An aggressive knock on the door awoke Amanda from her slumber. She jolted upright from her position on the couch and hearing nothing for a few moments, and thought it might have been a part of a dream. When the sound came again she sighed, resigned that that whoever it was meant business and was probably not going to go away.
As she walked to her door, her heart fluttered a bit, wondering if the person at her door could possibly be a coworker. No Amanda, he hates you now. She knew there was no way that it was Nick who was at her door, but who else could it be? As depressing as it was, Nick was the only knock she ever heard. No one really came around to see her and damn whoever was at her door for getting her hopes up for his return.
"Rollins I know you're in there. You have thirty seconds before this door goes down."
Well, her initial thought hadn't been completely incorrect. It was a coworker at her door, just not the one she wanted. Or maybe the one she didn't want. It was a confusing situation, ok?
Mustering up the coldest glare she could possibly give, she cracked her door open. She didn't say a word, just merely raised an eyebrow.
"You gonna let me in or what?"
"Why are you here, Fin?"
She knew why he was there, but she didn't want to talk about it.
"Let me in and we can talk about it."
She could tell from his face that he wasn't planning on leaving anytime soon. God damn it, Olivia.
"Look I'm sick, ok? Whatever it is can't we just talk about it another time? Let me go back to sleep before I pass out or throw up on you."
"Alright, looks like we're not going to be doing this the easy way. Damn it, Amanda. You always make things so complicated."
Yeah, I really do make things complicated. She knew that he didn't mean it the way she felt it, but he had definitely hit a nerve. And also apparently distracted her long enough to push his way into the apartment. Sighing, she shut the door. There was no use in fighting his presence.
"You still don't look so good. Let's get you to the couch," Fin said, lightly putting his hands on her shoulders and guiding her back to her sofa. His hands were so light on her skin; he could tell that he was trying especially hard to be gentle with her, and she didn't like it. Whether it be due to her physical or emotional state, Amanda Rollins did not like to be coddled or looked after.
"Can I get you some water, make you some tea or anything?"
She felt a lot better prior to throwing up at the precinct and her nap, but her stomach still didn't feel quite right and tea sounded perfect. But of course she wasn't going to let Fin know that.
"I'm fine. Fin, I-
"Oh are you now? I don't think there's a definition of 'fine' in the police manual, but if there was I'm pretty sure it wouldn't include acting weird and getting sick at work. And Liv said-
"I don't want to talk about Liv," she cut him off, crossing her arms and looking down at her carpet. God, she was acting like a five year old, but this was really none of Olivia and Fin's business and she just really wanted to be alone.
"Fine then. Let's not talk about Olivia. Let's talk about you."
"We're not talking about me either," she said flatly.
"Amanda, you trust me, right?"
"Fin, don't-
"Just answer the question."
"Yes, you're my partner. Of course I trust you."
"Then do you want to tell me what's going on with you?"
"I'm just sick is all. My neighbor who takes Frannie for me from time to time had the stomach flu last week and I must have caught it from her."
Frannie. She still needed to pick up Frannie later. She missed her earlier before she fell asleep on the couch. As pathetic as it was, she had been crying herself to sleep as of late and her dog's comfort and warmth made her feel a little bit less miserable.
"Maybe that's true, but that doesn't explain you freaking out on Benson when she was dropping you off earlier," he said, widening his eyes like he always did when he wanted her to explain herself.
"Is everything alright, Amanda? I know you're not feeling well, but you haven't seemed like yourself lately."
Who was Olivia to be telling her that she hadn't been herself lately? Olivia didn't even know who she was. As far as Olivia Benson was concerned, she was just an annoying little blonde detective with a gambling addiction that she had the pleasure of dealing with because her unit was short staffed. And what was with the "Amanda?" Not that they ever were friends before, but since the whole gambling fiasco that her whole team somehow got involved with, her name had been a sharp, unforgiving "Rollins."
"Amanda?" she called, having not received a response from the younger woman.
"Everything is fine, Sergeant."
"I know we're not on the best of terms, but-
"Don't," Amanda said coldly, before remembering she was speaking to her boss and quickly backtracked, "I'm sorry Sergeant, I shouldn't be rude. I just don't want you to feel like you have to treat me differently because… it doesn't matter. I know I'm not your favorite."
Damn it, she had stumbled. She couldn't let her boss know that her suspicions were correct, and that there was more going on than a simple stomach bug.
"I was going to suggest that you talk to Fin about, or Nick, or even Barba. I have quite a tenure as a detective, Rollins, I know when something's up."
Amanda couldn't fully hold back the chuckle in her throat, and Olivia raised her eyebrows.
"You don't think I'm a good detective, Rollins?"
"No, sergeant, I just thought it was funny that you mentioned Barba but not Carisi."
"Let's be reasonable, Rollins, you and I both know that you're not going to talk about anything personal to Carisi."
Both ladies started to laugh, and Amanda tentatively smiled at Olivia. She was a tough lady, but not one without a sense of humor. If only she hadn't messed up and made her boss hate her, because maybe they could have really gotten along. But all attempts at reconciliation were out the window when Olivia got ahold of how she had messed up this time.
"I appreciate your concern, but really I'm fine. It's just a little bug."
"You're lying to me."
"Sergeant-
"For God's sake stop calling me Sergeant."
"Olivia, everything is fine," she said, before realizing that the car was parked and she was right in front of her apartment building, "I appreciate your concern and thank you for the ride home. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Rollins, we're not done here yet. You don't have to talk to me, but promise you'll talk to someone about whatever it is that's going on with you. You're not back in my good graces yet, but I hate to see you so high strung."
She debated agreeing and then not following through just to end the conversation, but she was Amanda Rollins. She never admitted to anything in her life being anything less than perfect.
"Nothing is wrong, sergeant, I mean Olivia. Everything is fine and I'm just going to go sleep this bug off. Thank you for the ride."
"If everything is fine, then why are your eyes watering?"
Damn it. She had been turned into an overly emotional, weak, crying person as of late and she hated it. Hastily wiping her eyes, she bid Olivia one final goodbye, before panicking and running from the car. She ignored her name being called, rushing up the stairs to her apartment and collapsing on her couch in yet another fit of tears.
"Did Liv tell everyone?" she asked quietly, hoping and praying that her boss hadn't passed on the word of her little meltdown to Nick.
"If you're worried that she told Amaro, don't be. She only told me. But by any chance does your avoidance of Amaro have anything to do with this? Because say the word and I will kick his ass."
"I haven't been avoiding Nick."
"Bullshit. He didn't say what went down but he mentioned that you two had a little spat and I've noticed that you try your hardest not be in the same room as him, and when you have to be you won't even look him in the eye. He's a handsome guy, Amanda, there's no reason to be avoiding his face."
"Ok fine we had a little fight. He ran into me at a bar and I had a little too much to drink. But we made up. Everything's fine between me and Nick."
Yeah, everything is fine. We're only not speaking to each other, and my period is a week late and I'm nauseated all the time so I'm probably pregnant but I refuse to find out for sure, but other than that everything is fine, she thought to herself, trying her best to keep her body language even to keep from revealing anything further to her partner.
"Ok, so you and Amaro are fine. But I know something's up, and I'm not leaving until I find out exactly what it is."
Fin's face was as hard and cold as stone, and she knew that he would keep his word. A part of her wanted to tell him the truth, but she didn't know if she was physically capable of uttering the words out loud. She was about to make one last final attempt at getting him to leave her apartment when all of the sudden his face changed. He looked as if all the puzzle pieces in his head had suddenly came together, leading him to a horrifying epiphany.
Oh god. Oh no. Oh god. He's figured it out. He knows I'm-
"Amanda, did Patton ever hurt you?"