Chapter 3: Trying to Fight
*Logan's POV*
"So what do we do now?" Carlos asks.
"I don't know, I just don't know" I reply, no point in hiding any uncertainty now. All my secrets have been ripped out and shown to the world- well the guys at least.
"We don't tell anyone-not even Mom and Katie. We keep this all too ourselves and fucking get over our problems. Carlos, be less hyper. Logan, be fucking happy- other people have it way worse. And James, stop fucking making yourself throw up, you don't need too." Kendall, giving his worst speech ever.
"You can't just tell people to fucking get over it. It doesn't work like that. And that stupid bit about others having it worse- well others have it better does that mean I can't be happy? You know so little about my life; it's hard to believe we're actually best friends. It's crazy." I argue, something snapped inside me. "You have no fucking idea, you don't understand." I whisper, close to tears.
"Then tell us, Logie" Carlos pleads. "We can't help you if you don't tell us."
"James needs help more than me." I admit quietly. "Hey, buddy, ever heard the saying 'Hug friends not toilet bowls?"
"No, but I get it" He smiles gently. "Guys are problems aren't going to go away overnight or by forgetting about them."
"We know James, We know" Kendall says carefully. "But it's easier to forget than to actually deal with them"
I think carefully, trying to come up with something. This is one of the most important and meaningful conversations that I've had with my friends. Normally we do jokes and good time, not heart to hearts- except about girls.
Carlos interrupts my thoughts. "We should just keep it between the four of us and help each other. Every Friday evening we should talk, we should pay more attention to each other. I don't want to lose you guys." He gets close to crying at the end. Then I realize that I don't want to lose them either, I wouldn't be able to survive without them. Yes, they annoy me so much and treat me like shit. I think, remembering that everyone didn't want to ride with me and that I was the 'short straw'. It still hurts.
"I'll try to get better, I'll really fucking try" I tell them, not revealing that I'll probably just hide everything more.
"We'll all try." James replies. "Agreed?"
"Agreed" We all say together, but it's the biggest lie I've ever told, and no one will suspect a thing. We have each other but I don't want help, I don't want to get better. I doubt I can ever be happy again. But will hiding it all actually work?