I was never a scarecrow 3

Part 1: YSEMF Ch 65

Part 2: YSEMF Ch 69

"Please tell me you're joking," Harry begged.

"Why?" Potter asked.

"Because that wanker Lockhart was a complete fraud!" Ron exploded.

"Well, yeah," Potter agreed readily, much to the trio's surprise. "In defense he's completely useless, or at least he was, but there are three areas in which he is an expert. He is a master at memory spells, not just obliviate, he is extremely skilled in glamours and related spells, but most importantly... he knows how to shape public opinion."

"He used to be?" Hermione asked curiously.

"All it took was half an hour of instruction on tactical uses of illusions and memory spells and the man became someone you wouldn't want to cross wands with," Potter said with a grin. "It was like the old wive's tales of the fae, you couldn't trust your senses or even your memories. How do you duel someone that makes you forget you are even in a duel?"

"But the man was a complete tit!" Hermione complained, making everyone laugh.

"He could be," Potter agreed readily. "But his help in dealing with my unwanted fame was brilliant. He told me my name was Harry Potter, but that there was an image of me called The Boy Who Lived that was projected everywhere I went that I had to deal with, but since it was an illusion of me, I could make it whatever I wanted."

"Huh," Harry said as he thought about it. "Did that actually work?"

"To everyone but Ron Weasley," Potter said with a shrug. "I wasn't a Gryffindor which made me a traitor somehow, his little sister started following me everywhere, and I had to use parseltongue to rescue a Puff from a snake during a dueling exhibition, so as far as he was concerned I was a dark wizard responsible for everything bad in the world."

"The Chamber of Secrets was opened," Harry said with a sigh, recalling his own second year.

"Yeah," Potter agreed. "Malfoy was running his mouth as usual, a boy stalking me with a camera was petrified, as was Peeves and the Weasley Twins, which somehow convinced Ron I was targeting his family for him speaking out about me being evil."

Ron groaned, "the other me is an idiot."

"Other than that I had a pretty good year," Potter said with a sigh, "at least to start. I made an actual friend who thought the Boy Who Lived illusion was amusing but preferred to spend time with Harry Potter."

Ron shivered and rubbed his arms. He'd almost lost his little sister in that mess and wasn't looking forward to hearing about a world where he had lost her. He silently gave thanks once more to Harry for being his friend, being too embarrassed to say it aloud.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Dobbins sat in an easy chair, and watched a wall of octagons that showed a complete panoramic view of the room where Harry was, from a spot just a couple of feet above his head. It took some getting used to, but laid flat against the wall they made it impossible to sneak up on his charge without his knowledge.

A pale form floated through the wall. "Dobbins, I would like to see if we could locate my local self's ghost."

"Yes, miss," Dobbins replied and watched as the view from the wall shifted, showing the halls of Hogwarts as he searched for places the young ghost would haunt.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"I was perfectly happy not to be involved in whatever was going on that year and spent my time studying or flying with her. First years weren't allowed brooms and she loved to fly, so she helped me with my maintenance duties, which grew to encompass all the quidditch teams' equipment," Potter explained.

"I'm surprised you could stand to be around bludgers after nearly getting killed by one," Hermione said.

"It was even worse than that," Potter said. "My cousin Dudley found out what had happened from Madam Pomphrey, who'd stopped by to make sure my Aunt knew not to let me injure myself since falling stones had crushed half my body and even with magic I needed time for my bones to strengthen back up, so he decided to 'cheer' me up by making me watch the entire Phantasm series."

"I've never heard of it," Hermione said when her two best friends turned to her to find out what it was.

Potter chuckled. "It's a series of horror movies where little flying balls go around killing people," he explained.

"What are horror movies?" Ron asked.

"A scary play," Hermione explained. "That would have made it even worse."

"It did," Potter agreed. "Fortunately I had a friend who knew just what to do. She made me learn everything there was to know about bludgers and made me come up with as many variations and additional uses as I could."

"Knowledge banishes fear," Hermione quoted something she'd once read.

"Worked like a charm," Potter agreed cheerfully. "It let me concentrate on my work once more and gave me time to work on side projects, like 'what kind of fruit do Phoenix like best', and 'what are the limits on expansion charms'."

"And you didn't feel compelled to find out what was attacking everyone?" Hermione asked.

"Didn't you hear that insane voice in the pipes talking about killing and eating people?" Harry asked before Potter could answer.

"I trusted Dumbledore to solve it," Potter said. "And what voice?"

"The Basilisk traveled through the pipes and was always muttering to itself," Harry explained.

"I was never around when it was, I guess. Unless I was eating or in classes I could be found in the tower, on the Pitch, or at the library," Potter said with a shrug.

"So what happened?" Ron asked.

"Ginny Weasley turned up missing, your other self blamed me, Peeves and the Twins get petrified, and there was talk of closing the school," Potter said.

"And that's when you decided to act," Harry said knowingly.

"No, that's when I got detention for breaking Ron's nose when he attacked me," Potter said, causing Ron to groan and smack himself in the head. "Your Ron seems a lot smarter than the one I had to deal with," Potter noted.

"I try," Hermione said with a sigh, causing Harry and Ron to stare at her for a second before bursting out in laughter as she grinned at them.

Potter shook his head and chuckled. "The most I was involved was dealing with a rogue house elf who kept giving me cryptic clues and trying to drive me off."

"Dobby," the trio chorused just as the elf showed up with plates full of food.

"What?" Dobby asked.

"Just sharing my story and how Dobbins tried to save me from Malfoy's plot in my second year," Potter explained.

"Dobby was a bad elf," Dobby admitted.

"A poor servant maybe," Potter conceded, "But it showed my Dobbins to be a great person."

Dobby perked up and started laying out lunch for the group; butterbeer, milk, juice, sandwiches, and fresh fruit.

"Thanks, Dobby," everyone said, though Ron's was muffled through half a banana.

"I was in detention when I found out she was dead," Potter said. "I did not take it well."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Harry stepped into the broom shed where the school brooms were kept. He'd expanded the interior til it was the size of a classroom, with one of the Professor's help, giving him plenty of space inside for his own projects. A pair of hollow iron balls, big enough to ride in, were set against the wall, along with a dozen fist sized models he'd experimented with.

Flying on a broom was fun, flying inside a giant disillusioned bludger was even funner. He'd based them on Tie Fighters from Star Wars, which Dudley had also made him watch, since it 'kicked some serious arse and only a complete pansy doesn't like it'. Occasionally, very occasionally, Dudley was alright.

Drawing his wand he shrunk them both down to the size of a watermelon and had to pause and catch his breath before activating the enchantments placed on them. Harry stalked out of the broom shed with the balls following him, a barely visible distortion in the air marking their positions behind him.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"How'd you find out where the Chamber of Secrets was?" Hermione asked curiously.

"I didn't," Potter admitted. "I tore holes in the walls where the attacks occurred and found a number of hidden entrances to the castle's plumbing. Realizing that had to be the answer, I entered the pipes and followed the ones that showed signs something enormous had gone through it."

The three just stared at him.

"I'd have taken the castle apart brick by brick if I had to," Potter said. "She was dead, and that meant so was the one responsible, that's all there was to it."

"Good on you," Ron said fiercely before hiding behind a sandwich, wanting Voldemort to pay for trying to kill his sister all over again.

"How'd you guess it was a Basilisk?" Hermione asked.

"Didn't," Potter said. "It was only Hogwarts' nudging things that caused people to end up looking at reflections and through ghosts and such rather than all of them dying, so I had no clue what I was facing."

"Hogwarts?" Harry asked.

"It's not sentient like we are, but it does have some form of will," Potter explained. "Basilisks aren't known for petrifying things because they don't, they simply kill. The castle's wards allowed her to influence and lessen the effect."

"That makes so much sense," Hermione said.

"She may have been a bit peeved at my making holes in her walls, but she was really pissed at something killing her students," Potter said. "I discovered a dying Ginny Weasley, an insane fifth year student, and a really big snake. The fifth year laughed and announced she was dead before sic'ing the snake on me, or rather attempting to because the snake's brain was leaking out its non-existent ears at that point and before he could react, I reduced the idiot to a bloody smear."

"How?" Hermione demanded.

"Fuck you, that's how," the Harrys chorused.

"That phrase is going to drive me mad," Hermione complained.

"The Unspeakables weren't fond of it either," Potter admitted. "But they found enough down there to keep them busy until school was back in session and except for some checks by Dumbledore to make sure I wasn't... I never did find out what, but it made him happy. Anyway, that was the end of my second year and the death of my-"

"Harry!" a blonde haired third year yelled as she entered the room. "I have breasts!" Grabbing Potter's head she smooshed it into her chest.

"Luna?" the trio chorused in shock, as she released the stunned wizard.

"Luna?" Potter said staring into her eyes.

"I went to meet myself and it turns out I'm alive," Luna explained.

Everyone waited, but it became apparent that was all she was going to say.

"How?" Potter asked in wonder.

Luna smirked. "Fuck you, that's how."

Hermione and Luna burst out laughing at the look on his face and were quickly joined by the others.

"OK, that is annoying," Potter admitted before grabbing Luna and hugging her tightly.

"Can we go play with your balls?" she asked. "You haven't played with them since I died."

"It's no fun playing with them alone," Potter said letting her go. "We'll have to wash them first though, they're a bit dirty."

"We can use Myrtle's bathroom she won't mind," Luna said dragging him off by the hand.

"You're a complete pervert," Hermione told Harry as the three just sat there.

Harry opened his mouth to defend himself and then closed it again after a second. "Yeah," he agreed.

Typing by: Abyssal Angel