The Illusive Man was going to die. Painfully. Zaeed was already having fantasies about how he would make him suffer before giving him a "freebie" bullet in the brain. The Collector Ship he had sent them to – apparently abandoned and adrift in space – was not only teeming with reaper forces, but it was clear also that the smarmy old bastard had known all about it. He had sent them into a trap.

Shepard was down in the comms room, no doubt already giving the man a piece of her mind. Zaeed was in the medbay, getting patched up by an efficient Dr Chakwas. Not only had he had several chunks taken out of him by husks, but he had also sprained his shoulder when the platform he had been standing on had shifted suddenly beneath his feet and he had fallen.

"Christ, Doc, no need to be gentle eh?" Zaeed hissed in pain as Chakwas slapped on some more medigel and pressed another bandage against a particularly raw wound.

"I'm just doing my job Zaeed," the doctor said. "Trust me, this'll get you patched up good as new. You know, if I'd known you earlier, you wouldn't have half the scars you do."

"You trying to say something about my looks?" Zaeed raised an eyebrow at the older woman, who was now bending over a burn on his ankle.

"Not at all, Zaeed. Just remarking on my considerable medical abilities," Chakwas said with a smile. "Right, there you go. Give it a few days and you'll never know you had a fight. Just, you know, take it easy for a while. No strenuous bedroom action up there in the commander's cabin."

Zaeed choked on his own breath as he stared at the doctor in shock.

"What did you say?"

"Oh come now, Massani," the doctor almost purred, her British accent like honey. "It's obvious, the way you've both been acting – everyone can see it. You're crazy about each other. It's about time you finally got it together, and I for one am glad to see it."

"Wouldn't go that far, but thanks. I guess," Zaeed said, his face burning up. He was horrendously bad at conversations like this. Besides, it wasn't as if he and Shepard had anything serious going on. He liked her, sure – hell, he liked her a lot - but he was an old soldier and sensible enough to know something like this wasn't going to last forever. He wasn't sure how he felt about other people knowing. It made him uncomfortable.

"You know, doc, appreciate it if you don't talk to anyone else about this," he said, getting up from the medbay bed. "Just wouldn't want people getting the wrong idea."

"I would never do such a thing," Chakwas pressed her hand dramatically to her chest as if she was shocked that Zaeed would even suggest it.

"Great. Thanks, doc. See you around."

Shepard had asked Zaeed to wait in her cabin, but after the conversation he had just had he felt that he wanted to be alone to think things over. He retreated to his spot in the cargo bay and asked EDI to lock the door behind him.

"Let nobody in, EDI," he said, "I'm tired and need some rest."

"Understood, Mr Massani."

It was only about half an hour later that EDI was announcing Shepard's presence outside Zaeed's room. Shepard was, predictably, asking for entry.

"Tell her I'm asleep, EDI," Zaeed sighed, hating having to do this but knowing that he couldn't face her right now. "As I said before, I don't want to be disturbed, not by anyone."

"I will inform her that you cannot be woken, Mr Massani. I am not very comfortable with lying to her, however."

"You don't need to be comfortable with it," he said, wondering how an AI could feel uncomfortable anyway. "Just do it, please."

"Consider it done."

"Thank you."

He turned over on his cot, burying his face in the pillow. Half of him couldn't quite believe he was here when Shepard had invited him back to her cabin again. You must be losing your mind, old man, he thought, woman like that wants you and you're blowing her off. But the other half of him was troubled by thoughts that people would start to think of them as a couple, Shepard and Massani, and that bothered him more than he would like to admit.

For one thing, he was a proud man. He didn't want people to look at him and wonder what Shepard saw in him – Christ only knew, he didn't have a clue himself. And he didn't want to see anyone's face when this – whatever it was between him and Shepard – came to an end, didn't want people to feel sorry for him, as if she had inevitably broken his heart.

It wasn't like that, goddamnit. He was attracted to her – sure, she was beautiful – and the sex had been incredible, but surely it was like scratching an itch for both of them. Not as if they were declaring their undying love. How had it got so complicated already?

He didn't sleep that night, thinking about Shepard up in her cabin. Wondering what she would make of his retreat into his own room. Part of him felt guilty about shutting her out, but mostly he was confused. He wasn't quite sure how he had gone from feeling on top of the world, wanting nothing more than to make love to Shepard over and over again, to this – cold, empty and distant – in a matter of hours. Perhaps there was something properly wrong with him; maybe Jack wasn't the only psycho on board.

That was a comforting thought. Maybe, he considered, it was time for him to take his leave from the ship. If Chakwas had thought things were awkward for Shepard before, it was likely that he had just made it all much worse.

His mind made up, he began to stow his few possessions into a holdall. They would have to stop to refuel very soon; he could slope away quietly then and find transport back to Omega.

He had reckoned without Shepard's tenacity, however. Maybe she hadn't slept either, but when the Normandy pulled into dock in the Skepsis system to load up on fuel – still two hours away from the day shift – Zaeed hadn't got any further than the elevator before he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Where do you think you're going, Massani?"

She looked tired, eyes red and skin dry – but more than that, he noted, she looked angry. Her gaze was flinty and her chin tilted as she looked him in the eye and silently demanded that he answer her question.

He shifted the holdall uncomfortably on his shoulder. There was a long pause as he struggled to find the words to reply. Eventually, after she continued to fix him with that icy stare, he blurted out the honest truth.

"Figured I'd try to get back to Omega, hitch a ride on some other ship passing by."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "And just why would you want to do that?"

Zaeed sighed. "Easier for both of us, I reckon, Shepard. Last thing either of us needs right now is a distraction. You've got enough to deal with without me fucking things up."

"Right, I see. A distraction. One you were happy enough with, I seem to remember, not even two nights ago," she said, shaking her head. "This your usual modus operandi, is it? Fuck me and fuck off?"

Zaeed grimaced. That was precisely what he had promised himself he would not do, not this time. Seemed old habits died hard.

"What's up, don't like me telling it how I see it?" She was on a roll now, her voice low and quiet, but ringing with bitterness. "You know, you leave now and you won't see a single one of the credits Cerberus promised you, I will personally make sure of that."

"I don't care about the credits, Shepard," he said, wishing that the ground would swallow him up, that he was not here right now in the corridor having this physically painful conversation.

"Right, you want to get away from me so badly that you'd willingly wave goodbye to a small fortune. That feels real nice," she said, voice breaking, unmistakeable pain in her eyes replacing the anger. "I know you're a bastard, Zaeed, but I hadn't thought even you would do something like this. Pretending you give a shit, that you wanted me – really wanted me – making me feel like a million dollars, then trying to sneak off in the dead of night without a second look back. You're a piece of work, you know. Maybe you should go."

She wheeled away from him, punching the elevator call button so hard that he thought she may have dented the wall. They waited in silence for the elevator to come, the air bristling with tension as they avoided each other's eyes.

Goddamn slow elevators.

Finally the car arrived and Shepard stepped back, gesturing for him to get in. "Go on then. Fuck off. Have a nice fucking life."

He looked at her for a long time, words bubbling in his throat and jumbling together so that nothing made sense any more.

He took a deep breath, swallowed. "Goddamn sorry, Shepard. Never meant for this."

"Sorry doesn't change anything though, does it Zaeed. You said that to me once. You were right."

He nodded, stepped into the elevator and pushed the button, watching the doors slowly close on the first woman he had cared about since his Eilidh, all those years ago.