A/N: I promised I was back didn't I!

Thank you guys for the reviews so quickly after I updated, and I apologise again for the huge gap between updates. (Nearly at 100!)

I'm therefore putting this next chapter up today rather than a full week later like I usually would as a thank you for the kind feedback, and for being willing to continue to support this story.

Just a warning; this chapter deals with the aftermath of the attack, and therefore deals with Emily's rape. It may be a trigger for some so just a heads up.

'You obviously know she was shot, you were there. And you saw how she'd been beaten and generally extremely mistreated to the extent of her having broken ribs as well as other things…' Taylor nodded. 'Well, there's one thing that she needs you to help her accept and move past…' Andrea grabbed Taylor's hands and held on tightly. 'Taylor honey, Emily was raped. …More than once.'

The silence was deafening. The clock over the doorway to the living room had never sounded louder. Andrea had silent tears running down her cheeks as she took in the sight of her daughter slumped across the table in hysterics.

'Taylor baby…' Andrea squeezed her hands. 'Taylor… c'mon… please look at me'

Taylor slowly raised her head to allow her own hazel eyes to meet her Mom's

'She… I… um…' Taylor gasped for breath between broken words.

'You don't need to say anything just listen to me okay?' Taylor nodded. 'I know this is hard for you to process right now, but just imagine how Emily's feeling. Her partner, Derek, he's tried talking to her but all she did was block him out. He tried to make her see reason. He told her how when she talked to you, you wouldn't think any less of her, that you'd still love her, but she refuses to see it like that honey and I don't think she will until you talk to her yourself'

'What am I supposed to say Mom?' Taylor's cracked voice questioned.

'That's up to you baby I can't help you with that' Andrea ran her fingers through her daughter's hair, pushing it from her eyes. 'But whatever you do, approach it delicately because if she's shutting you out, she obviously will be reluctant to face it at all.'

An hour or so later, after her Mom had suitably calmed her down and sent her on her way; Taylor gently shut their front door behind her, dropped her keys on the side and took a second to prepare herself for what was about to happen. Whilst part of her knew this was what was needed for their relationship to heal and for them to rebuild, another part of her was terrified. Terrified that she'd say the wrong thing… terrified she'd slip into doctor mode rather than girlfriend mode… terrified she wouldn't approach it in the right way… but mostly terrified that she'd walk away from this conversation with no more relationship to work to rebuild.

Well, it's now or never…

'Emily!' Taylor called out to the seemingly empty apartment as she took in the way the final sunlight of the day slanted across the wooden floors and the cold winter air fluttered the curtains either side of the open window. Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion as she walked over to shut the window. She sat down on the couch to take off her converse and it was only then she noticed Emily's pillow and blanket in a neat pile on the floor beside the couch. Following her instincts to the only place the thought – and hoped – Emily would be, Taylor walked up the stairs in her socks.

'Em…' Taylor spoke quietly so as not to scare her girlfriend as she softly pushed open their bedroom door to find Emily sitting on her side of the bed watching the TV.

'Hi' Taylor maintained her quiet tones

'Hi' Emily whispered back, and for a second Taylor felt like she could relax as she took in how calm and relaxed Emily seemed to be for once, with no sign of tension in her mannerisms.

'Can I join you?' Taylor didn't even try to hide the hope in her face

'Of course you can' Emily smiled gently and Taylor resisted the urge to run and jump on the bed, but rather gently walked over and sat down next to her girlfriend. She put as little distance between them as possible but still left a gap between them so she wouldn't freak Emily out.

'What are you watching then?' Taylor held back her grin at being the closest she had been to Emily in weeks apart from when she was in the dazed state that always followed her nightmares.

'Some documentary on world war two' Emily replied with a smile in her voice as she prepared herself for the teasing she knew was coming her way

'You're such a nerd' Taylor laughed causing Emily to smile.

'Yeah but you love it' Emily shot back

'I do' Taylor smiled catching Emily's eyes, which she instantly regretted as she practically watched the shutters slam down behind her eyes. 'Please don't do that again Em' she whispered

'Do what?' Emily turned her attention back to the TV and away from Taylor's pleading eyes. She couldn't take that look of heartbreak again.

'That. Shut me out just when we're talking like normal'

Taylor waited for Emily to reply but it never came. Sighing she went to use the bathroom and prepared herself to approach the subject.

Taylor walked into their bedroom again and glanced at Emily on the bed.

'So I went to see my Mom today'

Emily's eyebrows furrowed in confusion at the randomness of the comment but decided to just go along with it anyway. 'Yeah?'

'Yeah we got talking about everything that's happened recently, and how I've been feeling about it all.'

'Mm hm'

'About how I'm worried about you more than anything'

'Taylor I-'

'"Really don't want to talk about it right now"… Yeah I know. But that's exactly why we need to talk about it Em. You're pushing me out. I get you don't want to talk about it, believe me, it's not exactly my favourite subject either but I don't want to lose us and that's exactly what I hate to admit is happening right now Em… because I don't know how much longer I can be frozen out.' Taylor allowed that ultimatum to set in and waited for Emily to finally look at her.

'What did your Mom say to you?' she whispered.

'She told me how you're feeling guilty, about how you asked her why she didn't hate you when I was still unconscious' Taylor watched as Emily visibly cringed 'Can we talk about that first please?' Taylor moved towards their bed again and sat at the foot end opposite Emily.

'I…' Emily sighed and quickly wiped her eyes before she looked back at Taylor. This is it. If I don't talk to her now, I could lose her for good. 'It's my fault.'

'Baby' Taylor breathed out and edged to sit cross legged in the middle of the bed close to her everything. 'It. Is. Not. Your. Fault.' She spoke each word firmly.

'It is' Emily nodded to confirm her own thoughts

'Emily I swear to God I don't blame you at all. This is not your fault!' Taylor gently leant over and squeezed Emily's calf.

'I broke my promise' Emily mumbled.

'What?' Taylor's face scrunched up in confusion

'I broke my promise' Emily looked Taylor directly in the eyes

'I'm not following baby'

'I promised you… I promised you that I would always keep you safe' tears began to flow freely down Emily's face 'I promised… I promised you that I would never… that I would never let anyone hurt you'

'I…'

'Back when we found each other again. In the hospital. I promised you that night I'd keep you safe, after I told you about the danger of my job I promised you that and I've broken it.'

'Baby…' Taylor moved up the last few inches of the bed and pulled Emily into an embrace, ignoring her current touching issues. The initial tension in Emily's body eased up and she eventually relaxed into Taylor's embrace, pulling her closer while she finally let out all the pent up emotions of the past few weeks.

As she turned them around so Emily was sitting on her lap, her face buried in her shirt, all Taylor could think was that she'd never seen Emily break down like this. Sure, she'd cried in front of her before, Taylor knew for a fact that she was just about the only person she would cry in front of, but she'd never seen her girlfriend quite so broken, so consumed with guilt. Hell, even after the worst cases, the ones involving children, the ones which usually broke Em down to the core, she'd never seen her so devastated.

'Hey… Hey. C'mon baby. Listen to me okay?' Taylor cupped the other brunette's face in her hands so she knew she had was listening. 'This is not your fault. Okay? You didn't ask for us to be kidnapped, you didn't tell him to hurt us, you didn't tell him to try and kill me. So this in no way is your fault. And as for your promise, you promised you'd keep me safe and not let anyone hurt me? Baby, you didn't know I was there until he put me in that room with you did you?' Taylor watched Emily subtly shake her head. 'And when he put me in there with you you kept that promise. You wouldn't let him hurt me. You took a bullet for me! You kept me safe from him. You kept your promise Em. Please stop feeling guilty. I'm not angry at you baby. I need you to stop blaming yourself. This is not your fault!'

The couple sat in silence for a while as Emily continued to let out everything she'd kept inside, and subsequently pulled herself together enough to talk to her girlfriend some more.

'She told you everything didn't she?' Emily breathed out

'Don't blame her; she didn't want to see us so broken'

'You're avoiding the question'

Taylor gulped subconsciously before she answered. 'Yes, she did Em'

'So… you…'

'I know what he did Em; yes' Taylor winced as she instantly felt Emily tense beneath her fingertips as she attempted to put some distance between them, but Taylor held on. 'Talk to me'

'I don't want to'

'Shutting down won't help you baby you need to talk about it if you want to start to heal and-'

'Talk about it?' Emily suddenly grew defensive. 'I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about how many times and what he did and how it doesn't matter how many showers I have, I can still feel him. I don't want to talk about how I can still see the bruises even though I know they're not there anymore. I don't want to talk about it, period'

'You just kind of did Em. Listen okay? When my Mom told me, yes, I cried, a lot' Emily pulled away from her, subconsciously pulling her hoodie tighter around her. 'But not because of what you're thinking baby. Not because you disgust me. God Em you could never disgust me. You're beautiful. And sexy. I love you more than anything, and that's why I cried – I couldn't deal with the thought that someone had hurt you like that, let alone him. I… I…'

Taylor didn't know how to put her thoughts into words, so she did what felt right, what she'd missed and what she knew might just get her message through to her one and only. She pulled Emily back towards her and captured her lips with her own. Initially she got no response, and Taylor worried that she'd picked the completely wrong course of action. That was until she felt those familiar soft lips move against her own, and she knew she could smile into the embrace. Pulling back, she held Emily's face close to her own.

'I think you're beautiful Em. You always have been and always will be to me, nothing can ever change that. I know this will take some work, and I know we have to move past all this together, but I can promise you one thing. I love you, and I always will.'

Emily smiled at her girlfriend, the one person who cared about her this much, who actually wanted to swim into the depths of her mind and pull her from the many boxes and chains her subconscious was keeping her in, and bring her back to the surface.

'I love you too.'

A/N: And there you have it! Old Emily might just be in there somewhere after all!

Would really love reviews on this one, I found it particularly hard to write to be honest with you guys.

By my count we only have three chapters left of this story!

I have a couple sequels planned for you guys if you want them, but we'll see what your reaction to the next couple fluffy (possibly smutty…) chapters are first shall we?

Like I said reviews would really be appreciated on this one! Until next time…