Northfield Chapter 10
To Hampstead Heath and back To Nonnatus House
Shelagh was walking to the Tube station. She had been given two weeks leave and would spend it at Hampstead Clinic, at Anna Freud's home.
She didn't know why she had been offered leave; perhaps Sister Evangelina had sensed that something was troubling her.
"You could go now while we aren't so busy. At Christmas time we will need all the hands on deck, and it will not be possible to give you leave for more than, perhaps, three days.. But it is your choice," she had explained. Maureen Warren was moving in to train as a cook with Mrs. Fairfax, and the flow of guests was not overwhelming. Shelagh had decided to go.
She heard a car honking behind her. A black Magnum drove past her and stopped. Doctor Turner and Timothy stepped out of the car.
"What is this I hear? You are leaving for Hampstead?" Doctor Turner said with some trepidation.
"Yes. I am going to have my Christmas holiday now, instead of Christmas. It is relatively quiet at Nonnatus House, so I was given a leave of absence."
"When will you be back?" asked Timothy eagerly. "You must come back for the Halloween parade. All the cubs take part in it, it is great. You should see the lanterns we make."
"Oh, I will be back a good three weeks before the parade, Tim." Shelagh was heartened by the boy's good nature. His father glanced from one to another, his face a mixture of embarrassment and satisfaction.
"So, Nurse Mannion, it is farewell, for the present." He offered his hand.
"Goodbye, Doctor. See you soon."
Timothy gave her a hug. "Goodbye, Nurse Mannion. Have a nice holiday."
"Thank you, Tim." The Turner men turned to leave. After getting in the car, Timothy suddenly climbed out again. He ran to Shelagh with a picture in his hand.
"Please, Nurse Mannion, take this picture with you." It was a shot of Tim and herself on the day of the three-legged-race, taken by Jack under strict guidance by Timothy. Shelagh chuckled at the memory. "Thank you, Tim. This is a nice one."
"My addled-brained Dad has been carrying it in his car for weeks now. He was supposed to give it to you ages ago but he says he forgot. "
Shelagh glanced at Doctor Turner in the car; he was observing them from the rear-view mirror. She could not read his expression.
Timothy ran back to the car. The Magnum was driving away slowly Timothy hanging out of the window, waving Cuthbert and shouting: "Goodbye, Nurse Mannion. See you soon!"
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At Hampstead, Shelagh was received with warmth and friendliness, and yet she realized that there is no going back home. Too much had happened. She had some heart-to-heart talks with Anna, giving enough information to allow Anna to come to a conclusion about her experiences and her present state of mind. It was good to have familiar ears to listen to her, but she had moved on. This homecoming seemed only to strengthen her image of where her real home was.
At the end of her first week, Shelagh received a letter, the address written with the boyish scribble of Tim. Inside the envelope, there was a photograph of Tim's drawing of Teddy bear Cuthbert. There was a small note: "Dear Nurse Mannion. I hope you are well. This is a picture of my Cuthbert drawing. I finally finished it two days ago. All the best, Timothy."
Below this message, there were three short lines written in the large, well-known, manly hand. "Do not mind my son and his silly Teddy bear. When will you come home? Regards from Patrick Turner."
She was reading the note for the hundredth time when Anna came to the hall. "So, your male siren's song calls you again? Which is the loudest, the father or the son?"
Shelagh laughed a little embarrassed. "I really don't know, Anna."
"I think you should take your chances."
"Should I? Why do you say that?" Shelagh paused a little, wondering if it was proper to say what she was thinking. They had never really discussed Anna's youth or love life. "You never married."
Anna snorted a little. "Yes, and I never technically left my father's house, either, even more amazingly. But then I never really had a chance to listen to such siren calls. First I was too young and immature, then came the war and after that I had to take care of my sister's children. Father fell ill, I had to take care of him. Then came Dorothy* and her children. Even if I never left my father's house, I have moved through untried areas. I have made a career in an area my father never knew of or was properly interested in. My professional activities have focused around children, and I have no regrets. I have lived a full life. But not everyone is the same."
"No. Not everyone is the same. But there is always the fear of…..failing. Misunderstanding. Losing yourself in some….dangerous diversion."
"Yes, the fears are always with us. They just should not cripple us. "
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Shelagh kept by her decision to stay away for two weeks. But she was nearly running up the steps of the Nonnatus House when those two weeks were done. Sister Monica Joan opened the door to her in a friendly manner. Shelagh would have been more than happy to stumble upon a running Doctor, but that was not to be. He was not there that evening, only the regular community members, glad to see her back.
The next morning she was checking the schedule of the surgery day in the Clinic Room when a buoyant Doctor Turner strode to her side.
"Hello, Nurse!" He was grinning in a most ridiculous manner. "You are back."
Shelagh gave him the list of patients. "Yes, I am. And we have half a dozen ulcer patients coming in for their checks, and there are several house calls for you later."
"And a happy homecoming it is, it seems." He was grumbling like a petulant little boy needing more attention. He gave her a reproachful look before he glanced at the list.
Shelagh retreated to the door, leaned her cheek against her hand on the door frame and took a good look of him. "It is a happy homecoming, Doctor." A smile of deep satisfaction lit her face. Her decision to keep this meeting brief and professional was crumbling fast. "This is where I belong." She left without waiting to hear his response.
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Later that day, Shelagh was walking down the corridor, trying to pass by Doctor Turner unnoticed. He was sitting in the living room, reading.
"Nurse Mannion, please come and see this. It is an interesting new article on a new cure for psychosis."
He had an uncanny habit of checking the mirror above the mantelpiece or possibly a very finely honed skill of recognizing footsteps. How else would he have known it was her? Shelagh came in the room and sat beside him on the sofa.
"It seems there is a new drug, chlorpromazine hydrochloride." He seemed pleased indeed. "There are very promising results in tests with psychotic bipolar or schizophrenic patients. Some of them have improved to the point of being able to work again, and others have been at least able to communicate with their families in a meaningful way."
He laid the journal lie down in his lap and looked at her with sad relief. "Naturally, the best part is that the awful pain of being mad can be reduced. We hardly know how these people survive with that experience."
"Yes, we hardly know that." Shelagh was having too good a day to really think of the pain of the madness. She felt how privileged she was sitting by him, listening to that dark voice and seeing the mouth that was turned upwards. She was not going to let him reflect the sadness of diseases today.
"Doctor Turner, when you receive good news like this, don't you feel that we live an extraordinary age? An era when the mysteries of human soul are about to be revealed? That we, our generation rather than the next one, will be able to crack the code…of some of the curses that pester mankind?"
He kept gazing at her steadfastly. She swallowed a little. "I am happy to hear this news. I am happy to be home, and maybe my happiness has made me unreasonable, but I feel we are in a good place. As medical professionals."
He leaned towards her. "Yes. I think we will solve the mystery of human soul." His hand rose, like he was going to touch her hair, but then he let it drop. He rose and walked away to his surgery muttering about the home calls waiting.
Shelagh sat there for a long time, in solitude. Her mind was seeing castles in the air.
*Dorothy Tiffany Burlingham, who moved to Vienna with her four children in 1925 and became Anna's lifelong friend and partner in child psychoanalysis.