Twenty-fifth Entry
Operation 'Catch that Cactuar that looked at me wrong' was a bust. Sahz decided he needed to show a small cactuar who was boss. What resulted was a dance-off gone horribly wrong where Sahz's pride was the only casualty. Getting hit by the thousand needle attack didn't help either, but that's neither here or there. Seeing this, Lightning and Fang thought my well for intelligent male role models was running sort of dry and took it upon themselves to teach me how to become a more efficient man. Not that I needed help in that Department. I almost killed a man. Snow can back me up since he was the intended victim.
But I understood their point when they threw me at a pack of wild wolves and told me to fight them barehanded. I ended up climbing a tree because real men climb trees to avoid being thrashed and mauled to death. The wolves snarled and snapped at me as I cried. Getting pelted by rocks from Fang in the hopes of making my grip slip off the bark didn't help either, but that's neither here or there. Seeing this, Snow decided to come to my rescue only to be told by Lightning that the stone Cie'th nearby needed more help and that I was fine on account that my screams only made my situation better and not worse.
Snow left without question.
I'm officially out of male role models.
Getting trained to be a better man only got worse from there. Fang wanted to throw me at any wild beast she saw. She took away my boomerang and forbade me from using my magic or my summon. She said that fighting ferocious animals barehanded would not only make me stronger, but more manly. She's a bad liar. The only thing I built while fighting these beasts was my stamina from all the running I did. It didn't help that she insisted on pelting me with rocks while I tried to fight a pissed off Behemoth from the safety of another tree. She said it was to help build character. Yeah right. I'd believe her if she wasn't trying to catch her breath in between hysterical bouts of laughter.
Lightning's training was a bit better. I used the power of cute to look as pathetic and beaten down as possible after my training with Fang. It sort of helped. Instead of forcing me to fight wild animals, Lightning forced me to do a thousand pushups. I was already in tears by my tenth one when she decided to place her foot on my back to keep me from pushing up. Lightning is everything I both admire and fear in a person, so her foot on my back was either a sign she wanted me to get better or a sign that she thought I was as pathetic as a worm. Fang came up and told her that she was going a bit too hard on me.
I should've dodged rolled away from them the moment Fang opened her mouth. Lightning didn't think it was any of Fang's business and before I knew it they were arguing. I didn't want my friends turning on each other over something petty so as I man I decided to do something about it.
I watched.
Snow thought it was awesome that I got two hot girls fighting over me. But I don't think it's cool at all. Fang decided that using her Eidolon was the be all and end all to solving all her arguments. Someone needs to talk to her about using her words to solve her problems.
I gotta go. I've been sitting on top of this boulder for the past hour or so waiting for the pack of wild dogs that chased me lose interest. They're asleep right now so I should probably take that as a sign to escape.