Chapter 7: Struggle
*Kendall's POV*
The guys are lying. They're not 'fine'. I had to clear my head. I had to get out. So here I am, Palmwoods Park in the middle of the night. I feel like such an idiot. I even brought some cigarettes. They weren't cheap it's just maybe the smoke will block out the corners of my mind- letting me forget everything for a while. I might need something stronger than tobacco. I should talk to guitar dude, everyone knows he sells weed.
I get out my lighter and touch it to my first cigarette. I only came here so that no one could see how crap I am at smoking and that I'll probably have a coughing fit.
At school we were told that each cigarette shortens your life by eleven minutes, but that really doesn't bother me. Man, this feels good, it's so relaxing. I can't believe I could do this to my friends. I'm smoking. Am I crazy? Probably, I needed to do something and smoking was the first thing that came to mind.
I was speaking to that doctor lady earlier; she said I could get a punch bag and start a diary- to release my feelings. It sounds pathetic. Writing a diary is so girly, although I think Logan does it. Shit, I should probably get back- I doubt any of them are missing me, it's just if he's awake, Carlos will probably be worrying.
He's such a little kid sometimes, like Peter Pan, he'll never grow up. How am I going to be able to smoke in the apartment? Or with the guys near me 24/7? How? I could go into the bathroom, there's a fan thing in there to prevent bad ventilation. I guess it would filter the smell. I should go get some mints or gum, if not my breath is going to stink.
Maybe we should give up the band and move back to Minnesota, maybe it's for the best, before we all go to an early grave. Why was it us? Why? It could have been anyone but us. Why? We all have our problems; will it always be like this? We need help, but do we want it? Will we always struggle? They'll always be new challenges and problems, we will always struggle.