CLXIX
Epilogue: The Romantic Adventures of Tim Drake
Part Three: The Mutinous Heart

As Raven teleported us in front of the exclusive 'Gotham By Gaslight' restaurant, I now knew I could die happily. I had touched perfection and even held hands with this angel of magic. She was beyond anything I could have ever imagined.

Yet I could never tell her I felt this way.

For the past weeks, she had captured my heart, but she could never know. As the cherished wife of my boss, I would have to keep my true feelings for Raven buried deep inside. But what she did next… broke beyond any secret I could keep. She gave me the greatest gift my eyes would ever receive.

I have seen the revelation my friends, and she is Raven Wayne…

It had started with a simple request.

"Tim, would you take two steps back please."

I had no idea why Raven had asked me to do this, and honestly, I had enjoyed holding her hand so much during my very first teleportation that I obediently took two steps back, my eyes never leaving her. The green sphere of magic surrounding us barely registered with my awareness. Something magical was about to happen…

The people beyond the sphere were meaningless to me. It was only her.

In a split instant, the object of my affection had suddenly became a crimson-skinned Goddess with glowing eyes, before she said…

"SHAZAM!"

The sudden crack of thunder deafened me as powerful lightning struck Raven, arcing her body three feet straight up into the air. Wild currents of electricity crackled across white robes and red skin, forming into two dragons of pure radiant energy coiling around this glorious woman. As the remnants of lightning caressed her, the white and gold-trimmed robes faded into the stylish outfit of a moment ago.

With one word, she had been struck by lightning and created twin dragons that had transformed her… yet she looked exactly the same as she had mere seconds ago.

A thought struck me. Had everyone seen this?

I peered around frantically… but no one cared. They waited, they walked… oblivious. How could they not notice a lightning strike only twenty feet away?! With her feet back on the ground again, this striking woman only looked up at me and smiled- as though miracles were commonplace to her.

Because they were.

"I created a magical sphere around us before we teleported here, Tim. Only you saw the transformation…"

It was too much.

Those two words finished me…

When she said those two wonderful words, any restraint, any control I had been holding onto slipped like fleeting sea water from my loosening grasp. My mind no longer controlled my actions, as though my body was now commanded by a mutinous heart, bypassing the commands of reason.

Only you…

Before I realized it, I was suddenly holding this perfect woman in my arms, violet eyes still crackling with arcane energy, my heart beating against hers like a drum. She was so tiny, but so magical. I held her close and felt her warmth, her emotions, her raw power. My eyes began to well with tears as my heart spoke the words I could never say…

"Raven… I love you. I have always loved you. That's why… I can't go on a real date because… it would feel like I was cheating on you… It's wrong, I know it's wrong… But I can't help the way I feel. And I can't hide it any longer… I tried to figure out some way, some way that I could satisfy Bruce's contract… so that I could stay loyal to you.

…But I can't.

I can't become involved with any other women… Not now, not after I've seen you... I've watched your battle with Darkseid about two hundred times now. I host an online forum and web site dedicated to you. I wanted everyone to know that it was you… It was you who saved us all. People should bow at your feet and pledge their lives for what you've done. So if you can't love me, let me at least worship you…"

She gently held my adrift head to her shoulder, slowly stroking my hair. We stood… an emotional man embracing a compassionate woman in Gotham's cold evening by the harbor front. To those who could see us now, it was not such an uncommon spectacle, another broken man clinging to life in the shape of a woman.

It was anything but common.

"You're crying, Tim."

"…Yes. Please don't be mad… I never wanted to tell you… but I couldn't hold it in anymore. You're amazing… wonderful."

I simply couldn't help myself. I had secretly fallen in love with this Bruce's younger wife, and I had never meant to tell her. I could have worshipped Raven from afar, burying myself in my work to suffocate my betraying heart…

But my heart's captor was merciful, speaking softly into my ear.

"Tim… I've always known you love me. Since the first time we met… I knew. And I'm happy that you love me... It means a great deal to me. But let's get inside, it's cold… You're shivering. We'll talk."

It wasn't the cold that made me shiver. As some of the onlookers stared on, trying to catch a glimpse of a drowning man, I slowly released Raven and made my way to the restaurant, into the front entrance. Where I was greeted by the tall Maitre D' at the desk, who looked at me with mild contempt.

"Ahhh, yes… Mr. Drake. The business section, I assume?"

Why did people have to be so cruel? I had made an impression from my first visit here apparently. And not a good one. It was then that Raven stepped up, to stand beside me and take my hand in hers - while the Maitre D' stumbled into a quick apology, gazing slack-jawed at Raven…

"Ahhh, my apologies, Sir… and Mrs. Wayne. I see the purpose of this meal tonight is not business. Please, if you would follow me, we have a private table waiting. I must say that this is an unexpected honor. Will there be… other guests arriving?"

Raven smiled and the countless lights of Gotham burned a little brighter.

"No… Just the two of us tonight."

I had forgotten that Raven was still the First Lady. We were quickly seated in a private booth without gathering too much attention. The restaurant was a dimly lit turn-of-the-century building - which I was now thankful for.

As we were seated in our private booth, I realized the incredible risk she must be taking… appearing with me in public. I hadn't been thinking about what would happen to her. The Gotham paparazzi were notorious.

"Raven… You don't have to do this. I'll be alright. I don't want you getting dragged into some scandal. You're still the First Lady…"

"Nonsense. Before we leave, I'll simply change my appearance a little to someone who looks like Raven Wayne..."

Change her appearance… magically?

"…You can do that?"

"Yes. I'll transform again just before we leave. I'll look like just another person who resembles someone famous. An honest mistake."

I finally figured it out. Sometimes I'm pretty thick. She hadn't just changed into the Champion… she had changed from the Champion!

"That means… You were the Champion when you showed up at my doorstep tonight, weren't you?! You just made yourself look like human Raven."

She blushed a little.

"The power of Zareah… I apologize for the deception Tim, but I wasn't sure if my powers would be needed when I arrived in Gotham. I was shopping in London when I felt your hopeful exuberance about the impending arrival of your 'date'. Intrigued, I reached out to the mind of your arriving escort and…"

"Seriously? You felt me?... From London?... England?!"

"Yes. I felt your hope, Tim."

Something inside me melted. Even across the Atlantic Ocean, we were connected.

"Honestly? You felt my hope?"

"Of course. I am the Goddess of Hope. I am able to feel all hope across the world. You were very excited, nervous, and hopeful, Tim." A frown suddenly broke across her lovely lips. "But your escort hoped for… something else."

"You said she was a delirious psychopath… Does that mean that Harleen would have… hurt me?"

Raven answered my question without hesitation.

"Yes... Harleen believes that hurting innocents in an ironic manner will endear her to her perverse master... Unfortunately, she's correct. She's in love with a monster."

"Raven… I'll never be able to say sorry enough… or thank you appropriately. Maybe we can't help who we fall in love with. It would be easier if we could. You know how I feel about you…"

"I know exactly how you feel about me, Tim…"

Our waiter came to take our drink orders, halting Raven's explanation. As extensive as their wine list was, Raven and I contented ourselves with Perrier… and upon her recommendation, a scarlet cloud white tea.

Once our orders had been placed, she reached across the table and held my hand. I never wanted to let go.

"Tim… I do know exactly how you feel. Your admiration is a welcome reprieve from the distrust and rejection that followed me for the first twenty-one years of my life in Azarath. Truly, I am honored."

"Raven… How is that even possible that you were rejected? You are… perfection."

She smiled. A moment I never wanted to end…

"I was the daughter of Trigon. My very birth was a prophesized dark omen, the half-demon child born of ritualistic rape. I was a pariah in a realm of light."

In truth, I knew very little about her past.

"Raven… That's awful. I'm sorry."

"I feel sorry as well, Tim… for my mother. She was a strong woman to survive such an ordeal… and then to raise me in a foreign land among strangers. I hope I can be as strong as her some day."

"…You are."

A gentle squeeze of my hand.

"Tim… I know how lonely you are… because I too was also alone. Until I met Bruce, I truly believed I was unworthy of love… that I was even dangerous to love. Your fear is that your heart is not able to follow your life along the path of knowledge."

"… It certainly caught up to me tonight."

Even her soft laughter was magical.

"Yes… it did. But you were able to confess your love for me because I am safe."

"Safe?... Raven, if Bruce ever found out what I said here tonight… He'd kill me!"

I was pouring my heart out to the wife of one of the most powerful men in the world. If Bruce Wayne wanted me to disappear, I was as good as gone…

"Nonsense, Bruce cares for you a great deal, Tim… almost like a father. He wishes you to find a true partner for your life, just as he has with me, but first… you must overcome your greatest fear."

"My greatest fear… Of him?"

"No, of allowing yourself to be loved by others."

"Raven… I don't understand. Why wouldn't I allow myself to be loved? If I'm afraid, then why do I love you… when Bruce could wipe me off the face of the planet?"

"You love the idea of me because you know Bruce would never do that. I am safe because I am the object of affection that you may never have… the sacred Goddess to whom you would pledge your soul. Throughout history, people have loved ideals with their minds, crafting the illusions of love to satiate their needful hearts."

It sounded as though she was trying to talk me out of it… like I was simply infatuated. I may not have not known much about love, but I would die for this woman.

"Are you trying to say that I only think that I'm in love with you?..."

"Not at all... You truly believe that you love me. And you would hold up that belief as a shield against the thing your soul truly desires."

"But I do desire you… a lot."

Maybe even to an unhealthy degree. Why was I blushing?...

"Yes… but even so, I am not what your soul truly desires."

"You're not?! But…"

"Tim, your soul needs to be loved. Your mind has crafted me as a false idol to worship, to protect both your heart and soul from the turmoil of the world. If you're able to convince yourself that you can love only me, then it becomes pointless to seek another."

"Raven... I do love you."

"And I love you, Tim. I love Bruce. I love Richard. I love Alfred. I love Barbara. I love Clark… Just because I love one does not mean I can not allow myself to love the other. And because they love each other does not mean they can't also love me."

"That's different… That kind of love is different from what I feel for you. There's only you…"

Her countenance became serious.

"Then you would be my mate? You would replace the man whose child I carry? The very man whom the weave of my Fate intertwines? This is the love you seek?"

"No, never. I would never do that, Raven. As much as it hurts me, I could never hurt Bruce or you. But that doesn't mean I still can't feel it."

"Yes… that is precisely what it means, Tim. That you will never feel the true love your soul desires so long as I am the illusion you use to deceive your soul… Ideals can not love you back."

"…You're not just an ideal, you're real. I'm in love with a real woman."

"But the Raven in your heart is not. You know far more about her than you do of me. Deep inside you, there exists a rival that I could never compete against. You seek to make the fantasy of me your true mate… and use the woman before you only as the archetype of that illusion."

I took a sip of my tea… which was surprisingly good, attempting to digest what Raven had said… I was in love with a woman I could never have. That much was true. So I had constructed a fantasy of that woman in my heart. Having this fantasy was a protection against dealing with a romantic reality that truly sucked…

I was very lonely and had fallen in love with a fantasy.

"Tim… I'm not saying that you do not love me or that you're not attracted to me. I know you are and I am flattered and honored. But in your heart, you know I can never be your soul mate. And beneath the thoughts and fantasies, that is what you truly desire."

I breathed a deep sigh. Honestly, I would have even settled for a girlfriend. I knew Raven could never be mine, but I had allowed the fantasy to take the place of reality… because my romantic reality was nonexistent. But a soul mate?...

I was an extreme workaholic with a Type A personality. My nerd-fueled social skills were limited to work and online chats with software programs. At twenty-four, I was still a virgin. A wunderkind with two PhD's and a leading expert in my field, and I hadn't even kissed a girl yet…

"Raven… Bruce is a very lucky man and I hope he always deserves you. Now that you've broken my heart… do I still have to go on that date?"

She smiled with such sweetness that it set my heart adrift on a gentle ocean - warmed by the setting sun.

"Yes, you do."

I held my head in my hands and sighed. This wasn't going to be easy. And then I remembered something.

"Say, Bruce mentioned that you had a sister… Is she single? Could I meet her?"

Raven's laugh was genuine and amused.

"My sister Abraxas is the Goddess of the Unseen Tim, an incorporeal entity of thoughts, mysteries and emotions combined. Were you to meet her, you would not be able to maintain your sanity."

"One of those girls, eh?"

She laughed earnestly again and my broken heart was repaired. Suddenly, I was on a roll. I was on the rebound. If this had been a date, I would have been scoring huge points…

But who's to say it wasn't? Which meant…

"Raven… Couldn't you consider this a date? Married women can still go on dates, right?"

"I suppose one could say this is a dinner date."

"And wouldn't you say it's been successful? You've pointed out my flaws, broken my heart and made me a better man. We've held hands, made jokes… and the food here is excellent. Would that make it a successful date?"

She looked at me as though we were about to play spin the bottle.

"Tim, would you honestly like me to tell my husband that you fulfilled the terms of your contract… with his wife? Is that what you're proposing?"

"So long as you let him know that there was no hanky-panky involved, why not?... But be careful that you explain that last part to him very clearly. He's a really big guy…"

Why did I suddenly feel like I had just suggested something taboo? After all, Bruce may have applauded my ingenuity to his little date challenge, even if it had been with his wife…

"But you're forgetting one thing, Mr. Tim Drake…"

Was it me or did the room get a little darker? Raven suddenly fixed me with a candlelit stare that crushed me against my seat. All kidding had been pushed aside and the atmosphere thickened when she completed her sentence.

"…I am the one who determines what constitutes a successful date."

Raven's lips then formed into a coy, predatory smile… and I found myself honestly afraid for the second time this evening. The woman who had saved my life now held my professional future in her manicured hands. Her expression made me hesitant to voice the question that had plagued my existence for the past twenty-nine hours… but I had to.

"Raven… I've been meaning to ask… What constitutes a successful date?"

My question hung in the air between us like a wisp of cloud before the mighty typhoon. My fate was sealed with her next condemning words, like a defenseless convict standing before a hanging Judge, watching silently as the heavy gavel came crashing down…

"A successful date is one with your soul mate, Tim."

Oh dear God, I was screwed.

I was so very, very screwed…

Next Chapter: Tim tries Internet Dating!