Ok guys I'm just going to be blunt here, no pony will not start cutting. I just think all anorexia stories do that, I want to be original. I hope that's ok. Besides I don't think I could make it work :p.

Poppy- Sorry I took so long, here's a huger chapter :D

Penelope-Thanks (:

Piper-Here's an update!

Penny-I like your idea, but like I said I won't do cutting, maybe he finds another way of dealing with hunger? If you have an idea please tell me.

Ponylover-Thank you so much for reading and supporting.

Save-A-Horse-Ride-A-Ponyboy- Thank you so much (:

BeyondxNekoxMassacre- I hope for a good recovery, and I will try to keep it as realistic as I can. You want to add anything leave a review or P.m. me.

EmotionallyConfz- Thank you so much for the tips I will try and slow the process that was a really worry if I was moving along to fast. I want this to be as realistic as I can get.

Kate- I'm really glad to hear that you like this story that much, it makes me want to throw a party.

Pugpie- thank for the Idea, I have a few brain storm of that.

Samula- I want to make this anorexia go on for a few chapters, but that could be a way they find out, or make them suspicious, Ya know he could say he fainted from stress, exhaustion etc.…

Panagiota- That's a great Idea! I love it, I'll definatly do that school Idea!

Chick1966-Yeah I guess that's a good way to see it (:

Catie: Your welcome, And I can see that fitting into the story, thanks (:

So this chapter is a little chopped up, because it's like kind an over time. Well a week end. Ok well you'll see because I'm pretty sure this doesn't make any sense.

Today was Friday, I was a bit worried about dinner. I figure I could eat a little bit if I ran after school, and didn't eat much today. That and my mom was on my case about eating lately. Every time I said wasn't going to eat she would look at me with this odd suspicious and worried look. It made wonder if she was going to catch on.

Like yesterday she was dropping hints about me possible going into anorexia. Saying that I wasn't eating enough lately, and how I was looking slimmer this week. I didn't dare talk back or roll my eyes. Soda and Darry had done it at a time, the only time my dad really looked upset is when we disrespected our mother.

I guess it was that he wanted to teach us to respect women. I remember once a long time ago Darry called mom the B word, the only time I can remember any of us getting hit.

I decided to do a run and eat good amount of dinner maybe get her off my case for a bit.

Walking up my front steps, I slammed the door closed. Everyone was here, but instead of the normal happy gleeful expressions they normally wore, they looked dead. Like someone had died, my heart slammed agents my chest.

In the kitchen I hear Darry and Soda talking, a soft sob a soft sob to go with it. I dropped my bag. I guess they didn't realize I was there cause Johnny looked like he was seeing me for the first time. "Ponyboy," He said softly.

Then I hear footsteps, Darry and Soda coming from the kitchen. I looked at both of them, Soda had red puffy eyes. Darry looked…cold. My heart best became frantic, Mom and Dad weren't here and everyone was acting like someone died.

I began to panic, no they can't be…

"Ponyboy, "Darry said softly. He never used that tone, unless someone was sick, hurt, or about to give bad news. Bad news like our parents died. "Earlier today while driving to work with Mom, they…,"He trailed off getting tensed.

I knew what was next. I mean why would Dar tell me about them going to work for no reason, and in that tone? I didn't want to hear it. It would kill me to hear it. Still I felt if I didn't hear it there would always be a part of me that denies it.

"There was a car accident," Soda said tears falling down his handsome face. "They didn't, "he paused taking a deep breath. I did too, "They didn't make it." My hand clenched into a fist at my side. There I heard it. I heard it now it feels like a piece of me has died.

I shut my eyes, not wanting to cry in front of everyone. No I want to at least make it to my room then break down. Even if they would still hear me, I didn't want them to see me. I nodded quickly, tears filling my eyes. Next I was shutting the door to my room.

I sunk to the floor in front of the door, pulling my knees up. I let out an agonized sob. This isn't supposed to be! They can't die! I'm still too young, I've got to learn a lot from them still. Like how will I learn to shave? Don't dads teach their sons those kinds of things? Or advice to impress a lady? How to drive? All the things parents teach their kids, I'll never learn from mine.

Then that got me thinking, what will happen to us? Darry was old enough to be on his own. But Soda and I? Would we get put in a boy's home? I don't know how I felt of being put in a replacement family. It would never feel right.

There was always the option that Darry would take care of us. It sounded like a dream, but I would never forgive myself if Darry gave up everything for me. He has a lot going for him. He's saving up for college now. That and he has a football college scholarship. No he can't give up everything. I won't let him.

What about Soda and The gang? Do we all have to split up now? I mean our house is where everyone came to feel safe and a peace. Now no one could come here anymore. Our gang would fall apart.

It was like I could see what would happen. Steve get kicked out by his drunken dad. Dallas would make jail a second home. Two-bit wouldn't grin as much. Johnny, oh glory Johnny would be worse off than any of us. HE need us as much as we needed him. We were his family, screw it if not blood but we stuck together like family should so we were family.

I don't think I'd ever be the same if we lost each other.

It wasn't till an hour later Soda came in, I had moved from the floor to the bed. Now curled up into a tight ball, with a sniffle every now and then. My heart was still in pieces, I didn't even try to fix myself as the door opened.

"Pony, Darry made some dinner. You going to come and eat?"

"Not hungry," I lied. I was starving, but I was too upset to eat. Funny I heard from Ana this whole time. Maybe she know I need some time?

"You sure?"

"Yeah," My voice was strained a clear sign I would start bawling any second. I heard the door close and footsteps. Next I knew Soda wrapped me in his arms. I sniffed laying my head on his shoulder. "Soda," I cried. "What are we going to do? I mean what's going to happen? Are we going to a boy's home?"

Soda rocked us back and forth, shhing me softly. I continued to lay on my brother's shoulder sobbing my heart out. Soda rubbed my back telling me it was ok. "Listen kiddo I already talked to Darry he's said he was going to get custody of us."

I froze, the one thing I didn't want to happen. No he can't, he just... no I won't let him! I pushed away Soda," Tell him no. l won't let Darry do that! He has too much going for him! I won't let him give it up for me!"

Soda scoffed "Already said that. He won't listen this is Darry were talking about he as stubborn as a mule, you should know that, you're just like him."

I rolled my eyes playfully, one of the things I love about Soda he can make you smile even on the worst day of your life. He hugged me a bit tighter, then let go with a slight worried face. "What?"

"Pone, have you lost weight?"

I stiffened for a moment, "No, I don't think so."

He shrugged, "Ok guess I'm just over reacting."

"Or getting crazier," I mumbled softly. He grinned at me, rubbing my hair.

"We'll save you a plate in case you get hungry later alright?" I nodded as he left closing the door.

I sigh leaning back agent the pillows. I couldn't help but grin a bit, Soda said I was losing weight! So that meant it was working. I was getting thinner, smaller, tinier whatever you want to call I was becoming it. I felt a rush of excitement run through me.

Ana's advice was working, and as long it did I would listen to her forever if I had too.

The weekend passed I didn't really eat, well only on Saturday when Darry had me eat an orange. Even then I didn't eat all of it. No one really talked in the house this week end. We we're all quite lost in our own thoughts. To me it felt like the house was empty. I was all alone it was so quite.

Another thing, I hadn't heard from Ana all this time. I think she still was giving me time. I was starting to worry. I mean I was starting to think about eating. No not just like eating a meal, like a lot. So much I would explode.

I was so hungry it was sounding more and more tempting. This idea scared me. I don't know how to explain it. Without Ana I somehow felt lost. I didn't know when to eat or what to eat. I guess Ana became like some kind of reassurance, telling me I was on the right path or the wrong one.

Like today, it was the funeral. Of course Soda and I cried our hearts out. I've been doing that all weekend. Darry stood there made of stone, with this lost helpless look in his eyes. I really hated that look it burned my soul. Made me think of how Darry is going to give up everything. All for me.

It makes it worse no matter what I say he won't let us go. Trust me I'd damned tried to get him to say he would let us go. Or me even he would be fine with Soda, Soda can take care of himself. I'm still a kid, although I hate admitting it, I'm going to need help with a thing or two.

Anyway, after the funeral Darry took us to the Dingo to get some food. I was so hungry I got a huge burger! And I ate it all! Two-bit who had sat next to me looked over and grinned "So I see you're feeling better huh Pony?" Guilt swallowed me. I actually ate that whole thing! I felt like I was going to explode! I didn't say anything, just looked down and messed with the table cloth.

Now I'm lying in bed truly hating myself for what happened. I curled my fingers around my bed spread in a tight fist. I'll never be thin if I eat like that. I rolled over to my side, closing my eyes wanting this day to be over.

It was dark.

I don't know where I am but its dark. I reach my hand out trying to feel for something. Any kind of hint to know where I am. How did I get here? I blink a few times trying to figure how to get out.

Ponyboy, I looked around that voice was Ana.

Ana? Where am I? I felt around trying to see if I could touch her.

It's your fault ya know? They couldn't stand being around you so they left.

What? Then it was like a light was turned on. The room was white and vacant. There was not a soul in sight. I was in some kind of limbo. I turned my head side to side looking for someone

You were so ugly they couldn't stand it. They just couldn't stand having you as their son. You were a monster. Then there was a mirror in front of me. The reflection filled me with absolute horror.

It was a monster. A fat ugly monster. It had roll and rolls of fat dripping over the edge of its clothes. The shirt it wore was rolling up reveling a fat flabby stomach. Food stains all over the shirt. It was gross. I felt stick. It met my eyes, there was something about them…

I jerked back in horror. Me! That thing was me! I staggered back falling agents the floor.

Do you see why now? And that dinner didn't help at all my friend.

All your fault, all your fault. Voices coursed in my head. I recognized them all. The gang.

I can't go to college now Ponyboy! Darry

Now where do I go when I get kicked out kid? Steve

Now I'll be in the slammer with no bail! Dallas

Your broke us up you good for nothing brat! Soda, Two-bit.

Thank Pony, My folks will beat me to death now. Johnny…

Tears built up fast. Then they all stood over me screaming and yelling. I cried out and apology after apology. Then they cleared up a space my eyes widened. The refection stood over me. I looked around frantically to see if they would help. No movement.

It grabbed my ankle.

Nothing.

I was being dragged.

Nada.

I screamed.

I sat in my bed eyes wide open when Darry and soda busted threw the door. They rushed to my side almost instantly.

"What happened?"

"Are you ok? Hurt?"

"Can you hear me?"

"It's alright Ponyboy breathe."

I did as I was told taking deep breaths trying to steady my ponding heart. "Sorry," I choked out. I curled my fingers around my blanket. "I didn't mean too." My dream was fresh in my mind, I was still unsure of a lot of things.

"It's alright Pony, what happened?"

I looked at Soda, "Nightmare."

"About what?"

I couldn't tell them, I just can't. I don't trust myself not to break down. Yeah cry like always. Am I really that worthless? I took a deep breath looking at both of them before saying:

"I don't remember."

Ok I'm sorry for not updating in a while, it's just we were moving and I have school so it's been crazy lately. But I played hooky today and wrote a long chapter for you guys: D

I need help for the next chapter, I don't know what to do, any Ideas?

Review!