Chapter 9: Undiscovered

*Logan's POV*

No one has found out. Thank god. My secret is safe. And now it's Friday again. I've been self-harming for a week, and it's been the best week for a while. It's just I can't swim now, and it used to be the better bit of life- it helped me clear my head, but not anymore. I have cutting for that. If I told them, they would think that I'm crazy, they wouldn't understand, they'd make me go into a mental hospital. I can't do that. I just can't. I can't wear short sleeves anymore; it's either long sleeves or a cardigan. I'll hide. It's the only way. I'll probably cut even more after the 'meeting' tonight. We're all so fucking messed up, it's hard to believe. My best friends who only became my friends because I did their homework. They're not sane. I just can't comprehend it. I can't believe I missed it for so long. If I was insane, why not the others as well? I'm a bad friend. I didn't know, I didn't realize. Maybe I should punish myself, but how? 'MORE CUTS' my head is screaming at me, I guess it's an addiction already. It's so weird how you can become so addicted to something so destructive but I guess all addictions are destructive; self harm, drugs, alcohol, and chocolate. It's a struggle to smile. It hurts, I just can't. It's sad, that even though my life is others dreams that I hate it. Fame just isn't for me, and clearly it isn't for the guys either. I just hope we stay undiscovered- the press would have a field day.

*James' POV*

No one knows. Thank god. If they found out that I was starving myself- they'd think that I'm crazier than they already think I am. They'd force feed me. I can't have that.

I can't lose all my hard work. It's taken me months of making myself vomit to get this far, and this week has been the best. In seven days all I've had to eat is an apple and a banana, got to keep it healthy!

Luckily the guys haven't noticed. They're not constantly watching me- they're all too focused on themselves. I've been wearing baggy clothes as well, sweatpants, hoodies, and loose tops. When they mention my lack of energy, I tell them that I'm tired, well it's true. I'm drained of energy but I love it. I don't think I can back flip anymore, and I won't be playing hockey either.

They don't know, and it feels so good to have a secret that no one else knows, at the same time, I want to tell someone, I want help and I don't want help. It's so confusing and complicated. It makes no sense. I think Katie knows something is up, she doesn't miss a thing.

I'm glad that the press don't know. We'll be ruined; we'd have so few fans sticking by us. I'm glad we're undiscovered.

*Carlos' POV*

It's my secret. They don't know. They have no idea that little crazy Carlos likes his drink. Alcohol, it tastes so nice, you forget things for a little whole, and you're not in control. It's great. I love it.

I just hope they don't find out. They'll all say that I'm an alcoholic. I'm not; I don't have it for breakfast. I just get drunk by myself every night. It's what we young folks do.

I don't need help. I need drink. Cider, vodka, beer, whichever is fine. I love it. I just hate waking up with a splitting headache and remembering how shit everything is. We're all fucked up. It's crazy.

I'm certain that none of them know, unless I don't realize that I'm shouting or something when I am drunk. A week is all it took to destroy myself, one fucking week. Seven days, I don't have a clue how many hours.

Let's hope that they don't find out, especially the public, I don't dare to think about what would happen if they knew. I'm staying undiscovered.

*Kendall's POV*

It's all good, they don't have a clue. I'm smoking, and not just your classic cigarettes. I spoke to guitar dude and I paid him extra, so that he wouldn't tell anybody. I think it was quite smart. Its good stuff, I forget everything.

I'm seeing him later tonight for some more, within three days I used it all. He better have some more. I'd like to try LSD though, it looks like fun. Still no one would car or notice. Aren't I lucky?

Mom and Katie seem oblivious to the fact that us guys are barely talking to each other. That James barely leaves his room, that Logan never talks to anyone- not even Camille, and that Carlos is never in. Our friendship is dying, I don't want it to but it was inevitable. We're growing apart and nothing can save us now. It's sad. All the years of being inseparable and now we're completely separated. I miss them. I still see them every day; I just miss their old selves. Later tonight we have our 'meeting', last week Carlos was so eager, today he just seems like he's lost heart- like we're unsavable. It's really sad.

I'm just happy no one knows. No one, not Jo, not Lucy and not Camille- not anyone. I guess we're lucky that no one cares. We're lucky that we're undiscovered.