DISCLAIMER: I do not own the Twilight Saga or any of the characters. It belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I am writing this story for fun and I will not seek any financial gain for it.

CHAPTER 9: DISTANCE

Spring break was almost over and guilt goaded me to go out of my way to prove myself to Jacob. I spent every possible moment that I could with him. When we were together I was ardent in showing my affection. At times I felt like everything was fine between us but then he would look at me with his questioning eyes and I would feel that he knew I was holding something back.

I didn't like the space this secret put between us. I fought with myself daily about whether or not to tell him but it just was not worth the risk. I could not bear the thought of the Cullens and the Quileutes at war because of me. So I kept my mouth shut and prayed that things would get better.

But things continued to deteriorate. I was on edge and so was Jacob. We fought about everything and nothing. I was agitated because he fell asleep watching a movie. He was upset because I forgot to call him when I got home. I was mad because he invited his friends to hang out when it was supposed to be just us two. He was angry because I was being clingy. It was terrible and the space between us widened.

The strain of trying to hold it all together was beginning to wear on me and I was glad when Spring Break was over. School hours would be a reprieve from the tension building between Jacob and I. Feeling equal parts anxious and hopeful I arrived early. For months I had been utterly depressed and reclusive. At this point most of my friends had resigned themselves to my morose behavior. I wasn't shunned but they no longer tried to draw me out of myself either. I was on the fringe of the social circle, my input no longer sought when plans were made for a fun excursion. No one came to me when they wanted to chat. I had been totally fine with the way things were until, by slow degrees, Jacob's sunny disposition had pierced the cloud that had hung over me. Bit by bit I had begun to want more than the half-life I had been living. Jacob had filled so much of that yearning but now my personal sun had times when he was apt to hide behind clouds of mistrust and I couldn't blame him.

I needed a friend that stood outside the intrigues of Vampires and Werewolves. I had intended on arriving early and intercepting Angela on her way to class. I was going to strike up some small talk, maybe ask her how her project for biology was coming along and then make an oblique reference to hanging out sometime to gauge her receptiveness to the idea. Angela was always kind and I figured she would be the mostly likely of my friends to forgive me and let me attempt to patch things up. It was all planned out in my head.

I waited for as long as I could for her but I never saw her pull up. I hurried out my truck and made it to Trig. just as the bell rang. Mr. Varner peered at me over his glasses as I took my seat but he didn't say anything. I contemplated reaching out to Jessica but she was utterly absorbed with some other bit of news and seemed completely oblivious of my existence. She and Lauren giggled and whispered the entire class so I nixed that I idea and tried to concentrate on the wonderful world of sine, cosine and tangents.

The day was slow in passing. If I hadn't been so preoccupied with worrying over Jacob I might have noticed the weird glances I was getting from people as I walked the halls. I wondered through the lunch line not really seeing what I put on my tray and made my way to my table.

"Sit with me?" An all too familiar voice asked.

I startled and would have dropped my tray but Edward snatched it out the air and kept everything from tumbling to the floor. My heart lurched in my chest and tried to organize my scattered wits as I stared at his too beautiful face. I don't know if it was the shock of seeing him so unexpectedly or just seeing him at all that made forming a coherent thought nearly impossible. Why did he have to be so good looking?

"What?" I said stupidly.

"Come sit with me." He smiled, leaned in swiftly and kissed me on the cheek then gently grabbed my elbow and guided me to an empty table. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that I should be angry that he would presume to kiss me. Or at least agitated that he would act so familiar but I just couldn't muster the emotion. All I could think about was the tingle on my skin where his lips had been.

I was so wound up and stressed and the look in his eyes and the feel of his hands on my arm had a tiny coil of tension easing in me without me realizing it. Whatever else I might feel about Edward he always made me feel safe. I sat and expected Edward to sit across from me but he pulled a chair around the table and sat right next to me.

Unconsciously I rubbed a hand against the cheek he'd kissed and stared at my tray. Edward leaned back in his chair seemingly at ease. I could feel the intensity of his gaze on me but I could not bring myself to look at him. I knew what I would see there and I was afraid it would make me feel more than I should.

I turned to survey the cafeteria and saw the rest of Edward's siblings, with the exception of Jasper, sitting at their usual table. Emmett winked at me and smiled his dimpled smile, while Rosalie pointedly ignored me. I stuck my tongue out at her and Emmett laughed garnering a swift kick in the shins from Rosalie. He laughed again and Alice gave me a small smile that didn't reach her eyes. It made my heart hurt. She was without her better half. Jasper had been sent to Denali because he couldn't seem to control is baser nature when he was around me. I was glad that he was gone but I was sad it caused Alice pain.

"You should be with Jasper." I whispered. I knew she could hear me with her heightened sense of hearing.

"Don't worry about me." It was Edward's voice in my ear relaying her reply. "I owe you a great debt, twice over now, where Jasper is concerned. I told you I would not abandon you and I meant it."

I shivered even though it wasn't cold. Edward's proximity to me was a little unnerving. I shifted in my seat and tried to put a little distance between us. "Thank you." I said to Alice. She gave a small nod and I turned back to my tray and began picking at my lunch.

I didn't know what to say to Edward. I felt like I should berate him for kissing me and tell him to keep his distance. That I loved Jacob and that he had no chance of winning me back. I felt like I should get away from him and go sit with my human friends.

But I didn't do any of those things. I hated myself but after all the fighting with Jacob a part of me just wanted to just be at ease and not fight for a little while. I put my elbows on the table and put my face in my hands. My hair spilled forward and Edward lightly swept my hair behind my ear.

"What are you thinking about love?" Edward asked.

A wave of longing washed through me and I nearly leaned into his touch. I wanted to tell him everything. How I waited. I waited for him for so long but he never came. How Jacob was always there being kind and keeping me safe and begging me to love him and I fought against it but then I found myself loving him back. But now we were fighting and everything was falling apart and I was so miserable. If he had never left none of this would have happened. Ugh, I didn't mean that. If Edward had never left I would never have let Jacob in, and Jacob made me happy. Well he used too. But then Edward came back and now I was keeping secrets and nothing felt right anymore. If he'd never come back none of this would have happened. It was all so confusing. I tried to hold the tears at bay but my heart was full to bursting and I began to cry.

"Bella what's wrong?" Edward asked, alarmed. He pulled my hands away from my face and futilely wiped at my bucket of tears.

"I hate you." I murmured weakly.

"No you don't." He smiled and it infuriated me. I hated that he could read me so well. He was so sure of himself. So calm and collected while I was a mess. He'd hurt me deeply when he left and his return was causing me pain as well. But he was so unaffected by everything and it galled me. I wanted to wound him. I wanted to make him feel a measure of what I felt.

I swatted his hands away from my face, gritted my teeth and put as much steel into my voice as I could muster. "I hate you." I ground out. "I realize that now. I was drawn by the mystery of you. You were like a fairy tale come to life. Never in my wildest dreams did I think vampires were real. But then you weren't just a vampire, you were a vampire that wanted to be good" – I glanced at his siblings- "A whole family of vegan vamps right in my bayckyard. I was enthralled but that's all it was. A morbid curiosity. How could I love you? You're nothing but a soulless, heartless monster." I spat the last word like an epithet.

Edward recoiled as if he'd been slapped. "Feel better now?" he said softly. His wounded expression cooled the heat of my anger.

"Just stay away from me." I shoved out of my seat and stalked out of the cafeteria. I went to the bathroom and tried to compose myself. I splashed cool water on my face and took several deep breathes.

"Are you ok?" I turned to see Angela walking into the bathroom.

I smiled at her weakly. "I was looking for you this morning. I was almost late to class waiting for you in the parking lot."

"I forgot to set my alarm clock last night."

I nodded, my face still dripping water. Angela grabbed a few paper towels and handed them to me.

"Thanks." I dried my face and hands and peered into the mirror to see if it looked like I had been crying. My eyes were a bit puffy, there was no hiding it.

"So what's up? You were looking for me." Angela asked.

This is why I loved Angela. Anyone else would have badgered me with a million questions about Edward and what had transpired between us but Angela didn't push. She was very perceptive but never intrusive.

"Yeah. I wanted to say I was sorry for the way I've been acting. I know I haven't been a good friend lately. Things have been so crazy and I know I've been distant but I've really missed you and I could really use a friend right now. I hope you still consider me your friend." I said hopefully.

"Of course I do. You were just so sad and closed off from everyone. We all tried to reach out but you just kinda… shut down."

"I know. I'm sorry. But I'm better now." I smiled at her reassuringly.

"So much better that you're crying in the bathroom?" Angela asked skeptically. Her almond eyes narrowed further as she smirked.

"It's different. I'm not really sad" – I shrugged- "I'm just frustrated."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Angela asked and then the bell rang.

I grabbed my books off the counter. "Can you come over after school today?"

She shook her head. "I have to be home to watch my brothers. My mom is working late and my dad is out of town at a conference. You can hang out with me at my house if you want though; if you don't mine hanging out with a pair of lively 9 Year olds."

"No that's great. I'll see you after school." I smiled and a sense of relief flood through me. It was nice to have a friend.

"Cool beans. Later gator." She said over her shoulder as she walked out the bathroom.

"Later." I called after her. I turned back to the mirror and smoothed my hair then squared my shoulders and walked out the bathroom as well.

I stopped short when I saw Edward leaning against the wall right outside the door waiting for me. I squeezed my books against my chest and strode past him without a word. He silently walked beside me never taking his eyes off me. I stared straight ahead and willed myself not to look at him. My resolve almost crumbled when he walked into Biology right behind me and then took his usual seat beside me. How was I going to make it through an entire hour of class sitting right next to him? I considered asking someone to switch places with me but shook off the idea. I did not want to be a coward. I did not want to be the one who was always emotional and running away. If he could manage an air of nonchalance and composure then so could I.

I turned my chair as far away from him as I could and leaned an elbow on the table so that my back was nearly completely facing him. I pulled out my pen and notebook and readied myself to take the most exhaustive notes I'd ever taken in Mr. Banner's class.

"Bella please don't be this way." Edward begged softly. I peeked at him over my shoulder and saw that his hands were clenched in his lap and he was leaning forward on the table trying to peek at my face.

Mr. Banner began to lecture on the structure of animals cells. I made a show of concentrating on the slides he'd put up and ignored Edward.

"Ok. You don't want to talk to me. But don't hide your face from me." Edward pled.

In response I shook out my hair and let it fall forward, further obscuring his view of me and shifted in my seat to turn further away. He sighed and I heard him lean back in his chair. A few minutes went by and then he slid piece of paper toward me. I pretended not to notice but glimpsed his neat script.

See how she leans her cheek upon her hand.
O that I were a glove upon that hand,
That I might touch that cheek.

I read it and blushed because I was leaning on the table with my chin resting in the palm of my hand. I squirmed and brought my hand down to my lap. After a moment I took the paper and wrote back then slide it back to him.

"He might as well plant an oak in a flowerpot, and expect it to thrive, as imagine he can restore her to vigor in the soil of his shallow cares!"

We went back and forth for a moment. Scribbling feverishly on the scrap of paper.

E: "My bounty is as boundless as the sea,
My love as deep; the more I give to thee,
The more I have, for both are infinite"

B: "I gave him my heart, and he took and pinched it to death; and flung it back to me. People feel with their hearts, and since he has destroyed mine, I have not power to feel for him"

E: "The course of true love never did run smooth"

B: True love? "Why did you betray your own heart Edward? I have not one word of comfort. You deserve this. ... You loved me - then what right had you to leave me? Because ... nothing God or satan could inflict would have parted us, you, of you own will, did it. I have not broken your heart - you have broken it; and in breaking it, you have broken mine."

You are too late. I. LOVE. JACOB.

E: "If he loved with all the powers of his puny being, he couldn't love as much in eighty years as I could in a day."

I swallowed against the lump forming in my throat and dropped my pen. I tried to think of something to write back but kept drawing a blank. I wanted to put him in his place. I wanted to pen a quick comeback that would wound and unsettle him but I was too unsettled to make the attempt.

I lifted my eyes from the paper and gazed into his eyes. The air between us began to crackle with electricity. I felt myself tense. My gaze flickered over his body and I could tell he was feeling it too. I don't know how long we sat like that but some point I'd forgotten to breathe. I drew in a ragged breathe and pulled my eyes away from his.

"Bella." He's only said my name, and softly, but somehow he imbued so much feeling into those two syllables that I heard "I love you. I need you. Forgive me." "Bella," He said again just as softly but a slightly different tone. This time I heard "I won't give up. I'm yours. Always."

I shook my head and wrapped my arms around my torso as if to shield my heart from this onslaught of emotion. I didn't like the way I felt when he said my name like that. Or rather I liked it too much. He shouldn't be able to get to me like this. I loved Jacob. But every time Edward poured out his heart a part of me longed to reciprocate. I shook my head again and refused to look at him. I love Jacob. I said it over and over in my head like a litany.

In my peripheral vision I saw Edward reach out toward me. My heart skipped a beat and I tensed again. One handed, he effortlessly grabbed my chair by the seat and lifted me off the floor, just enough so that the legs wouldn't scrape the floor, and pulled me right next to him. He put me down gently not making a sound. My heat beat wildly in my chest and I flashed a quick glance around the room, but no one seemed to have noticed. To be this close again and yet be so far away was maddening. If he really loved me why did he leave in the first place? Why did I still care?

As if reading my mind he murmured too close to my ear. "You still love me Bella. I can see it in your face."

I wondered what he saw and hated that I was so easily readable. I tried to school my features into something resembling indifference but failed and settled for resignation. "I love Jacob." I whispered feebly.

He nodded. "But you love me too."

My heart turned violently in my chest, because no matter how much I wanted to deny it, I knew he was right. I felt my heart break as I let the truth settle over me.

Sorry for all the typos. I think I caught them all this time. I think I need a beta LOL

THANKS FOR ALL THE GREAT FEEDBACK! HOPE YOU ALL ARE STILL ENJOYING THIS STORY! Chapter 10 will be up soon :D