A/N: Thank you for sticking with this story, I have loved reading all of your thoughts and comments. Updates should be more frequent now that I've finished Uni for the first year. Thanks to testship as always for reading through this for me, and to theglamourfades for checking some details that I had forgotten. Much appreciated!
Every Other Wednesday Afternoon
Chapter Three
As soon as John saw her that day, he knew something was wrong. She did not look her usual self, but after one inquiry he learned that she was just feeling a bit under the weather.
Anna thought that she might have developed a cold for the last two days, and it had reached one of the worst stages today. Her eyes were weary and lacked their usual spark, and there was a slight redness around her nose. It reminded John of the time she had been struck with a cold those years ago, the time when the fair had come to Downton and she had missed it for being confined to her bed. He remembered bringing her a tray on that occasion, but now his first instinct was to persuade her to go home.
"Typical. One of the nicest days we'll get this autumn, and I catch a cold."
John smiled at her warmly.
"I don't suppose I can persuade you to take the next bus back?"
Anna raised her eyebrow.
"Not likely," she mumbled.
John looked at her, exasperated. "I was going to suggest we took a bus to Thirsk today, but we can save that for another time."
"Oh no, we can –" Anna was interrupted as she let out a large sneeze, taking her by surprise as she shook slightly in its aftermath.
John looked at her smugly, because he had been right, although his look was still full of concern for her welfare. Had it not been for the threatening clouds that were beginning to loom over the town, John would have insisted the two of them just find a nice path to walk, but the weather coupled with the occasional sneeze that Anna had no control over caused him to make the decision.
"We can go to the teashop. You should sit down and rest."
Anna nodded in appreciation of his gesture, but the movement seemed to stir something inside her, and her head suddenly felt dizzy. She clutched his upper arm as she involuntarily staggered backwards, using her other hand as she brought it to her forehead.
"Anna…" John spoke warily, but with large concern. "I do wish you would take the next bus."
Anna shook her head defiantly. "Just need to… sit…"
"You need to sleep, never mind sit."
Anna lifted her eyes to meet his, and the idea passed unspoken between them. John seemed torn at the idea, aware of the gossip about Anna should anyone find out, but as Anna's eyes began to droop once more, his decision seemed to be made.
"Come on, come with me." John urged her.
Once he had stopped off at the Red Lion and collected an order for some soup – the middle-aged cook in the back seemed to be fond of the couple, and Anna suspected John might have mentioned their situation to her, she seemed a lot like Mrs Patmore – he led her further into the town, through the square and to an old, queer-looking shop. They had to stop a couple of times for Anna, but only for a few moments whilst she steadied herself. She really did feel exhausted. He led her down an alleyway just to the side of the shop, and when their eyes met, Anna showed her concern and confusion through a frown.
"I don't want Mrs Peters to have the wrong impression of you."
"I don't care –" Anna began, but John stopped her.
"I do."
She knew he had always considered her a lady, and that he would go to whatever lengths necessary to protect her reputation.
Therefore, Anna allowed him to lead her through a back door and up to the flat he now called his home. Well, home, maybe not. He had expressed before that wherever she was felt like home to him, and that was Downton.
He had to take hold of her arm once more when another dizzy spell swept over her, but soon she waved at him that she was just fine. John led her into his own space. Anna looked around with curiosity, but tried not to seem too nosy.
It was small. The living area that also included a kitchen was about the size of his former bedroom, and there was one other door that led to where Anna assumed to be his bedroom. She quickly looked away from that door. The settee in the centre of the room looked highly appealing at the moment, and John seemed to notice the tired and weary look in her eyes, because he touched her arm gently and motioned for her to take a seat.
"You can sit down," John explained. "Rest. I will make us some tea."
Anna nodded wordlessly, approaching the tattered settee which had been draped with a few blankets that somewhere in the back of her mind Anna recognised. She assumed he had brought them from London, the ones that his mother had sewn. They seemed to do their job of protecting the chair from further damage. She slipped off her shoes without even untying the laces and settled down. It surprised her how comfortable she felt here, in his presence and in his own personal space, that she felt able to do this. She tucked her legs beneath her body and pulled one of the thin blankets over her body. She removed the pin that kept her hat in place and put them both down on the tiny, wooden table that a few of his books were scattered across.
Anna smiled, recognising some of the titles as his favourites. He had not changed since he had left. She remembered them reading and talking about some of these a couple of years ago. Anna reached across for one of the books, a copy of poetry by Burns, and flicked through some of the pages.
For a brief, fleeting moment Anna could just imagine that this was their life. To get in from a long day of work, to settle herself down in their living room and flick through his books whilst her husband prepared them tea. Tears briefly caught in her eyes before Anna stopped herself, shaking her head foolishly. There was no time for tears now. She had shed enough of those already.
Anna turned her head and smiled as she watched John prepare their tea. He moved around the little adjoining kitchen area with a seemingly practiced ease, even without his cane. But somewhere in the back of her mind, Anna noticed that he had looked a lot more at home preparing them tea at Downton.
As though he was reading her thoughts, John turned and gave her a knowing smile, just like the ones he used to share with her. At that, Anna turned back around and closed her eyes briefly, letting the stresses of the week go as she fell further into the settee.
John continued to watch her as he simultaneously finished preparing their tea. He noticed the soup that he had collected from the pub and decided to heat it up in case Anna was feeling hungry.
He found that the scene was quite domestic. For a moment, he could imagine that this was their life, every day. That the two of them would live together as husband and wife, and when Anna was feeling under the weather, or when they had returned from a long day at work, he would tend to her every need, fussing over her like a Mother Hen until she grew tired of his smothering. John laughed as he imagined her patience finally breaking, and then smiled to himself as he imagined how he would make it up to her. He would kiss her softly, chastely, and her lips would turn into a small, disbelieving smile as her eyes held that spark which was only reserved for him. She would slap him for being a silly beggar, which would often be the conclusion of their small arguments, or more specifically disagreements.
They would rarely argue, only about little things. Only when work became too stressful for them both and they needed to let their feelings go – or when she would disagree with his growing need to smother her from the world around them. He would always feel over-protective towards her. That was where their arguments would stem from. Not like with Vera.
As his thoughts drifted to Vera, he thought about the recent weeks and about how the divorce proceedings had begun to be hurried. After their last conversation at the picnic, John had wanted to hasten the proceedings as much as possible, his heart yearning to be back with Anna and to become her husband as soon as possible. A long-worded letter correspondence to his lawyer had resulted in a little progress, but not as much as he would have liked. Vera was still stalling the process as much as possible, but his lawyer reassured John that they were slowly beginning to wear at the cracks.
John still felt guilty about leaving Anna, although she had stopped him from apologising long ago – back when she had first found him here in Kirkbymoorside. She had heard enough of his apologies, and felt that he had no reason to give them anymore. He could probably learn to forgive himself for breaking her heart, but he would never forget. And he would ensure that he spent the rest of his life making sure he never did that again, should it be within his power.
He took a huge sigh, contemplating their future. It was these Wednesday afternoons that made him feel this could all become a possibility, but at the same time their dreams would never feel so far away. These times reminded him of all the trials of the divorce and the stalling Vera had done. All he wanted was for this to be over.
John finished preparing their tea and checked the soup briefly before reaching up on top of the cupboard for a tray. He noticed that Anna had fallen quiet. The last time he looked she had been immersed in one of his books. He began to arrange the food and drink on there, and he suddenly remembered the time he had brought her a tray before when she had been under the weather.
He remembered it all fondly – it was one of the many ways he had tried to outwardly express his growing feelings and affection for her, without uttering the words and it becoming all too real because of his marriage situation. Mrs Patmore complaining about her aching feet, he preparing Anna the modest tray as the old cook smiled knowingly, drinking her tea with a wistful stare, as he scuttled around the kitchen and cut a rather large block of butter, searching outside for the right flowers – not too elaborate, but not too plain either – and then watching her face light up as he appeared in the doorway, radiant.
John smiled fondly at the memory, and noticed his heart fall as he realised he would not be able to repeat the flowers this time. Still, he thought to himself, it was something at least, and if it made Anna smile then it would all be worth it.
He turned around and carried the tray across the room to where the small settee was, Anna still resting upon it.
"Lunch is served." John announced, placing the tray down on the small table that had been left in the small flat, and then turned to face Anna.
He let out a light-hearted chuckle as he noticed her eyes were closed, and after he had gently touched her arm, realised she was sound asleep. At the movement, Anna let her head drop onto the settee edge, shuffling about in her sleep to get comfortable.
John discovered he had never been witness to a more beautiful sight.
He had seen her weary before as she would almost fall asleep in the servants' hall, and he would hear her gentle sighs as her face fell into her folded arms on the table, but he had never seen her like this. John smiled, tracing her cheek lightly with his finger tips before gently tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear, his smile broadening as she moved again, furrowing deeper into the settee. John shook his head, still smiling, and noticed the book still in her hands. He took it out of her grasp and placed it gently on the table, before he persuaded himself to get started with some small jobs he had planned for the flat this week.
He stripped his bed linen and any other laundry he needed doing for Mrs Peters, who kindly did all of that for him. He had once before argued that he could do it himself, but the older lady simply shook her head and exclaimed that it would be easy enough for her, and that he was doing her a favour living in the flat anyway. He often would help her with some deliveries in the shop downstairs if she needed the assistance, and the old lady called it fair that she helped him too.
Once he had completed that, he set to work cleaning some of the dishes he had neglected as quietly as he could, still hearing the steady breathing of Anna from the settee, knowing that she needed as much rest as possible.
He kept a watchful eye on the time, aware that she would have to catch her bus in the next couple of hours in order to be back in time to dress the girls for dinner that night.
Looking around once more, he did worry about her. She obviously worked too hard, especially if she was feeling under the weather, and unless something was said by the other staff members to Mrs Hughes, she would continue working until she tired herself out completely. But at least she could get a couple of hours rest here, John thought, smiling once more. He found himself doing that a lot more since Anna had returned into his life.
His attention was caught as Anna turned and flipped onto her other side, her face burrowing further into the back of the settee, shutting out the light. John chuckled once more, and suddenly it crossed his mind to fetch another thicker blanket to keep her extra warm. His flat was hardly well insulated. Mrs Peters had left a battered, tartan blanket in the flat when he moved in, and from experience John knew that it was warm enough.
He walked across to Anna and gently laid it across her and the other blanket she had used, tucking it around her shoulders. Unable to resist, he ran his hand down her back gently, so as not to wake her, and found his hand running over all of the knots that had accumulated in her back during the past weeks. He shook his head, and sighed briefly.
Deciding to make the most of being near Anna, John settled himself down on the floor beside her – his knee be damned – and reached across to the table to pick up the book of poetry that lay there. He flicked through a few battered and worn pages before he came to one of his favourites and read through it a couple of times before Anna flipped herself again, causing him to jump.
The movement, however, and the look of utter content on her face brought another smile to his lips. He watched her for a couple more moments, before realising the blanket had fallen from her shoulders. Gently he placed the book down beside him and moved to tuck it back around her, although the movement seemed to rouse Anna, for she sighed dreamily and stretched a little, clicking her neck in the process, and smiled, her eyes still closed.
"Whatever are you doing, Mr Bates?" She teased him.
John smirked.
"Simply admiring the most beautiful woman as she sleeps."
Anna opened one eye, fixing him with a look. "Why, who else is here?"
John gave her an exasperated sigh, before he could restrain himself no longer. He lowered his head just a little and caught her lips in a soft, but passionate, kiss that answered her question completely. When their lips broke apart, their foreheads were still touching, and he whispered to her hoarsely, "Silly girl."
Anna giggled, the sound a delight to his ears. She placed a steady hand on his shoulder before using him as leverage, sitting up slightly and removing her other hand from his cheek to rub the small amounts of sleep from her eyes. "How long was I asleep?"
"Only an hour or so, maybe a little more."
She swatted his shoulder with a frown. "You should have woken me. We rarely get to spend time together as it is."
"You were exhausted," John argued. "And you looked so peaceful. I didn't have the heart."
Anna seemed to resign herself to his response, and sighed. "I was tired."
John lifted his hand to her cheek again, moving a piece of her hair as he had done before. "Just try and get to bed earlier tonight. I know you."
"You do, do you?" Anna asked with a hint of a smile apparent even in her eyes. They were glowing, despite their growing tiredness.
"I know you will get back and want to work even harder than usual to catch up for your afternoon off."
Anna sighed and avoided eye contact with him, a sign that John took as him speaking the truth. He shifted awkwardly, his knee starting to bother him slightly, therefore he gently nudged her knee, causing her to look back up at him.
"Shift up a little." He asked her teasingly, using the small table as leverage as he got to his feet with as little embarrassment as possible.
It suddenly dawned on Anna, "I'm sorry. You should have just sat up here and woken me."
"I was hardly down here half an hour." John gave her one of those smiles that he hoped would ease her worries.
"Still…" Anna trailed off as John sat back on the settee with her, reaching over to pull the blankets over both their legs. Anna smiled at his actions, finding herself burrowing further under the blankets, revelling in the warmth that simply his body provided her with. She found herself recalling some of the cold nights they spent together in the courtyard, her snuggling underneath his jacket as she shivered under the moonlight, wanting just a few moments alone with him before they entered back into the real world.
"We should drink the tea while it's still warm."
Anna suddenly noticed the teapot and cups on the table, alongside a bowl of soup.
"I can warm up the soup later if you still want some."
Anna turned and smiled up at him, letting her hand brush over his upper arm. "You spoil me."
Before John could move again, or say another word, Anna extracted herself from the sea of blankets and poured them both a cup of tea, fixing them just the way they both liked. John liked his with quite a bit of milk, no sugar. Anna preferred hers stronger with one and a half spoons of sugar, two if she thought no one was looking. She put in two, stirred them both and handed one to John, smiling as she settled back onto the settee with hers, moving further towards his side as she stifled another yawn.
Anna finished her tea quickly, having woken thirsty from her sleep, and after she had placed the cup and saucer back on the table, she sidled closer to John, settling into his side. She was thrilled when he set his cup down too and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to his side. She rested her head on his chest, feeling its steady rise and fall as she fought the urge to close her eyes once more.
John was feeling just as content to have her at his side. He let his head drop to rest atop of hers as his hand gently brushed up and down her upper arm in a soothing manner. The scene was so peaceful, there was little noise coming from the flat but for a tune of steady breathing and often a contented sigh.
It took a lot for John to eventually break it, having attuned himself to the peaceful silence with Anna at his side for at least over half an hour. But he had wanted to speak with her today about the process of the divorce. He wanted to be able to share this with her, and previously she had expressed her wish for him to do so, and for him not to keep it to himself. She wanted him to be able to share these burdens with her. Her mother had always had a saying that to share your burdens is to halve your problems.
"I had some more letters from my lawyer this week."
He could feel Anna shift at his side, showing him that she was not asleep. However, she made no incline of moving from her position against his chest – her only movement was to bring her hand up to the other side of his chest, laying her palm flat against his shirt.
"What did he say?" Anna asked against his shirt.
John could not help but press a kiss to her head.
"That Vera is still finding a way to stall things," John began. "But that we are slowly beginning to wear at the cracks – that we might finally be getting somewhere."
At that, Anna looked up from her position and allowed her lips to curve into the most beautiful smile. An unspoken understanding passed between them, and their lips pressed together in the next second. The kiss was passionate, clumsy, searching… John found himself clutching at her arms, drawing her closer to him if that was at all possible. His tongue sought entrance from her lips, and Anna gladly complied, opening her mouth and deepening the kiss.
She could feel a familiar stirring in the pit of her stomach, a feeling that Anna was still unused to, but one that John knew all too well. He felt a dangerous stirring, and was about to end the kiss when Anna pulled away slightly, her breathing shallow and quick.
"Sorry," she mumbled, her breath hitting his face given their close proximity. "Just feel a bit light-headed still." John made eye contact with her and raised an eyebrow. Anna noticed this look and teased him, "Obviously the cold."
John gently nudged her ribs and laughed, pulling her back to his side as they were before.
"Well, given how I was beginning to feel, and where we are, I'm glad we stopped." John explained breathlessly, hearing Anna chuckle slightly as she too understood the meaning to his words. Whilst neither of them had done anything to be ashamed of, there had been a few heated moments either in the courtyard or in the grounds when the two of them had gone on a late night walk. Both of them were very aware of these feelings, and were used to feeling them.
"So Mr Lambert seems to think the process is starting to hurry?"
"He does," John let out a contented sigh, stroking her arm softly, almost teasingly, with his finger tips. Anna sighed too. "He thinks Vera is running out of cards to play. Soon she will have nothing left. And I still have proof of her adultery." Anna shifted in his arms. "Letters… between her and another man, down in London. And I have a woman, an old neighbour of Vera's, who saw a man visiting the house on a few occasions."
"You were quite the investigator in London, Mr Bates." Anna teased him, stroking his chest through his shirt. John smiled and tightened his hold around her, subconsciously telling Anna that all of that was for her; to be close to her. All of his waking thoughts and actions during his time in London were for Anna – for Anna, and his own sanity. After a silent moment of understanding, Anna spoke up again. "I am sorry. That things turned so badly with Vera. It must hurt that she slept with someone else, even if you no longer loved each other."
John sighed, and then smiled. Anna. His perfect Anna. She would always find a way to understand him, even when he had trouble doing so.
"I can hardly blame only Vera for how things ended between us. I drank too much. We both did." He might not have gone behind her back with another woman, but the bottle had consumed his life in a different way; a more testing way. When he considered the dying embers of their marriage, he would always insist that he was the one to blame. It was this realisation, when he had discovered that Vera had stolen the regimental silver, when he had decided to rehabilitate his life, and he took the blame. The silver and his prison sentence were symbolic of their disintegrated marriage.
"Stop it," Anna drew him from his thoughts. He had been silent for a good few moments. "I know how dangerous it can be to leave you alone too long with your conscience."
John smiled tiredly.
"I know you regret the things you have done. But you are a different man – a changed man. And you need to stay in the present, not just for you, but for us. I need you here."
John closed his eyes at the simple beauty of her words. The only way he could answer her properly, with justice, was to kiss her softly, and he did.
Anna accepted the kiss, although both of them stopped it from reaching the heights it had earlier on. It was a simple kiss, but full of passion and promises.
They sat, curled up together, John picking up one of his books and reading to Anna for a while as she started to doze once more, until the rather large groan from Anna's stomach caused them both to laugh out loud.
John sat up, noticing the time too. "I'll have to be getting you to the bus soon. I can re-heat the soup if you want to eat some before you go."
Anna nodded graciously, and smiled when John dropped a soft kiss to the top of her head before standing up and taking the soup to re-heat.
In the meantime, Anna pulled the blankets back around her tightly, almost as though she wanted to hide away and forget that this day – this afternoon – would eventually end. She buried herself deeper in the blankets, making the most of every second she had left here before she would go and get the bus back to Downton for another two weeks.
The next time Anna made the trip to Kirkbymoorside, two weeks later, John followed through with his original plan from the last time and proposed they took the next bus through to Thirsk for the afternoon, if for anything but a change of scenery. It was late September, the clouds had been threatening all morning and John and Anna had perused the bookshop and dined at the teashop in Kirkbymoorside more times than either of them cared to recall.
"So you feel better now?" John asked as the two of them boarded the bus to Thirsk. They had managed to get a seat beside each other, and the bus was hardly full at all, meaning that John felt comfortable with these conversations, and even enough to take her gloved hand.
Anna nodded, "I do. I felt better the day after I came to see you last week. I was under the most expert care." Anna turned and winked at him, squeezing her hand around his.
"Well that is good to hear." John smiled back.
They continued to talk about their past two weeks, filling the other in on the events either in the Red Lion or back at Downton Abbey. As the bus began to slowly fill, a middle-aged man came and sat beside them at one stop, and John was forced to withdraw his hand, placing it at his side.
Anna had different ideas, however. When she knew that John was not looking, finding the scenery as the bus passed by some fields, she dropped her hand to his and began to stroke his hand softly through her gloved one. She almost laughed as she watched John jump at the contact, and her insides fluttered when she realised he was smirking, even if he refused to look around and acknowledge the contact. In response, he began to stroke her hand too, hidden away from all of the other people around them.
Anna found herself breathing heavily just in the knowledge of the contact. Luckily, the bus stopped soon in Thirsk, and the two of them alighted and began to walk through the small market town.
Both were more careful in Thirsk, aware that someone from the village back home could easily recognise them here – it was one of the reasons the two of them had decided not to visit as far as Ripon on her afternoons with him. Luckily, the rain seemed to be making its arrival known, and this gave them the opportunity to rush off to the small bookshop that John liked.
They entered inside it, finding the place practically empty apart from the young girl who was sat behind the counter who gave them a warm smile as a welcome.
Anna smiled back and John nodded briefly, before the two of them headed for the back of the shop, where both knew were the books that John preferred, and where there would be more privacy.
Anna found herself giggling as she felt his hand on her waist, pulling her to one of the bookcases, ensuring both of them were out of sight as he pressed their lips eagerly together. Anna stopped laughing as their lips melted together, although at an awkward angle because of her hat. Their kiss ended promptly, both aware of their surroundings, but the fire in both their eyes could not be extinguished.
"Do you need anything new to read?" John asked, skimming some of the bookshelves, ignoring the way her lips had swollen due to his attentions. He coughed slightly, clearing his throat.
Anna narrowed her eyes, noticing his actions, but decided to not say anything about it. "I have a full library at my convenience at Downton, remember?"
Anna placed a hand on her hip, tilting her head to one side.
His eyes found her neck, and he had the strongest urge to kiss it. But John shook his head, reminding himself of where they were, and that if the divorce continued to be gathering pace as it currently was, they may indeed be married within the next year. It was still no easier to control his desires for her, though. Anna was the most beautiful, radiant, addictive woman he had ever laid eyes upon. Her charm and her delicacy were some of her most attractive qualities, along with almost every single other he could think of.
But as his mind started to wander over the delicate contours of her body, he shook his head figuratively, reminding himself of her last comment and his response, "How I miss it."
"But you may as well have one of your own," Anna smiled. She knew there were still dozens of books at his childhood home in London. Well, in storage, more specifically. She remembered him telling her that he had never trusted Vera to not sell them on, so he had made sure to keep them somewhere safe, along with any other valuables that were precious and nostalgic to him before he had left to come back to Yorkshire. "I do wish I could be here for your birthday next week."
"And what would that achieve?" John smiled, looking at one of the books he had taken from the shelf.
Anna looked at him and let out an exasperated sigh. "Even you should have someone to celebrate your birthday with. And I would have liked to be here." Anna stopped looking at him and scanned the shelves a little more. "I did try, but it would have meant swapping my half day with Miss O'Brien."
John chuckled, finding her eyes. "Anyone else…"
Anna grumbled, "She is so unreasonable. Ever since Thomas has been back…"
"You mean Sergeant Barrow?" John teased her.
Anna shot him a death stare.
"I am just about up to here with the two of them," Anna gestured to the top of her head, her usually pale cheeks turning a deep shade of pink as her agitation grew.
John smiled sympathetically, taking her hand. "Just forget about it – ignore them. If it would make you happy, we can do something special together the next time you come."
"A belated birthday celebration," Anna smiled. "I like the sound of that. I can give you your gift then."
John opened his mouth, "You shouldn't get me anything."
"But of course I will."
"You already spend money to come and see me."
"Money which I will gladly spend if it means being with you for one afternoon every two weeks." Anna punctuated the last two words with greater emphasis, now both hands on her hips. "Besides, the idea for my gift with be something nice for the two of us."
John felt the colour drain from his face. Anna noticed.
"And you can stop thinking so sordidly," Anna teased him, risking the distance between them and leaning up to kiss his cheek swiftly. "It is nothing like that."
"Will you give me no clues? Not even to mull over until I next see you?"
Anna tapped his chest. "You will wait until two weeks today, and that is that." John conceded and smiled in defeat, raising his hands. Anna smiled once more at him, stroking her hand down his arm until it reached his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. She then asked impatiently, "Now, have you chosen a book yet?"
Next: John and Anna belatedly celebrate his birthday, and share a risque picnic.