Hello Everyone,
Happy Sunday! I hope you all had a wonderful week. Today's chapter is about trust, Marley dealing with her period, and exploring a little bit more of the baby things Marley thinks she's interested in. Specifically Sippy Cups. I will say that I googled this myself, the company is real and the product is real too. If the description I posted doesn't quite make sense then I would suggest you google it. Sometimes, I don't always make it sound correct and I know this.
Oh yes, and there are MENTIONS of rape, so if you have triggers, be warned.
As always special thanks to NayaFan, UnholyUnderBoob, and Beaner008 for their inspiration and support.
I hope you all have a wonderful day and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE leave a review if you haven't in a while.
Be well friends.
Santana woke up around seven, because at that point Marley was awake and crying. Marley's body was killing her and she wasn't sure why. It was just a lot to handle and warmth flowed out of her body into her diaper. It scared her even further, because she hadn't felt that sensation in quite some time and now it seemed to be constant. She was simply crying at this point in time and Santana sighed softly. "It's alright love, Mommy will get you changed and then we can go have breakfast okay?" she asked and Marley just cried, only settling down when she was in a new diaper and standing on her feet, hugging herself tight to Santana, trembling a little bit.
"You're okay my baby girl. Let's head into the kitchen and have breakfast okay?" she asked her gently and Marley simply cried. "Shhh, you're okay baby. Let's sit down and have breakfast. We'll make Marley some waffles with syrup and strawberries," Santana told her and Marley simply continued to cry. "Shhh. You're okay, we're just going to take you into the kitchen," Santana told her and as she walked her into the kitchen, she kept up a steady stream of gentle words. They made it to the table and when Santana went to sit Marley down on the chair, Marley hung on for dear life. She didn't want her Mommy to leave her and as soon as Santana tried to disengage herself to help Marley sit down on her own, Marley's simple whimpers became louder cries of desperation. Her hands were clawing at Santana to stay with her.
"Shhh, I can't hold you and get breakfast ready baby. Can you sit for a few minutes please?" she asked gently and Marley just cried holding tighter to Santana, and now trembling so violently, Santana could hear her teeth knocking together. "Mommy's right here baby, I'm right here, you're perfectly safe," she assured her.
"Mommy," Marley cried, pleading to stand up, finally making her way back to her feet, her body screaming in pain, and resting her head on Santana's shoulder, holding tight to her, her lower body locking into cramps. She didn't care about the pain, she just had to hold on to Santana and not let go.
"Good morning," Rachel said kindly. "Need any help?" she offered noticing how rigid Marley's body was. Her calves were cramped so badly that Rachel could clearly see every major muscle outline. It hurt just to look at it.
"Mommy," Marley cried and she gripped tighter.
Rachel raised an eyebrow and Santana rolled her eyes. "Shhh, you're okay baby girl. Mommy's still here and I'm not going anywhere far. I just have to cook breakfast for us. You're okay my love," she told her.
Marley was having none of it and Rachel watched as Santana struggled emotionally with what was going on. Marley had to relax, Rachel understood that well, but she was in such a young mind frame at the moment, she was working herself into hysterics. "Alright, alright, Marley, look at Mommy," Santana said gently. "Why don't you sit with Mama and I will get us breakfast. I'm not leaving you baby, it's just time to cook."
"No! Mommy!" she cried.
"Shhh, okay, okay, you have two options baby, you can sit with Mama and I will cook breakfast, or you can sit here and watch Mommy cook," she told her.
"No, Mommy," she cried and she gripped so tight, that her nails dug into Santana's skin and Santana yelped in pain. This did not help matters at all and Marley went into further hysterics, falling down to the floor and having a hissy fit. Rachel went to move in and Santana stopped her.
"No, you come with me, help me cook," Santana said and Rachel looked at her curiously.
"Are you sure?" she asked.
"Did you just question the Mommy?" Santana asked with a smirk.
"I'm just concerned that she's going to throw up again," Rachel said honestly and tiredly, and then she sort of fell into Santana, resting her chin on her shoulder, wrapping her arms around Santana's waist. "Plus, I'm tired of cleaning up puke," she whispered.
Santana laughed and kissed Rachel's temple. "I'm tired of it too," she assured her. The two of them whipped up pancake batter and Santana nudged Rachel gently. Marley was curled up in the corner, not focused on anything specific. "She's in her head," Santana whispered.
"Where are you little one? Where's the pretty little girl? Where's the baby, who's going to make her Daddy happy and relaxed?" a voice cooed. It wasn't friendly. He was coming and Marley was hiding. "Is baby playing hide and seek? Daddy loves to see his baby after a hard day of work. Come on baby," he said and he sounded happy, but Marley was terrified. She knew what was happening to her body. She'd been on birth control for a two weeks now, but she was still spotting as her body was regulating. The blood was found in her diaper an hour ago when Terri changed her and she'd been spanked for it. She'd been paddled and the bruises that were left behind, were hurting her at the moment, but it was nothing compared to what was about to happen when he found her. "There you are precious," he cooed and before Marley knew what was happening, she was on her back, on a bed, somewhere in the house. "I know," he whispered. "I know you're not being a baby. I know you want to be a big girl, so now you get to see what happens when Daddy plays with his big girl," he growled in her ear.
The scream went through the house and Marley wet herself at the memory and she threw up. Rachel stood at the counter and wiped her eyes, pulling out the paper towels in order to clean up the mess. Marley sunk into herself, crying heavily, and screaming in pain. "I can't," Santana said looking just as lost as Marley was. Santana was absolutely exhausted and out of ideas. She didn't want to admit it, but she needed help.
"Then you're on clean up duty," Rachel said and she squeezed Santana's hand and went to take care of Marley. "All right baby girl, up we go,' she told her lifting her to her feet and holding her tight. She brought her to the bathroom and washed off her face. Once she was clean, they made their way to the couch and Rachel began a very one sided conversation with Marley. She picked up Panda, the blanket, and a nearby pacifier before sitting down and pulling Marley tight to her body. Kurt had told her something a few days ago about the nervous system and how firm pressure was actually a good tool in getting an anxious person to calm down. "Look baby, look what Mama has?" she cooed sweetly. "Who is this? Who is Mama holding?" she asked, holding Marley tight to her chest with one arm and Panda in the other. Marley tucked her head under Rachel's chin, something that was no easy feat, but it made her feel safe, and Rachel wasn't going to force Marley out of that, unless it was absolutely necessary. "Can you tell Mama sweetheart? Can you tell Mama who this is?" she asked her gently.
"P.p.p..pp...pan...da," Marley stammered.
"Panda? That's a good name. I haven't met Panda yet. It's nice to meet you Panda," she said talking directly to it and glancing at Marley who was starting to calm down some more. "Panda is very sweet and tiny, just like my baby girl, but I think that Panda is very sad," Rachel said. "Do you know why Panda is so sad baby?" she asked Marley and Marley whimpered. "Oooh, what was that?" Rachel asked and Santana watched from the kitchen, slightly entertained by the heartbreaking scene before her. Watching Rachel bond was amazing. Seeing Marley terrified of her own shadow was terrible. "I heard something, did you hear that," Rachel asked with her voice pitched higher and softer than it usually was and Marley shook her head no. "I did, Mama heard something," Rachel insisted kindly and she tucked her head a bit. "Oh no, Marley did you hear that? Panda looks so sad, do you know why that is?"
Marley wasn't quite into opening up yet, so Rachel just continued. "I think I heard Panda cry," she told her and Marley whimpered softly. "Why is Panda crying baby? Did he tell you?" she tried and Marley started to calm down a little more. "Do you hear him baby? Do you hear Panda crying?" she asked her gently.
"Panda C'y?" Marley asked having slipped pretty deep into her little girl headspace. Santana heard it and frowned. Marley being in little girl land was fine with her, but she would have preferred if she knew who had started screaming when they woke up in the first place. She always felt like she was never really fixing the issue lately and it was becoming increasingly frustrating.
"I think he is, should we ask Panda why he's so sad? Maybe he misses Teddy Bear, are they friends?" she asked and Marley nodded that they were. "Why don't you ask Panda why he's so sad and then you tell me what he said," Rachel tried and she brought the toy close to Marley's ear and eventually, Marley pushed Panda away and then pulled him into her arms cuddling Panda tight to her chest. "Did Panda say why he was so sad baby?" she asked.
"Eff," Marley said softly and Rachel felt relief flood through her body. At least Marley was talking. She may be in a more toddler state of mind, but at least she was communicating and that was half the battle.
"He did, well that's good, because we know that communication is very important isn't it?" Rachel asked and Marley whimpered softly. "Communication is a very big deal, that's what Mommy taught you right?" she asked and Marley nodded slightly, her body relaxing very slightly. "What did Panda tell you? Do you think Panda will tell Mama why he's so sad?" Rachel asked and Marley continued to cry. "Shhh, we have to be calm so we can hear Panda talking to us," Rachel said and Kurt was standing in the doorway to his room, while Santana stood in the kitchen. Rachel was oblivious, all her energy and attention focused on Marley.
"Let's listen baby, maybe Panda will say it a little louder," Rachel said wrapping both arms around Marley and adjusting them both slightly, so they were each in a more comfortable position, yet Marley still felt safe. Rachel leaned back against the couch and Marley kept herself tucked in Rachel's arms but turned to her side, so that she could still tuck her head under Rachel's chin and rest her head on her shoulder and look at Rachel if she needed to. They were quiet for a bit and Rachel smiled as Marley twisted her fingers in and around the little ruffles in Rachel's pajama top.
Marley never did tell Rachel why "Panda was crying", but now she was reviewing her numbers very calmly, and Rachel was praising her for trying to speak so clearly. "Will you count with Mama? We'll go back and forth. You can start," Rachel told her.
"One," Marley smiled as Rachel carefully held up one of Marley's fingers. Rachel said two and Marley tried to say three holding up her third finger. "Ree," Marley said taking her turn. Rachel gave her four and Marley grinned widely. "Five," she said clearly and they continued their numbers, seeming lost in their own little bubble.
Kurt smiled and went into the kitchen. "Let me try," he told Santana softly, reaching to take a plate of food to them.
"Do not hurt my child," she hissed at him as she put the plate together.
"Our child! She's my bear cub too," Kurt said just as protectively and snapped his jaw at Santana. She made a face at him, but gave him the waffles and strawberries as well as a small container of syrup for dipping.
Kurt moved to the coffee table and Rachel smiled. "Oooh, look, Papa has breakfast," Rachel said.
"No, I good, I good," Marley cried.
"Yes you are baby, you are a very good baby girl, and Mama is going to hold you while Papa feeds you, unless you want to feed yourself," Rachel told her.
"I good, Papa I good," she cried.
"Okay, okay, before we eat, let's talk," Kurt said kindly and he set the food aside. "Marley baby, look at Papa, you're okay, Mama's holding you and we're just going to ask Marley simple questions alright? You see, my Marley is a very sweet baby girl and Papa can see how scared she is, so we have to have a little talk, to calm her and reassure her," Kurt said.
"No, I good, I good, Papa I good," she cried squirming in Rachel's lap.
"Shhh, okay, listen to Papa baby girl. Listen to what Papa says, can you do that for me baby?" Rachel asked her trying to get her to focus and she fell quiet, tucking herself into Rachel, trying to get away from Kurt.
"Where's my baby girl?" Kurt asked.
"I know where she is," Rachel smiled. "She's right in my arms," she said gently and Marley screamed in fear. "Hey, shhh, no screaming. Calm down baby," Rachel said gently and looked at Kurt.
"Hold her tighter," he said.
"I don't want to break her," Rachel told him.
"It's just gentle continual pressure. like a really tight hug. The book says that because her nervous system is so overloaded it's scrambling everything inside her brain and she wants to run. In her case that would be fine, if she actually could run. She can't run, she can't even crawl yet to get away, so you have to just hold her tight and let her calm down," Kurt explained.
He waited a few more moments before speaking once he could see she was calmer. "Marley baby, I think you would like to eat. Mommy cooked up waffles and sliced some strawberries for our sweet little girl and if baby Marley wants help, Papa would love to help her eat," Kurt said and they could see Marley struggling. Something wasn't right. Something was different. It wasn't Terri's house and it wasn't Terri's rules and so far she'd been safe, but surely, this had to be the same. Baby girls didn't get their periods and she absolutely had hers, which meant she had to be treated like a big girl, yet they were talking to her as Baby Marley.
"What do you say baby, would you like Papa to feed you?" Rachel asked her gently.
"Ana!" Marley called out and Rachel bit back a sigh. They couldn't show any disappointment on their faces and they knew it, but it was still difficult. It was even harder when Marley went straight to big girl and asked for Santana rather than Mommy.
"Who's Ana?" Kurt asked and Rachel nodded her head toward Santana and Kurt's face fell. Marley had always, always referred Santana as Mommy as far as he knew, so to hear it differently, was heartbreaking.
Santana moved over to the couch and sat down. Marley struggled to get to her and got into her lap with Santana and Rachel's help and rested against her, leaning her head on Santana's shoulder. She had to think so she could ask her question and she had to be in a safe place to do so. Finally she turned her head inward so her lips were near Santana's ear. "Marley, Mommy Santana will hold you as long as you want, but you do have to eat," she told her.
Marley pushed back and looked at Santana carefully. "I big?" she asked carefully.
"Marley sweetheart, I want you to listen to Mommy Santana very carefully okay?" she asked her and Marley nodded her agreement. Santana took the moment to feed her a small bite of her breakfast. "You my darling are a big girl biologically, yes, but there is something that I want to explain to you, slowly so you understand. Big girl Marley is nineteen, so big girl Marley has big girl things happen to her. She's tall and beautiful and has the body of a woman. Do you know what that means?" Santana asked.
"Bud," Marley said sadly and then accepted more food to eat.
"Well yes, it means that Marley gets her period, and unfortunately for you, yes, that means blood. Now, when all big girls, and I mean all big girls, people like me, and Mama Rae, and Nanny Susan, and Miss April, and even that bully Terri, when they are big girls, if there is nothing wrong with their bodies they get their period."
"I baby Ana, bud bad, I bad, I baby," she insisted not interested in eating any more bites.
"No my darling. First of all, you are not bad. You just like some baby things in life," Santana told her.
"No Die-pa," Marley pouted.
"Yes, I know. Those were forced upon you, and that was wrong. When your body is ready and Mr. Joe tells us it's time, then we will start getting you out of diapers. It's okay that you want to be a little girl or even a baby sometimes. It's okay to want those things, and maybe one day, when you have all your letters back you will tell me exactly what you want and why, but I'm never going to force you sweetheart," Santana assured her. "Biologically you are a big girl, but you can always be our baby girl whenever you like," she explained.
"Bud," Marley said sadly.
"Marely my love, wanting the baby things is okay, but your body is not going to stop being the body of a woman. So even if you are forty years old and married to some wonderful person, who loves you for everything you are, and treats you like the adorable, smart, beautiful little girl, you like to be at times, you're still going to get your period. Terri made it stop. That was very wrong and not something she should have done. There is a reason we get them. Stopping them, completely, if your body is normal and healthy, is a bad thing," Santana explained.
"I be baby?" Marley asked.
"If you want to be our baby, yes you can be our baby. If you want to be our little girl, then that's okay and if you want to be big girl Marley, you can do that too. We take our cues from you, but what we don't like, is seeing you so scared and worked up about something that you make yourself sick," Santana told her.
"Tie ow?" Marley asked finally accepting another bite of food.
"No," Santana said with a soft laugh, giving her a kiss. "You don't need a time out. Not for being sick. You only get time outs when you are disrespectful to Mama Rae, or Papa Kurt, or Mommy Santana, or anyone else that you are supposed to be respectful to," Santana explained.
"Nanny?" Marley asked.
"Yes, people like Nanny Susan and your therapists," Santana said but she could see that Marley was still afraid.
"No Papa," she said softly and tears started immediately. He'd been so kind and so gentle with her, but she was so scared of what could potentially happen.
"Well that causes a bit of a problem, because Mommy Santana has to go to work tomorrow and Mama Rae has to go to work and Papa Kurt was going to stay with you and watch movies and play Simon and bake brownies with you," she told her.
"No ayff," she cried.
"Papa isn't safe?" Santana asked. "What do you think is going to happen to you when Papa watches you sweetheart?" she asked her kindly.
"Bad, owie, no ayff," she said sadly.
"Marley baby, will you look at me please?" Kurt asked kindly and he was now on the floor, so that Marley had the upper hand so to speak. In the books he'd been reading, they'd mentioned that height was a big thing. When communicating with your stubborn child be sure to come down to their level. You are the parent, what you say goes, but coming down to their level to get their attention. Height is a power struggle, when there is a struggle to gain power, moving to their level, takes away the perception of who has the power. As a parent you should be setting boundaries and all children need boundaries. Taking away the perception that the child has no power at all, should reduce the stubborn struggle, at least for a few moments. Marley turned to look at Kurt, who was now lower to the ground than she was, as he was sitting on the floor, but she stayed cuddled tight to Santana. "Marley baby. I know that I don't get to spend as much time with you as I would like, but Papa has been paying very close attention, so I know how to change diapers, and feed you, and give you a bath, and sing to you, and all those things that Mama Rae and Mommy Santana do for you," he told her.
"No, bud, no ayff, baby, no big, no ayff," she cried.
"Okay, shhh, calm down, just listen to Papa for a minute sweetheart. If you are really scared to be alone with me, then we will respect that, because our sweet Marley was bullied too much to ever be bullied again. I know you have to trust who is with you sweetheart, and I don't know what happened to you at Terri's house, but in this house, Papa loves you. Papa just wants to take care of his baby girl, because he loves her so much. If you want to have Nanny babysit you, instead of Papa, that will be okay," Kurt told her.
"Nanny?" she asked.
"Yes baby, Nanny Susan said that if I ever need to get someone other than Mama Rae or Papa Kurt to stay with you, she will watch you," Santana told her.
"No Eminem," Marley cried falling into Santana, holding on tight to the one person, she really did trust more than anyone else.
"Alright my love, alright," Santana soothed. She rubbed her back and shushed her gently. "Come on. No more talking, now we eat. Tiny little baby bites to start. You can feed yourself, or one of us can feed you," Santana said giving her the choice. Marley turned and wiped away her tears, trying to calm down and then looked to Kurt. She had to try. If she didn't try, they were going to get rid of her, she was convinced of it.
The day had gone smoothly. Santana had helped Marley into a little girl state of mind and kept her there long enough to have it 'stick', while they explained to her what her options would be happening the next day when Santana went to work. By five o'clock though, Marley was exhausted. Joe had shown up shortly before Santana decided to run to the market and he had progressed her therapies to the point where she was on all fours, over a tiny box, and using her knees to carefully push the box across the floor, effectively crawling. She couldn't crawl very far, but she was much closer to being more mobile than she'd been up to this point. "You are doing so well Marley, I am so proud of you. Pretty soon, you'll be able to crawl anywhere in the house that you want to go," Joe praised her.
"Papa!" Marley called out to him and he showed up pretty quickly.
"Hey sweet girl," he smiled walking into the room to see her on the floor, resting carefully. "How was therapy? Did you have fun?" he asked, knowing that sometimes Marley actually liked therapy and they both waved as Joe left them alone for the evening.
"Papa, I go nye nye," she told him softly.
"You can go to sleep if you want sweetheart, but we have to get you clean first, because you worked very hard in therapy today and I am so proud of you," Kurt told her.
"Baf?" she asked him.
"Yes, a bath, and a snack if you like, and dinner," he told her.
"Papa give baf?" she asked softly.
"Only if you want me to baby. If you are still scared, then I will just get you a snack, until Mommy comes back from her errand. Do you remember where she went?" he asked.
"Um, Mah'ket," she said.
"That's right, Mommy went to the supermarket to get you some more juice, and brownie mix, because we're all having a chocolate craving at the moment," he smiled.
"Up pee," she said reaching up one hand weakly to him.
"That was very polite my sweet girl," he said helping her up and she whimpered when she felt all the sweat roll down her back and warmth leak out of her body.
"Papa," she said crying immediately. He was the closest family she had and the fact that it was a man who was about to be taking care of her, scared her to no end. "Papa, I baby, I good, no bud, I good," she cried.
"Shhh," Kurt said moving in quickly and gathering her close. "Shhh, yes you are baby. You are a very good girl," he assured her, but she just continued to cry. "You're okay baby, you're okay and Papa's right here to help his baby girl with whatever she needs," he told her and she continued to cry. "Shhh, Papa's here honey and pretty soon, Mommy will be home, but if you want a bath before then, Papa will get you started, but we will go slow, as slow as you need," he assured her.
"I good Papa, I good," she pleaded.
"You're a very good girl Marley and Papa isn't going to do anything you aren't ready for. I know you're scared and it's okay to be scared," he assured her. It was the same tone Santana used all the time and he'd heard Rachel use it at times as well. "Marley honey, look at Papa," he told her and she looked at him with tears in her eyes, and they slowly rolled down her cheeks. "Shhh, you're okay baby, you're okay. Tell me baby, who's in control, Marley or Papa? Who makes all the decisions about when we move sweetheart?" he asked her.
"Me," she said.
"Good girl. Okay sweetheart, very good, now tell me. You're just going to let me know when and you're okay with Papa and I know you're scared, so we just go slow and as soon as Mommy comes home, she can take over okay?" he asked her.
"Papa," she cried, not wanting to make any decisions at all.
"It's alright love," he said and he pulled her close and rubbed her back lightly. Her head went straight to his shoulder and she started to shake. "Shhh, keep breathing baby, just keep breathing, and we'll just go slow. Easy decisions baby, just like we used to remember? Should we sit down and have a snack, or should we go into the bathroom?" he asked her, holding up two fingers so she could choose. She didn't choose either one, she simply held on to him and cried and shook. She was terrified and now she was wetting herself, she could feel it, and that made it worse. She let out a cry and hung on to him tightly, crying heavily as her diaper filled up with whatever her body was getting rid of and she had absolutely no control over it.
"Alright, alright, nice and slow baby, let's get you on a toilet and ready for a bath. We're just going to get ready," he told her. He kept her close and realized that undressing her was going to be a bit of a challenge, so he got creative. He rubbed her back and sides, pushing her pants down, inch by inch as he rubbed to keep her calm and then he carefully lifted a foot to help inch her pants down further. Once they got over her hips, they fell down to the ground and she held tight to him, crying from fear more than pain. This was it. Santana wasn't there and as nice as Kurt had been, Marley was convinced he was going to rape her. Her body was showing him, she was a big girl and not a baby. Terri had drilled it into her that baby girls had sex and big girls were ravaged mercilessly.
"I know you're scared baby, I know. Papa's here, you're okay. It's just baby Marley and Papa and we're going to get your diaper off and sit you on the toilet, that's all my love. In fact, we can move you over the toilet and have you sit and then slide the diaper out from under you that way okay?" he asked her and she didn't answer, but shook her head yes. It sounded like a plan Santana would have come up with.
"Mommy home?" she asked softly, tears running down her face, as Kurt knelt in front of her.
"No sweetheart, not yet, but she will be very soon baby," he assured her. "So until she comes home, Papa is going to go extra super slow with his baby girl. Can you tell Papa about therapy?" he asked her and she whimpered, shaking her head. "Sure you can my sweet girl. I missed the end of therapy today, how about baby Marley tells me what she practiced?" he coached, glad that her tears were slowing down and her breathing was still under control. He was going slow and while she felt like crap, it was building her trust and he was very grateful for that.
He sat down on the floor, offering to take Marley's hands and she carefully put hers in his. "You're doing great baby, I'm very proud of you," he assured her. "Tell me sweetheart, do you want to sit on the toilet more, or should Papa run warm water to wash you off?" he asked giving her options.
"Ucky," she told him.
"I know you are baby, and if you want Papa to clean you up, I will, but you have to make that decision, not me," he said. Marley looked pained. She didn't want to make any decisions. She just wanted to be taken care of and as she slipped further and further into little girl headspace, the less she wanted to talk about anything. Kurt was watching her regress right before his eyes and he didn't even realize it. That was the problem though, because he didn't see it, and wouldn't see it as quick as Santana would have which meant Marley started to get more upset.
When Santana returned from the market, she heard Marley in the bathroom crying and Kurt begging her to calm down, trying his best to reassure her that she was safe. However Baby Girl Marley was who he was dealing with and Baby Girl Marley wanted one person only. "MOMMY!" she screamed.
"Marley Rose, do not scream!" Santana ordered from the other room and Kurt felt relief.
Santana walked into the bathroom to find Kurt sitting on the floor, Marley sitting on the toilet, and both of them looked pretty upset. "Santana, this was all her choice," Kurt defended.
"Relax," Santana told him kindly. "Brownie mix is on the counter, and if you could get me a cup her juice, I would appreciate it," she said and he nodded, but gave her a strange look. "She's only about two right now," Santana told him kindly and softly.
"Mommy," Marley cried reaching for her as Santana moved around the bathroom to turn on the warm water
"Shhh, yes, Mommy's here, you're okay, and Papa was here taking very good care of you princess," she told her, kneeling down in front of her and petting her face, breathing with her, helping her calm down. "Now, do we scream in the house?" she asked her firmly and Marley shook her head no, but then leaned forward and tried to grab onto her, needing to be held. "Hang on sweetheart, let Mommy get the water warm for you, then we'll rinse you off and get you a bath okay?" she asked her gently and Marley whimpered softly.
The water came out warm, so Santana brought down the shower head and Marley started crying in protest. "Oh my goodness," Santana said gently. "What happened?" she asked and Marley just cried pitifully, reaching for Santana and nearly falling off the toilet. "Okay baby, okay, I'm almost done and then we'll get you all clean and dressed for bed, and then we'll have dinner, and brownies for dessert okay?" she asked and Marley wormed and wiggled, not wanting to sit anymore, she just wanted to move into Santana's arms.
"Okay, okay, Mommy will hold you baby, but no more fussing. We have to clean up first," Santana told her and helped her into the tub, rinsing her off with the shower head and Marley cried harder when she saw the bloody water go down the drain. She let out a shriek and covered her face in humiliation and started to cry. "Shhh, look at Mommy baby. It's okay, you're okay, I'm not mad at all," Santana told her lovingly. "I'm not mad baby and after bath, we'll get dressed, and get you all nice and cozy, okay?" she asked her.
They emerged from the bathroom and Marley who would normally face outward while someone helped support her body to walk, was now plastered to Santana's chest, holding on tight, and resting her head on Santana's shoulder as she was guided to the living room where Kurt was. "Someone looks very tired," Kurt said once they sat down carefully and Marley wiggled into a very comfortable position.
"Oh so much," Santana said, and then made a face as Marley wiggled on top of her before finding a comfortable position.
"So the good news is that the brownies are baking in the oven and will be ready for dessert tonight," Kurt said.
"Well that's good, what about dinner?" Santana asked.
"Rachel called, she's bringing home chinese food for everyone," Kurt said and he smiled at Marley who was looking at him carefully.
"Papa," she said softly.
"Yes love?"
"I no bad?" she asked him.
"You are not bad my love. You're a very good girl. Why would you ever think you were bad?" he asked her.
"I c'y in dere," she said pointing toward the bathroom.
"Yes, you did, but you were scared and in pain and probably tired from working so hard in therapy today. You crying does not make you a bad girl Marley," Kurt told her kindly. "If you yelled and screamed and called Papa bad names, that might make you a bad girl, but if you did it because you were scared, we would talk about it, and that would be all. Marley, Papa loves you, for you, not because of what do or don't do. You are our precious girl Marley," he told her and she blushed, smiled, and tucked her face into Santana's chest.
"Oooh, look who got so shy all of a sudden," Santana teased ticking Marley's ribs for a moment and then giving her several kisses. "Listen baby, did Mr. Joe make you work very hard in therapy today?" she asked and Marley nodded. "Alright, well how about you sit with Papa, for a while and Mommy will get you a snack," she said and Marley calmly went to sit in Kurt's lap. The position she had been in was very comfortable and so she fell back into it and Kurt wrapped his arms around her, rubbing her back gently.
"You are my best baby girl Marley, and I love you so much," he said giving her gentle kisses to her temple and she smiled happily. She was feeling rather young, and in that moment, cuddling with her Papa, who simply loved her for the little girl she was, made her feel absolutely amazing. Her entire body felt warm, calm, at peace, ready for whatever might come next, and she trusted. She deeply trusted Kurt, the arms holding her, the steady heart beat in the chest of the person holding her and she let the calm feeling wash over her.
Santana returned with some almonds, and a glass of juice. "Marley, look baby," she said coaxing her to turn her head and look the other way. "Almonds and juice," she told her showing it to her.
"Mommy?" she asked and Santana could see her working on either asking something, or trying to figure something out.
"Yes baby?"
"Raw?" she asked looking at the cup in Santana's hand with no straw.
"I didn't get you one baby. This is cranberry juice and it's a bit tart, just a little bit, it's better to drink big mouthfuls rather than through a straw," she said and Marley carefully studied the cup. It looked glass, so she reached her hand out and tapped it curiously. It felt like glass.
"No, I b'ake it, I no gink," she whined and Kurt bit back his smile. For some reason, Marley's mouth was still having trouble with the dr sound and it game out like a hard g sound, as in good.
"Don't whine baby," Santana said kindly. "You can do it, and Mommy will help you if you need it," Santana assured her.
"I gop it," she whined again.
"You haven't dropped anything in a very long time baby, and I will help you, or Papa can help you, if you like," Santana told her.
"I gonna," she cried slipping into a younger mind set. Santana was beginning to wonder what exactly Terri had said and done to make Marley think being little was more important than other things. She was noticing that lately, when Marley didn't want to do something, or was scared to do 'bigger girl' things, she'd regress to a younger girl state, so she changed her tactic.
"Alright, let's try this instead. First you have another almond and then we're going to go over some pictures," she said. She put the almonds in Marley's hand and then got up to get her iPad and both Kurt and Marley watched with curiosity. "Now," Santana said kindly and she pulled up google. "We're going to look at cups okay?" she asked and Marley nodded silently, not sure of what was about to happen.
"We're just going to look at pictures baby girl. Mommy is going to pull up cups and you're going to tell me which one you like the best. If we can find you a cup, that you aren't afraid to drop, I will order it for you and that will be your special cup okay?"
"That sounds fun," Kurt smiled.
Santana pulled up the pictures and Marley smiled, pointing to a picture of Anna Kendrick. "Peh'on," Marley said.
"Yes, that's a person but she sang a song called cups, so it comes up in the process. Keep looking. Look, you put your finger here and push up so you can see the photos one by one, make sure to look at all of them on this page okay? No matter which one you want, Mommy will get it for you okay?" she asked her.
Marley nodded and scrolled through. She found a rainbow stack of measuring cups and looked at Santana, pointing to them. She didn't understand those cups. "Measuring cups baby, not something you need to worry about drinking from. We need drinking cups," Santana explained and Marley nodded and went back to looking. She went down the page and found some color cups that had grips and nubs and she stared at it for a minute. "Mommy?" she asked pointing to the picture.
"Let me make it bigger then you can ask your questions love," she said enlarging it.
"Ow?" Marley asked pointing to the now more decipherable ridges and bumps.
"Those are grip enforcers baby," Kurt told her and she gave him a funny look. "It's to help hold on to things. In this case, babies can sometimes have a hard time keeping a tight grip on stuff so the grips are to help them hold on to it. They don't hurt at all," Kurt said and she looked to Santana for confirmation.
"Papa is telling the truth," Santana smiled and she leaned in and kissed her temple. "If you want Mommy to order you those, then I will," she told her.
"Baby cup," Marley told her.
"Yes, that can be your baby cup, when you want to be our baby Marley, but just like your pacifiers, if you want to use them just because it'll make you feel more secure, you can," she told her.
"No, no baby aww da time," she said.
"Okay honey, let's keep looking then, maybe there is something else that will work for you," Santana said. A few rows down there was a grown up version of sippy cup from a company called Swiss Miss. They made adult sippy cups. It was a simple wine glass, encased in acrylic with a sippy cup type lid. Marley stared at it and started to blush. There was enough space for an adult to drink out of it, and if she wanted to be a little girl then she could screw on the lid to have it be a little more baby like.
"Mommy," Marley said with a blush, and slight smile.
Santana looked at them and grinned. "I think this is totally doable baby. You can have a normal glass when you want to be a bigger girl and then put on the lid when you want to be in a littler state of mind. I think this is a perfect choice. Should I order these for you?" she asked. Marley nodded, but started to cry, because her body was releasing large blood clots into her diaper and it just reminded her how stuck she was. "Oh honey," Santana said pulling Marley back into her arms and she cuddled in tight, while Santana rubbed her back in a combination of long strokes and little circles. "You're okay baby, you really are, I promise you're okay," she told her gently. As soon as Mama Rae comes home with dinner, we will all sit down to eat dinner, but Mommy would be really really happy if you drank your juice. It doesn't have to be big gulps, and I will help you, but little sips at the very least please," she said and while whimpering, Marley drank half the glass of juice.