and metal. Looked like a damn battle field, he thought stepping over the dead man.

Mills scanned the depths of the room, finding two more men, eyes wide open, as if in shock. They were dead.

Kelly was closest to the front, to the escape, when he saw the back of a turnout coat, on the ground, immobile, pressed up against the wall. "No, no...shit!" he wheezed stumbling to the fallen firefighter. "Zvonecek" was visible across the back.

Severide's thoughts rushed to his sister, to Katie. She couldn't take one more thing, not one more damn thing. He rolled Otis over praying silently that the young man would be alive. "Brian!" he tried to yell, coming out in a broken heave.

He felt something like a pulse, maybe. "He's alive," Kelly managed, sweeping Otis on his shoulder and heading out the door.

The noxious puffs of gas weren't lessening, instead building, growing in density. "C'mon!" he managed to call out from the hall. Mills was at his side, laying a hand on Otis' back. Newhouse was checking on another victim in the back corner, opposite of where Pete had been. He rose shaking his head "no" when a second blast shook the building with such force the men thought the whole damn thing was comin' down.

Mills dove to the ground, arms over his head, Kelly next to him, his body on top of Otis. Instincts, time and again, Kelly's life saver. He glanced through the space between his arm and the floor, thankful Mills had 'em, like a ninja. The heat was a flamethrower being dispatched over their backs. Both men certain their gear was melting on them, the heat so intense. The fumes serving as a barrier, blocking their view. Some of the smoke escaped through the blown out windows, the fire following suit.

Kelly looked up. Newhouse.

He quickly felt Otis' neck, weak pulse still ticking.

Mills took off first with Kelly right behind, jumping over debris, glass, shards of metal...the moment they saw their new team member, they new he was gone. Pete dropped down, "Newhouse! Newhouse!" he screamed through heavy coughs.

"Grab him," instructed Kelly, running back to Otis. Jeff Clarke almost mowed him over just outside the door.

"You look like hell," Clarke said grabbing Severide on both arms, shaking him slightly.

"It's about damn time. Where's the rest of the cavalry?" asked Kelly directing his vision to Otis.

"I'm it. Had orders not to go in, but don't take well to orders anymore," he smiled wryly.

Mills had Newhouse over his shoulder trying to convince himself his team member was alive, badly hurt.

Clarke took Otis as gently as he could, heading to the stairs. Down would be the quickest route, also thinking he'd rather take his chances with landing in an air pocket if the whole building came down. Wouldn't wanna be up top.

"Shit!" he yelled in frustration, stairs gone. "Up!" he yelled to his friends bringing up the rear. He could see Severide and Mills clearer now, not liking the look of their backs. Adrenaline had a way of makin' you keep on keepin' on even when your body said no more.

"Gone!" yelled Kelly, looking to Clarke to come up with something. He was done, spent...Mills and him had been in too long. The noxious chemical smoke taking their toll. They had reached their limit.

"Hang in there," assured Clarke taking charge. He motioned them to go back into the room with the meth making contraption that wouldn't just die.

Kelly shook his head no. Mills had a look of terror with no desire to go back in. The thing was groaning, wheezing...there was another blast coming. Clarke hoped they had a few more minutes.

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"Clarke's gonna get them out," Shay said simply. "Thank God someone had the balls to go back in," she added trembling with anger.

Boden didn't speak, feeling the vice grip of Donna, needing it. Clarke's new chief had called it after the latest blast. No one else in. Boden demanded obedience from his men. He had to physically stop Shay. She looked at him like a mama bear protecting a cub. He would never forget that look.

"Hey!" yelled Hermann pointing to a window, smoke pouring out, along with the distinctive fireman's helmet. Clarke was waving his arms wildly.

The ladder was up, offering a life line in minutes. Kelly headed out first turning around, holding his hands out as Clarke tried to ease Otis to the waiting firefighter. It was slow going, difficult to manage a limp man who couldn't offer any help. Kelly grabbed his shoulders pulling him down, an inch at a time, his own body not cooperating. His arms were shaking, his mind willing them to continue.

A new puff of smoke escaped, acting as a warning of bigger things to come. "Jump!" Kelly yelled. He hadn't finished screaming the word when Mills, then Clarke landed stomach first on the ladder. Another blast came as promised, barreling over the men's backs.

They weren't moving, but there was a swirl of activity below.

When the ladder came to rest lowered as far down as it would go, Clarke, Kelly and Mills hopped off reaching for Otis, moving him as gently as they could to the waiting stretcher. The paramedics went to work immediately, putting in an IV, cutting away his clothing, revealing burns along much of his back, both legs.

The family at 51 watched shell shocked as their brother was loaded into the ambo and taken away. Boden was not Boden. "All my years, all my years," he kept muttering with Donna at his side, not sure of what to say, what to do. Chief had lost one of his own...it'd happened before. But not like this. He had been rendered helpless, but never like this.

"It's our damn wedding day," he said to Donna, tears welling. They were already streaming down hers.

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Erin and Shay were at Kelly's side, one positioned at each arm. "I'm good, I'm good," his familiar mantra being repeated.

The guys had gathered around Newhouse, not believing their newest family member was dead. They were all shaken...there had been dark days, but their thoughts mirrored chief's. Never like this.

Dawson was checking out Mills, his back a mess, needing oxygen. More than physical, the emotional was just beginning to settle in. He wouldn't say much...she was worried. She thought he was one of the best young firefighters she'd met. Hell, he'd have Kelly's job someday, she thought. But he had a heart that wasn't made for this part of the job.

Clarke was facing the wrath of his new chief, getting a new one ripped before watching eyes.

He ignored the older man, smiling at the approaching detective.

"You did good, Cowboy. Now, let's get you checked out."

"This first," said Jeff taking her face with both hands, bringing her in with such force she felt her breath catch.

"Better?" asked Cailin, brow furrowed in concern at the stone faced exterior of her fireman. That mantle threatening to crumble. She grabbed his hand leading him to a waiting ambo, both disregarding the grumbling still spilling out of his chief's mouth.

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"I am so damn sick of this place," groused Kelly sitting in a triage bay, angry at the two women staring at him. "Just check on Otis. Please. I need somethin' to tell Katie when she calls me back."

Shay and Erin gave each other a "you go ahead" look, neither makin' a move. No way.

Kelly's phone started up..."Shit," he said giving a death stare to his girls.

"Katie," his voice broke, angering him further. Erin drew close holding one hand. His other hand shook as it held the phone threatening to drop to the floor. Only made Kelly madder.

"There was an accident with Otis. I don't know anything yet..." Kelly began gently, breaking before Erin's eyes.

Shay took the phone from her friend's hand, "Katie, it's Shay. I'm gonna head up now to see how Brian is. He was breathing on his own..." Leslie left making a beeline to trauma.

"You're okay, Kelly. Otis is gonna be okay." Erin gently wiped Kelly's face with a damp cloth a nurse gave her when they came in. Where the hell was a doc, nurse, PA, someone?

He wrapped his arms around himself, constricting so tight, but his arms were still moving up and down.

"Why'm I shakin' so goddamn much? Somethin's wrong with me," Kelly asked more as a statement than a question. His voice not its usual, it was weak, raspy... not the self assured tone most people correctly took for cockiness. Erin chalked it up to the fumes, being in there so long.

Kelly wouldn't release his grip on his own arms, still wrapped around himself, even when Erin tried to hold his hand. Felt like he was gonna lose it if he let go, his whole body beginning to shake. When Darden was killed, Shay hurt, Casey injured..I didn't shake like this. I need to get up and walk around, he thought.

He eased off the examination table, legs trembling as he put weight on them. "Jesus Christ," he cursed trying to calm them.

"Whoa, Kelly. Just stay up there, please. Your back looks like hell. Please." She held his arm pulling him on the table. She stood directly in front of him, looking in his eyes, willing him to get strength from her. She ran her arms up and down the length of his. "You're okay," she said again, almost an instruction.

Kelly tried to look over his own shoulder at his back, the more he stretched the worse it hurt. He hadn't even felt it till now, until Erin mentioned it.

She longed to hold him, but afraid to hurt him. She settled on rubbing his arms vigorously, trying in vain to quell the shakes.

"Where the hell is Shay? I wanna talk to Katie. Make sure she's okay." Kelly hung his head, pressing his lips into a frown. "Damn, Otis. He looked so bad, Erin." Severide shook his head, looking back up at her.

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Otis was littered with second degree burns, his lungs compromised with the noxious gas seeping through his mask. Doc said he was lucky to be alive, bronchiolitis in the lung parenchyma his most severe issue...most likely have permanent lung damage. Shay relayed the mumbo jumbo to Katie who was trying to get on the first flight.

The guys were relieved Otis had a fighting chance, but they also knew "permanent lung damage" and firefighter did not go together.

"He's alive. He's going to get through this. He's our family and were going to be here for him." Chief Boden had spent the last thirty minutes with the Newhouse family. The most difficult part of his job. He prayed he'd never face that again.

And there was Donna sitting by his side, refusing to go home, putting her foot down when he tried to put his down.

"You didn't know what your were getting yourself into with me," he said quietly, her hand back in his. How had he ever functioned without it, he thought.

"I knew you were trouble," she whispered in his ear. "But I'm here, Wallace. I'm here."

"I'm gonna check on Kelly," said Shay avoiding eye contact with Boden. "And Mills, Clarke, too." She started out, but chief signaled her to stop.

"This has been a helluva day...we lost one of our own. Everyone's going home. Shay and I will keep..."

"No way," said Cruz. "I'm not goin' anywhere. I gotta make sure Otis is walkin' outta here."

"I don't feel good about leaving before I see him," acknowledged Casey.

They all chimed in saying they weren't going anywhere.

Dawson rose kissing Matt on the lips, "Mind if I check on Kelly with Shay?"

"Go, let me know. He's fine, but let me know."

"You got it."

Boden stood in the elevator flanked by his two paramedics, shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot. He wanted to say something to Shay, to make her understand, but he knew that was impossible. He couldn't explain it to himself, how he could do what had to be done, for the benefit of the house, over the benefit of one or two.

He let the silence remain, any chance of forgiveness from the blonde leaving with each ding of the elevator. He let it go. He knew he didn't deserve it.

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An intern had checked on Kelly, removing his shirt and the shrapnel splattered across his back. He administered a shot of epinephrin explaining it would act as a bronchodilator, opening up his constricted airways.

"I need to get upstairs, see Otis for myself. Katie needs to hear that he's gonna be okay."

"Kelly, she's already heard that from Shay. She's getting in tomorrow morning. We need to get you checked in, rested up, so you can be there for her."

"I'm not checkin' in. I'm heading up, then home."

"Kelly, please don't fight me on this one. Look at you..."

"Erin I need to know that I'm goin' home with you tonight. That I'm sleepin' in our bed with you lyin' next to me... After today..."

He rested his head in her chest.

They went home with Shay in tow. She said, "Just in case." Erin was thankful, also thankful when she slept in the guest room and not sandwiched between her and Kelly.

The next few days were a buzz of Katie coming in, Otis improving steadily, many hours spent at Lakeshore. All signs were pointing to his career as a firefighter over.

"How Otis can be so positive 'bout this whole thing is beyond me." Kelly was lettin' Erin work on his back.

"It's looking so much better," she said reapplying a bandage to the worst area. "And Brian's not you."

"Feel bad for Boden."

"Why, cause Shay's still giving him the silent treatment?" she asked helping him slip his T-shirt over his head.

"So we're callin' it 'silent treatment' now? She'll get over it. But no, I was talkin' about the whole wedding. That's what they have as the memory of their day. It ain't right."

"Poor Donna. And it started out so beautiful, the trucks, everything. Don't you think?" Erin also remembered how quiet Kelly turned.

"Yep."

"It started kind of perfect," Erin thought of how beautiful Donna looked, how unexpectedly 51 set up for a dream wedding. At least a dream wedding for any firefighter.

"Yep."

"That's all you're gonna say?"

"Huh? Don't know what you want me to say."

"Say that it was beautiful, Donna looked beautiful, tell me why you got so quiet, something."

"You want me to talk about Donna?" Kelly asked wanting to get out of the small bathroom he was stuck in.

"Never mind," Erin turned, releasing her guy from his cornered position. She thought about what Platt said. The balls thing.

"Hey," Kelly followed her, grabbing her shoulder, turning her back around.

"Yeah, I clammed up. Was jealous, whatever." Kelly figured what the hell. She was pressin' him. She was gonna get her damn answer now. He thought about Shay's words, "Don't blow it." Since when do I listen to Shay?

"I want it. That. I didn't even see Donna. Pictured you up there. Me." he paused drawing in a measured breath. "But I know you don't want it, so I'm okay with what we got."

"I might want it."

Those words slammed so hard in the air, Kelly thought he imagined them for a second.

Oh, that look in Kelly's eyes. Those eyes that could convey such strength, those eyes that had Erin the minute they met. Those eyes that have shown her so much more. Were showing her something now.

"I do want it. And that scares the hell out of me," Erin laughed nervously not believing she uttered the four words.

Kelly pulled Erin in, the emotions of the previous day too much...the highs, the lows, more than lows really, a tragedy.

"Well, if you want it, who'm I to say no."

Wedding bells, anyone? What do you think? Will they do it?

I had to give a little nod to one of my favorite stories out there right now, Strike a Match. Thank you 2NYwLove for allowing me the honor. of adding cowboy and Cailin. Go check out her amazing fanfic.