This chapter has been edited.

Castiel and Sam were already outside and in the Impala when Dean made it out there. He got in and slammed the door with enough force to rattle the open windows. Sam stared at his brother, wide-eyed, while Dean started the car and took off without saying a word. When he had come out Castiel saw the prominent bulge in his trousers and smirked. Of course he realized what he said the night before was upsetting Dean. He hadn't meant to, and he sure didn't want to stop what they were doing. He thought that maybe, if he told Dean, it would stir something inside the hunter and maybe help him realize that he had other feelings besides arousal and anger. He had hoped that maybe the hunter would reciprocate his feelings, but he should have realized that that wouldn't happen. Castiel stared out the window and watched the scenery fly past, letting his thoughts wander. If he was to be honest with himself, he was angry. He was angry at the hunter because Dean knew emotions, he knew feelings, he just chose not to show them. Castiel had only known these foreign emotions for a short while now, and the fact that he had come to realize something as immense as love made it all the worse when he was shot down. He had seen love, couples at a coffee shop, men and women walking down the street holding hands. He had seen the look in their eyes, like there was no one else in the world besides the person they were looking at.

He had seen that same look in Dean's eyes on occasion, when the hunter didn't think he was looking. It was short and quickly masked over by indifference, but it was there. He knew there was more than Dean would admit, he could see it in those beautiful, sad green eyes. He had caught himself staring at Dean quite a few times and, not knowing the social implications of such actions, he never thought anything of it. Then he grew emotions and suddenly he had realized that Dean would stare too. They would stare into one another's eyes in a tense silence. There had to be more that the hunter was feeling. Had to be. But when he had voiced his own thoughts, what did he get? I know. Cas scoffed in the backseat, earning a confused glance from Sam. He shook his head and the younger Winchester turned back around in the front seat. Castiel looked over at Dean, and watched his jaw tick, clenching and unclenching in a rhythmic motion. His eyes roamed over the man's face, landing on his lips. He sighed, feeling disheartened. Why did God make the most pleasurable emotions so torturous?

Before he knew it the sun had risen over the trees. He blinked into the light, unaware that he had been lost in his thoughts for so long. They pulled up to Bobby's, dust pluming behind them and pulled in between two long lines of cars, Cas vaguely wondered why Dean had parked so far away from the house.

Dean broke the silence, his voice steely. "Out."

"Dean, I-" Sam started, but was cut short by the look in the elder hunters' eyes.

"I said out." Dean opened his door and stepped out, followed by Sam and Castiel.

"Okay, now what?"

"I need to talk to Cas," his eyes flickered to the angel momentarily. "Alone." Sam put his hands up in surrender and began walking back up to the house. As soon as he was out of sight, Dean stomped over to the passengers' side of the car where Cas was standing. He stared down the angel. "Were you trying to get yourself killed?!" He yelled, voice ringing out among the cars in the dirt lot.

"No, I was making sure you were not."

Dean frowned and furrowed his brow in an expression Castiel had long come to recognize as anger. "Not what Cas?!"

"Killed." Castiel answered levelly. He stared right back into those green eyes that he had stared into so many times. The green eyes that reminded him so much of the grass in his favorite place, the eternal Tuesday afternoon of the autistic man up in heaven.

"I can take care of myself Cas, I don't need you to protect me!"

"I wasn't-" He faltered, finally glancing away from Dean's stare, and stumbling along for the words. "I wasn't protecting you." He lifted his gaze back to Dean's just as he rolled his eyes and turned his back. He began to pace, kicking up dust under his boots.

"Weren't protecting me?! Enough with the holier than thou bullcrap! I-"

"Dean-"

"-just don't get you man, first you-"

"Dean-"

"-go and tell me that crap you told me the other night then you-"

"Dean!-"

"-charge into that room like hell is on your heels, and you weren't protecting me?! That doesn't make any-"

"DEAN!"

"WHAT?!" He spun to face Castiel, arms open wide by his sides.

Castiel took a deep breath, clenching his teeth. "I was protecting myself." He finally ground out.

Dean took a step back, incredulity and confusion winning over anger for just a moment. He regained his voice and dropped his hands by his sides. "What?"

"By protecting you, I was protecting myself. If you were hurt, or worse…" he stopped, allowing the sentence to finish itself. He looked into Dean's eyes and watched them soften, if only minutely.

"Cas," he pinched the bridge of his nose and breathed in deeply. "Why did you have to tell me that the other night?"

"If I didn't say it, Dean, I'd still have felt it. Where's the sense in that?"

"Sense? Damn it Cas, we're on the edge of stopping the apocalypse! Does that mean nothing to you?!"

By this point Cas could feel the rage welling up inside him, hot anger slowly burning up his insides. He stepped closer to Dean. "Don't question my want to stop this Dean."

"Well, it seems pretty obvious to me that you don't care!"

Cas tipped over the edge, getting swept up in his own fury. "I gave up everything! And I did it, all of it, for you! And why? Because for the first time in my millennia of existence, I have had thoughts and feelings that I know are my own! Don't you dare tell me I don't care Dean, simply because you cannot handle your own emotions of 30 years!" He gasped in surprise as Dean pinned him against the black Impala, holding him by the lapels of his trenchcoat. Dean pressed his body in closer until they were touching. Dean stared deep into his eyes, pupils dilating marginally, they flickered to his lips and back up again. His grip tightened on the jacket, he leaned down, and mashed their lips together. When he opened his mouth, Cas took the hint and did the same. He felt the other man's tongue in his mouth, wet and hot, and tasting mildly of blood. They battled for dominance for a moment before Castiel let him win. He reached up to grab the soft short hair at the back of Dean's head, placing his other arm around his middle and pulled him close until there was literally no space left between them. Dean groaned into his mouth as he pulled his hands off the coat and placed them on the car behind him. Cas bit down on the lower lip softly and Dean responded by grinding against him. They pulled apart and Dean bit down on the soft skin by his collarbone, earning him a quiet moan. Cas pushed the hunter away until they were at arms' length, suddenly missing the body heat. "Dean, I can't."

"Why not?" Dean closed the space between them only to be pushed away again.

"Dean." Cas said seriously. "I just can't." He pushed past the hunter toward the house suddenly feeling cold and alone and sad. Humanity was shaping up to be exhausting.

Dean stared after the tan trench coat, only looking away when it slipped behind a row of cars. He swiped a hand through his hair and kicked the dirt, sending a fresh plume skyward. "Son of a bitch!" He shouted at the Earth. It felt like his skin was tightening around him, squeezing his life out. Without thinking, he punched the hard exterior of his baby, cursing when pain shot up his arm. He looked down at his left hand, now broken in two places, and finally allowed a frustrated tear to roll down his cheek. He wiped it off and forced himself to relax. He shook himself off, cleared his throat, and headed toward the house to bandage up his hand.