Oh my gosh I'm so sorry! I know I know ya'll must want to murder me for not updating in SO long, but I have a reason… well one that's not called laziness. So my laptop broke, it got a bug and it took FOREVER for my laptop person to fix it. So Well Yeah ya know…

xXBlackBloodAngelXx: I Will, thank you for the Idea C:

Save-A-Horse-Ride-A-Ponyboy: Thank you so much! Your review was so helpful, defiantly gave me an idea or two. Your amazing (:

puppylover27: Yeah I this happening :D thank you!

NarutoOutsidersrock9: For the Darry and soda thing, I want them to figure it out slowly so it kind of stretches the story, but the nightmare will defiantly be brought up in this chapter. Thanks :)

Phoenixx Rising: I know :C, thanks for the review CX

Panagiota: Ok so here what happened, I wrote the story WITH the parents and it sucked. I promise this one without the parents is so much better! Thank Ya for the review!

Piper: Like I told Panagiota, this is better than with the parents! Tank u (:

Poppy: I know, maybe I can do flashbacks? But in this story Pony is supposed to be depressed and well I kind of had to add to his eating disorder…yes I make him suffer... DON'T JUDGE ME! Lol jk XD

Samuela: Yeah, I wish I was a good writer and could keep them too! Glad you like the story :D

Lovin-curtis: I want to trust me!

Chick1966: here I am XP

Ok enough chit chat! On to the story CX

Three. Three days. It's been three days sense my nightmare. Three days sense I could look anyone in the eyes. Three days sense guilt has begun to eat me away.

I don't like being around the gang as much as I use too. It's like all I can think about while being in the room of them is the nightmare. Yes, I know it's silly to get so worked up over a dream. No Nightmare, sorry my bad. I don't know if anyone's noticed yet I think they just assume it the heart break of losing my parents.

Up until today I've stayed in my room. Only leaving when I had to. For example going to the bathroom. That's another thing. I cannot stand my reelection. All I see is the same thing I saw in my dream. Every time. I'm almost a hundred percent sure it will drive me crazy. I feel it slipping into my bones.

The desperate want to make it stop. To walk into the bathroom glance in the mirror and see what I use to see. See me. The one I thought I was for twelve years. That was until, I let things get out of hand. Before I got...fat.

That word sends a shiver through my whole body. An awful ache of humiliation threw my stomach. I feel so embarrassed just thinking about how I look. Some times at night when I lay awake, and wonder how this happened. When did I start putting on weight? I escaped the safety of hiding in my room to get a photo album, the other day. I looked at a few baby pictures of me.

I took very detailed notice of my soft round chubby cheeks. Pudgy arms, thick legs, and for sure a small bump on my midsection, also known as my stomach. Maybe I was never skinny, I just thought I was. Maybe that's why I was never very popular and always so shy and quite. Cause fat people aren't popular. Maybe somewhere deep down I knew that I was fat, I must have just tricked myself into thinking I was skinny so I wouldn't feel so worthless.

Well now I know, and I'm going to fix it.

Knowing all this makes me dislike today even more. Today is the day, Darry, now as my official legal guardian, is sending me back to school. I don't want to go back. Not because of school work. No, now I will quit being lazy and doing enough to get by and put my all in to school work, or at least that's what Ana wants me to do. Actually I don't want to go back because I'm afraid what people will think. What people will say?

Or rather find out what people have been saying. If I have been fat all my life, then just because I caught on doesn't mean that everyone else did too. Everyone knew, and that's just is. So today I know I would finally realize when I walk down a hall and hear something about being overweight. The kid there talking about could very likely be me.

I groaned rolling over to my side in bed. I had tried to sleep earlier but a nightmare. Screaming and woke up Darry and soda again. I again lied saying I couldn't remember. I felt awful waking them even if they said they didn't mind. What's worse is Steve was here and got awaken as well. I made note to make it up to him sometime soon.

Sorry love muffin, but I need to keep reminding you. So you don't forget and lose track of what's important, Ana said.

Ana had been in almost complete control these past few days. She's the one who told me to stay in my room. Not to go out there and remind the others of what had happened and why. So I listened.

Yeah, I know.

I've been awake sense three now it's almost time to get up for school. I watch my clock as minuets tick by. Sure enough I hear noise down the hall from Darry's room. Then talking and noise from Soda's. I quickly close my eyes and calm my breathing so it seems like I've been sleeping.

Sure enough the door creaks open and Darry switches on the light. "Pony, get up time to get ready for school."

I pretend to wake up, yawning and stretching. "Ok," I say softly, and sit up. Darry sees me getting up, he nods and leaves. As soon as he's gone I slouch, and let out a sigh. I stand up I feel a bit Dizzy and off but I shrug it off as just getting up from laying down so long. I walk to my closet, I search for something to wear. I look for the biggest and baggiest thing I own. Which happen to be some of Darry's old clothes.

I throw those on and walk to the dresser to get socks. And my shoes. When I finish that I walk down the hall to the bathroom. Flickering on the light, I grimace at the mirror, even Darry's old clothes look too tight. I let out a frustrated breath, and fix my hair and brush my teeth.

You should check your weight, you most likely gained some after scarfing down those chips yesterday.

I sigh hating myself a bit. I had forgotten about that. I sigh hating myself a bit. I had forgotten about that. Yesterday Soda had come to my room leaving a bag of chips for me if I got hungry, and agents Ana I gave in to my hunger, and ate all of them. I didn't mean too. I was just so hungry. So hungry hitting my stomach had little to no effect.

I'm so sorry Ana.

It's fine. You're still new at this, just don't ever let it happened again understand?

After being forgiven I walked to the white scale, I brace myself for it. I step on, for a second I can't breathe and my heart skips a beat as I wait for the red pin to spin to the fated number.

124.

That's four pounds.

For a second I feel so proud of myself. I feel amazing.

Then Ana reminds me of where I could actually be.

Just think if you hadn't been a pig on Sunday, and the other day you could be at 122. Loser.

Almost as soon as it was there it is gone. That amazing feeling is gone within the next heartbeat. Ana's right if I wasn't so weak I could have done better.

Your right Ana. I'm sorry.

You need to run more. Go to the track after school.

Ok.

With that I walk out of the bathroom where I can hear everyone in the kitchen. The sizzle and pop of bacon and eggs. Two-bits loud obnoxious laugh, Steve and Soda talking. Darry throwing out orders to everyone.

Even if Darry had just become official parent to Soda and I he was always the leader of the gang. He was always in charge even when we were real little, so I wonder if he now having to take care of Soda and I now by himself is as hard if it would be if he wasn't the leader.

I hear something and Soda and Steve blaming each other. It brings a smile to my lips, I'm glad at least Soda isn't taking this that bad anymore. At least he doesn't seem like he is. Well that my brother for you.

I stop in the door way and everyone looks at me. Instantly I feel bad because the good mood has faded. It's quiet and I shrink into myself wanting to go back to my room and hide. Ana is saying to quite being a chicken and suck it up. So I listen and smile shyly.

This causes Soda to grin, "G'morning Pone!"

"Morning," I say walking into the kitchen, then the cabinet to get a glass for water.

After getting my glass I sit at the table, and while doing this the happy light mood has returned. I sip at my water and Johnny takes a seat next to me. We smile at each other.

Darry finishes breakfast and set plates down in front of everyone, when he's about to set mine down I shake my head, "I don't want any."

"Too bad, you haven't eaten much these past few days. And I don't want you getting sick."

I open my mouth to object then Ana reaches me, just take the food and pretend you ate so they don't get suspicious.

I take a deep breath, "Yeah ok."

"Good," Darry says setting the plate down.

I squish my eggs to one side and break my beacon into small pieces and mix it with my eggs. Everyone is too busy scarfing down their food to notice.

When Soda finishes along with the others it's time to go. The house became a mad rush to grab bags loading in to the cars and truck. Then we leave, Darry calling out last minuet orders and reminders. When were all stuffed in to Steve's car, we head towards the middle school.

There Johnny and I will be dropped off. Johnny is supposed to be in high school with the others but he failed a few years ago so he's in middle school with me.

When we pull up to the drive way of the school Johnny and I get off and then I remember about track. "Soda," I say at his window.

"Yeah?"

"I'm going to the track afterschool ok?"

Soda doesn't stop to think just nods and says, "Ok don't stay out to late."

I nod as Johnny and I start walking into the school building.

Then after that the school day goes by, at lunch I sit by Johnny at lunch, all he has is a small roll of crackers from his house. Again, I really dislike Mrs. And Mr. Cade. All I get is a water bottle from the vending machine. Johnny ask why I didn't get food. All I say is that I wasn't hungry and change the subject.

After school I got to the track, Johnny offers to stay, I say it's ok and he can go home. Then I run, I run till my legs are shaky and my stomach is twisted so tight and I feel like I'm going to puke. Then Is When Ana says that I can go home.

When I get home I push around dinner then throw it away when Darry goes to take a shower and Soda goes to do homework. I do my homework with all effort I have staying up till eleven to finish. Even if I only had a page of math and history.

After that I pull out a book and Read, before now I read when I had to, but this book is actually really good. I think I may start reading more

Tada! I'm done C: Sorry if it ended … badly I didn't know how to end the chapter stuck with that. So Eh!

Also, I decided to push back the story on year, so Pony is twelve. Only because if I didn't I wouldn't have enough time to develop the story correctly. Yes I know Curtis parents dies when Pony was thirteen, but it had to be done!

Review with thoughts and Ideas Please!