Chap 16

After Elaine left, Erik fell backward into the bed, hoping to disappear into the oblivion of sleep, but he got up immediately. The stale scent of alcohol and the scent of musky perfume were still on the sheets. He turned around and ripped the sheets off angrily with his good hand. As he did that he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. To be honest, he did look rather frightful at that moment. His angry, hurt eyes were intense and the scowl on his face just accentuated his deformity. His hair was a stringy mess around his face, his clothes were unkempt. He grabbed the vase Angelique had threatened him with, held it in his shaking hand, intending to hurl it into the gilded mirror at the beast he saw before him.

Despite his urge to destroy the mere sight of himself, he did not want to destroy the property of his gracious hosts. His hand loosened, the vase rolled of the bed onto the carpet with a thud.

He turned his eyes away from the truthful plate of glass and grabbed at his hair, eyes wincing, his mouth opening in a tortured, silent scream. He turned his tightly wound body into the bed and curled into a ball on the bare mattress and rammed his injured arm into the headboard just to make it hurt, to distract his mind from the thoughts in his head that were more painful.

A monster. An animal. Not fit to touch, to be loved. How can I be sure that Elaine does not feel the same way, deep inside? How do I know that she is not just tolerating me, bearing my awful appearance? How Elaine, her father, or Nate could stand to be around me is such a mystery to me. This is true: they are workers of the healing arts. It is their job to show no deference. They treat me with such kindness because I am a patient of theirs.

A wave of sad realization washed over him.

So that is it. I am just a patient to her, something to heal and send on its way. That must be it. She is too beautiful a woman, inside and out, to show any favor to a beast like me.

Within the last twelve hours, he had sensed things within himself that were disturbing. There, he felt the inklings of a deep, burning hatred, a tendency for rage, and a familiarity with committing brutality. Those characteristics were contrary to the man he wanted to be, especially around Elaine. He knew that when his memory returned, he would find the origins of those feelings, and many other dreadful things.

No, I cannot let Elaine be with that type of man. I have to protect her from it; even if I have to protect her from myself. How can I? Oh God, I have started to fall for her. A sweet woman, a sweet love, unobtainable.

He began to weep in earnest. A nagging sensation, a faint wisp of a memory invaded his thoughts.

Why do I feel like I have been here before?

A little voice inside his aching head began to invade his thoughts. It was his rational side, the side hanging onto survival, the side that had been desperately trying to pull him away from Angelique.

Erik, you damn fool. With the way you look, you must develop some thicker skin, or else you might as well just shove the dagger in your heart and end it now. Don't let every idiot with an opinion rattle you. And stop wallowing in your own self hatred. There will be enough people who will hate you for no good reason, even though they may take some liberty with your loins. Don't join them in their ridicule. Your past is tucked away right now; somewhere you can only see glimpses of it. Looks horrible, does it not? Leave it there, hidden, unseen. Create new memories. Start fresh, build a new man. You have much work to do. Get up off your pathetic ass.

He could be so honest and cruel with himself. It came from spending an entire life alone to reflect, he suspected. He stretched out on the bed and breathed.

Anger, directed properly, can cure inaction. Directed poorly, it can also destroy. Use your emotions wisely Erik, they are powerful, powerful things.

A strong knock broke the silence in the room.

"Hello, Erik. It's me, Nate," said the familiar voice outside his door.

Erik growled a little for the intrusion, because he felt he was finally just beginning to make some sense within his own mind. He was actually glad it was Nate.

Oh yes, I did ring the bell to call someone. Now I can see how it works. That is good to know.

"Come in Nate." Erik said, sitting up. He was still visibly upset, but the swift kick in the rear that he had given himself was working nicely.

"You rang?" Nate said with a smile as he opened the door widely. Nate's eyes swept the room and took inventory of the mess. He looked at the unkempt version of Erik on the bed. The door shut quickly behind him and one eyebrow rose in curiosity. "I heard some shouting earlier. Would you mind explaining to me what happened?" he said crossing his arms.

"Nothing, Nate. Nothing today, at least." Erik said. Nate shot him a glance before picking up the pillows on the floor.

Nothing, indeed. The man looks like someone hit him and ran away.

"The gals were having a little private affair last night. They often get a bit tipsy together when Angelique comes to visit, and tend to get a bit loud. I hope they did not keep you up last night. " Nate was trying to urge Erik to talking.

"No, just Angelique," Erik said, answering truthfully. "Let's just say, I had a couple of run-ins with your Tigress; last night and this morning." The effect of his statement was unintentional, but priceless. The expression on Nate's face was one mischievous interest. Even in his despair, it still made Erik want to laugh out loud.

God bless you Nate. You are just what the doctor ordered for my aching soul this morning. So, am I going to ease your curiosity? Ride the innuendo out for a while, even if it is a farce? Actually, in a way, what I insinuated was not a total lie.

But he would never tell Nate, or anyone, about the occurrences of the evening.

"Are you alright now?" Said Nate, with a terrible attempt to hide a smirk.

"None the worse for wear." Said Erik, trying hard to continue the charade.

"I see that. She can be a bit harsh, I hear." said Nate, his eyes smiling.

"Yes she can." Erik's smile faded. "It's not like you think." He could not continue with the false pretense.

Nate noticed the change in Erik's demeanor immediately. It was as if a shade had been pulled. For once, Nate held his tongue; he walked over to sit on the bed in an uncomfortable silence, looking periodically at Erik. Erik was silent, with a mist of gloom over his downcast eyes.

I can only imagine what she did to you. She is gentle on the eyes, but can be a danger to the heart.

"You can talk to me about it when you feel up to it, Erik." Nate said as he got up and moved towards the bathroom. Erik looked up at Nate. Nate he just met, but somehow, he trusted him. For some reason, he felt he could trust Nate with his life.

"You know Nate, for a few precious days, without my memories to remind me, I was almost able to forget…this," Erik said, motioning to his face. "Everyone I have met thus far here, every one, all treated me as if I was a normal human being. I don't believe how wonderful you all have been. Something tells me I have never experienced such kindness like this from strangers. For the briefest moment, I allowed myself to think that I could be just like everyone else. Until Angelique just reminded me. I am not normal. That is just a dream, and my life the nightmare. I dread my past, Nate." Erik cast his eyes down, unable to say more.

What a bitch. Nate thought, his heart breaking at hearing Erik speak.

"Don't listen to whatever that wretched woman said. You are a normal human being, flesh and bone and when you are hurt, you feel pain." Nate placed a solid hand on his shoulder. "We all have strengths and weakness, even Mrs. Perfect. For instance, not everyone can play the piano like you. With one arm no less. I have to admit though; you do look a little bit scruffy right now. But not so unusual for what you have been through. How does a nice warm bath sound to you?"

"I suddenly feel quite disgusting, Nate. I will take you up on the offer. It sounds like a fine idea." Erik answered.

After preparing the bath, Nate carefully took the splints off Erik's arm and leg.

"Dr. Conrad trained me in the more technical aspects of medicine. He taught me a few things so I could assist him more readily when brought me here from Paris to practice here in Capellen. I was just but a boy back then…"

Erik got lost in Nate's incessant banter, which was actually quite comforting to him now. He half listened to Nate and let his mind wander. Even though he enjoyed the time spent with Elaine and craved her closeness, it was difficult for him to be around her on a deeper level. She commanded his entire concentration, and stimulated him on an emotional level as well as physically and mentally. With Nate he could just exist.

Nate helped Erik gingerly lower himself into the hot bath. He had to be particularly aware of his injured arm and leg, which were now without the protection of the splints. Under the water, the partially healed bones were supported. The sensation was divine. Cold, aching joints were loosening, and his skin welcomed the slight burn of the hot water. As Erik was melting into the waters, Nate unceremoniously shoved soap and a washcloth into his chest.

"You have to do this part. I was never real good with the bathing people thing. Now, if you were a woman that would be a different story." Nate chuckled.

"No thank you, I'll take it from here." Erik smiled, despite his low mood.

Nate placed a stack of towels within reach of the tub. "I have to get some replacements for your splints, and some other clothes. Real ones, not just pajamas. That will go far in making you feel better. Are you going to be alright for the next twenty minutes or so?"

"Yes, fine. And thank you for everything, Nate." Said Erik.

"Ah, it's nothing. What are brothers for?" Nate said in his jolly tone, getting up to leave.

"Pardon? I don't know what you mean." Erik fixed his eyes on Nate.

"Brothers? We are blood brothers, you and I." He smiled. "When you were injured that night, you needed blood, so I gave you a transfusion. My blood runs through your veins now, my friend. See here?" Nate pulled up his sleeve to show the scar the rather large needle had left in the crook of his arm. Erik was speechless for a second. The words 'my friend' hit a chord within him.

"So therefore I owe you my life. I am forever in your debt, Nate." Erik stared at Nate, touched at how a perfect stranger would give him such a precious gift.

"Whoa, whoa, slow down. We must give credit where it is due. It was Elaine who kept you alive, I just helped. She stayed by your side night and day until you regained consciousness. She was so worried about you." Nate smiled, remembering the tenderness with which Elaine treated this scarred, injured stranger. It was as if her will kept him alive.

"Yes. She has done her job and taken care of this patient quite well." Erik said, with a touch of bitterness, looking away sadly. Nate laughed a big belly laugh. Erik looked up at him, a little perturbed at the laughter.

"Oh, that is rich, Erik." Nate said, continuing to laugh softly. He stopped when he saw Erik's serious expression. "You don't see it, do you?" Erik shook his head, becoming more confused by the second. Nate walked over to the tub and squatted, resting his two big forearms on the edge of the tub.

"If you are just a patient, Erik, I am just a lowly stable boy."

Back in Angelique's room, the women's conversation continued.

"Oh, yes. I think I saw what you mean. Frustration." Said Angelique. That was the first thing she thought about upon awakening and seeing Erik in the context of the state of the bed. After the projectiles and insults, of course. "I thought I just was sensing a bit of inexperience on his part." Elaine's jaw dropped.

"What? And how would you know about that?"

"Listen Elaine, as God as my witness, I swear upon the Sisterhood: I do not remember doing anything to him in any way. There is also no evidence, physically on my part, that anything happened. I asked him point blank. He denied it. I don't remember anything at all. Besides Elaine, I would never hurt you intentionally. You have to believe me. Elaine," Angelique insisted.

"Then answer me! How do you know about his experience or lack thereof as you have suggested?" She attacked.

"Oh please Elaine, I can practically smell a virginal man a mile away. I don't need to touch them," Answered Angelique, tossing her hair behind her shoulder. Elaine grunted. If it was anyone who could actually smell a male virgin, it was Angelique. It was like a sixth sense. Elaine flopped down on the bed next to her friend.

"Damn it. He won't tell me if anything happened," Elaine said, a little miffed. "I know what you can be like, even after drinking enough liquor to drop a horse."

Angelique walked over to her belongings and pulled out a little apothecary's box. The box and the knowledge of how to use the medicinals inside were a gift from her late mother, a Gypsy Healer, a Drabenhgy. The knowledge these women possessed were legendary, dangerous, and deadly. She opened it and looked at Elaine

"We have ways to make him talk. Just slip him a little of this," she held up a vial with brown powder "and he will tell you anything you want to know. It's the least I can do." She said, acting more like her old seductive self.

"I am not going to drug him, Angelique." Elaine said, handing her back the vial after a brief hesitation. Elaine was ashamed at herself for actually thinking about it for a split second.

"Really? As you wish. Oh, and you should take my supply of this. Just as a precaution, my dear." Angelique handed her a bag with ground herbs and seeds. "Just seep a teaspoon in hot water, lots of sugar and eat the dregs. You remember the drill, don't you?"

Elaine realized what it was. It was the gypsy tea that was used to render a woman temporarily infertile. Elaine had used this concoction in her heyday, during her exploits with Angelique. Angelique had been using it for years with no ill effects, and no children.
Elaine stared at the bag, confused.

"Why do you think I would need this?" Elaine suddenly realized all the references that Angelique had been making all morning about her and Erik. "Angelique, what the hell did I tell you about him last night?"

"And you were mad at me for not remembering. Oh, my dear, we must talk. I remember our conversation quite well." said Angelique, shaking her head, putting her arm around Elaine's shoulder.