Zaeed didn't know shit about that uppity Alliance asshole on Horizon, but he couldn't fail to notice Shepard's reaction to the bile he was spitting at her. Sure, she had schooled her face carefully into a neutral expression - but not before she had given away her true feelings, her face crumpling as if his words had stabbed her straight through the heart. Whoever he was, the fucker would have a shitload of explaining to do if Zaeed ever got his hands on him.
Yeah, they might have been too late getting to the colony – but they were doing good work goddamnit. Probably the only good work he had done in his life. If they hadn't shown up when they did – well, that sanctimonious bastard wouldn't be reporting anything back to Alliance HQ, that's for sure. He'd have been whisked off on that ship with the rest of the locals. No damn loss, either, in Zaeed's mind. One less superior, self-righteous arse to deal with.
Shepard had called for the shuttle, her voice flat and her whole body almost folding in on itself. She had hunched up in the corner of the Kodiak, as far away from everyone as she could get, closed her eyes and tuned out. He wondered just what the deal was with that guy, who he might be to get under her skin so badly. And just what sort of idiot would speak to Shepard that way, so vicious and wounding. Guy was a moron, no doubt about it.
Zaeed had never been up to Shepard's cabin before; wouldn't ever have dreamed of showing up uninvited. Only, it had been two days and hardly anyone had seen her. She'd communicated with EDI, he knew, because their course was set for Ilium and the next mission. At least she was still focused – but he was worried. He might be a reclusive old bugger at times, but Shepard – she had never hidden herself away from her crew before. Something was wrong.
He buzzed on the door hesitantly, heard EDI's mechanical voice announce his presence. Minutes ticked by, his feet scraping against the ground as he shuffled awkwardly, wondering whether he should just leave. Eventually the door slid open and Shepard stood there, dark circles around her eyes and her hair a hastily tied-back tangle.
"Zaeed. What do you want?" Her tone was unfriendly, though her face just looked tired.
"I just wanted to see if you were OK. Nobody's seen you since, well, since we got back from Horizon."
She huffed a bitter laugh. "Why would you care?"
"People give a damn about you, Shepard, and it's not like you to disappear like this. Look, I'm probably the worst person to do this kind of shit, but if there's anything I can do…?" He was regretting this idea already. Should've sent Garrus, he didn't have a clue about humans half the fucking time but at least he would be softer, if that was the right word.
"Nothing anyone can do, Zaeed," Shepard said, shaking her head. "I just have to get used to the fact that I can't trust anyone, and be more wary about who I care about in the future."
"That guy?"
Shepard flinched as if he had struck her. He inwardly cursed; the last thing he had wanted to do was to bring that up, make things worse. Goddamn, why did he ever think he could do this whole fucking sympathy thing?
"That guy, as you call him, is in the past. Learned my lesson. Now, I'd rather not talk about him, if that's okay with you," she said.
"Sure thing. Sorry, Shepard," he said. "I should go."
"You don't have to," she said, her face softening suddenly. "Come in, if you want. We could watch a vid, have a brandy. Should warn you, I haven't showered so I might be a bit ripe, but if that doesn't put you off…?"
Zaeed laughed. She could never stay so serious for long. "Yeah, why not. Pretty sure I've smelled worse. Been down the cargo bay after Rupert's curry night, reckon I can handle however you're honking, Shep."
"Good. So, what you wanna watch?"
Two movies later and Zaeed's arm was dead, Shepard curled against it and engrossed in the third offering – some awful turian sci-fi with the worst special effects he had seen for years. Her movie collection was fucking awful. If he wasn't trying so hard to be her friend – and that was a weird concept in itself – he'd have given up after the first ten minutes.
When the credits finally rolled, Shepard sighed and sat up – his arm almost instantly starting to tingle. He rubbed it hard as she yawned and stretched.
"Not being funny, Shepard, but given that you spend all your days travelling through the galaxy getting into crazy firefights, how come you want to watch these kinds of movies during your downtime?"
"Not in the mood for a comedy, and have you ever tried watching the romance shit that gets made these days? No thanks. Rather watch what I know about, anyway," she said, shrugging her shoulders.
"Fair enough. I'd best be going, anyway, Shepard. Night cycle's coming up and – don't take this the wrong way – but you really look like you need to try and get some sleep."
She punched him in the arm lightly, which made him wince as his shoulder was still numb and cramping from where she had rested against him.
"Thanks, Massani. But yeah, you're right. Don't want people gossiping, after all."
He flushed, not having even considered that thought. Christ, being alone with Shepard in her cabin for three hours… he hadn't thought about how that might look to the rest of the crew.
"I hardly think anyone's likely to come to those conclusions," he said, forcing a smile.
Shepard snorted. "Ha! What, you think everyone believes I'm some kind of paragon of virtue? Think I've already proved them wrong about that, long time ago…"
Her voice trailed off and she swallowed hard, instantly back into the pensive mood he had found her in earlier that evening.
He could have kicked himself. Trying to keep it light, he let out a laugh. "Hardly, Shepard. Just that, woman like you could pretty much take her pick of guys. Girls. Whoever took your fancy. Nobody would believe you were up here knocking boots with some battered, miserable old merc old enough to be your father."
"You're not old enough to be my father, Zaeed."
"Whatever," he said, getting to his feet. He'd had enough of this conversation now. "See you around, Shepard."
He headed to the door, not looking back – not even when she called out to him.
"Goodnight Zaeed. Thank you for tonight. I needed that."
He simply nodded and continued walking, out to the elevator and back down to his cold, bare room.
It would be nice, Zaeed thought, if just once they could finish a mission that wasn't almost guaranteed to give them all nightmares afterwards. Just fucking once.
Shepard was on her knees on the ground, cradling the man's head in her lap and whispering to him, comforting words. All over now, no more pain, we will look after you.
Just when he thought that he'd seen all the evil there could possibly be in the world, there was this. Created by the poor man's own brother, for Christ's sake. There were times when, if only for a moment, he thought the Reapers had the right fucking idea.
When the man, still whimpering and reciting equations, had been safely signed over into the care of Grissom Academy for recuperation – and Christ knows how long that would take – Zaeed, Shepard and Jack all boarded the shuttle to return to the Normandy, quietly reflecting on the horrors inflicted on a vulnerable man by those he should have been able to trust the most.
Jack broke the silence, of course. "Fucking Cerberus. Just wish I could tear all their fucking heads off and piss down their necks. Fucking evil. All of them."
"Eloquent as ever, Jack," Shepard said with a weak smile.
But nobody could disagree.
Zaeed was horrified that, so soon after the hideous spectacle they had found on Aite, Shepard was heading out alone to Alchera, the planet on which the first Normandy had gone down.
The planet on which her body had lain before Cerberus had got their hands on it. She would basically be visiting her own grave.
"Shepard," Garrus lay a hand on her shoulder as she suited up and headed towards the cargo bay. "You sure about this? I mean, I'm sure Hackett could find someone else for the task. I really don't see why he's asking you to go."
"Thanks Garrus," she said, her voice muffled through her helmet. "But it ought to be me. They were my people. I owe it to them to bring something back for their families."
Joker was piloting the shuttle down to the glacial planet, leaving the Normandy under the control of its AI. Zaeed was sure there was some pretty heavy survivor's guilt going on there, but he didn't say anything to the man. At least Shepard would have someone she trusted with her, someone who might have some idea what she would be going through.
In the meantime, Zaeed found himself strangely restless, worrying about what she was finding down on the surface of that beautiful but inhospitable world. Concerned about how she would cope being faced with the reality of her own death, and that of so many of her crew – her family. He well understood how close she was to those she worked with, and this mission was bound to hit her hard.
Yet… since when did he care so much about anyone other than himself?
Since she had walked into his life on Omega, nearly six months ago now. He had known, really, since the moment he saw her that she was a force to be reckoned with, that nobody could have Shepard in their life and not be affected by her bright energy, her honest command and her genuine affection for everyone on her team. He had just been sucked in along with the rest of them. No point trying to deny it, he sighed. She was under his skin like ink.
He sank down into one of the cold metal chairs in the mess hall and waited for her to return, idly playing dominoes with Garrus – who was just as distracted as he was.