A/N - Jack is back! From the chapter title, you can tell this has something to do with sex. If you don't like that, you can just skip this and wait for the next one-shot.
Thanks to MayFairy, Whyna Katran, and UltimateDoctorWhoFanGirl for reviewing.
Disclaimer - I don't own Doctor Who.
"So, you and Emma ever...you know?" Jack made some sort of hand gesture.
The Doctor stared at him, eyes narrowed. "No, I don't know. What?"
"Come on. Do you ever dip your stinger in her honey?"
"What?" He huffed. "Have you learned some new language since we last saw each other? Whatever it is, you need to stop it, because my TARDIS isn't able to translate it."
"Do a dive in the dark? Fix her plumbing? Get into her pants?"
"I don't think they'd fit..."
"Sex, Doctor! Sex!" Jack slapped a hand over his eyes, shaking his head. "Remind me to help you with your euphemisms."
"Sex? You think I...her...we...no!" The Doctor's face started to turn a light pink, but he just kept talking. "We have never and probably will never do...that! Not that I wouldn't want to - no, I mean, I don't want to! But maybe if I were different and she were different...well, no, of course she doesn't have to be different, she's perfect as she is. A little stubborn, but good enough to do that with, I'd think. What I mean is, I would have to be a different man. Like you, probably. But I'm not you, I'm me, therefore Emma and I don't have sex." His voice got quieter and quieter with each word in his last sentence, and he was nearly bright red when he saw Jack's amused look. He swallowed hard, tugging at his collar. "Why do you ask?"
Jack grinned. "Just making sure she's not with you. If you were anyone else, I wouldn't care, but I can't bring myself to hurt you."
"Hurt me? How would you hurt-" His jaw fell open. "No. No! Jack, it's bad enough that you flirt with everyone, but no. You're not going that far with her."
"If she's willing..."
"I don't care if she's willing, because I'm not!"
"That's because, deep down, you want her more than I do. It's that dirty, little part of you that no one knows about."
"Have you always been this infuriating?"
"Have you always wanted to have sex with her?"
"I do not want to have sex with Emma!"
Of course, Emma happened to walk in just at that moment, only hearing 'sex with Emma'. "Excuse me?" She scowled.
"Guess what!" Jack made his way over to her, giving her a smirk. "The Doctor has given us his blessing. He was just telling me to have sex with you."
The Doctor gaped at him, about to tell Emma that he was not telling Jack that, but she cut him off with, "God, you're full of yourself."
"I wasn't-"
"Jack, would you like to take a swim in the library with me?"
"But-"
"I'd love to!" The two headed up the stairs, Jack slinging an arm around Emma's shoulders and looking back to wink at the Doctor.
A/N - I really like writing Jack, even if he's a bit OOC? I don't know. I like him as an annoying little shit who says these sort of things to the Doctor, haha. I actually kind of want to write more sort of attached to these where he won't stop pushing the Doctor's buttons until he admits that da nile isn't just a river in Egypt.