"Amanda, you got that?"

Did she get what? Oh, well it probably wasn't that important because Amaro, Fin, and Carisi all looked rather calm. If it was something that she desperately needed to hear at least one of them would've been up in arms.

"Yes, I've got it," she falsely reassured Olivia, hoping that she hadn't already messed up her first day back at work.

Both Olivia and Nick had encouraged her to take some more time off, but she had assured Olivia that being back at work was what was best for her. Being hardly along at all in her pregnancy, her boss hadn't been able to use that card against her and once she had promised her that her head was in a better place than it was a week and a half ago, there wasn't really much Olivia could do to keep her out of the precinct.

Nick was worried about her, but in all honesty, when was Nick not worried about her? He probably would have pushed harder for her to stay at home a while longer, and to actually try a therapy appointment like Olivia had intended for her to, but he knew that he was treading in dangerous water after his little outburst in her bathroom. Amanda was ready to tell him that all was forgiven and to move past so they could back to normal, knowing what it was like for emotional trauma to bring out the worst in oneself, but she was afraid to do so because she didn't know what normal was for them. In the past normal had been sleeping together and liking the other person enough to keep them around for a little while after. Nothing out of a Nicholas Sparks novel, that was for sure.

Nor did she want it to be, because they weren't really the warm and fuzzy feelings, uber romantic type. But that didn't mean that in the past the idea of being his girlfriend hadn't crossed her mind, whatever the term "girlfriend" meant for a guy who was still technically married to his wife and for a girl who had never been with a guy for over six months.

But now there was a child growing inside of her, and things were that much more complicated. In Amanda's mind, the term girlfriend or partner would now have the connotation of "because you're having my baby." Maybe she wasn't giving Nick enough credit; it wasn't like he kicked her out of bed of anything. He had always looked out for her, even before they started sleeping with each other, and while they were he treated her with nothing but love. And sometimes she caught something in his eye that reminded her of looking up into the eyes of her first love, a lanky, shy 15 year old from Atlanta who could not have been more different than Nick Amaro.

Those hypothetical feelings for her, if they in fact existed, would never change the fact that he was still married to his wife during their pre-baby time together, and probably holding out some semblance of hope for Maria to come back to him. And even if that was more about Zara than anything else, it only furthered her insecurity that he would only be sticking by her side for the sake of having a whole family and being close to their child.

So where did they go from there? If Amanda didn't want to try out a real relationship, what was left? Casual sex seemed really juvenile and trashy when she was pregnant with his baby. The only viable option left seemed to work on friendly, platonic co-parenting relationship. God, the thought made her want to gag.

"You ok, Rollins?"

Carisi must have sensed the distress on her face. Way to go, Amanda. She was dreading the boys treating her like a glass doll since the truth about what Patton had done to her had finally come to light and since her little collapsing incident, and here she was, giving none other than Sonny Carisi more evidence that she should.

Of course, she was also worried that Olivia, Barba, and Nick would be too overprotective of her because of that and the fact that they knew she was pregnant, but Olivia had agreed not to do so until she was farther along in her pregnancy. And she may or may not have called Barba and threatened to cut all of his suspenders if he gave anything away.

He had agreed to be careful to not treat her any differently without objection.

Nick had been a little harder to convince. He not surprisingly thought that she should already be extra cautious with what tasks she took on work, and that it would better if the whole team knew just in case anything were to happen. She pleaded with him not to tell Fin or Carisi, because she was just not ready to have more of personal life come out into the open and to be treated like she was fragile. He had conceded and said that he would do his best not to give anything away by how he treated her, but that there were no guarantees.

Damn Nick and his over protectiveness. She was sure Olivia felt the same way sometimes when she was his partner.

"Yeah, I'm fine. But uh, would you mind repeating to me what Olivia said? I must have been zoning out and I just really didn't want to face her wrath on my first day back."

"You agreed to go with me to the crime scene."

Carisi might not be her favorite person in the department, that title probably laying with Fin at the moment, but she was a little relieved that she was not being paired up with him or Nick at the moment. Considering her current train of thought regarding her relationship with Nick, she was glad to have a break from him, and she figured that Fin would be more likely to deduce that there was something more than Patton that was bothering her.

"Alright, let's get going then."

"You feeling alright, Rollins? You look a little pale."

Damn it.

"I'm fine, just a little nervous to be back is all. I was afraid you boys would have burned the place to the ground by now, but it looks like there's no fire for me to put out."

"Yeah, well I'm still glad you're back. There was that much more paperwork for me to do."

She rolled her eyes, "I'm glad you missed me Carisi."

"I wouldn't go that far, but it's certainly a better dynamic with you here. I've heard Olivia can be a bit of a hard ass with you, but I think she definitely missed having you around. I got to be the problem child while you were gone."

"Well don't worry, crazy Rollins is back."

"Good. Fin was on edge without his partner and Amaro… I don't know what was up with Amaro."

Oh god.

"What do you mean?"

"Fin didn't tell you? He nearly punched me in the face because he was all anxious about leaving one day and I asked him if he had a date. He couldn't calm down and Olivia had to send him home. He's been kind of weird since then, but I haven't asked him about it because I like my face the way it is. Maybe you should talk to him."

"Me? Why me?"

"I don't know, you guys have always seemed pretty close."

A lot closer than you think, Sonny.

"Yeah, well the last thing I need in my life is Nick Amaro angry with me. I already have Olivia breathing down my neck."

Ok, so it was kind of lie. Sure, Olivia was worried about her, especially since she had fallen apart at her apartment. (Amanda hadn't been able to look her in the eye since then.) But she wouldn't exactly call that breathing down her neck.

"Fair enough. Maybe Fin can fix it, or he can work it out on his own. I don't really care, I just don't want to be in constant danger of physical assault."

Amanda rolled her eyes again, choosing to end the conversation there. She didn't hate Carisi; he had certainly grown on her since they had first met, but she couldn't guarantee him that if had made any more annoying comments that he had a knack for making that he wouldn't be Nick's punching bag. It was going to be a long seven months or so for the three of them.