Hello everyone,
Happy Tuesday! I don't know why I feel like posting, but I do, so here you go. I hope you all enjoy your bonus chapter this week. :)
As always, major thanks to NayaFan, UnholyUnderBoob, & Beaner008 for all of their inspiration and support.
Warnings for this chapter: trust issues(that's going to be in every chapter pretty much for the rest of the story, so just be warned) & Marley gets a time out, which triggers some other things. There is some baby talk in this, but not enough to make any sense.
The squick factor in this chapter is actually zero, but just know that within the next four or so chapters, it's going to escalate to about a 10. I will give warnings.
Hope you all enjoy the chapter.
Be well friends.
Santana went over to the couch, leaned over the back and smiled at her sleeping little girl, who had her teddy bear tucked close up against her and now had her head in Kurt's lap. "When did that happen?" she asked.
"A minute ago. She struggled to sit up and then fell this way, put her head in my lap and is now sleeping again," he said softly. Santana nodded, pet Marley's face gently and smiled when Marley let out a happy contented sigh.
"So we have to talk now," she said to Kurt seriously.
"Not in your mistress voice," he told her.
"I'm not," she defended.
"You are. Continue," he told her kindly.
"I need you and or Rachel to babysit, while I start heading back to the club for sessions. She's getting better, and we're going to have to figure out what she wants to do, but for right now, I need to start getting back to work."
"Tired of being a stay at home Mommy?" he teased and she glared at him.
"Mocking my skills?" she asked him angrily.
"Oh relax," he sighed and looked at her. "It doesn't make you a bad person Santana. Parents need breaks and you are her parent. Maybe not biologically but you are her parent. More so than Rachel and I. It's okay," he told her.
"I need you to watch her, and you know as well as I do that sessions at the club can go as long as three hours and then there's prep and clean up. I can be gone all day," she said with concern.
"That's not what this is about though. This is about you getting your refreshers, while Marley improves here at home, and gets attached to more than just you. She asks for Rachel and I, and she obviously likes staying with us, but you are the one she wants all the time. It's going to be tough on both of you and wonderful for the two of you at the same time," he said.
"Why do you sound so smart all of a sudden?" she asked him curiously.
"Because, Papa bought a book, and when we deal with tantrums and night terrors and can't go back to sleep, Papa reads," he said smirking at her.
"Papa's a dork!" Santana said.
"You would be lost without me," he said with an air of confidence and to his surprise, Santana wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him.
"Yes," she said simply.
Santana sat at her lap top going over emails, feeling better about designing punishments and scenarios for her clients. Once she finished composing everything, she put her lap top away, checked on Marley one more time, and then went into the other room to call Nicole. The soft click of the keys hadn't bothered Marley at all, but she'd worked so hard that she deserved the rest so Santana stepped out to give her peace. Kurt had left a while ago and was now in his room, on a phone call with his agent, going over audition schedules and work schedules, trying to get everything coordinated.
Santana picked up her cell and hit speed dial five. "Eve's Garden," Nicole answered.
"Hello Nicole, this is Santana," she said.
"Miss Rivers! I'm so happy to hear from you. I hope we get to see you soon. I miss seeing you here," Nicole smiled and Santana grinned.
"I'm working on it, I promise," she said.
"Lovely, now, you didn't call to listen to me gush. How can I help you?" she asked putting on her professional demeanor again.
"I'm calling to set up refresher courses. I need to join in on one session within the next week. No scat, no blood play, start me simple. Maybe just a doctor's scene, or some food design? I haven't done that in a while," she said.
"I do have three food designs this week, but they all involve bondage as well," Nicole said.
"Why do they always do that? They always want food and something else," Santana said walking over to a laundry basket and folding up Marley's clothes. "Who are the sessions with?" she asked.
"Miss Mercy, Miss Rain, and Mr. Evans," Nicole said.
"Mercy, definitely Mercy, she makes them beg, and I can't believe I'm saying this, but I need to hear that," she said. "I need to hear them cry and beg, because, right now I associate crying with bad things," she said. "What are her scheduled sessions this week?" she asked.
"Easy ones, or whatever she has?" Nicole asked tapping keys on the computer to get it all correct information.
"An entire list, let's see what I can crash in on," Santana mused and Nicole started to read off the list.
"Tomorrow she has a hydro session for three hours. Tuesday is Electrostim for two hours. Wednesday she's off, and Thursday, she has the food design with bondage for two hours a small break and then another hydro session for only an hour this time."
"Oooh a newbie?" Santana asked excitedly. New people would be good. New people meant more business, but it also meant more begging and pleading and whining, for something that they didn't understand but were completely hot for. New meant noises she wouldn't want to hear, but had to get used to again. She had to learn to differentiate again. Right now whines meant tired and or scared. They used to mean, desire and slight trepidation. She had to learn to tell the difference again.
"Yes, a newbie, is that what you want to join?" she asked.
"Okay, check with Miss Mercy first. Make sure I can join both, but tell her I may only join one, I have to get a babysitter before I commit to both. The hydro session I can do for sure though. What times are they?"
"Food design starts at two pm and then the hydro session starts up at five thirty," Nicole said.
Santana did some math in her head and nodded. "Yes, the hydro session for sure, and I will let you know by tonight about the food design session," she said.
"Alright, I will tell her," Nicole smiled and just as they hung up there was a blood curdling scream heard in the other room. Marley was now awake.
Santana rushed in and Marley was sitting up, screaming at the top of her lungs, her breath going all haywire as she looked wildly around the room trying to figure out where she was and what was going on. She finally focused in on Santana who was now seated in front of her and threw herself at her. "Mommy," she wailed moving to her as best she could and holding on tight, crying heavily.
"Shhh, Mommy's here, you're okay," Santana soothed. Kurt simply pulled out Marley's shake from the fridge, set it on the table, gave them both a kiss to their temple and let them be together. Santana sat back on the couch and Marley stayed glued to her chest, whimpering and struggling to calm down. "Shhh, I'm right here baby, you're okay," she told her softly.
"Mommy," Marley said, her voice trembling so bad that Santana had to strain her ears to try and figure out what she was saying. It was only one word, over and over again. Marley needed her Mommy.
"Shhh, yes baby, it's Mommy," Santana said and Marley started to panic.
"No, no, baba," she started and Santana didn't understand what she was talking about. Marley was pressed tight to her, shaking, and so violently, she was stuttering; something Santana hadn't heard in her before. "Nnnnno, Bbbbbbb baba," she said tears falling down cheeks.
"Shhh, Marley, take a breath baby, listen to Mommy, and just breathe my love," Santana tried and Marley continued to shake and babble, so Santana let her be and grabbed the blanket she'd been sleeping with and wrapped it around her. "Marley, look baby, look here. Tell me sweetheart. What's this?" she asked pointing to the blanket. Rachel had picked out the blanket a few days ago when she heard that a cold snap was coming. Marley was still skin and bones, even though she was eating better. The blanket was made of a warm plush fabric, in a light blue color. It was baby enough, without being so baby, Marley would freak out. There were a variety of items on it. Ice cream cones, beach balls, umbrellas, something that looked like it could be butterflies, books, sunglasses, and drinks with twisty straws coming out of them. Rachel bought the blanket for two reasons. First, it kept Marley warm. Secondly, there were so many things on the blanket that they could get Marley to focus on, so she could practice her words.
"Look baby, look at your blanket. Let's look. What's this?" she asked her pointing to the ice cream cone as she kept her voice very soft and gentle.
"No, no baba, no Mommy, pee, no baba," she cried not even focusing in on the blanket, which usually was not a problem to get her to do.
"Okay, okay, shhh, no baba, I promise. I don't know what a baba is though sweetheart. That's a new word for you, so until I know what it is, I can't say yes or no, but right now, no. No baba, I promise," Santana said and Marley curled up tighter into herself, tucking her head under Santana's chin, putting her body into a painful position and whimpered softly, but didn't even care. She just needed to have Santana hold her, so she could be safe.
"Mommy," she said softly.
"Yes baby, Mommy's here," Santana assured her. Marley tucked herself tighter still and then let out a whimper of pain. "You're too tight baby, you have to relax a little. Mommy won't let go or leave you, but if you keep pulling in, you're going to have a muscle spasm," she said. "You also still haven't eaten. Let's see if we can get you to eat something please," Santana said.
"No baba, no baba," she cried.
"Shhh, no baby, I promise, you're okay. Let's call Papa and see if we can get some
food into you. He left your shake here, but I think you're going to need more, so let's get half your sandwich," she said. "Kurt!" she called and Marley set to crying and gripping Santana tightly.
"No baba, no baba," she said.
"No sweetheart, you're okay," Santana said and she looked up at Kurt. "I made her a turkey sandwish, can you get me half of it please?" she asked and Kurt looked down at Marley. Her fingers were tucked into the edge of Santana's top and her knuckles were white from the amount of pressure she had.
"It really amazes me, that none of our clothes are stretched out," he said with a little smile and went off to retrieve Marley's lunch, which was quickly becoming a very early dinner.
"Mommy," Marley whimpered.
"I'm right here love, and Papa is going to get you something to eat and then we can play with your toys for a little while," she offered and Marley shook her head, her grip on Santana getting tighter.
Santana bit back her whimper because Marley had a death grip on her shoulder and her finger nails were digging into Santana's skin. Kurt returned with the sandwich and a small glass of milk to help wash it down. "Here sweetheart, you stay with Mommy, Papa will help you eat," he told her. "Tiny baby bites for me," he said picking up the sandwich and putting the tip of it to her lips. She whined and turned her head away. "Come on baby girl, you have to eat," Kurt said. He could see her legs starting to twitch. If she didn't start eating the spasms were going to show up any second. "Teeny tiny baby bites, sweetheart," he told her and he carefully ripped up a bit, and then fed it to her, sighing happily when she ate it. "There's my good girl," he told her. "Papa is very proud of you Marley," he told her.
He and Santana coaxed her to eat almost everything and then Kurt picked up her shake to help her with that. He put it to her lips and she took tiny sips. "Very good Marley, I'm very proud of you," Santana told her and kept her close, letting Marley rest. "Can you stretch out a little for me? I don't want you getting a spasm," she said kindly. Marley allowed Santana to shift her a little more and pressed into her side and started to drift off again. "No baba Mommy, pee, no baba," she cried tiredly, fighting sleep.
"No baby, no baba, I promise," Santana said looking around for Marley's pacifier. She didn't see it and Kurt kindly tapped her shoulder, shooting her a curious look. She made a fist and put it to her mouth and he nodded. He went into the bedroom, and picked up the pacifier that was on the night stand, spotting another one in the kitchen counter, that was waiting to be cleaned.
He placed it in Marley's hand and pet her face gently. "No baba Papa, pee, no baba," she whimpered, her eyes flickering open and closed.
"Shhh, no sweetheart, I promise," he told her and five minutes later, she was sleeping again. "What's a baba?" Kurt asked kindly.
"I have no idea, but we apparently don't want one," she said.
Rachel was home now, and fixing dinner with Santana while Marley was fighting with Kurt. "Are you going to say something?" Rachel whispered softly as she chopped up some cucumbers.
"I'm waiting for him to grow a pair," Santana said honestly and Rachel scowled at her. "No. I mean it. If the two of you babysit, you can't be afraid to put her in time out and mean it. She isn't to be rude, she knows that. I know she's tired, and so does Kurt, but there are still rules in place and she knows them," Santana said.
"No, Marley, you don't throw your blocks, you know better," Kurt told her kindly. "Now, try again, tell me what you want to say," he said.
"BABA!" she screamed at him and Santana let a beat of silence go by before she spoke up.
"Marley Rose!" she said sternly and Marley looked stunned. "Apologize to Papa now and then I will help you to the corner where you will stay for five minutes. You do not speak so rudely to Papa," she lectured.
"Mommy," she whined.
"Six minutes," Santana said firmly and tears sprang to Marley's eyes. "Quickly or I'll make it seven," Santana said seriously.
Marley hung her head and looked in Kurt's direction but stared at the floor instead of at him. "Aw-ry," she pouted.
"Marley, that was not a real apology," Santana warned.
"Mama!" Marley cried out wanting to get help from someone and have them on her side.
"No baby, Mommy gave you an order, you listen to her," Rachel called from the kitchen.
"That is how you act," Santana told Kurt, gesturing behind her toward Rachel. "You young lady, you come with Mommy," she said and she picked up Teddy Bear and brought Marley to the corner as carefully as possible. "Six minutes."
"F-eye," Marley whined.
"I can make it seven," Santana told her. "You yelled at Papa and you're back talking me. Both are not okay. Six minutes. Sit down," Santana said and she gave her Teddy Bear. She had her face the corner and Marley's breath started to go ragged immediately, panicking that she would not be able to see any of her family for six minutes. "Marley, look at Mommy," Santana said kindly. "You're safe in your house, that is why Teddy Bear sits with you, to remind you, but what you did is not okay. Sit here and think about why Mommy put you in time out," she lectured.
"No, Mommy day," she cried.
"No Marley. Mommy isn't staying. Six minutes, I will be back after that," she said and with a kiss to her forehead, Santana left and Marley started to cry.
"That is why I can't stand doing that to her," Kurt hissed once Santana had backed away and he was relatively sure Marley wouldn't be able to hear them hissing at each other. The only thing Marley could hear at the moment was the sound of her own breathing, growing more and more rapid with each passing second.
"Yes, but I set boundaries and you need to follow them. Strap on a pair," Santana scolded him, keeping her voice soft so she didn't rattle Marley, who was already on the verge of a panic attack.
"Santana," Rachel hissed and she pointed over to the corner where Marley was trembling violently and her back was rising and falling so fast, it looked like she was ready to throw up.
"Sing for her," Santana said quietly and Rachel started to sing again for her, knowing that Marley had heard her sing the song before. Rachel wanted to be sure that Marley had enough surrounding her that she knew, so she didn't get so scared. "When the rain is blowing in your face, and the whole world is on your case, I can offer you a warm embrace, to make you feel my love," she sang.
Six minutes seemed to crawl by and Santana didn't let Rachel sing for the whole time. She only let her sing twice, just to keep Marley focused. The six minutes finished and Santana walked over to the corner and knelt down on Marley's side. "Marley," she said kindly.
"Mommy," she cried.
"I'm right here honey, you're okay. Breathe for me," she coached. Marley got her breathing under control relatively quickly and then looked at Santana. "Did you think about why you had a time out?" she asked her and Marley nodded. "Good girl, why?"
"Cuff I 'ed at Papa," she told her.
"Yes, you yelled at Papa, anything else?"
"An' Mommy," she said softly.
"Very good my love. Now, I will help you up, we will go wash up for dinner, and then you will apologize to Papa for yelling at him," she told her and Marley nodded, hanging her head and looking pitiful.
"Ah-wee Mommy," she told her.
"Thank you baby," Santana said and she wrapped her in a tight hug and helped her to the bathroom, and while they washed their hands and helped Marley clean up her face, she watched Marley start to panic. "Shhh, I'm right here baby, and I can see how scared you are, so tell me what's wrong," she coaxed.
"No baba, no baba," she whimpered quietly.
Santana sighed and pulled Marley close, hugging her tightly and rubbing her back gently. "Baby, none of us know what a baba is, so you don't have to worry about it. If you choose to tell us what it is, that will help, but we don't know what it is," Santana told her and Marley let out a whine of frustration. She didn't know why they didn't know and she didn't know how to explain it without having a hysterical flashback. "Shhh. Nothing bad is going to happen, this is the same as any other time out in this house. I put you there to think about what you did wrong. You will apologize and then that's it. It's all over, clean slate, and we just carry on with our lives. I promise you there is nothing else coming and you have no reason to be so scared right now," she told her.
Marley nodded, but Santana knew she wasn't convinced. She helped her into the other room and Kurt immediately wrapped Marley in a hug. "My sweet girl, I love you so much, and I'm sorry that I made you so frustrated," he told her and she burst into tears, hugging him tightly.
"Nice Kurt," Rachel laughed softly to herself.
"What did I do now?" he asked Santana with panic in his eyes.
"Nothing," Santana sighed. "You didn't do anything, she's just over tired, and overwhelmed, and still trying to figure things out. Marley baby, say your apology to Papa as well," Santana said kindly and let them be. They needed the time together.
"Ah-wee Papa," she said sadly.
"Thank you baby girl. I accept and now, let's go eat, because Mama Rae cooked up dinner, and it smells really good," he said. "And don't tell Mommy I know this, but she eats like a truck driver, so we better go sit down, so she doesn't eat it all on us," he teased and Marley managed a genuine smile. "I love that smile Marley," he told her and the little family sat down to dinner.
After dinner was finished, Rachel suggested that Marley go watch a movie with her on the couch while Santana and Kurt cleaned up. Marley shook her head no wanting to help her family but sleep was taking over her body again and she let out a tired whimper and Santana smiled. "Marley, what if Mama Rae, helps you get ready for bed. Bath time, okay?" she asked kindly, but everyone knew it wasn't a question.
Rachel stood up and gathered Marley close, rubbing her back and seconds after Marley's head was on her shoulder and she had a death grip on Rachel's shoulders.
"No baba, Mama," she cried and Rachel pouted.
"No my love, I promise. Just a bath. You love bath time," Rachel told her and Marley continued to hold on and shake as Rachel guided her.
"Mama, owie," she said.
"Should we go sit on the potty?"
"Owie, ummy," she said putting her hand gently on her belly.
"Okay, how about we go to the bathroom. You can sit on the potty and Mama will rub your belly, very gently. It might help," Rachel suggested and with a moment of thought Marley nodded and they went off.
"I gotta find out what she's on about. She hasn't been so adamant against anything so far, and I can tell her that it won't happen all I want, but I don't know what it is," Santana sighed once they were in the other room and the door was closed.
"What about your job?" he asked.
"Yeah, I still have to bring up babysitting," she sighed.
"No, I meant what about the people at your job," Kurt said. "Some of those people have been doing this job for years, so maybe they know what Marley's so upset about. The only thing I can think of is a bottle, but she smiles and giggles whenever we show her one. She's not afraid of those," Kurt said.
"Well what do you know, Lady Hummel, pays attention."
"Someone should tell your boss that you're a brat," Kurt laughed shaking his head.
"I still have to bring up babysitting. Marley's gonna flip, and I don't know how to handle it. I can't lie to her. When I was a kid, I would ask where my parents went and they always told me they'd gone to the store. Then I used to get pissed because they'd never bought me anything and if I tell her the truth," Santana said trailing off.
"Remember earlier? Remember when I mentioned I was reading a lot?" he asked and Santana eyed him carefully. "Remember how I mentioned that? Maybe I know more than you think. Maybe I know how to help you. Maybe you shouldn't be such a brat and instead you should ask me for help," Kurt said.
"Maybe I just spank you instead," Santana laughed.
"Maybe I tell you nothing then," Kurt said and Santana splashed some dirty dishwater on him. He recoiled in mock horror, and seemed to ignore her, but then turned on the water and got her with the sprayer attached to the sink. The two were laughing happily with each other when Rachel and Marley finally emerged from the bathroom. "I think Mommy and Papa have lost their minds," Rachel said kindly taking note of the situation before them. "What do you say baby? Did they go crazy?" Rachel asked.
"Hey baby girl, did you have a good bath?" Santana asked from her spot on the floor, looking happily at Rachel and Marley.
"Mommy," Marley said softly, reaching toward her as best she could while Rachel supported her.
Santana pushed herself to her feet and went to Marley's side, giving her a kiss. "I love you baby girl,' she told her. "Mommy's turn to get ready for bed though. Will you sit with Mama Rae a little longer and then as soon as I come out, Papa will choose a movie and we can all have ice cream okay?" she asked and Marley agreed.
It took another hour for everyone to be totally settled, but eventually, everyone was curled up in some position on the couch, with ice cream, while Kurt put the movie on. He'd chosen Practical Magic for them that night and turned around to sit on the couch, wishing he could take a picture. Rachel was tucked into the left corner of the couch and Marley had her back resting against Rachel's chest while Santana sat in front of her, feeding her ice cream. Marley looked exhausted and she had no problem, laying still for Santana and Rachel, not moving a muscle, besides the ones in her jaw to open her mouth, take the small bit of ice cream and swallow. It was just a very tender moment, and Marley looked happy. It was a scene he saw a lot recently, but he knew it would end quickly like every other time. When Marley had major breakthroughs, she would be good for about an hour and then she'd regress. If she was in, what she deemed, a stressful situation, she'd regress tremendously, becoming that terrified girl, they'd met at the hospital. Santana leaving her for hours at a time, definitely counted as stressful.
Marley and Santana fell asleep first and Kurt looked at Rachel. "Did you hear about babysitting?" he asked.
"Yeah, Santana talked to me while you were fighting with our baby," she teased looking down at a peaceful looking Marley and pet her hair gently.
"Nervous?" Kurt asked.
"Absolutely," Rachel admitted. "But I stand by what I said. Santana wanted a challenge, and she got it. The problem is, now the challenge is to go back to work, and I don't like that. Santana is good at her job, it needs to stay that way," she said strongly, "and I see her freaking out. She's afraid of her job now," Rachel said softly.
"You just don't want to pay rent next month," Kurt teased. "I'm going to bed," he told her and gave her a kiss to her forehead and then one to Marley and even Santana.
"I'll come pester you for details later," Santana said tiredly. Kurt nodded and walked to his room, allowing the three girls to have some bonding time on the couch.