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DISCLAIMER: I do not own the Twilight Saga or any of the characters. It belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I am writing this story for fun and I will not seek any financial gain for it.

CHAPTER 5: GOOD LUCK WITH THAT

It was strange. I had seen the reunion with Edward played out in my mind a thousand times. I would see his face and the gaping hole in my chest would instantaneously be made whole. Every fiber of my being would be suffused with joy. All the suffering, the loneliness, the pain would be erased and the only thing left would be love.

But love was not the only thing I felt upon seeing his face. A myriad of emotions washed over me. I was confused, and happy, and sad all at once. Confused because for the life of me I could not figure out why he was here. Happiness because a part of me still loved him and it felt good to be near him. Sadness because as I stared into his eyes I knew that we would never be what we were again.

I had longed to see his face for so long and here he was. His pupils were pitch black and the normally light dusting of lavender beneath them was dark plum instead, the color of a bruise. His clothes hung on his frame haphazardly as if he had gotten dressed in the dark. His shoulders were slumped forward as if he labored under a great weight.

He looked like grief personified, a mirror image of myself in the months following his departure. His eyes bore into mine and he took a step forward, hand outstretched as if he meant to reach for me. My heart lurched in my chest because I knew what he was feeling. I had been there not long ago, completely absorbed by the pain of losing him. I felt a wave of frustration and anger lance through me. How could he have stayed away so long, if everything I saw in his eyes was true?

Jacob altered his stance to counter his movement and angled himself in front of me. Edward's focus shifted as if he had only just realized that Jacob was there. Edward shoved his hands in his pockets as if to project an air of docility then returned his gaze to me and spoke.

"I had to see you. I had to know that you were OK." - his glance flickered to Jacob then back to me- "I know things are different now. But I wanted you to know that we are here and doing all we can to keep you safe and capture Victoria."-he swallowed down unsheddable tears-"I had no idea of the danger you were in. I'm so sorry."

I could feel the tears building. I shook my head trying to dispel the sadness. If hadn't waited so long to return. If he hadn't left in the first place. If he hadn't spoken those heart-crushing words to me in the woods so many months before. If, if, if. But he did. "You're too late." I whispered, tears falling.

"Bella-" Edward to another step forward.

"You should leave." Jacob growled cutting off both Edward's words and movement. He was shaking so hard I could see the loose dirt and twigs trembling on the ground where he stood.

In an instant Edwards face and posture changed. He pulled his hands out of his pockets and his body tensed. "Bella move away from him."

"I'm not going to hurt her you filthy blood sucker." Jacob roared. He took a deep breathe then turned and picked me up. He walked me over to the truck, opened the passenger door and slid me into the seat. "Stay here." He commanded then slammed the door and stalked back over to Edward.

"Leave. Now." He shook more violently. No longer concerned for my safety his self-control began to slip and he hunched forward as if he meant to phase. Edward crouched down preparing himself.

I didn't know if I was crying for fear of Jacob hurting Edward or vice versa. I just knew that something in me would break if they came to blows. I slid across the seat and leaned out the driver's side window. "Jacob don't." But he wasn't listening to me. All his attention was focused on Edward. I tried pleading with Edward. "Edward just leave. I'm fine." But he wasn't listening to me either.

A cold sweat broke out over my skin and I felt faint. My heart turned violently in my chest and my stomach felt sick. I lay down on the seat and pulled my knees up to my chest. Then all at once all the terror and fear coalesced into a shriek that ripped from my throat. It was like one of those screams that came upon me at the end of a nightmare and I woke with my throat sore and Charlie trying to calm me. But I was wide awake and this was really happening. Another jolt of fear shot through me and I screamed again. I clutched at my chest and burst into gut wrenching sobs. I heard the truck door open and then I was enveloped by Jacob's embrace. He'd heard these screams before as he kept watch outside my window keeping me safe from Victoria.

"I'm so sorry." He said it over and over again. "Please don't cry Bella." He wiped away my tears and spoke soothingly trying to calm my frayed nerves. I closed my eyes and burrowed into his arms.

I must have fallen asleep because when I reached for Jacob my hands brushed across the textured fabric of my quilt and not the soft cotton of his shirt. I lay in bed somewhere between sleep and wakefulness. I opened my eyes and saw that it was still dark. I looked at my alarm clock and saw that it was 2:45am. I groaned, turned over and tried to go back to sleep.

I felt myself drifting but my mind was restless. So instead of falling into a deep sleep, my mind wandered into a dream. This dream was different from any of my previous ones. Instead of ferns and the woods I was standing in a verdant plain of tall grass under a starry sky. The land seemed to stretch as far as the sky. There was a light breeze and the grass bowed and swayed under the wind. On the horizon, the stalks seemed to kiss the blue-black expanse and the stars winked and danced across the sky. I felt buoyant and smiled.

I wanted to lose myself in the splendor of it all but the sense that something was missing kept tugging at the back of my mind. I continued to gaze at the sky and then I realized there was no moon. My eyes darted to the left and right. I spun around searching but not matter where I looked I could not find the moon. A sense of desperation seized me and I began to run. I had to find the moon. I ran not knowing where I was going or what direction I was running in. All I knew is that the moon was not here and I needed it to be.

I ran until my lungs burned and my limbs ached. I felt like I had run for miles and miles but there was nothing but plain and sky and stars in every direction. Exhausted I sank to my knees. I peered over the few inches of grass that reached over my head and lamented my lost moon. I caught the stars with my tears and cried until the night was pitch-black.

When I awoke the second time I could feel by the stiffness of my limbs and the dull ache of hunger in my belly that I had slept well past morning. The sadness of my dream faded as the reality of the past 24 hours crept into my consciousness. My thoughts were all a jumble and threatened to overwhelm me before I'd even dragged myself out of the bed.

I took a deep breath and turned my thoughts to more banal things like, Did I put the clothes in the dryer? and I wonder if there are any more Cheerios. By the time I'd dressed and eaten it was about 1:30 in the afternoon. I finished cleaning the dishes and contemplated going to La Push. Jacob had said that he would be on patrol his morning. I knew he'd probably be tired but I wanted to be near him.

I slipped on my sneakers, grabbed my keys and headed out the door. I stopped just short of tripping over Edward who was sitting on the steps in front of my house. He stood too quickly and kept me from falling over. He looked completely different from last night. He was eyes were golden and his clothes looked like something from the pages of a high end catalogue. His face held a look of anticipation and his skin felt slightly warm as if he'd been sitting in the sun for a long time.

I pulled away from his grasp a little disconcerted. "How long have you been here?" My skin tingled where his fingers had rested on my skin.

"For a while." He shrugged.

I rubbed my arm absentmindedly and stared into his eyes. I waited for the familiar up tick in heart beat that always happened when he was this close but it didn't come. He still looked every bit the Greek god but his beauty didn't move me as it had in times before. I didn't feel overwhelmed with the need to step closer and press my lips too his perfectly formed mouth.

I frowned and took a step back from him. "What are you doing here?"

"I need to talk to you."

I took another step back and leaned against the door. "Ok"

He took a step forward and squared his shoulders as if steel himself. "I wanted to apologize for the way things devolved last night. I didn't mean to frighten you and I promise that no matter how much I detest your friend I will not harm him."

"Boyfriend. Jacob is my boyfriend. And maybe you should worry about how much harm would come to you if you cross him." I said defensively. "He's more than capable of taking care of himself. He and the pack saved me from Laurent while you were off being easily distracted"

" Bella I was not off doing anything but thinking of you. Every moment or every day I longed for you. I love you."

"Liar." I spat at him. "Don't you dare say those words to me. Do you remember what you said to me in the woods that day? Because I do." –I pointed at my heart – " Your words played on repeat in my mind for months. I don't want you. I don't love. I'm tired of pretending."- a sob stuck in my throat and I had to take a deep breath before continuing- "I can not begin to express the depths depression I waded thru for months because of you. All the while a small piece of me hoped that you would come back. I hoped that you were lying. But the days ticked by and you didn't call, didn't email, didn't write. Nothing."- I punctuated each accusation with a poke of my finger- "And what's worse, you took my best friend away from me. How could you do that to me? You didn't even let me say goodbye" –I shook my head – "Love doesn't do that Edward. I could have forgiven you anything. And maybe if you would have come back sooner I would have. But it's too late now. I love Jacob and he and I are together now." I finished my breath ragged and chest heaving.

Edward grimaced. "Bella, I have never for a moment stopped loving you. I knew that you wouldn't let me go and so I said whatever I thought was necessary to make you believe. I left because I wanted you to be safe. I wanted you to be human. It seemed no matter what I did I was always putting you in harm's way. First James then my own brother attacked you." –his eyes lost focus remembering-"How could I continue to ask you choose me when it was only ever going to be you risking your life every moment we were together.

"When I thought that you were-" his voice modulated to a near whisper and he started again-" When I thought you were dead all I could think of was finding a way to follow you. How could I live in a world where you didn't exist anymore?" -he ran a hand through his hair- " I came here because I wanted be near you one last time before I found a way to leave this world as surely as I thought you had. All the way here I lamented all the time I'd wasted by forcing myself out of your life. I wished that I could go back in time and take back that moment and choose again.

But then I got here and Alice told me you weren't dead and the relief I felt-"- he took a step toward me and peered into my eyes - "I can't even begin to put into words what I felt. I was like a dead man given life again. I am not a praying man as I deem my soul damned anyway. But I prayed in that moment Bella"- he closed his eyes and folded his hands in front of his chest- "I prayed and I thanked God that you were alive." –he looked deep into my eyes again- " I know that you're with Jacob but I love you and I want you to be with me."

As he spoke all my anger had fizzled. I tried to think of all the reasons why I should be vexed but it was hard to think with him standing in front of me begging me to love him. "You need to leave." My voice was barely audible in my own ears but I knew he heard me.

"Bella, please."

He was standing so close. How did he get this close? The smell of him was so intoxicating. It was a matter of inches between his lips and mine. All I had to do was lean forward and I knew he would close the distance but I couldn't. I loved Jacob and I couldn't hurt him like that. I mustered every ounce of my will and stepped around Edward and started to walk to my truck. "I love Jacob." I called over my shoulder and when I turned he was already standing at the driver's side door.

"You're too late." I crossed my arms. "Now please move. I'd like to go and see my boyfriend"

He stood there glowering at me. "This is why we would never work. You do what you think is best regardless of my desires."

"You don't desire me? You nearly just kissed me a moment ago." He scoffed.

"No, I didn't," I protested feeling guilty.

"You still love me Bella."

"You know what? I do," I admitted feeling utterly exasperated. "And I probably always will." –Edward smiled looking smug- " But a relationship is built on trust and mutual respect, and I don't trust you and you don't respect me." –that wiped the smile right off of his face- "If you had respected the depths of my feelings you would have never left in the first place. So let's not do this ok. Once was enough. I thought I would die without you. There were times when I wanted to. I thought I would never be happy again but Jacob showed me that there was happiness for me without you. No it's not the same but that's ok. I'm still broken and sometimes I miss you but I've moved on just like you hoped I would."

"Bella don't." He reached out and grabbed my hand but I snatched it away.

"Don't touch me. I'm not yours anymore. Now move out of my way. I need to go."

After another moment of glowering he stepped aside and opened the door for me. I got in and started the truck. Edward leaned through the window.

"Things are not over between us. I'm not going anywhere Bella and I plan on doing everything in my power to win you back."

"Good luck with that." I threw the truck in reverse and backed out of the drive way.

SASSY BELLA! :)

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