Chapter Fifteen
Edward
I needed time alone to think, this had hit me hard, I was drawn to another girl and although Alice explained it was her blood that drew me to Bella Swan I still felt guilty as if I were being unfaithful to my Alice and that hurt. I knew Jasper was watching me for all our good. If I lost it and attacked Bella we would all die but I thought I could control this need, this urge to feed, myself. I was grateful for his calming influence at school although I thought I had more strength than Emmett, I could control my feelings, my urges better than him. Every time Bella got close however I felt venom flood my mouth and visions of her soft pink flesh against my mouth flashed before my eyes. I could imagine how sweet her blood would taste in my mouth, how the scent of her blood as I spilled it would fill me with such sensations I felt hard at the very thought.
I drove to Port Angeles and picked up the discs, I'd been waiting some time for these rare recordings, and as I drove back I slipped one into the player relaxing as the music swelled to fill the car. It wasn't until the engine stopped that I found myself parked down the street from Bella's house my fists tight on the wheel and the drum beat of the music pounding in my ears like a human heart beat, Bella's heart beat. I closed my eyes and tried to dive the images away but then found myself outside the car leaning against the wing my hands shaking as the thirst burned my throat making me gasp. My feet moved of their own volition closer and closer to their goal, Bella's house. I hoped to see Charlie's cruiser parked outside but only the old red truck was there and I knew I was losing control, that I would knock on the door and she would answer then I would wrap my arms around her and pull her close, her scent enveloping me as I bit into her tender throat to fill my mouth with the sweet taste of her blood.
A few yards away from the front path I felt something hit me hard and knock me into the bushes.
"What the hell are you doing Edward? Do you want to get us all killed?"
I shook my head feeling the terrible urge for Bella's blood melt away and knew this was Jasper's doing. I shook my head again to clear my mind and struggled to sit up.
"I'm sorry. I've got it under control now, you can let go"
He continued to hold me until Alice arrived to take over. She sat down beside me in the bushes stroking my face and whispering calming words as I relaxed into her arms.
"I'm sorry Alice, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to, I didn't want to but I couldn't stop myself."
"Its OK Edward, you didn't hurt her but you can't be alone for now. You can't trust yourself and neither can we. Now come on, I'll take you home."
I let her help me up and wound an arm around her waist as she led me through the bushes and out of sight of the Swan house followed by a silent but disapproving Jasper. I knew I had put us all at risk and I understood his anger even if it annoyed me. A small part of me shouted what right had he to judge me the butcher of Mexico? But the larger part of me understood if not for him I would have done something terrible this evening, taken an innocent life and I hated that thought. Once home I changed out of my wet muddy clothes helped by a solicitous Alice while Jazz put the Volvo in the garage. When we came back downstairs he was sitting on the couch eyes closed and rubbing his chest absently. I saw Alice smile, one of her knowing little grins but she didn't say anything and I knew better than to ask. I walked over to stand before Jazz and held out my hand,
"Thank you for saving us all Jazz."
He opened his eyes and looked up at me with a strange expression on his face but he took the hand and shook it.
"You need to be very careful Edward."
"I know, even better now than before. I was slightly arrogant before thinking I was stronger than Emmett but the pull of Bella's blood is so strong I cant fight it alone so I'm going to be sticking closer to you brother."
"Not tomorrow"
"Why not? I thought you were going to the barbecue? I daren't go if you're not going to be there."
"Oh I'll be there but you wont want to be too close. I'm taking Bella"
I sat down stunned by this revelation.
"You're taking Bella? Why?"
"I have no idea, it just seemed a good idea at the time. At least I can keep her safe that way."
"True but I can't remember the last time you went on a date"
"Its not a date exactly Edward"
Alice hopped over and curled up on my lap,
"I remember the last time Jazz went on a date. It was in Denali when we went ice skating. He took Tanya."
I laughed at the memory while Jazz shuddered,
"I didn't take her, she kidnapped me. It was like being with an octopus, that girl has more hands and they get everywhere. I had to fight her off and she even seemed to like that!"
"Tanya has the hots for you Jazz"
"Tanya has the hots for anything in pants. I swear she'd go after Carlisle if Carmen hadn't warmed her what Esme would do to her."
"Well I think you'll be safe tomorrow, Bella doesn't strike me as a man eater."
"No, Bella has more dignity, Tanya acts like a bitch on heat."
"I think you like her"
He looked at Alice in amazement,
"Like her? She scares the hell out of me"
"Not Tanya, I mean Bella"
He opened his mouth then shut it again and I grinned,
"Yes Alice, I think he does. Could this be the one you've been waiting for Jazz?"
He waved my question away impatiently,
"She's a kid, a scared kid who doesn't know anyone. I just asked her to give her someone to go with that's all. Besides like you said, I'm supposed to be looking after her until Edward here gets his ass into gear. Are you going to be OK or do you think it would be better if you went to Denali for a while? Tanya would take your mind off Bella."
I shook my head vigorously, Tanya scared the hell out of me too but I had Alice to hide behind and the one time Tanya had shown me a little too much interest my dear mate almost pulled her hair out.
"I think I'll pass on that. Its getting easier as long as I'm not alone but if I start getting the urge too strongly again maybe Alice and I could go visit for a while."
"Well you have plenty of incentive to behave then don't you."
"Do Esme and Carlisle know you're taking Bella out?"
"Hardly, they aren't here little sis, besides its not a date."
"Bella might not see it the same way. I saw her looking at you in the cafeteria. I think she's sweet on you"
"Alice, why don't you find something else to focus your imagination on, keep Edwards mind on you and off Bella maybe"
Alice wound herself around me purring in my ear,
"Now that sounds like a plan Edward. Care to show me your etchings?"
I laughed and stood up with her in my arms,
"I'll allow you to listen to my new CD's if you like."
Jazz waved us away but I saw him rub his chest again, something I'd never seen him do before and I wondered what was the matter, he couldn't be ill so what was going on?