Hello guys! I am back ^_^! See I told you faster updates!

TheStaryNight: here's an update.

Guest: your hope is right C:

Phoenixx Rising: I know poor Pone.

Goldenthorns: I know, I know but here's an update!

: I was thinking of having someone say or notice something. They might just be the perfect candidates!

Not as many reviews this past chapter huh? No worries though I think it's because I hadn't updated in so long.

Numbers.

My life revolved around numbers.

It was a constant good number bad number.

Good numbers were the ones that showed how much I worked to get that number.

Laps around the track, a high score on a test, the overall average in a class, the number of pounds I'd lost since Ana started helping.

Bad numbers though always contradicted the good ones.

I'd only done 8 laps, which really is only two miles and that's not really anything to get all hyped up for. I could have done so much more. I would have gotten a better grade had I studied harder. Oh god and 89 in algebra is pathetic! Why am I so stupid?

I still weight 102.

I tell myself that it's only temporary these numbers. That one day they won't mean anything.

One day the number of laps around the track will be endless. I could run all day and not be tired. The score on that test won't matter if I have a job and out of school. Same with algebra.

102 will shrivel and shrink into nothing.

I just have to do what my father always told me. Sit and ride out the storm kiddo, it will pay off eventually.

So for now I'm stuck in the back on history my last class of the day; my last class for the year.

Normally everyone gets so excited for the end of the year. I have mixed feelings, no school means nothing to do during the day, and I could run a lot more than I do now. Maybe even reach my goal of running all day. Oh man I sometimes I wish I could run myself to death. Then again no school means no homework. I won't have that as a distraction anymore. So now what will I do when I need one?

I have the guys, I'm sure talking to one of them could take my mind off a few things. Two-bit's jokes, Dally's stories, Steve's information on how to fix a car, and Johnny's soft quite dialogue about how he wonders how certain things work.

I think that works then I remember I can't. I haven't been real talkative lately. I don't know what it is, when I'm around them I get all shy and choked up. Ana says it's normal for fat people like me to get all nervous around perfect people. The guys aren't perfect with the records and reps the have not even close. I guess its cause their all in great shape. Greasers don't really eat much, never quite sure why we just don't.

Not we cause obviously you eat too much huh porky?

Oh right, not quite sure why they don't.

Then I have my brothers.

That's a whole different story.

I think they might be suspicious that something's wrong but, both are two busy in their live to really focus on it much. Darry has two-jobs and Soda had work and school. Or I guess now that summer he'll be working full time. Neither one is home to really see what going on. Normally I get home from school I'm alone for hours even if I was a track. It's like that on weekends too.

No one hardly comes over anymore. I guess cause no one's there but me. I mean sure Darry and Soda work Monday through Saturday, and Sundays Darry does things around town and Soda goes off with the boys clowning around town. I've been invited to do both but I either say I have to finish homework or that I'm tired.

I've been tired easier lately. It's the nightmares I tell them. I have them constantly every night, I close my eyes and is have those dreams. Slowly I think their getting worse, cause now in the day I fell myself being trapped. I remember them, then when I am offered food I can hear the taunts and teases of Ana and the others in the back of my mind. And it sure does terrify me.

Along with feeling sick. My head is always pounding it's hard to remember what it's like when it doesn't hurt. My stomach is always twisting and turning I don't know if I'm just so hungry or if I'm actually sick and about five seconds away from hurling.

Normally I don't tell the guys about being sick and tired all the time I deal with by my lonesome not wanting to bother them or worry them depending on who it is.

Maybe that's why I don't go out anymore. I don't want people to see me. I don't want them to realize that any of the gang are stuck with me. Fat and chubby Ponyboy Curtis. So I stay home, or go to a track so I can go out. One day.

It has worked surprisingly well, no one questions it or me.

Well until now.

It's the last day of school like I said. So people are excited and pumped up and ready to go out and do stuff, also like I said. So that the boys all want to go out and do something and celebrate the end of the year. I normally don't care what they want, until I have Soda and Two-bit trying to get me to come along.

"What?" I say dumb fondly at the proposal of going with them to a drag race.

Soda sighs, "come on Pone! It will be fun, and it's the last day of school! We should do something to celebrate!"

Celebrate what? I don't see an up or a downside of not having school. Other than that I don't want to go out. I can't.

I start to shake my head but Two-bit jumps in, "Come on kid every time we ask you to do something it's always you have homework! Now you can't use that excuse anymore because there ain't no more school!"

I finally realize Two-bit's right. I have just lost one of my best lies. I use homework and projects to get out of lots of things. Now there's no School that means I can't use that. Damn.

"Yeah, but-"

"Come on kid! Live a little! Have some fun."

I can't believe this. I look at everyone else. Dally looks bored and inpatient as he watches us. Like he's ready to just leave. Alone or with the others. Johnny sits quietly and patiently completely opposite of Dally. Then there's Steve his arms are crossed leaning in the door way and he glares at me.

Quite wasting time.

"I want to go really –"

"Great let's go!" Soda is already tugging me to our shoes piled by the door. I pull back and Soda stairs at me, "Pony?" he then gives me that face the one he uses to get me do his chores or have me wash dishes when we're supposed to wash them together.

I sigh and Ana is telling me to say no repeatedly. So much and so loud that my head throbs a bit. Soda, of course has no idea about my internal war and continues to make that face, only to have Two-bit make a face that makes me question thoughts of laughing or crying. I know it's a fact that I won't get out cause from this point on it's only going to get worse.

"Fine let me get my shoes on," I say walking to the pile. Soda and Two-bit start grinning. It isn't long before they start getting pumped and excited for a drag race. Except it's not only them, Steve starts throwing out his woops and comments. Dally is going on about picking up some nice broad.

It's then that I realize we aren't at the drag races. No we're at some place way worse.

The Dingo.

I swallow thickly and stare into the big windows. Its packed greasers and their girls fill up the inside and outside. The bright lights illuminate threw the windows, along with the cheesy Christmas lights strung around the celling. I can see waitresses running around to tables, a family here and there but most of them are teenagers.

"Uhm… why are we here?"

Stupid question, I know why we're here. How could I not? This place in a nightmare. I was told that we we're going to the drag races, no one said anything about coming here. Maybe I might get luck and were just meeting up with shepherd then all of us are going together.

I'm beginning to realize how bad of an idea going out was. I ball my hands into fist and I feel my mouth go dry.

I told you not to say yes. I told you. All it took were Soda and Two-bit giving you a pair of puppy dog eyes for you to break! What are you going to do if they give you that look trying to get you to eat? Are you going to break that easily? Loser.

I glance at the restaurant, I hadn't eaten that much all week. Basically 3 apples, some water, a banana, and a few strawberries. Then of course I'd gone to track every morning this week. Now they want to go out and eat. I haven't eaten today, I eat every other day now that I've gotten use to skipping days after that accident.

I shiver remembering that. Since then I've only had to repeat once. And that time was similar to the first one. I was home alone and hunger was eating away at my sanity. Smoking had done nothing for me. Except I didn't eat Darry and Soda's food. I'd eaten all the left overs I'd accumulated over a few days from picking at it than putting it in the fridge.

The second time had been the worse then the first. The fact that I know what it was and know the hurt and the ache in my throat, and the general idea of it made everything worse. I knew what was coming, so I knew what to expect but that made me feel a rush of anxiety.

Then a thought hit me.

Would I have to do that tonight?

Most likely

What if I don't eat?

You don't have the will power

I could …

"You should stop chewin' on them nails kid."

I blink the sudden realization that we aren't outside anymore. Rather inside already at a booth, I'm wedged in between Johnny and Soda, while across from us is Dally, Steve and Two-bit. It was Steve who was talking to me. I didn't even realize I had been doing it. I was just so lost in my thoughts I didn't pay attention.

Just like all the times you completely pig out and don't realize you'd been eating so much.

I internally wince. I regret that.

I put my hand down," sorry I didn't realize I'd been doing that."

He doesn't say anything just goes back to talking with the others. Time ticks by slowly the waitress comes by and takes out drinks. Of course I get water.

The others talk I don't I stare at salt shakers. Very similar to that first time at Dairy queen. A part of me wishes I could go back to that day. Stop all this from happening. I think I'm saying that just cause I don't want to deal with this stress right now. The stress of eating and then having to deal with it.

It's all worth it though right? You're going to be skinny.

Right.

"- ain't that right Pony?"

I blink when Soda says my name. "What?"

He and Two-bit let out a laugh, "Darry is worse than mom and dad?"

I pause, in what terms? He's worse about grades and what we do when we go out with the boys, but then again he lets us stay out later and let's Soda eat chocolate cake for breakfast. So I don't know. I'd never sat down and pondered who was better and who was worse.

"On something's but then he makes up for it," I say. The only thing I can say on the topic.

The waitress come back before anyone can reply. After passing out drinks, she puts the tray under her arm and pulls out a note pad, "Yawl about ready to order."

My anxiety that had been temporally forgotten came back full force. I hadn't even looked at the menu. I didn't want to. There is still the option about not getting anything. That in fact made me fell a lot better. Not eating. But with Soda and them here there would be suspicion and questions that I would rather not answer.

Everyone goes and I flip through trying to pick something somewhat healthy. When you looks towards me I feel like a dear caught in head lights. I want to curl up and say I'm not hungry. I guess Soda knew I hadn't picked out anything cause he said I'll have the same thing as him.

I don't know what he got but I do know he loves to eat junk and sweets.

I feel that coil of fear for the third time in my life. I drum my fingers on the table and I want to scream. Scream to the heavens and hell how stressful this is and that I don't like this.

I continue my mental rant about how much I want to scream till food comes.

She is setting down plates and calling out food so she knows who to give it too. Then she finally sets down a huge burger in front of me. My eyes widen, it's so big. I see everyone already digging in enjoying mouthfuls of food. For a moment I'm in envy, I wish I could eat freely. Just eat and enjoy food like a normal person.

Yeah well you did once then you let it get out of control. So now this is what happens.

Soda nudges me in the ribs, "eat. We gotta go."

I swallow back my fears and take a bite.

It taste so good! I remember not to go crazy. Not to go overboard. I stay in my right mind and eat as little as I can and as slow as I can. I manage a one fourth of the burger and no fries.

Alright now go fix the mess.

Once again the nervousness build up. I don't want to. I really don't. I repeat that over and over. Even as I ask Soda to get out of the booth so I can use the bathroom. As I walk towards the bathroom, which is surprising empty and into a stall.

I don't want this.

I get down on my knees.

Why am I doing this if I don't want this?

Fingers go down, and food comes up. My stomach must know what this is because it's harder this time than ever before. Nothing comes up and I just keep gagging. Until finally I end up puking it all up, until I'm left dry heaving.

I flush, clean up and walk back to the table. Everyone is bright and happy as I slide into the booth. Their laughing and teasing each other and talking lousy about the girls in here and our waitress. My mood is glum. I lay my head down on the table and realize some thing.

I need help but I don't want it.

Eww I didn't like this chapter!

What do you think about Pony? is he being played right? if not what do I need to change.

It came out so bad because I don't have any idea… leave some in a review? ^-^