Disclaimer: Not mine. Thank you, Ms Meyer, for such lovely characters.

A Cullen Comeback? 2012 started with a bang and ended in a whimper.

Dare Cullen raise our hopes again? ~ Scout Web

I leapt out of the car before Alice could resume her interrogation, slamming the door behind me, and hustling toward the door of the rink. On the short drive from campus to the indoor skate rink, she'd made it clear she wanted every detail from last night's study session. More precisely, she wanted every last detail of my interaction with Edward. I did a mental sigh. She was the best friend I'd ever had, and I wanted to share every detail with her, but as close as we were, she just didn't understand this little facet of my personality. Her lack of understanding was totally understandable, considering I didn't understand it, either.

I heard Alice following close behind and hoped she would at least try not to make a spectacle of us in the parking lot. She wouldn't hesitate to ask a million and a half questions, bombard me with her need for details, and I really didn't want to answer in front of the Littles team. But she still managed to beat me to the door, leaning her light weight against it and preventing me from entering.

I slanted her a rude look, then another over the parking lot. So far, we were alone in the covered alcove entrance, so I caved. "We didn't even really talk at the study session. He just sorta sat there." Looking divine, I admitted to myself. "Irina kept flirting with him, but he seemed mostly oblivious. It was a short meeting, just long enough for us to lay the groundwork, you know? Figure out when we would meet, who would do what. He barely spoke."

Alice crossed her arms over her chest, her gaze taking me in as though weighing my words. "You didn't even speak, did you?"

No, I thought. I didn't really. I sat there, foot bouncing like a jackhammer on speed. Hard to think rationally when all I could really grasp was that Edward Cullen was in the same tiny study room as me. Practically alone, if a girl ignored the other two people. Which in my fantasies, I always managed. And then when he'd ducked beneath the table to get his pen? My mind had leapt to all sorts of dirty places, imagining what he could do in that particular position.

Alice huffed, impatient.

I flushed. "No," I finally conceded.

This was one of those times. One of those times when I really wished my lack of comfort in the presence of Cullen wasn't so amazingly obvious. I wasn't really this shy. It was ridiculous. Wasn't like I was a virgin. And I didn't act this way with all guys. "No, I didn't actually talk to him. Never directly, at least."

Alice blew out a long breath, poofing out her shaggy blue-black bangs, something clouding her dark eyes, then turned back to the door. She pulled it open and I followed slowly. No way was she giving in that easily. I'd disappointed my friend, obviously. And now I was disappointed in myself. A little spark of rebellion made me add, "It's not like I'm going to date him. And the project will last all semester, too. This was only the first session, Alice. We'll be meeting every Monday night."

Her friend continued toward the wall of lockers against the far end of the skate rink. Flat track practice for the Littles team of the Seattle Slammers roller derby league would begin in just a few minutes and as their coaches, Alice and I had to be ready to skate with them, demonstrate techniques and up their performance. Alice reached the bench fronting the lockers. She kicked of her blue peep toes as she plopped her bright pink equipment bag down. I followed, watching her with a sense of caution. Alice in a thinking mood made me more than a little nervous.

Finally, she answered as she started unloading gear. "I know, Bella. But this is kinda a big deal for you."

I yanked my own skates out of my tattered bag. "Not really."

"It is. It so is." Alice yanked open the locker, pulling down an assortment of pads and shoving them on with sharp jerky motions. "It is such a big deal."

My own pads were in my bag, so I snatched them out. I'd been right, Alice wasn't going to let this go easily, but she was coming at me from such a different direction, I struggled with how to respond. The girls on the team were starting to wander in, making their way to the lockers. None close enough yet to really hear us, but upping my anxiety.

Raised by an ultra private grandmother, I was pretty much neurotic when it came to people knowing my business. Back home, it seemed everyone already did – and with a mother like mine, there was always plenty to know. People looked at me with certain expectations, surprised when I didn't follow in my mother's reckless footsteps. Except Grams. She always knew what to expect from me and I never disappointed her. Coming out west for school was as close to a disappointment that I'd ever handed her, but she'd quickly grasped my reasoning and supported the move. But regardless of the distance from home, I'd yet to give up my fear of disappointing those I cared about. And since beginning U'Dub two years ago, Alice sat at the top of that list.

But while I didn't want to disappoint Alice and was so grateful for her getting me out and about, out and about just could not include Edward Cullen. "Not really a big deal."

She slammed her locker closed and I snapped upright at the loud crash. A second later, my gaze darted around to see if any of the Littles had noticed, and while several looked our way, none made any moves to join us. Their faces were animated, excited to be here tonight and practice. One or two of them would be joining the flat track roller derby league next year and took these practices very seriously. Even as they painted their faces and picked out just the right skull and cross bones knee highs and their derby names, they wanted to be good enough to win. We wanted that for them, too.

Alice stomped her foot into her pink skates and I practically held my breath as I did the same. Finally, she erupted. "Bella Marie Swan, don't be a fake." Her furious whisper ripped through me, sharp and painful. "I'm so tired of you hiding away in your dorm, scared to death to cause any ripples in the perfect plans you and your Grams have for your perfect little life. Pretending you have no nerve, when really you're as ballsy as they come."

She plodded awkwardly in the skates over and onto the slick surface of the ring. Far enough away from me that she had to raise her voice to be heard when she added, "I think you hide behind those excuses, the shy girl who's not really shy at all." She twirled in a tight little circle. "I'm going to ask Jasper out."

"What?" Where had that come from? "The dj?"

"Yep. Gonna just go for it. If I can make the first move on a guy, so can you."

"Alice," I groaned, tightening the laces on my plain black skates. "Your logic defies reason."

"Only in your too-smart-for-your-own-good, overly analytical brain, Bella Swan." She pushed off, heading toward the little knot of teens warming up.

I had absolutely no idea what the hell Alice was talking about, but she'd said the last loud enough that the Littles grasped the opportunity to call out their hellos and what's ups. Heat flushed my cheeks, but I pushed onto the rink and started skating quickly toward everyone. Determined to be all business and no-nonsense coach, I barked out orders for the girls to start laps. Alice laughed, unfooled, but she fell in on the outside of the girls. We skated, picking up speed, until everyone forgot Alice's taunting and focused instead on keeping up.

The Littles were the teen team of the local roller derby league that competed in and around Seattle. Alice and I had joined the roster our first semester at school two years ago and no matter how heavy our loads, we always made time for practice and as many of the local bouts as we could manage. I skated jammer and freaking loved every minute of my time on the flat track, savoring the opportunity to actually get physical and compete with something more than words and grade point averages.

We set the girls to their drills, practicing passes, jumps and spins. Alice took the opportunity to sidle close and the twenty minute respite I'd had came to an abrupt end. "If he says yes, what're you going to do?"

Sometimes, I swore she spoke Martian. "Huh?"

"I'm asking Jasper out. He's doing the Huskie's send off Friday. We're going. And when he says yes, what are you going to do?"

I slanted her a mystified look. "Say congrats?"

She knocked her shoulder against mine, making me struggle on the skates to stay upright. She didn't take her gaze from the girls to say, "He's my Edward, Bella. I do it, you do it. That's how it is with friends. Haven't I taught you that yet?"

No, not unh, not happening. Alice may be my first close girlfriend, but nope, no way. "I'll say congrats."

"You go all googly-eyed around him, every time, for two years, Bella. Two years! Why don't you want to do something about it?"

Here was a perfect example, I thought. Alice knew very well why. She just didn't get it, didn't agree. She could probably recite my arguments from the past two years, all the reasons I'd given since setting eyes on Cullen freshman year, but she just didn't see the problem. For Alice, it was all about the next adventure, the next drama, the next challenge. She never failed, she simply had "delayed successes". I couldn't imagine always being so filled with happy expectation. Instead, I lived with bated-breath, wondering what pitfall would next sabotage my meticulously designed path. And instinct told me Edward Cullen had the potential to be the greatest pitfall of my life. With nothing much better to say, I settled on, "It's just not that simple, Alice."

She skated over to Shawna, one of the more aggressive players who looked like she was preparing to plow through a line of her teammates. Just before she was out of ear shot, I heard, "You'll double with me and Jasper, or else."

Meagan slid into the space next to me. Meagan was one of my favorites. Her small frame was deceptive, as she was a great, aggressive player, fast and agile on the track and excel as a jammer. I wondered why she lingered at my side as everyone drilled, but after a few minutes, she spoke in her soft way. "She's right, you know, Bella."

I inhaled sharply. Just what I didn't want. I chewed my lip, not sure I could cut gentle, sweet Meagan off, but resisting the idea of her commenting on my life choices. Before I could do anything, she continued. "You remember when I first started coming to practices at the beginning of the summer? I'd never even been on a team before, Bella, and wouldn't have come to the try-out except for Shawna. I came 'cause she didn't want to be on her own and now I love derby and everything about it. She knew I would and reminds me so after every practice."

"It's not the same, Meagan, not even a little."

She skated in a little circle around me, fussing with the flippy tail of her braided brown hair and I could see the indecision in her expression. Then her face softened and she met my gaze. "Sometimes you just gotta go along for the kicks, ya know? Trust your girl to have your back and just go with it until everything else just clicks."

She skated off then, fast and furious, joining the pack speeding in circles around the track, jumping obstacles and practicing crosses. To be honest, I totally did not understand how Meagan's advice could be applied to my situation, but something had to change or Alice would never forgive me.

The rest of practice passed uneventfully. The reality of the situation was that I was committed to a study group that included Edward Cullen. There would be no more admiring him from a distance, daydreaming lurid little fantasies from the safety of anonymity twice a week – three now with the stupid study session. Every Monday night I would be locked up with him and two other students for two torturous hours. I needed to yank on my big girl panties and make grown up decisions.

By the end of practice, as we were changing out of our gear, I'd come to a bit of a scary conclusion and needed to let Al know. I sidled close, kept my voice low and whispered to my bestie. "Here's the deal: You do your thing with the dj, and I'll be open to whatever happens with Edward. I won't ask him out, Alice. It's just not going to happen, but I promise to talk to him, to act like a normal girl around him. Best I can offer…"

She stared into her locker as my heart pounded in my chest. Finally, she nodded. "I'll take it."

A/N: This chapter is unbeta'd. Got a little anxious to get things rolling, so put it up without being beta'd. The next few chapters will probably also be unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes are mine. At some point, I envision a few revisions, so they'll be reposted all shiny and new then.