Chap 26

After her glorious exhale, a smile arose on Elaine's lips as she felt Erik's mouth return to her neck, kissing her more urgently now, experiencing the sweetness of her smooth skin. He was awakening desires within her that had been silent for too long.

She was swept away with the moment, until her eyes fluttered open and she realized that she was staring out across the hayfield. The sky was a dark blue, and she could see the manor house rising in the background.

Oh no! If I can see above the tall grass, that means we can easily be seen!

"Erik, stop." She said suddenly, grabbing his shoulders and pushing him back to the ground quickly, He fell onto his side, a surprised, disappointed look on his face. She crouched down and crawled next to him. She laid down facing him, stroked his arm reassuringly, and rested her head on her folded arm. Erik seemed defensive, his body tense, his eyes questioning. Elaine looked into his face with concern.

"I just realized how visible our little foray was." She said, still breathing heavily as she rearranged her clothing to be less revealing.

"I don't..." he started, then sat up and looked around the hay field. The expression on his face softened; he realized just then what she had meant. "I see. Yes, I agree, it would have been a little awkward if anyone just happened on by. " he replied. His intense eyes lowered to meet hers. "I thought you had regained your senses and realized your mistake." Elaine shook her head.

"I finally did come to my senses. Trust me Erik, that was no mistake," Elaine said gently, a sweet smile on her lips. She reached up, wrapped her hand around his neck and pulled his mouth to hers again. As they shared a deep kiss again, he stretched his body out next to hers, wrapping his arm around her. She pressed her body against his, making him gasp.

No amount of casual contact they already experienced together was as intense as this. Erik felt a bit overwhelmed. He leaned back a bit, propping his head up on his hand, his elbow spiked on the ground. Elaine grew playful, giving him a quick peck on the chin, stroking the skin on his chest that was revealed by the open shirt. Her gentle touch further reassured him.

Her hand, which was still resting on his chest, moved down his body to rest on his slender waist. She glanced down at he shiny scars on his chest; they extended towards his stomach. She grew sad, seeing his badges of pain.

You have so much healing to do, Erik. I hope I am up to the challenge.

Erik felt he had walked into a dream. This woman, this beautiful woman had kissed him, and allowed him to caress her. He sighed and placed his hand on her head, lightly stroking her soft cheek. They looked into each others eyes intently. He was wondering what the she was thinking about the recent turn of events. Becoming lost in her eyes, he felt emotion burning within him. He had been feeling something for her, but had not expected his feelings to blossom all at once, and so soon, if at all. He kissed her forehead gently. She lifted her face to his and kissed him again, tenderly on the lips. His eyes closed and, in his mind, he said it to her…

Elaine, now I know it. I love you…

A pang of alarm went through his chest, an uncomfortable pain that he was not expecting. It made him gasp and pull away from her. His eyes opened and he was traumatized at what he saw.

He was looking into the brown eyes of Christine, her brown locks framing her face. She was smiling, just like Elaine was just seconds before. He gasped and fell back away from her, clenching his eyes shut and pressing the heels of his hands into his lying sockets.

Elaine, Christine– What the hell is going on?!

"No, no, no, NO! This can't be happening!" he said in a low growl. Gripped with fear and feeling sanity rushing away from him, he opened his eyes slowly.

It was Elaine who sat before him now, her body pulled defensively into a tight ball, her face pale with shock. The look on her face propelled him instantly into the depths of despair.

He backed up more, bristling with anger at the image that had violated this most sensuous, long awaited moment. He turned over onto his hands and knees, body quaking with the force of emotions rushing through him, and in a rage he pounded his fists into the ground, screaming curses.

"How dare you!! Damn you to hell woman!! Get out of my head, leave me alone!!" The image of the brown haired woman burned into his mind as he released his anger.

Elaine cowered back, not understanding the metamorphosis that was occurring in front of her. He finally stopped, gasping deeply.

"Why do you curse me?" She said, voice cracking with fear.

His head whipped up and he stared at her, an intense, maddened glare shooting from his eyes. He reached out to her, unable to control the tremble in his fingers. He drew his hand back with a deluge of frustrated curses. He became still.

A soft, quivering hand touched his shoulder. He gripped it quickly, before she was able to withdraw it, provoking a little surprised gasp from her.

"I am not cursing you, Elaine, I could never curse you. I ... care for you too much I curse HER, I curse the memory of HER, etched into my mind. I curse Christine!!"

Her name was but a growl as he buried his head in his arms, doubled over, fists clenched in anguish.

I would give anything; sell my soul to bring back that sweet moment. Her tender kiss is still warm on my lips, my face. I just want to hold her close to me again and forget about all else. Damn you for interrupting it, Christine, whoever you are.

Elaine sat still, a dread entering her and spreading, ice cold through her body. The name he uttered drilled a hole in her heart. She was mortified.

Oh, no…Christine. She thought, painfully recalling the name that Erik had whispered to her as he lay dying that fateful night. That name could have been his last word ever, had it not been for Elaine's refusal to let him die. To her dismay, he continued.

"She lurks in here," he said grasping his hair, as if wanting to physically rip her memory out of his head. "Her face haunts me. I think I hate her, but somehow, I think, I know, I don't." he said, a confused, distant look on his face. He rolled over onto his back, a sardonic laugh coming from his throat. It was eerie and misplaced. Again he laughed, sitting up.

"To think…the face of a beautiful woman, haunting ME!" he said, the irony thick on his tongue. His grip on reality was being tested. All Elaine could do was watch in horror as he became unraveled in front of her. He clutched at the thin fabric over his heart and breathed, deep and agonizing.

"Her memory will not leave me alone, especially when I am with you." He said, looking at her with some clarity, longing in his eyes.

She regained her courage and crawled up to him, timidly. She was feeling guilty now.

"Erik…I have heard you say her name before." She said, with a tremble in her voice.

He shot her an angry look, laden with the betrayal he felt. "When?" He blurted out.

"When you first came to us, the night you lay dying…"

"And you did not think that important enough to share with me? After all the time we spent together?" He stood up, his anger rising again, now directed at Elaine. "Why? How could you?" He yelled with a cruelty neither thought was possible.

"I forgot, I forgot!" She said, starting to cry. She had recalled the name a several times before, but had not told him because she feared what would happen. It seems her fears were well founded.

Guilt mixed with all the other emotions tumbling through his brain. Erik now felt in the wrong for scaring her, making her beautiful eyes cry. He hated the fact that he was causing her pain. Each tear that she shed stabbed him like a dagger. He struggled to formulate a rational explanation for his outburst. He knelt down in front of her, trying to control his voice.

"Elaine, I am just upset that you would hold something like that back from me. I trusted you. She, her memory was the only thing standing between us." He swallowed hard and asked the final question.

"Is there anything else you have forgotten to tell me?" He said, as gently as he could.

Elaine looked up at him and wanted to say no, but instead, she gasped with realization. He saw her sudden response and knew. The scared look in her eyes told him she was holding something back, but he knew she was too fearful to tell him now. He stood and stormed off towards the forest angrily, not wanting to explode in front of her again. Such anger, such rage he had never felt during his stay at Capellen before.

She sat in the patch of hay, scared, her heart heavy with guilt. "The ring." She whispered to herself, her lips trembling. She could not watch as he walked away.

I must find it and show it to him. I have to regain his trust. She stood up and walked swiftly, eventually running towards the manor house, tears rolling down her cheeks.

Back in the woods Erik attacked the nearest tree, tearing off a large, low lying branch. He smashed it to pieces against the trunk of the tree until the piece of wood split in his grasp. He threw it down, spent and leaned against the tree, frustration pouring from him like sweat, silent sobs heaving from his chest.

How could I have acted that way towards her? I was so mad, so mad at Christine, instead I lashed out at you, My sweet Elaine. Forgive me. Forgive me my weakness as a man with pent up desires and frustrations. I have a hidden past, just waiting to jump out and strike me when I least expect it. You did not deserve it. I am not worthy of you.

With that thought he dropped to his knees and cried out loud. "What have I done?" Distress made his throat tighten; it became hard to breathe. He began tearing away at himself internally.

I completely overreacted. I am an idiot! She is too important to lose over a little forgetfulness. I will beg her, plead with for forgiveness. I will do anything I must. She will never forgive me, I fear.

He drew himself up painfully, wiping at his face with his shirtsleeve. He walked slowly towards the manor house, trying to think of something he could say.

Elaine's run to the manor house gave her some time to think clearly. Elaine walked onto her father's library, shaking with trepidation. She opened up the desk drawer and saw it: the ring. Both of the recent interactions with Erik, the stunning kiss and the frightful argument with Erik demonstrated to her that they both could not go on as they had. He had the sense she was holding something back, and that upset him greatly.

Is this the right thing to do? Should I give this to him now, or wait until later? The man has a right to try everything in his power to regain his memory. This not knowing is killing him. The waiting is killing me.

She could not blame him; he just wanted to know who he was, and what was in his memories that haunted his dreams, his waking hours. Elaine was deeply ashamed at being so selfish, and not giving him the ring sooner. It was never her duty to protect him, but that she did, from what, she did not know.

As a matter of fact, she had forgotten all about the ring they had pulled off his dislocated finger until her father reminded her about it last week. Her father knew full well that the ring might be the key to unlock the 'darkness of his mind', as Erik called it. Knowing they had become close, her father had left it up to her to decide when to give Erik the precious band of metal and stone. Her father did not know how intimate they had become.

She picked it up and stared at the trinket that could, and probably would alter her life as he knew it now. She watched the ring for a few minutes, turning the sparkling piece of jewelry around with her trembling fingers. It was so unlike what she thought Erik would give to a woman. It was a beautiful ring with a large solitaire but a bit gaudy, not unusual enough, she thought. He was too complex a man to have chosen this ring of his own accord.

Maybe this ring was her choice, this woman he was to give the ring to. This Christine, probably. I hope she can appreciate the love of a man like Erik. She has better taste in men than in jewelry.

A hot tear worked its way down her cheek, and she smirked at her attempt to belittle the unknown woman whose memory seemed to cause Erik so much pain. She was so afraid to let go of Erik, after all they had been through, after how much she had grown to love him. Yes, she had let herself fall. Reason had nothing to do with how one's heart works. Only actions could really be controlled. And those she was not controlling well; case in point, their recent interlude in the field.

They had not acted before on the feelings she knew was in her heart, and suspected highly was in his. She had instinctively looked past his outside appearance to see the man within. But there was so much hidden as well, the unknown that frightened her. And today, her secrets and omissions had punished her, in the form of Erik's rage. Without the knowledge of his past, he could not proceed. With his memories revealed, they may not be able to be together at all. Together, they had reached a frustrating impasse as high as the trees he loved to climb.

Now is as good a time as any.

"Elaine? Elaine!" She heard his voice, loud through the thin walls, a lump forming in her throat as a response.

"Please Elaine, let me speak to you." She stood still, hearing the pleading tone, so different from the voice that had just screamed at her. It was now so tender. It tugged at her depths, and in that instant she knew she would always forgive him. Breaking her paralysis, she walked quickly into the foyer just in time to see him walking up the stairs.

"I'm here, Erik." She said with more calm that she thought she could, given their recent interaction.

He turned around at the sound of her voice and he saw her, eyes full of forgiveness and tears, her expression one of guilt. He raced down the stairs but slowed to a crawl at the base. She looked into the intense pale green of his eyes, with a hint of red alongside that betrayed his sadness, his face drawn. His hair remained disheveled, her handiwork.

In two quick strides he stepped up to her and took her in his arms, lifting her as she wrapped her arms around his neck instinctively, holding her desperately close.

"Please forgive me, my Lady. I am so sorry." He said softly, nesting his face against her neck.

She could not help but to return his embrace. She closed her eyes as she melted into the body against her, his breath and his face on her neck warming her. It did not stop the cold, guilty feelings from rushing in.

"Stop, Erik." She said, giving his strong shoulders one big squeeze. She was hoping it would not be the last. "Put me down."

That he did, gently on the floor, stepping back to look at her. His expression revealed how much hurt there was behind those eyes. She grabbed his hand and held it tightly.

"It is I who must beg for forgiveness, Erik. There is one last thing I must show you. But not here, in private." She walked up the stairs, unsteadily. His hand was crushing hers.

As he followed, a sinking sensation found its place in his chest. She walked into his room, pulling him behind her. He closed the door behind him as she walked away from him looking down at her hands. She turned back to him, her hands wrapped around each other. She was visibly uncomfortable.

"Do you want to sit?" she said, motioning to a nearby chair. He stood still and shook his head without a sound, looking at her with an intensity she could not bear to see.

She swallowed painfully and started. "That night, when we were working on you, my father found one of your injuries to be involving the of your pinkie on your left hand. This was probably the reason."

She put out her small hand for his hand. He put it out and opened it slowly, shaking.

Slowly she put a ring into his palm. It had a large solitaire, rimmed with tiny diamonds.

"If we did not remove this, you would have lost your finger, it was swelling so…"

Erik no longer heard her. His eyes were glued to the ring, sitting in his hand, just as Christine had put it in his hand, that night, in the lair.

Oh my God. Christine.

The weight of the small ring was immense. He staggered back, open his eyes widely. A flood of memories came back, and with them the flood of emotions, knocking the breath from his body.

Christine…that kiss, that beautiful kiss. I pushed you away, you did not want me. Why did you come back to give me this ring? Why did you do that, to torture my dying heart? You left me alone, you left with Raoul, singing. I love you, I love you… I loved you so much, so much I let you go. So alone, so much despair, such pain...Everything gone, they were after me, and they wanted to kill me. And I wanted to die.

He clutched at his chest as the memories and emotions stampeded through his brain. He turned around, away from Elaine, who was growing fearful of his reaction. She had seen that look before, the distant look of pain in his wide, green eyes.

"Erik, please, talk to me. What is it? Whose ring is this? Why are you acting so?" She walked up to him timidly, putting a hand on his back.

Still drowning in his memories, he started to babble. "The opera house… Don Juan …the lair. It was all for you, all for you… I can't take your pity. But now there is no one, I am alone. I have always been alone. I will always be alone…unloved, a loathsome, ugly devil!!!" he screamed and whipped around to see her, Christine, standing in front of him, frightened at his outburst.

He roughly grabbed her arms and started to scream at her. "Why? Why do you come back to give me that ring, Christine, to rip my heart apart more?!" He threw Christine roughly away from him.

Elaine slammed into the corner of the fireplace, ripping a gash into her arm. At that she screamed out in pain, and crumpled onto the floor. She started to cry, grabbing her arm, staring at Erik, crawling away into the corner with fear.

Erik spun around, looking at Elaine with shock and horror. He ran to her side, lifting her up in one move in his strong arms, and placed her gently on the bed. She was crying uncontrollably, pulling away from him.

"Oh no, Elaine, I didn't mean it…Oh God, I thought you were…I thought I was in…" He dropped his head, sobbing into her lap. His body shook with his sobbing, and she stopped her own crying to touch his head, fear making her hand shake. She did not know who he was, or who he would think she was anymore.

He raised his head up and looked at her with devastation on his face. It was her Erik's eyes that she was seeing.

"I hurt you. I am so sorry, may I rot in hell for it!!" He said, breaking down again when he saw the blood leaking from the gash in her arm. He kissed her arm between sobs, rubbing it gently. She put her hand on his cheek, wiping the tears.

He wrapped his arms around her hips, and held her tightly, as if he would die if he let go.

"Elaine…you must leave me now. Please go." He said, regret cutting into the air.

"Erik, no, I won't leave you. You did not do it on purpose…I forgive you." she layed her hands on his back. He let her go and lifted up his head, his eyes growing wild with anguish. Her words burned him, guilt was killing him. Gently, he held her face between his two hands and looked at her, his eyes racing over her face, as if to take in everything for the last time.

"You must go. Now! Can't you see? I cannot guarantee your safety around me. Please, for both of us, please go." he was struggling to speak as voices started to chatter within his head, and his memories tore away at his sanity.

Not waiting for her to react, he lifted her up and walked over to the door. He pushed her out with all the remaining control he could muster.

"Go now!" he growled, in a low, foreign voice. The door closed with a loud bang that echoed throughout the house.

Elaine stood in the hall, shaking to the core, her blood cold in her veins. She ran a trembling hand up her arm to where she was bleeding badly. The pain in her heart was so severe, she hardly felt the pain in her arm.

Oh my God! What have I done?

Inside the room, thus began the siege.