"Olivia, really I'll be fine on my own, you don't have to-

"Rollins, don't make me order you to come into my apartment."

Sighing, Amanda peered into the other woman's apartment. It looked much the same as when she was there celebrating Olivia passing the sergeant's exam, but now it was a bit messier. Which made perfect sense considering that Olivia now had a baby.

If Amanda had an apartment that was messier than Olivia's which housed a baby, what was her apartment going to look like if she decided to raise her kid? Probably like a tornado whenever Nick was not around to pick up after the three of them. He definitely was the clean freak of their relationship, which most of the time annoyed her to end. But even though she would always roll her eyes and pretend like it annoyed her, it always did bring butterflies to her stomach when he would make her bed the following morning after he slept over. He even did it the first time they slept together; they avoided eye contact and reassured each other that it was a one time thing as he straightened out her bedding.

"Amanda? Are you feeling dizzy again? Because I can take you back to the hospital again if you think you need it."

Realizing that she had been lost in her thoughts, Amanda promised Olivia that she was fine and just got a little distracted and entered the apartment. Her sergeant still ushered her into a chair at the kitchen table, saying that even if she felt better that she shouldn't push it, and should try to stay off of her feet for the next day or so. Amanda willed herself not to roll her eyes, not appreciating the extra care being shown her way.

Sure, she was pregnant and had passed out earlier today, but the fact that she probably needed to be looked after for a little while did not magically flip a switch in her brain that allowed her to be ok with being taken care of. Through her natural personality and years of emotional damage, she had hardwired herself to reject all outside help. Whenever she would reach out she would always get burned, so she had decided to stop reaching out.

Lucy walked into the room and told Liv that Noah had been very good today, and that she had just put him to bed. Amanda glanced at her watch and was surprised to see that it was already 8:30 pm. It had felt like forever waiting for the doctor to decide he was sure that she'd be alright and sign her discharge papers, but she had assumed it just felt that way because she was so anxious to leave. Being a girl who did not like to show vulnerability, she did not appreciate lying in a hospital gown as Fin and Barba kept popping in to check on her. Carisi hadn't stayed as long, but she wasn't hurt by it. They hadn't known each other long or well enough for the situation to have not been awkward.

The one person who hadn't been there to see her was Nick. Liv had told her that Gil was in a different hospital with a sprained wrist, and Amanda wasn't sure if she had been relieved or disappointed. Under no circumstances did she want to end up telling him because she hadn't been taking care of herself and collapsed in the courtroom, but she didn't think she'd be able to keep it from him in the hospital. Nick was always very intuitive when it came to her, and she had a feeling that he would have clued in on the fact that it was more than just her body being tired and would have hounded her until she blurted it out.

But at least then the truth would have been out.

"Have a good night. I hope you feel better Detective Rollins," Lucy called as she closed the apartment door, pulling Amanda out of her thoughts.

"Are you hungry?"

"Not really," the blonde woman answered honestly. Being monitored by her boss was making her anxious, and thinking about Nick had further tied her stomach up in knots.

"Do you think you can eat at all? Your body needs food, it's already broken down on you once."

"Yeah I think I can eat," she sighed. She wasn't nauseated at the moment, just not particularly hungry, and she knew that she could push through that for the sake of herself and her baby.

"Okay, I seem to need to go grocery shopping but I do happen to have some pasta. What sounds better to you, alfredo sauce of tomato sauce? Well judging by the face you just made when I said alfredo I'm going to assume you'd rather have tomato sauce."

"This baby is doing weird things to my taste buds," she groaned.

"Food aversions, Rollins?" the older woman asked, cracking a smile.

"Yes. Just the smell of coffee makes me want to throw up, which I guess is a good thing now that I'm not supposed to drink a lot of it now. But the other day the smell of orange chicken from my favorite Chinese restaurant made me sick, and I think my heart may have actually broken in half."

"Well I don't think this part is supposed to last all nine months… if you're planning to go through with the pregnancy. You don't have to talk about them with me, Amanda, but you do have options."

"I know I do," she sighed, "but I need to talk to someone else before I start seriously considering any of them."

"He doesn't know yet?" Olivia asked knowingly.

"No… I know I need to tell him, I just haven't really had a chance to tell him yet."

"Fair enough, you've been a busy woman. But, and this is as far as my advice will go unless you give the go ahead to give you more, I would tell whoever this guy is sooner rather than later."

The "whoever this guy is" is another one of your detectives, Sergeant.

"I know," she nodded, appreciative of the other woman not pushing her any further.

"And I was going to suggest this before I knew you were pregnant, so don't accuse me of being unfair or too protective, but I think you should take at least a week off. You've been through some heavy stuff, Amanda, and I think you should take a little time to at least start sorting things out."

Her first thought was to protest, but she realized that her boss had a point. She had been to hell and back both physically and emotionally, and as much as she didn't want to slow down for herself, she knew that it was probably a good idea. She needed time to recover, and she had something, or more accurately someone, else to consider now. She should probably make a doctor's appointment at the very least.

And one night, she would have Nick come over after he was off work and she would finally tell him that she was pregnant.

Speaking of Nick, when Olivia excused herself to use the restroom, Amanda checked her phone for the first time since she left her apartment that morning and noticed that she had a voicemail from him. Cautiously, she put the phone up to hear ear, her heartrate speeding up upon hearing his voice.

Hey Amanda, I hope you're feeling better. I'm sure Liv has already told you why I couldn't be there to check on you myself. You gave me a quite a scare today… I know we're not on the best of terms right now but please know that if you need anything, and I mean anything, that I'll be there in an instant, ok?

There was a long silence and Amanda was about to disconnect the call, thinking that the message was over, when his voice came back. She allowed the tears that had she had been struggling to hold back to fall as he continued to speak to her.

I just… I want you to know that you can tell me anything. Not to uhh pressure you, but I just need you to know that… Anyways, Liv told me that she was going to take you in for the night. Please don't eat her alive. I know you don't like being taken care of. Don't think for a second that I've forgotten when you kicked me out of your apartment for trying to take your temperature when you were sick that one time. Let Liv look after you, and please try to eat something and to get some sleep. Have a good night, Amanda. Feel better.

He had finally started to forgive her, but what was going to happen when she told him her news? Did he really mean it when he said that she could tell him anything?

She let out the sob that had been threatening to burst out of her chest as she wondered if things would ever be good between the two of them again.

"Amanda?" Olivia called, rushing back into the room upon hearing her detective cry.

Her first instinct was to quickly wipe at her eyes and flee the apartment, but then how would she get home? She supposed that she could call a taxi, but she was so god damn tired. And for once, she thought that maybe she could give into Nick's wishes.

So she let Olivia look after her, even if it meant letting her see her vulnerability in all its broken glory, and even if it meant letting Olivia hold her as her body shook with sobs.

That night, she did not sleep alone. She slept with Olivia on the other side of the bed.

Author's Note: Nick and Amanda will FINALLY talk next chapter, I promise!