I really wanted to get this up yesterday but it was my mom's birthday so I could only get part of it written. But two updates in two days is still pretty good!
Chapter 61
"This is hardest part of initiation." Tobias announced to the initiates. "If you think that your current rank means anything, think again. This is your clean slate." He added mostly for the lower ranking initiates.
The initiates murmured among themselves. They were obviously nervous. Who wouldn't be? The top initiates just found out that everything they've done so far means absolutely nothing. They could end up factionless after all.
"This is the hardest part because you only get one chance." I elaborated. "The Fear Landscape holds all of your fears. The average amount of fears ranges between ten and fifteen. You'll get a taste of what it's like today. But tomorrow you'll go through your own, in front of all of Dauntless. Including the leaders, who will actually be able to see your fears as you go through them."
"That's not fair!" an initiate exclaimed, which was followed by nods of agreement from the rest of the group. "Our fears are personal! They have no right in doing so!"
"So you're saying that Candor initiation is better?" I inquired. "Where they give you truth serum and make you spill all your deepest secrets to everyone?"
I took their silence as a sign that they agreed with me. Yeah, Dauntless can be unfair, but there are things in life that are worse than sharing your fears with a handful of people. It's not the most ideal thing to do. I know that first hand. The leaders saw that I was afraid of intimacy; and Tobias was in the fear.
"You will be going through a Dauntless born leaders landscape. Uriah has set up the system so that you only see one of his fears." Tobias told them. "For some of you, these fears will not affect you, but for others, they will become your own. That is why this is not always the best way to judge all of you. It may be easy today, but tomorrow, it will be different. Don't judge your confidence on how you do today."
"You may ask questions now, if you have any."
"How long does it take?"
"That depends on how long it takes you to lower your heart rate. The faster you do that, the higher your rank is." I answered.
"What is the lowest amount of fears anyone has ever gotten?"
"Four." Tobias said nonchalantly. Though he played it off as nothing, the initiates immediately established the connection. It was obvious to them that four fears are unheard of. They could probably name at least ten things they were afraid of right off the top of their heads.
No one had any questions after that. We assigned them each to a station and got them started. It was interesting to watch. Some handle their selected fear well. Others not so much. Serena, who has admitted that she is Divergent, made it out first. It didn't seem that what she got was actually one of her fears. She'll probably be ranked first tomorrow. It makes me nervous for her, because the Divergents are still being hunted down. Jeanine still has followers out there. If her results fall into the wrong hands, Serena would be in danger.
One by one, the rest of the initiates finished. We let them have the rest of the day to themselves. They couldn't really prepare, but they could get some rest and just relax. This could be the last time that they had some quality time with each other.
"This is one of my favorite days." Tobias confessed after everyone had gone. "It goes by fast and then I get to spend some quality time with my wife."
I let him gently press his lips to mine. "Well, due to the morning I've had, the rest of the day will consist of hanging out at Christina's with Carter and then sleeping. You can come to if you'd like." I suggested, holding back a laugh. "I know Will is going be there."
"I am not going to go for Will." Tobias remarked. "But I will go for Carter. I call holding her first!"
I laughed. Tobias was a sucker for that baby. It's hard to believe that he could be so gentle with something. He looks like such a manly man. It's good that none of his fears include babies. Now that I thought about it, he hasn't gone through his Fear Landscape in a while. I wonder if anything has changed since he last checked it.
"Alright," I said. "You can hold her first. You don't need permission. But if she gets fussy you're handing her over."
"Agreed." Tobias said right away. He did not like it when Carter cried.
-Page Break-
So far I haven't been very impressed with any of the initiates. About seven have gone, and they were all pretty slow. The lowest amount of fears so far has been twelve. Serena was about to go up. I sat up and began to pay attention; which was somewhat hard because Carter was yanking strands of my hair.
I looked her in the eyes and gently grabbed her hands. "Stop, baby. Please. Mommy is trying to watch."
Mommy? Where did that come from?
My efforts to keep her hands away failed. I just sighed and directed my eyes back to Serena. She was doing fairly well so far. It was hard to figure out what she was afraid of.
Until she hit a rough spot. At this point, I figured that she was on her ninth or tenth fear. She paused for a split second and then just collapsed. All of the leaders stood up in surprise. She was on her hands and knees, just sobbing. She reached out in front of her then yanked her arm back as if she was getting burned.
In that moment, I wished I was a leader. I wanted to see what was affecting this girl so much. For her to do so well, and then end up blowing it on the last fear, it must be a pretty big thing.
She spent almost half of her time on that one fear. Due to that, she ended up getting third. Some Dauntless born placed first and the initiate Brandon placed second. Uriah ended up leading her out of the pit after she had finished so she didn't get to see how she finished overall.
After congratulating the successful initiates, I sought out Jessie, the number one ranked initiate last year. I haven't seen much of her lately, but that's because she's been busy with her training. Right away I found the pale ginger hair of my friend and I called out to her.
When she saw me, she gestured for me to follow her out into a quieter area.
Once we were alone I opened my mouth to speak, but Jessie beat me to it.
"You want to know what happened to Serena."
"I know you can't tell me what the actual fear was." I said. "I just want to know if it was really that bad. She just collapsed. If that hadn't happened then she would've been first."
"Do you remember the fire a few years ago that torched nearly half of the fields in Amity?" She asked. I nodded. "Well it had everything to do with that. It was really bad and that girl is probably one of the bravest people in Dauntless. I don't know the whole story, but it was pretty obvious. It's hard to imagine the full extent of what she went through."
"The Amity fire killed quite a few people. If she lost her family in it, then her fear was probably about them." I concluded.
Jessie nodded, letting me know that I was on the right track. "Let's just say that she had a pretty big family. She was the oldest."
I thanked Jessie for the information and left to find Tobias. When I told him what I knew, he just shook his head. He knew what it was like to suffer. Tobias suffered a longer and more physical trauma, but losing your entire family at once was a type of pain I wouldn't wish on anyone.
-Page Break-
*3 Weeks Later*
I woke up because of nausea, just like I have every day this week. I was starting to get worried. Knowing me, I was probably deathly ill. It was either that, or I was pregnant. And if I turned out to be pregnant, I'd be pissed.
When I informed Christina of this she insisted on taking me to the infirmary. She hoped that I was pregnant, especially since her and Will were trying again.
"I don't want to be pregnant Christina!" I whined.
"Oh yes you do Tris." Christina said. "You know that you want another baby."
"Not now!" I protested. "I wanted to wait at least a year. I suffered a lot when I was pregnant with Carter. I almost lost her so many times that I've lost track. I'm not in a hurry to go through that again!"
"It won't be like that this time." Christina assured me as the doctor put the cold jelly on my stomach.
"You don't know that." I shot back. "With my luck it'll be worse."
"Shut up Tris." Christina barked at me. "You'll be fine. So what's the diagnosis doc? Is my grumpy friend pregnant or dying?"
Doctor Hart looked up at me and smiled. I frowned at him, knowing what he was going to say. "Congratulations Tris." He said. "You're pregnant. I'm just guessing here, but you're probably between four and five weeks."
I sat in an angry silence as Doctor Hart wiped off the jelly. Christina actually looked a little worried. "Tris? Are you alright?" she asked.
I looked at her the answered.
"I'm going to kill Four."
Watch out Tobias. Tris is coming at you. I have decided a name but if you have one that you think can change my mind feel free to let me know. This may be the last update for a while. I'm going to be on vacation and I don't really want to have to worry about updating during it. Love you guys!
~A