It wasn't like nightmares were some kind of foreign phenomenon to her.

Even before Patton had taken advantage of her, being in the police force was enough to prevent her from sleeping soundly every night. And even before that, worries about her sister pervaded what was supposed to be her time of rest.

But god damn it, she really didn't need to wake up in a cold sweat that night.

Nick was right when he (very emphatically) told her that working in sex crimes was hard enough on its own, and that he was entitled to worry about her juggling it all while also being pregnant. Not that she was really all that surprised that he was right; he had a knack for that. It was frustrating how often that man was right. Couldn't he just let her be the rational, responsible one between the two of them for once?

But as much as she wanted him to be wrong, she was definitely feeling her condition wearing down on her. It was getting infinitely harder and harder to be awake and focused throughout the ungodly hours that they worked with each passing day, as the sleep deprivation and exhaustion built up on her. Was it easy before she was pregnant? Definitely not. But this was just a whole new level of difficult, and she hadn't even been back for a full week yet.

According to all the information she had been reading on the internet, her second trimester would feel a lot better than the tiredness and queasiness of the first. But she was still only eight weeks pregnant, and the thought of "only" having a month left of not being able to keep her eyes open and having to near-constantly sip on ginger tea to keep from throwing up everywhere did not seem very encouraging.

And it wasn't like her first case back was a perfectly comforting one either. Okay, so there was no such thing as a comforting thing case in SVU, but this sick, sadistic spree rapist and killer was of a caliber that shocked and disgusted even the seasoned Olivia Benson. He was getting sloppier, and they even had the guy's DNA and had plastered his face all over the town and on the news, and still: nothing.

No one had called in, no one had apparently ever seen that guy before. The only crime had had ever committed, or at least been tied to, was a drug charge. What had driven this guy so insane? And where was he?

If there was ever a night that Amanda Rollins needed to sleep, it was then. But no, her subconscious apparently could not afford to give her a reprieve. It was her first opportunity to sleep for more than four hours at a time since she had returned, and she had dreamed of Patton.

As she sat up in her bed and hugged her knees, Nick's words rang in her head:

"If there's anything, and I mean anything, I can do to help or make this easier on you in any way, please let me know."

She briefly considered calling him, but how pathetic would that be? What would she even say to him? "Come hold me I am absolutely exhausted and shattered and maybe I would actually be able to get some sleep before we are inevitably woken up by this case if you were here?" Nope, that was not Amanda Rollins.

Then again, she knew that it was her insane vulnerability complex that was speaking there. She knew that Nick Amaro would be there in a heartbeat if his pregnant… colleague couldn't sleep and needed him to comfort her. After all, she had done it for him before. When Zara first moved to California, it was an unimaginably rough time in Nick's life. The first time he had a nightmare regarding Zara and the horrific crimes they saw against children and did not have the comfort of knowing that she was at least on the same side of the country as he was, he had called her.

And did she think it was pathetic of him? Absolutely not. If anything, she was glad that he called instead of trying to suffer through it by himself. He was crying ever so slightly, she remembered, and she had wiped his eyes and reassured him over and over again that his daughter was safe until he fell back asleep with her arms around him.

Amanda realized that she held herself to a different standard than others when it came to asking for help, but up until now, she had always thought it had protected her. She thought it would keep all of the other rapist deputy chiefs and untrustworthy sisters of the world away from her, but she was beginning to wonder if she was actually doing herself more harm than good.

Could she find a compromise between independence and allowing (some) people in?

She wondered if that was one of the things that Olivia Benson worked on in therapy… shit, maybe she should have actually tried that.

Her hands drifted down to her flat stomach; did she really want to teach her child by her actions that no humans were to be trusted?

Her musings were brought to an end by her cell phone ringing on her nightstand. She groaned; now she was definitely not going to be getting anymore sleep that night.

"Rollins."

"Listen, Rollins, whatever you do, do not leave your apartment."

"Carisi, I don't know what you think I do when I'm not at work, but it's two thirty in the morning. Why would I ever be leaving my apartment right now?"

"I don't know, Rollins. But there's a new body about a block from your apartment, and we don't think the guy did it because he knows where you live, because there's no way he knows that, but you can't be too careful with a crazy guy like this. We're all on our way over, so don't move until we get there."

"So let me get this straight, there's a chance this guy is after me and you guys all decide that the best course of action is to wake me up last?"

"Relax Rollins, I only got the call about fourty-five seconds before you did. Look, you're gonna be fine, okay? The only thing consistent about this guy is that he's random, so I'd bet anything that he's not after ya. Just make sure your door is locked and don't open it unless it's one of us."

"Yeah, so I don't know if you've heard this already, but I'm kind of a cop, Carisi. I think I know basic safety rules."

"No need to be rude! Just trying to reassure you."

"You're right," she sighed, "Sorry, Carisi. You just startled me a little bit is all."

"Understandable considering the situation. I'm on my way, okay? I think I'm the last to leave and the farthest away so everyone else will probably beat me there, but you won't be on your own in a minute or two. But if there's anything suspicious, call one of us."

"Got it. See you soon."

"Bye. Be careful."

Amanda crossed her arms, allowing them to rest on her stomach. She knew everything was going to be fine, but even the tiniest chance that this guy was after her was definitely not helping with her distressed state of mind.

She just truly could not catch a break.