Amanda Rollins had a plan.

So much of her life lately had been unplanned and out of her control, but she was going to take back some of that control. All her life she had a penchant for "dealing" with her problems by running from them and hoping they'd disappear, only for them to come back and knock her down out of nowhere.

But not anymore. She wanted to change. Patton forcing his way back into her life and the fact that she was now carrying her ex flame's child and had made her realize that her old ways only came back to hurt her.

(To be fair, her pregnancy was more than likely a matter that was solely biological and not a karmic repercussion for not properly dealing with her feelings towards herself and Nick, but it still served as a hell of a wakeup call.)

She wasn't going to hide the truth from Nick anymore, at least not after the current day had passed.

Her plan was to head to the courtroom, testify in front of everyone (the jury, Patton, Liv, Fin, Carisi, Nick), and then to head home to wallow and cry in peace. She would tell Nick about their little situation the following day.

Olivia Benson could hardly handle the emotions that coursed through her as Detective Rollins shakily stood up from her seat and walked up to take the stand. She could tell that the blonde detective was trying her best to give off an air of confidence and composure, but she saw right through it. Sure, Rollins had the benefit of her attacker not representing himself to torture her like William Lewis did, but she knew the unique horror of having to relive one's assault on the stand all too well.

Olivia caught the junior detective's eye and nodded, trying to give her a reassuring presence in the room. She hoped that her, Carisi, Fin and Nick's solidarity in the court for her provided her some measure of comfort.

But from her own experience, she knew that it probably didn't do too much for her.

You can do this, Amanda, she thought, desperately hoping the other woman was in tune with her telepathic wavelength.

Therapy had helped Olivia tremendously, but she couldn't help but flashback to her own personal nightmares as Amanda recounted her horror story. She had healthily processed her emotions to the point that victims on the stand only evoked those demons if their injuries or stories were particularly close to hers, but something about Amanda taking the stand just felt so personal to her.

No, she didn't fully trust Amanda again, but she didn't think she was a bad person or a bad detective either, and Deputy Chief Patton's imprint on her life made some of her actions more clear. Some of the most wonderful people in life end up doing the most damage to others because of the damage to themselves, and she had a feeling that Detective Rollins fell under that category.

She was a good, dedicated cop who never meant to hurt anyone or let her life fall from out of her hands. And as Amanda healed, Olivia hoped to heal their relationship with each other, too.

"He hit my head against the bed stand… I was bleeding," Amanda said, just loudly enough for it to be heard beyond the stand. Olivia easily recognized the rush of fear bleeding into her voice. They both knew what was coming next.

"And then what happened?" Barba asked, with a hint of just barely detectable regret.

Olivia felt her blood run cold and could hear her heartbeat pulsating in her head. This was it. The seconds between the question and the answer tightened her chest to the point of her nearly screaming, pleading with Amanda to just answer the question already.

"And then he raped me."

It was a punch in the gut, even though she knew it was coming. Amanda angrily wiped at the tears that had betrayed her by leaving her eyes, and sensing her embarrassment, Olivia tore her eyes away from her to look at the men that were on either side of her.

Fin was seething, squeezing his hands in his lap with his eyes fixed on Patton. She knew he wouldn't jeopardize the trial by lunging at him, but she couldn't help but briefly fantasize about him leaving his seat and beating Patton to a pulp. She knew that as a member of the police force that she shouldn't be thinking like that, but this was about someone had done to Amanda damn it, and the man deserved to pay an unimaginable price.

She turned her head to Nick, expecting to see matching if not more enflamed anger. The man was a lot like her former partner: Catholic, caring, and having a fiery temper. They were too different people, but sometimes she couldn't help but see her partner and be reminded of Elliot. She wondered if Elliot knew someone that reminded him of her in return.

The anger that she expected to see and feel radiating off of Nick was definitely there. But there was something else, too. Something more personal than wanting to beat the shit out of Charles Patton. There was pain in his face, pain that suggested that Amanda's was his own.

Nick's outside mirrored what Olivia felt on the inside. She doubted that Nick had been sexually assaulted himself, not that men were never victims of sexual assault, but because he was her partner and was generally pretty open with her and she figured he would have at least hinted at it by now. His (ex?) wife was in the military, maybe she had been assaulted overseas?

Or maybe the simple fact that it was Amanda Rollins on the stand was what made it so personal for him.

Olivia had long suspected that the bond between Amanda and Nick ran deep, and was probably straddling the line of what was and wasn't condoned by the NYPD. She didn't think they had ever consummated their relationship into something that was officially against regulations, but she knew that there was something there that was different from her Nick and Amanda and Fin.

Perhaps she should be more vigilant in making sure that it doesn't bloom into something that they might take too far, but their relationship was the one thing that Olivia Benson ever gave Detective Rollins the benefit of the doubt on.

She couldn't say that she had never been guilty of something of a similar nature.

Olivia did her best to tune out the defense attorney laying into her colleague, asking why she hadn't come forward before, and probing the blonde detective about her character.

She knew the importance of the due process and the principle of innocent until proven guilty, but in cases like these where the right and wrong were so clear, she didn't understand how defense attorneys could be so cruel to the clear victims of the matter.

"Miss Rollins, you may return to your seat."

The judge's voice brought Olivia back from her tangent. The defense had finished questioning her, and she had been dismissed to return back to her seat, but she hadn't moved. Amanda looked very pale, and though she was a few feet away, Olivia thought she appeared to be slightly shaking.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I must h-have zoned out for a moment," Amanda stammered, before taking a shaky step away from the stands. She didn't look very stable on her feet and Olivia's breath was caught in her throat as Barba moved forward to help her.

Amanda took a few more hesitant steps forward before her legs buckled. Barba rushed forward and managed to catch her arm so that her fall was softened, but he could not stop her from falling to the ground.

Her eyes were glassy and fluttering as she barely clung to consciousness. For a moment, everyone seemed to be frozen in shock.

Fin was the first to snap out of it, rushing forward to his partner, and telling Barba to step back and call an ambulance.

"Come on Amanda, keep your eyes open, stay with me," he urged her. He knew that she was clearly breathing and not in cardiac arrest, but he let his fingers feel her pulse on his neck just to be sure. It was a little low for his liking, but it still provided him some comfort.

"At least it wasn't at the stand," Barba muttered, earning a glare from Olivia who hadn't been there for the referenced conversation the day before.

Taking matters into her own hands, Olivia dialed 911 herself as the judge had everyone except for Amanda's coworkers to leave the room.

"No, she has no medical conditions that I know of," Olivia relayed to the phone operator, and Barba's head snapped up.

He wanted to allow Amanda to tell her boss about her pregnancy on her own terms, but this was her health at stake. Sure the hospital would immediately find out upon taking her blood, but what if something was wrong with the baby and every minute counted? He had to tell her so she could tell the 911 operator, but he would try to do it so that Nick, Sonny and Fin didn't overhear.

"Liv," he whispered urgently.

"What Barba?"

"She's pregnant," he whispered back, hoping he would hear her and be able to quietly relay the information over the phone.

"I can't hear you, Barba, and whatever it is I probably don't have time for it," she snapped back, frustration in her voice. What was he trying to accomplish? They were all just trying to take care of Amanda at the moment.

"Rollins is pregnant," he said again, raising his voice ever so slightly.

Olivia's head turned to face him immediately, her eyes wide.

"Are you being serious?"

"Yes, I'm being completely serious right now. Don't ask me how I know, just tell the 911 operator."

Fin couldn't hear their conversation having been focused on Amanda who was kneeling besides a couple of feet away from them, and Carisi couldn't either, having been awkwardly hanging back a bit in the back corner of the courtroom. He hadn't known Amanda as long, and while he certainly hoped she was alright, he didn't feel comfortable engaging in the situation when there were people whom she trusted much more in the room with them.

But Nick had heard half of the little exchange, and was pulled out of the panic in his head over Amanda. What did Barba know and why was it important for the paramedics to know?

Liv was speaking carefully and quietly, but he still heard her next words.

"I know I said she had no preexisting medical conditions, but I have just been told on good authority that she's pregnant."