Chapt. 29
At the manor house, Erik had let no one contact him for days. He had barricaded the door, and would not make a sound other than "Leave me alone!" when they tried to force the door open. Horrible noises came from the room, crashing glass, sounds of things breaking, the occasional frustrated yell. Everyone in the manor house was frightened to go near him. Except for Elaine. He did not yell when she went to speak quietly at his door. He accepted the food and drink Elaine left daily in front of his closed door, silently.
This night, he lay on the floor, destitute and hoping to end the suffering of his tortured heart. He could not die in Capellen Manor, for there was the little promise he had made to Elaine. He did not know how difficult it would be to keep that promise. No, he must take his leave of these angels of mercy. They had done too much for him. He could not fathom the depth of the love bestowed upon him. He despaired knowing that she had given forgiveness freely, her caring eyes glowing like a beacon in his mind.
For what? To what end do they treat me like this? Elaine, sweet Elaine. My brightest star…No, angels and devils should not dwell together, they cannot.
He slumped over, clutching his chest with the pain, tears streaming down his face as his body remembered her soft touch, the feel of her against him…how whole, how complete he had felt…her kisses melting him, melting the pain of the scars without and within. His body convulsed and it spread like dread in his chest, a physical terrible pain. The fear he saw in her eyes as he pushed her away made him die a thousand deaths already… but still, beyond that he had seen compassion in her gaze, It burned him, leaving him raw and bleeding. He was convinced; he did not deserve such beauty.
I must go now, I must leave…but I believe they deserve an explanation. Then they will allow me to go. They will understand that they must purge themselves of this evil. Then they will not seek me out again…
Dr. Dyson was sitting downstairs in his office, located immediately below Erik's room, and heard something heavy being pushed over the floor in Erik's room. It was late but Dr. Dyson had made enough noise in his office that Erik knew he was there. Dr. Dyson walked upstairs, knowing he would be expected.
What a way to send for somebody. Damn his genius. He drew upon all the emotional metal he could muster, for he knew this would be a fight, a fight for a man's life and soul. In the back of his mind he hoped he would not become a casualty in this war.
"Can I enter now?" Dr. Dyson said plainly as he stood at the door.
"Please." Said a low, somber voice.
He walked into the room, not knowing what to expect. Erik had cleaned house a bit; the broken glass was picked up and the overturned furniture was back in place, except for the pieces that had not made it through Erik's rage
The room had few lights on. Dr. Dyson went to a lamp and turned it up. The mirrors that were left in the room were covered in bed sheets. Thankfully, the window was closed this time. Erik, now clothed in dark sleepwear, was slouched in an armchair in the far corner on the other side of the bed. His head hung over heavily as his hand cradled his forehead. He looked unkempt and haggard, as to be expected. The left side of his face, along with scabs from self inflicted scrapes, was visible.
The doctor shook his head and pulled up a chair to sit in front of the devastated man. At his feet lay torn and wrinkled paintings and music that Erik had ravaged in his ranting.
"Better I trust?" said Dr. Dyson, using few words. Erik kicked at the papers on the floor. It was hard for him to look at Erik like this. The man had lost in his mind after he regained his memory.
"I have few moments of clarity, Doctor. I deeply apologize for my recent actions…"
"I consider my job unfinished if I fix the body and leave the mind to rot." Said Dr. Dyson. Erik lifted up his head and looked at Dr. Dyson square in the face. "Your memories have not been kind to you." He continued, returning a stern look directly into Erik's stony green eyes.
Erik laughed a cynical, soft laugh that hurt to hear.
"The voices have quieted some, they are just a low roar now…" His eyes glazed over and his face fell.
"Erik, stay with me!" He shouted, remembering how Elaine held on to Erik and worked at him for ages to draw him out of his catatonia. He saw his daughter suffering with Erik through this. She was devastated after he pushed her away again, even though she knew Erik felt it was for her own good.
Erik picked up his head immediately as if just freshly awakened. He got up and walked to the window. The Doctor's worried eyes followed him. Erik stared at the window, with a far away look that penetrated the dark drapes.
"Oh, how I long for the sweet emptiness that is amnesia, I wish they would go away!" he grabbed on to his hair and growled.
"Erik, talk to me. I am listening… who would go away?" The doctor wanted to hold on to this chance that he was given, to help Erik somehow.
"Not who, Doctor, what. My memories. They taunt me and suck the life from my heart. I learned that the nightmares, the poisoned visions I had, every one, were … are my reality. Everything I dreaded became me and my memories returned like a stampede, a thousand stabs into my head."
"They will not go away, Erik. You must find some way to make peace with yourself."
Erik looked at the doctor darkly "Death may bring me peace. Then again, it may not. I have hell waiting for me, dear Doctor." His words were eerie and cold, the doctor shivered.
"What do you mean?" the Doctor said, almost afraid to find out.
"I am a vile person, unworthy of your consideration and kindness. I am a manipulator, a destroyer, and …a killer. And those are my admirable traits." He laughed sarcastically, like a madman at the ill placed humor. "The beast you see before you; it is a mirror of the beast I had become inside." He looked at his hand, the ring now on his right little finger. Christine's words echoed in his ears:
It's in your soul that the true distortion lies.
"She was right. She was so right." He said, in a low voice.
"I do not see a beast. I see a man with a deformity and all the emotional consequences that comes with it. This is a cruel and heartless world." He did not want to think about what he said about being a killer, but frankly, Erik had just confirmed his suspicions…
"You should have left me on the roadside to die. I will take my leave from your presence as soon as I am able. I wish to curse you no more."
Dr. Dyson stood up to face Erik. "I do not want to hear any more of this Erik. I did not leave you on the roadside, you did not die. You have gifts Erik, God-given genius and a musical aptitude that surpasses any I know…I know you are a man with a past, with regrets. I do not know why you had to endure the tortures you did, the fact is this: You are here now. Live now!"
"You do not know the devil you are dealing with…" He said, shooting daggers to the doctor with his eyes. It is time for me to scare off my savior's father too…their kindness burns me like holy water on a vampire.
"Opera Ghost!" Said Dr. Dyson, staring Erik down. "He is only a part of the man I see before me!" The effect was exactly what Dr. Dyson was aiming for.
Erik practically fell back in the chair, bewildered by his words. It was like an exorcism, he the demon and Dr. Dyson the priest. Erik stared up at him with shock, incredulous and questioning, feeling exposed at revealing his identity. He felt the stone walls he had erected within him being hit with the force of a battering ram. He secretly longed for the day he would feel them crumbling to dust.
He knows! How long has he known? And with knowing he still keeps me here? And he shows no fear, no fear at knowing the dangerous person, the plague in his house.
Dr. Dyson stood tall, strong in the center of the room, his steel-blue eyes intense and unwavering on Erik. Erik slowly regained his composure, breaking the visual contact and sat back in the chair. He looked up at the patriarch with suspicion, the blood still draining from his face.
"Why?" said Erik. It was a simple question, but with the depth of the oceans beyond it.
Dr. Dyson leaned on the mantle over the fireplace, relieved to drop some of the tension that had built.
"I have my reasons."
Erik walked slowly to the fireplace next to him. He felt a firm hand on his shoulder and looked into the eyes of compassion.
"I firmly believe you would have acted differently, done differently if your life had been different. I have come to know you well Erik, at least that part visible to us at the time. Your true heart revealed itself here. The man we rescued, the man you became here, is the man you were capable of being, had you been given the chance. And the man you can be."
"As fate would have it, that was not the case. I was tortured, ridiculed. I am a wretched soul, beyond repair. I have wandered extensively, moving by need or compulsion. Each time I became more bitter, more violent, more evil. I was so mad at the world, and in my anger I destroyed everything around me, hurt the ones I cared for, until I no longer cared for anyone. I would not like history to repeat itself. I have done dark, terrible things, my dear doctor, most of which are not yet clear to me. I shame your house with my presence. You should be rid of me."
Dr Dyson walked away from Erik. "I see I am going to have to be stern with you."
Erik looked over at him with a skeptical grin. Stern? With me? Maybe he does not know the true danger he is in, what I am capable of ...
"Whatever you are, you are a man of your word. Am I right?"
"I am not sure where you are going with this but, yes I am a man of my word." Said Erik, crossing his arms and leaning back against the wall.
"I admire your ability to repair yourself physically, Erik. I believe you will be able to do so mentally, to combat the effects of your life of torture on your psyche. I want you to do so in the protective confines of Capellen manor. In the past you may have chosen a road, or had your road chosen for you, filled with treachery and crime, but I firmly believe that everyone deserves a second chance."
"I don't understand why you do this." Said Erik, in disbelief.
"You have never had such a chance in your life, No? You said you owed me. You promised me you would pay me back for my graciousness. Well, now I call upon you to repay your debt. Will you keep your promise?"
"I cannot deny any request you make easily, Doctor. But I cannot have you save me again."
"No, Erik. It is you who must save yourself this time. This is no easy task, you know better than I. Stay here, work through your memories, purge the evils of your past, and repair your soul. Then you can stand up again and face the world a new man, to start fresh. This is my payment, Erik. The only payment I will accept."
Erik looked at Dr. Dyson, incredulous. "You know not what you ask of me. I do not know if I can repair the damage without first destroying the house."
"Then you can rebuild. You must try. You promised me, Erik." The doctor said, standing closely and staring into the eyes of a demon.
"I will think on it, Dr. Dyson." Said Erik, opening the drapes to reveal the night splendor. He returned his stare to the horizon outside, beyond the lands of the manor to the evening sky. Already the discussion with Dr. Dyson had helped to lift a small part of the heavy veil of confusion within Erik's head.
"I will have a decision tomorrow." Erik said, turning back to the patriarch. He was tired, so tired.
"Do not make me regret letting you fester overnight." Dr Dyson said, leaving Erik to his own devices.