Chapter Four

Renee

I took the letter from the lawyer into my bedroom, the last thing I wanted was for Izzy to see whatever it contained. As expected it was from Charlies lawyer and said more or less what Izzy's letter had but putting the blame squarely at my door of course. That as a result of my conduct in moving as far from Forks as I had which resulted in his client being a virtual stranger to his own daughter and the letter they had received from me with the information that Isabella had asked if she could refrain from seeing her father any more as she found it too distressing he had agreed to terminate contact with Isabella but would require copies of her school reports and a letter from me with any information regarding her needs as she grew up.

Was he prepared to cough up for a computer? Or maybe a car when she got a bit older? Driving lessons certainly. This could be very lucrative and it saved me from any worry about Izzy breaking down and telling tales to her father. The letter I had sent to Charlie purporting to be from Isabella asking that he not visit her any more had worked, at least I wouldn't have to be looking over my shoulder all the time now.

Bella

When Renee came out of her room ready for a night out in a club by the look of her dress I decided to be brave and ask her about the letter.

"What did he say?"

"Who?"

"Dad, the envelope was from Seattle, it was from my dad wasn't it?"

She scowled,

"Yes, he's cutting off all contact with you now. I think he's rather bored with listening to you on the phone, you aren't exactly the life and soul of the party are you and I'm sure he has much more important things to do than spend time travelling back and forth from Forks to spend a couple of days with a snotty nosed kid. Now did you order the pizza?"

"Not yet. I'm not feeling very hungry."

"Well there's gratitude for you. If you're not going to buy pizza then I'll take the ten dollars, I could do with some money in my purse."

I wanted to say why? You never spend anything, there was always a man willing to buy you drinks for the evening but I decided I'd had enough for one day so I just handed over the ten dollars and got some cereal out of the cupboard and the remains of the milk from the fridge.

I walked to my room in a daze, my dad had given up on me? Well I guess I didn't blame him. I hardly knew what to say when he called. I was too scared of letting something slip because I knew my mum wasn't joking, she knew some very nasty people and I wouldn't put my dad in danger I loved him so much. I would miss hearing his voice and miss seeing him even more but I'd survive and one day when I was old enough I would leave my mother and go to Forks. Then I would tell him everything and beg his forgiveness. I just hoped he would understand but as my mum said he'd never had any children so he didn't know how to deal with them. That hurt too because he'd had me and I knew when I was little he loved me. There must be something wrong with me, my father was through with me, my mum didn't care about me and her friends hated to see me. What had I done that no one loved me? I sank onto my bed and felt the hot tears begin to roll down my cheeks. I felt wretched and so alone, I had no one at all, no grandparents, no aunties or uncles, no one to call my own, no family, there was just me.

I wished I had a family, parents that loved me and looked after me, encouraged me at school and took me on outings, to the pictures, to the sea, even for a day shopping but Renee always said she didn't have the time or the money. I never got new clothes or new books, I never had an allowance for treats. All I did was go to school, come home and work. Renee never did anything in the house but she threw a fit if it wasn't clean, if her clothes weren't pressed and folded in her closet and dresser. She always had new things, perfume, make up, magazines, chocolates, anything she wanted but I had to make do with whatever was around. I hated her friends because they treated me like a servant, fetch drinks, make supper, wash up, it was endless and all I wanted was to be in a normal family.

I passed the next few years in a kind of stupor, trying not to think, not to care about being unloved and unwanted. I wished I could just run away but I had nowhere to go and no money. I couldn't get a job, my mother wouldn't let me besides she had enough for me to do at home. My only escape was school and my books. I had been allowed to join the local library each time we moved because it gave Renee somewhere to send me out of the way when she had certain callers. I lived my life through the books I read and found myself wishing I had been born long ago when young girls were nurtured and cared for before being married off to rich men who loved them desperately or at least had servants who looked up to them, servants who were company to stave off the loneliness. I had nothing at all. I loved music and plays but all I had was the radio and the TV if no one else was in the house. I had to be careful though to put the radio back on Renee's favourite pop station or she went mad and the TV had to be on the shopping channel or fashion. If she found I'd left it on the travel channel or Discovery or something like that I would lose my dinner or my books or she would lash out if she'd been drinking.

I asked her for a computer to help with my homework but that fell on scandalised ears,

"You think I've got the money for luxuries like that? Your father's the one you should be sending begging letters too with me struggling like I am"

She had just opened three parcels containing perfume, a designer dress, and a new pair of shoes but didn't have the money for a second hand laptop!

"Jenny's mum bought her a new one and she said I could have her old one for fifty dollars. Couldn't I have the money my dad sent for Christmas for it?"

Slaps I was used to but a shoe swung was different and it caught me on the temple, the stiletto heel slicing into my skin and the blood dripped onto the new dress which had fallen to the floor as Renee got up too quickly. I was off school for a week and had five stitches to close the wound but it was life as usual in our house. A throbbing headache and stitches weren't going to get me out of the cooking or chores and I had to get the bloodstains out of Renee's new dress. I think that was probably my lowest point, I just wanted to curl up in bed and die. We never spoke of the incident but I never asked for anything again, I used the computers at school or at the library or brought books home to help with my homework, determined at all costs to do well at school knowing it was my only way out of the hell that was my life. I shut down when at home after that, not letting anything Renee said or did touch me any more. I tried to ignore the noises from her room at night and the procession of men that followed...it just went on and on.

Renee

Izzy seemed much more subdued after Charlie stopped ringing and visiting. He sent cards and the odd letter but most of those I just binned, she was better off without him, it would only start her thinking of maybe telling him how bad she thought her life was. I think the little accident with the shoe shocked her too, I never meant to hurt her I was just angry but it worked in my favour all the same. The money Charlie sent for the lap top went into my bank account and I wrote a short thank you letter signed Isabella along with a school photograph, that should keep him sweet. Book money helped pay for my long weekend in Las Vegas and there were a few other expenses as she got older.

Then I met Phil the baseball player and things changed for the better. He was younger than me but smitten and he took me out a few times treating me like a real lady. I kept him away from the house until I was sure he was the one, I didn't want the fact I had a teenage daughter to put him off. When I finally told him I bent the truth a little making myself look in a better light, it didn't change the way he felt about me but he made it quite clear he didn't want my baggage. Well if Izzy was going to hold me back then she would just have to go it was as simple as that. I started writing a letter Charlie explaining that I could no longer offer Izzy a home and I thought it was about time he pulled his weight where his daughter was concerned. Well it was the truth, Phil had asked me to marry him and move to Japan where baseball was becoming big business but of course it wouldn't be convenient to take Izzy. Besides, if I married again I couldn't keep touching Charlie for money now could I? And Phil couldn't be expected to pay for her upkeep and look after me and my needs. So I told Charlie that I would be sending his daughter to live with him and finish her schooling in Forks. It was a win win situation, I finally got to travel, see the world with my new and reasonably well off husband and Charlie got what he'd always wanted, his daughter living with him. As to Izzy's wishes, well she'd do as she was told but I had a sneaky suspicion she wouldn't be shedding many tears to be away from me and the compliment would be returned and if she decided to tell her father all about the way I treated her, well it was too late to do anything about it now, wasn't it?