Author's Note: Thank you for all the love for this story! It's been brewing in my head for quite some time and I finally decided to give it a go. This was a pretty quick turnover time for an update, and hopefully they'll be another update before the weekend because my university has been hit by a bit of a snowstorm and I've had classes cancelled today and have been told there's no class tomorrow, either. I'm from the south so I'm not really a big fan of snow, but hey, a break from class is always welcomed.

Amanda groaned, rolling over in bed to bitterly slam off her alarm clock taunting her from her bed stand. She winced at the sharp pain in her breasts from rolling over on them. Her breasts always ached before she got her period, but this was a whole different level of pain from her routine soreness and her period was still absent. Never before in her life had she ever wanted her monthly cycle to be upon her so badly.

She remembered being 15 and panicking because after having sex for the first time her period was a few hours later than she expected it. Granted, she knew that it was damn near impossible that she could've been pregnant based on the timing of it all, but it had still freaked her out. She had never had another pregnancy scare, not until now. And she was pretty sure that this one wasn't a scare; it was a real pregnancy.

Shaking her head in an attempt to physically shake those thoughts out of her mind, she begrudgingly got herself out of bed. God, she did not want to go to work today. She hadn't been able to sleep the night before, not with Fin's words from the night before ringing in her ears.

"Amanda, you have to tell Barba."

Yes, she had to. But no, she did not want to. She owed Reese Taymor that much, and somewhere deep down she figured that she owed herself that much, too. However, the timing of Patton forcing himself back into her life could not have been any more inopportune.

She suddenly felt sick, whether it be due to whatever may or may not be happening in her body, Charles Patton, or possibly both. Sighing, she was able to will away the urge to vomit. She was pretty sure her body didn't have anything to throw up, regardless. The stress and what was likely to be morning sickness had really done a number on her appetite, and most of what she was able to force herself to eat ended up coming back up.

Amanda quickly got dressed, made herself some tea, and headed out the door, simultaneously both not wanting to be late to work and wanting to be late more than anything in the world. You can do this, she chanted to herself over and over again as she made her way to work.

Naturally, the first person she (literally) ran into at work was none other than Detective Nick Amaro.

"Sorry, I wasn't watching where I was going," she mumbled quietly, immediately moving to walk away from him when a hand on her shoulder stopped her dead in her tracks.

"Amanda," he said softly and she turned to look at him.

He stared at her intently and opened his mouth to speak, before seemingly changing her mind. No, she cried internally. She needed him to be the one to break the silence. She needed him to take the initiative to repair the damage that she had done. Sure, it was selfish, but with everything weighing down on her at the moment and her fierce instinct to retreat into herself, she knew that nothing was going to get fixed unless he started to build the bridge.

"Are you uh… are you feeling better?"

He had finally spoken, seemingly going with a much safer route than he had originally planned on. As much as she just wanted to run away, Amanda knew that she needed to keep the conversation going.

"Not really," she said honestly, hoping he would probe her further. He took a good look at her and noticed the mug of tea in her hands, a stark contrast to the usual large cup of coffee from her favorite coffee shop a few blocks from the precinct that she usually carried with her every morning.

"If you're still not feeling well maybe you should take today off. I'm sure Liv would understand. "

"I'm fine," she said instinctually, finding it both sad and a little bit impressive that it was pretty much a reflex at this point.

Apparently the words "I'm fine" were the wrong answers in Nick's book. His face immediately flashed in anger and Amanda raised her hands up in surrender, signaling that she didn't want to fight anymore. Not only did she not want to fight anymore, she needed to not be fighting with him anymore.

"You know what, Rollins? Why don't you wait to talk to me until you're not going to lie to me anymore. I am so sick of… forget it. I'll see you later."

"Nick," she called out, with a little more desperation in her voice than she cared to reveal to him. She hated to show any and all vulnerability to him, but that's just how she was with the people she cared about. And she happened to care about him a lot.

"What, Detective Rollins? How can I help you?"

Detective Rollins.

"I umm… you can go to hell."

Before Amanda could dig her own grave even deeper, a different man's voice called out to her.

"Rollins, Fin suggested I speak with you. Do you have a minute?"

This was going to take more than a couple of minutes, Barba.

"Yes," she sighed, before quickly turning on her and leaving a fuming Nick in the dust. Only he could make her relieved to be summoned to Barba's office to talk about her being raped.

That relief vanished as soon as they reached is office and he closed the door, however. It suddenly hit her that all of this was real. It was happening. Chief Patton had raped her. Chief Patton had raped again. This was happening. She would have to face him in the court room. The horror in her life just kept on multiplying.

Olivia eventually came into the room and she had to recount her story once more. Fin knew, Olivia knew, Barba knew, and soon Nick would have to know. Nick would have to know something else, too.

When she was finally done telling her story after what felt like an eternity, but was probably no more than an hour Olivia told her to take the rest of the day off and offered her another ride home. Amanda shook her head and quickly got up from her seat, longing to be free of her coworkers and the precinct, but got overwhelmingly dizzy for a brief moment and had to grip the table in front of her.

"Rollins?" Barba asked, "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, I just got up a little too fast."

"Let me give you that ride home, ok?"

"Olivia, really I'm-

"That wasn't an offer, that was an order. I have some things I need to finish up on really quickly but I'll meet you at your desk in about ten minutes."

"Okay, Sergeant," she mumbled, reluctantly making her way back to her desk. A few seconds after she sat down she felt a presence looming over her.

"You good, Amanda?"

"I'm okay, Fin."

"I gotta warn you, I think Amaro put two and two together. I didn't tell him anything but-

"Me, Liv, and Barba discussing information about a case against my former police chief really doesn't leave much up for interpretation. I get it. It was only a matter of time."

"You did the right thing, Amanda."

"Can I be alone right now? Liv's taking me home in a few minutes."

"Okay," he sighed, "but feel free to call me if you need anything. And by anything, I mean anything. You got that, Rollins?"

"Yes, I've got it," she said, shooting him a half smile.

She wasn't going to end up calling him, but the gesture in itself was somewhat comforting. There were quite a few things that she needed, but too much of her feelings and secrets had already been thrown out into the light. This wasn't fair. None of this was fair. She had kept the story of her and Patton quiet for a reason, and it seemed unbelievably cruel that she didn't get the choice to keep it that way anymore.

"I heard Liv's giving you a ride home again," came a quiet, timid voice.

"Go away, Detective Amaro," she spit venomously.

Oh no. No. He did NOT get to come back again and swoop in at her moment of weakness. Especially not after his tone with her this morning. If he didn't want anything to do with her before, he didn't get to have anything to do with her now that she was bleeding out for everyone to see. He always wanted to save her, to fix her. Well he didn't get to now.

"Amanda-

"Leave."

"Was that what you were trying to tell me earlier?"

His voice was quavering, his eyes full of regret. He felt guilty for being so cold towards her. For a moment, she considered asking him to give her a ride home instead of Olivia. She considered sitting him down in her living room and having the discussion they so desperately needed to have. But then she saw something else in him, something that pushed her over the edge: pity.

She paused, before telling a lie that she knew might never be forgiven when the truth eventually came out.

"Yes."

Author's Note Two: SORRY.