and thats when it hit me,i needed to man uo and be their for georgia,i lost my other best friend from being wrapped up in my own little world.i know it was only yesterday she took her life but i didnt want to feel anything anymore.
i got out of bed and plodded down to the bathroom,jaocb must of had a shower because the mirror was steamed up.
i wipped the mirror and stared at my reflection,all i saw was pain in my eyes.i could tell today was going to be full of more agony and pain.i couldnt look at my descusting reflection for much longer and i was starting to get angry,
angry that i let this happen angry that i was alive and grace wasnt.
i roared"AAAAAHHH" and punched the shattered into millions of peices i look down at my hand to see blood driping onto the floor creating a puddle,glass wedged into my hand but i didnt feel it as pain it was a punishment for being a shit friend.
i heard footsteps and someone pulling at the door."open the door carla"jacob told me, i couldnt hide this forever so i unlocked the door and it opened.i was surprised to see georgias face and behind her was my brother,seth and paul.
i looked at georgia as she gasped she came over to me and as soon as she took my hand in hers i cried into her arms blood going all over her.
i was competely broken.i pulled away from her and she was overed in my gave me a weak smile "comon we need to get that cleaned up"the man whore said as jacob gave him a evil look.
Paul walked over to me and held me by the waist as me led me to the kitchen.
he looked at my hand as he wiped away the blood.
"why are you a man whore?"i asked and i heard jacob laugh from the living room.
"im not"was his rely i could tell he was upset i said it but it was true and i felt embarrsed i felt a connection towards him.
"yes you are,you've slept with every girl nearly" i stated "well im changing"he said in a annoyed tone.
"you cant change over night,its like a drug to you isnt it?"i said "it was but i've got addicted to something better now"he said as he looked into my eyes i felt happy for a second or two.
"old habbits always stay"i told him and thats when his soft eyes turned cold and angry "i would hate to be your best friend because all you do is kill then great friend you are!"
his words where like veniom.
how dare he say that to me! i did my best and it made me so angry i could of killed him.
i balled my hand into a fist and i felt the glass dig in deeper and i swug a fist at his face cutting it with the glass that just about poked out if my hand.
i ran up stairs to georgia as i ran up the stair i heard jacob and paul argueing.
i grabed gerogas hand "we need to go i cant stay here we need to run!"
she looked at me as if i was crazy but i told her what happened down stairs and she said "ok if thats what you want we will go,together."
i nodded.
she led me to the bathroom that i smashed the mirror and took the glass out if my hand.i felt the pain but didnt flinch but sat their.
she put a bandage around it "thank you"was all i said and she wiped away her own tear.
i went into room.
i chucked on a over sized jumped that only overed on shoulder and a pain of jeans was boot,i didnt both to put make up on and just let my wavey,long hair all natually.i let georgia borrow some clothes and packed the rest of my things.
"im gonna go home and get my things georgia said in a whisper.
i nodded and watched her walk out of my room.i took my suit case down stairs.i didnt see my dad because he went fishing with charile swan.
i opened the front door and walked uo to jacob and gave him a big hug,he hugged me back,paul just stood their.i felt my suit case in the house so he wouldnt try and stop me from leaving.
i saw Paul from the corner of my eye as i pulled away from looked at me and iv straight back at him even though i really hated him i couldnt help but look into his big brown eye and fall even more for him.
before i could even blink he was standing in frount of me looking into my eyes "i'm so sorry"he whispered as his hand cupped my cheek. "don't were right, i mean what kind of friend just lets this kind of thing happen and i feel so guilty but i tried my best."their was silance untill i spoke again "i'm sorry for talking about your old addictions and stuff like that..."
he tilted my chin up so i was looking at him "i already told you,my new addiction is better." "and what your new addiction?" i ask "you" he whispered in my ear.
i was so shocked i couldnt done a awkward cough on purpose and we both looked at him "Paul we need to talk" jacob told him.
they both turned to talk towards the forest.
"jacob" i said he turned around "i love you"i told him with a small,fake smile,"love you to pricesess i'll see you in an hour or two" and he walked away.
i herd georgia bib the horn of her car it was time to leave.i walked up towards her and when i reached her i told her i had a to do something before we went she nodded and gave me a quick hug,she waited in her car as i quickly went in side my house.
i would of felt bad if i didnt tell jake and dad why i left so wrote a note.
NOTE- To Dad and Jake,i've had to leave.i cant stay here memories are all round i cant do it.i have to go and get my head straight,i cant live like this i feel like i'm not living,it feels like im drowning.i can't stay in la push with guilt.i feel as if i cant breath.i dont want anyone to see what a mess i am,i cant fight the pain that is coming.i bleed just to know im i've gone away.i dont know where or for how long it could be,days,
months or even years i dont know.i dont want leave but i have to for me and for georgia.i dont want you to worry i'll be with georgia.
lots and lots of love Carla x
i left the note on the coffe table,got my suit case and left the placei called decided to lay flowers outside grace's house,i was tears in georgias eyes,so i held her we drove out if la push i felt all the pain being lifted of my my heart acked and i dont know why