"whats uo princesss?"dad asked with consern but i just ignored him."dad you hungry?"i asked tryed to get away from me being the subject "i've already ate,sue came round she left you some food in the micowave"
he told me and carried on talking "away away from that whats the matter with you, you've been like this for the past couple of days"he told me firmly as he raised an eye brow.
i knew what was the matter with me,i missed paul but i didn't want dad to know that i wanted to stay strong i wanted to stay away from paul,i hate him and he hates me and that where we stood with each other.
i went to speak but no words came out but before i could make up an excuse jacob walekd through the frount door and spoke for me "she misses paul"he told dad as he walked past me and i snapped badly at him,
"no i don't! whats it got to do with you?! you wouldn't even know what it feels like because your to hooked up on bella who DOES NOT want you!"i roared at him in defence,i saw dads face drop and jacob looked angry really really angry.
i saw jacob punch the wall and walk out the backdoor and into the garage and thats when all the guilt hit me. dad looked at me in disappouintment "their was no need for that carla that was really nasty"he told me.
"yeah well..he shouldn't get involved in our conversation"i snaped back as i stormed back into my room.
i knew i was out if order and i knew i was being a bitch to everyone but i couldn't help it i reallyed missed paul and it made it worse that i saw him with a girl the other day.
my heart broke when i saw him walked stright past him without looking at him which was hard.
i felt really bad for saying that to jake and it made it worse because he just got patrol.
i was supose to be in love with paul not feelnig empty that imprint shit is more could be fucked up in my life? i feel as if i should go and say sorry but a part of me is telling me to leave it.
i wanted to text georgia but i snapped at her last time and she got pissed off and i don't blame her really,but she understands what i'm gonig through and she supports me and i'm greatful for that.
ever since i found out about the wolves and imprinting my life has turned upside down and i hate it.
i decided to go to the beach so i chucked on my grey joggers and a black long selve t-shit and my air maxes,i put my hair in a messy pony tail,i grabbed my phone and walked towards the frount door but was stoped by dad "where you goning?"he asked in a firm voice "beach"i mummbled as i walked around him and out the door.i got into my car and drove to the beach in silance,when i arrived i could smell the salty sea and the fresh air,
i love the beach it always helped me think i gave a weak smile as i walked down the beach and sat in the wet sand,it was raining but i didn't care.
i sat their watched the sea crash into the waves as i let my thoughs run through my mind.
i really love paul i would love him unconditionaly for ever and nothing could change that but i knew he didn't want me the way i wanted him well from what i saw at the bonfire.
why can't love be like in the movies? then everyone would be always say being in love is amazing but in my case its not,it's shit absoute shit its a load of crap if you ask me.
i gusse i have ti try and move on atleast,but not untill i have a talk with him.
hours must of flew by because the time was 4pm and i arrived at 11ish in the rain got heavier and i was soaking wet but i didn't mind,i looked around the beach getting deeper into my own thoughts.
i looked toward the forest that the opened up and onto the beach and then i saw Paul come out of the forst in his glory,his shirt was off and he looked justas wet as i was,
i turned away looking towards the sea hoping he didn't catch me looking at him,i closed my eyes and let the rain hit my face,i slowly open my eyes and lifted up my head to see him towering over me.
i looked at hi mand sighed as i ran my fingures through my pony tail."why are you in the rain?"he asked in a low and husky voice "thinking"i told him honestly.
he sat down next to me and i could feel the heat coming off him.i knew if i looked at him face i would bust into tears so i looked down,"you're out of order for saying that to jacob you had no right"i lifted my head and looked at him "who do you think you are?my farther!"i yelled back with an evil spark in my eyes,
"no..."he went to say but i spoke over him "don't act like it then"i said bluntly and he stoped talking.
"look i know your upset with me because of what happened at the bonfire but..."he went to ramble on but i cut him off again,
"you didn't upset me you destroyed me the worse thing is i will always love you unconditionally"i admitted to looked at me with pain carried on talkning,
"it wasn't what it looked like,ages ago i told her that i didn't want her i told her i wanted YOU but she wouldn't leave me alone and you never gave me a chance to tell you i would never hurt you like that"he reasurred me in a soft tone.
"to late for that paul"i told him as i statred to cry,"i know that but i'm trying to fight the imprint so we can both live our oen lives"he said and my heart broke even more.
"you keep saying that!but the more you fight it the more it hurts paul,i know you don't me and to be honest i don't blame you"i told he though tears that mixed with the rain.
"why can't you listen to me! i do love you more than anything in the world,i think about you all the time you drive me crazy but i can't be with you,its not what i do"he paused "i want to be the man whore i am i don't want to change and i don't want to change your life either,i'm doing it because i love you so much"he told me as he cupped my cheek.
i felt so rejected so utterly rejected it was embarssing i just poured my heart out to him and get rejected i felt sick.i picked myself up and went to walk away but pau grabbed my wrist and pulled me close to him "i love you Carla Black never ever forget that"he told me in a whisper our lip nearly touching.i pushed him away "i don't belive you"i told him truthly i saw him fall to his knees in the ran and i ran to my car,
my shaked hands opened the car,i got in and speed up the road as tears ran down my face when i got hom i walked to garage to see jacob.
"i'm sorry for what i said i was out of order i shouldn't of said stuff about you and bella"i told him looking at the floor."their is no me and bella"he corrected me stubbornly and turned him back on me,i walked quickly inside,i passed dad practily sprinting and into my room.
i closed the door and feel to the floor in tears,i couldn't hold the tears in any longer,i didn't like to cry because it's a sign of weakness but sometimes you can't hold it in.
i heard a car pull up to,i crawled to my balcony doors and saw georgia running towards my house.i cried even more and my door flew open to relive georgia i looked at her as she spoke"yuor dad called me"she told me as nodded my head.
my bottom lip started to tremmbled and i burted intop tear again,geogia walked over to with with a aw look on her face and sat down next to me wrapping me in her arms and let me cry on her "whats the matter?"she asked as she wipped my tears i couldn't breath from all the crying but i maganged to say one word "pp..paul".and bursted into more tears,i felt georgia tense as she spoke"i'll kill him"she threatned "leave it.i give up with him"i told her.
"we can't always get what we want"i stated as i wipped tears away ready for new ones to pushed my hair back and gave me a sad look "i hate seeing you like this,it make me want to cry"she mummbled,i looked at her and felt the tears fall down my cheeks again i gave a weak smile "i think i need to be alone"i managed to get out before tears overed my face again,georgia nodded as she stood to her full hight and left my room closing the door behind her.
i burried my head into my knees as the tears fell down my face like a waterfall i felt like someone had cut me open and left me to bleed,i couldn't breath due to the amount of tears that were drowning me.
i cried for hours untill their was no tears left.i stood up on my shaking legs,i opened the balcony doors,i stepped onto the balcony,i took in the grey sky and the rain drops that fell from the sky like cristals.i heard a painful howel rip through the grey skies and i knew it was paul.
as i heard the howl i felt pain but not my pain it felt as if i could feel paul's pain if that possaible.i didn't want ot think about paul so i walked back inside and locked the balcony doors.
Paul had put me through so much shit but i still love him and that will never change,but i can try to move on,no more tears.
i came out of my thoughts,i stood infrount of my full lenght mirror and took off all my clothes.i looked at myself in the mirror and i realised how weak and silly i looked,its time to hide the pain,
it was time to change.i put on one of jacob t-shirts that looked like a dress on me,i brushed my hair letting the lose waves spill down my back.
i walked into the bathroom and splashed my face with icy cold water letting the water wake me i refreshed myself i walked into the kitchen to make dad dinner,i walked in the kitchen to see jacob making dad dinner,i lent on the door frame and crossed my arms over my chest looking at dad and jacob with a stright face showing no emoution at all.
"great...another leah"jacob sniggered as he tried to insult me he was obversily still pissed at me "and thats a bad thing?"i asked with no expression in my voice at all,
"yeah of course its a fucknig bad thing!"he shouted holding up a knife in the air, "well maybe if you guys treated her with the respect she deserves you might understand what shes going got dumped and replaced by her couisn" i stated,
"thats painfull"i added in a dead tone.
i could see the fury in jacob's eyes but i ignored it and walked past him grabbing a can of coke and drinking it "oii! thats mine!"he yelled i tossed jacob the empty can as i walked into the living room.
i sat down on the sofa and stared into space trying not to think about paul,the more i thought about him the more i wanted to cry but crying is a sign of weakness.
i stared at the wall untill i heard dad "CARLA!"he shouted loudly makeing me jump,i whiped my head to look at him "do you want something to eat"he said in a sweet tone but me being a bitch i glared at him and growled"no.."in a nasty tone.
dad looked at me "don't you dare speak to me like that! I tell YOU what to do not the other way showing me and your brother some respect"he demanded but i wasn't having any of it.
"over my dead body! why should i show jacob respect?!"i asked in shock "because he does a lot for you,more than you know!"dad raised his voice.
"really?! because i'm the only one that does things around the house!"i shouted back in annoyance "don't shout at me! i can easily take away your birthday presant!"he threataned "go on then! i don't care! i don't want any presants!"i roared at dad "NO YOU WANT PAUL! BUT HE DON'T WANT YOU SO GROW UP!"dad yelled so loud you could probally hear him from forks.
"NOW GO TO YOUR ROOM!"dad shouted even louder.i can't belive dad had said that,i don't even know how he knows about that.i felt emmbassed,pissed off,angry and i felt like crying.i wasn't a though person i was weak but i don't give a shit.
"NO WONDER MUM'S IN PEACE SHES AWAY FROM YOU!"i shouted back at him in upset and spite "YOUR GROUNDED!"he told me in anger "i don't care!"i shouted back as i slammed my door shut.
i threw myself on my bed and stared at the celling holding back tears but my eyes had already turned glassy and before i could control it silent tears fell and hit the pillow.
i knew if i let the tears fall the wouldn't stop so i sat up and swung my legs round to the side of the bed and let them dangle,as my legs dangled i felt my heel hit something under my bed, i froze for a mintue befor i got up and looked under my bed to find a big black folder,i pulled it out curouse to see what it was and on the folder it said "ROYAL COLLAGE OF ENGLAND" i opened the folder and read over it quckly to see what it was.
i had two collage froms for a collage in and i can go to england to study and plus i get away from the shit,it could be a fresh start,i might meet a nice english boy who treats me like a pricesess and he would have a cute acsent to.
if georgia didn't want to go i wouldn't mind but i know for a fact that i want to a tiny part of me tells me its a stupid idea its telling me paul does love me but obverily not enough.
i climbed back onto my bed and looked through the folder for ages but eventually sleep took over.