Meg could handle most of it. The camping, the occasional argument, the stolen kisses when she woke. They were all things that came with Castiel, a package deal, and he wouldn't be the same without them. She knew that. But what she didn't understand was why he had to insist on treating her like she was the kindest, most important person in his world.

One of the main reasons she felt like this was because she was certain it was a lie. After all, who could ever learn to love such a beaten, bruised, corrupt mess like her? It was unheard of, and exceptionally unholy, even for an angel who had fallen as far as Castiel. If she could, she would send him away, where her touch could not blacken his being anymore. But she knew it would be of little use. The stubborn man always came back.

But, it wasn't as black and white as it seemed. She would admit to being many things- angry, cruel and even murderous- but afraid was not one of them. It made her seem weak, like a puppet that would crumple when her strings were cut. If there was one thing she was sure of, it was that she could never allow herself to become some female who allows herself to be weakened by love.

'I'll leave, if you want.' He whispered, voice wavering as though he were about to cry. Meg was sat in the window seat, legs pulled up tight to her chest, trying to ignore the feeling of his gaze trained intently on her.

'You know that won't help.' She replied, a little harsher than she had originally intended. But she didn't apologise- Demons didn't do that, not ever- and so she instead drew a pitchfork in the condensation that had formed on the glass, a small crease forming between her eyes as she frowned at her artwork. She wasn't really examining it, of course- she couldn't care less about it really, when he was there behind her, sounding so hurt, but it was a lot easier than facing him and seeing his pain too.

'If this isn't what you want… If I am not what you want…' He trailed off, sitting down on the end of the bed and burying his head in his hands as he awaited her reply.

She sighed, using her sleeve to wipe away the drawing on the window that had already begun disappearing. But still, she wouldn't face him. If she saw how his eyes so blue were rimmed with tears, or how he bit his lip to stop himself from saying something he would some day regret, it would break her.

'Stop. Just stop. Self-pity sessions aren't going to help anyone, okay? I made my choice a long time ago. I chose Earth. I chose you. Don't forget that.' She told him, a little quieter that time.

She heard him breathe a sigh of relief and then, before she even knew he had approached her, she felt his hand on her shoulder, gripping her meat suit like he feared she would disappear from right in front of him.

Her hand slowly met his, and she clung to his fingers, suddenly feeling like a child who could not bare to be left alone.

But she still didn't look at him.

'Then why, Meg? Why must you shut me out?' He murmured, running his thumb over the back of her hand, which was so small compared to his.

The demon paused, unsure of exactly how to answer. Maybe that was because she simply didn't know, or maybe it was because the answer was too embarrassing for her to say. She never really did figure out why she bit her tongue at that moment.

'I understand if you're upset. I hurt you… The things I said… They were inexcusable. But, Meg… I love you. You need to see that… I'm begging you to see that.' He pleaded, sitting down next to her. She leant against him, closing her eyes.

'You shouldn't.' she whispered.

He groaned, knowing what she meant straight away. Meg Masters did not want to be loved because she didn't think she deserved it. But he knew better.

'You taught me that not all demons are the same and that sometimes, Heaven is wrong, and Hell is right. Both sides have spent so long-.' He began, but she cut him off, shaking her head with sour amusement.

'I don't care about them. Heaven, Hell. It's all bullshit. They don't matter. Not anymore.' She growled.

The tension was suffocating for a while as they sat in silence, neither of them knowing what to say. Castiel rested his chin on top of her head, his fingers combing gently through her hair as he attempted to soothe her. She would never admit that she was hurting, or that she was afraid, but he knew. It was practically radiating off of her. He just wished he knew exactly why.

'Don't do that.' She scolded, prising his hands away from her. He rolled his eyes, instead putting his hands on her shoulders and pressing a kiss to her forehead.

'Why not?' He teased, knowing that it would annoy her.

'Because we're warriors of Heaven and Hell, but yet you insist on acting like a love struck teenager.'

He laughed at that. Being compared to a teenager was not something that happened to him often, though that was probably because he was an angel of the Lord that was millions of years old. And the laugh… Well, that was unusual even for him. Only she could make him laugh like that.

'Well, that description isn't too far-fetched.' He shrugged.

'We all know you act like a teenager, Clarence. But thanks for that little reminder, because I think I almost forgot how you put cling film on the toilet last month.' She smirked, finally turning around to face him slightly so she could bury her face in his shoulder. It wasn't clear why she wanted him to comfort her, but he understood, wrapping his arms around her.

'Actually, I was referring to love struck.' He told her.

'God, you're such a sap.'

Just then, there was a knock at the door, and Castiel got to his feet to answer it, ignoring Meg's protests. She knew who was there. Those Winchesters… Couldn't even give them a moment of peace.

Dean poked his head around the door, a worried look on his face. Meg just rolled her eyes, turning back around to face the window, but Castiel called him out on it.

'What is it, Dean?' he asked, momentarily forgetting his demon who was still pissed at Dean for stealing her angel all the time. Whenever they finally got alone together, Dean would somehow find a hunt that would require Castiel's assistance.

'Demons. Hundreds of them just a couple miles from here. This isn't a battle we can win. Take Meg and go. We'll meet you at Rufus' cabin.' The hunter ordered the angel, before disappearing again. Not that that was unusual. Dean had a habit of leaving quickly before he could explain himself.

Castiel turned back to Meg.

'We'll go to Rufus' cabin, then I must face the demons on my own. Perhaps I can keep them away from you and the brothers. Will you be alright there alone with them?' he asked her, reaching out to offer his hand to her. She took it rather reluctantly, after a while of him staring at her like he would get offended if she didn't.

'Not a chance, hot wings. I can kill an army of demons with my eyes closed. You three can barely tie your shoes laces.' She teased.

The last time the Winchester's had gone off on their own, seven vampires tracked them down, so Meg had to behead those suckers and drag the trio back home where she spent several days nursing them back to health. Cas, too, since he had somehow broken his wing. It was the most degrading thing she had ever done.

'No, Meg. This is too dangerous, even for you. I won't allow the Winchesters to come, either. It's better if I do this alone.'

And that was when she saw it in his eyes. How ready he was to sacrifice himself for her, and for the brothers. It hurt more than anything, though she hid that pain behind a stoic expression.

'I know what you're doing, Clarence. You think that if you get yourself killed, it'll make up for all the shit you've done. Well bully for you. It doesn't.'

The angel frowned for a while, like he was confused about what she had said, but one he saw how serious she looked, he gave in.

'It's a start.' He said quietly.

'Bullshit! Don't you do that to me! You can't just… Leave me after everything- Everything we've been through.' She hissed.

There weren't many things that Castiel was afraid of, but Meg was one of them. He would never say no to her, not unless it was for her own safety. After all, the last time he had angered her, the poor guy had ended up tied to the roof of the house, stark naked- she had left him up there for two days and only let him down when the postman called the police.

'You talk as if it's a choice. But it's not. I have to do this.' He told her.

But that wasn't true. At least, in Meg's opinion it wasn't. She had been preparing for something like this to happen for a while, a vicious cycle of her trying to convince him to stay. Sometimes, in the imaginary situations, he did. Sometimes, she wasn't so lucky. But suddenly it was real, and she knew she'd have to play her cards right if she wanted to win that argument.

'You listen here, asshole. I died for you. You think you have to return the favour? What a load of crap. It doesn't work that way.' She hissed.

'Meg…' he sighed, reaching out to soothe her with a touch to the shoulder. Or that was what it looked like. But Meg knew the truth. He would use his grace to knock her out, and then send her to Rufus' where the brothers Grimm would tie her up and shove her in a Devil's Trap. There would be no stopping her angel then.

'And don't even think about asking me to save this world without you. I won't. It can burn.' She said, dodging his hand and backing away from him slightly, towards the wall.

He shook his head, taking a step towards her. She suddenly felt very small as he got closer, and she closed her eyes with regret as she realised that she had allowed herself to become cornered.

'I would never ask you to do that. I wouldn't ask you to do something I couldn't do myself. Sam and Dean will save as many people as they can throughout their lives. They'll be fine without me. And you… You can have a better life. If there's anything left of my old garrison, they won't bother you again once you stop consorting with my kind. Everything will be as it should.' He explained.

Meg snorted.

'A better life? Castiel, this is my life! I chose Earth. I chose you. There's nothing else here for me. If you leave… I'll just have to go back to Hell, and trust me, I don't fancy going back to that shit hole again. But hey, it's okay. Castiel is sending me there because he wants me to have a better life, so I guess that's justified. You're chasing death, sugar.'

The angel grabbed her by the waist then, pulling her against him with hands tight on her hips like a vice. She could have gotten away easily, he knew that, but for some reason she didn't. It wasn't clear why, but perhaps it was because she was afraid to let go.

'I would never send you back to Hell, and I'm not chasing death, but I would give my life to save any one of you. There's no point to prove, no making up for the past. It's as simple as protecting the ones you love. You did it for me. Don't ever expect that I wouldn't do it for you. I already have.' He told her, unable to look away as they gazed into each other's eyes. She looked as though she wanted to kill him, but still. It was probably the most romantic he was ever going to get her.

'I hate you. If you go now, if you walk out that door, and by some miracle you survive, then you don't come back. I won't forgive you.' She whispered, voice filled with venom.

'Meg, come on. You're being irrational-.' He began.

'No! You don't get to accuse me of being irrational. You're the one choosing to sacrifice yourself at the first opportunity!' She yelled.

He groaned, pushing her back slightly so he could look at her properly. She was shaking with anger, frowning up at him like one wrong move would cause her to rip his throat out with her bare hands. In fact, he had seen her do that to a werewolf once, when they assisted the boys on a hunt. Although, now he thought back to it, it was actually quite attractive.

'Because I'm not important! This life is over for me! It doesn't have to be for you.'

Unfortunately for him, he didn't anticipate the sharp slap around the face that he received for that, and so it sent him stumbling backwards, though not far enough for Meg to be able to slip past him. After all, she was still terrified that he would use his grace to send her to Rufus'.

He should've been scared of her at that moment. But the only thought going through his mind was, 'God, I'm going to marry this woman.'

'You are my life, you stupid bastard. And you're important to me!'

He could have replied. He could have fought her again. But instead, he did the only thing he could think of. Castiel hooked his arms around her waist once more and pulled her against him, kissing her far more passionately than he ever had before. She kissed back for a while, enjoying the feeling of his hands tangling in her hair, and the feeling of being able to forget. But when she remembered, it was a different story. Pulling back, she shook her head at him, using the back of her hand to angrily wipe her mouth.

'No. Don't try and distract me. This is serious.' She groaned, though she didn't step away, and instead she rested her forehead on his shoulder.

'I know.' He whispered, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and resting his chin on the top of her head.

They were both quiet for a moment. Meg because she was trying to calm down and resist killing him, and Castiel because he honestly didn't know what to say.

Eventually, though, it was the demon who spoke first.

'You can't go.' She mumbled, feeling more vulnerable than she ever had before.

Castiel sighed.

'You know I love you, Meg.'

The demon growled lowly under her breath, pulling away to go and sit back in the window once more. He stood by her one more time and squeezed his eyes shut in pain before placing his hands on either side of her head and pressing a kiss to her lips. It was soft, gentle, and with nowhere near as much urgency, but there was something about it that made her fight hard to resist a smile.

'I love you,' He told her quietly, before turning around to walk out the door.

'And I'm sorry.' He added.

'Shove your apologies up your ass, angel.' She murmured.

Accepting that that would be the only form of goodbye he would get from her, he turned around and was just about to leave when she suddenly spoke up one last time.

'I… Um… I love you too, though. In case you were wondering.'

And hearing those words gave him all the confidence he needed to leave.