Hello everyone,
This week's chapter is a bit early & a bit of a mix. Tomorrow is going to be a little hectic for me, so I'm posting a day early. I'm hoping to be able to post another chapter tomorrow, but if I can't then at least you all still get an update.
Triggers for this chapter are really just Marley hallucinating, so if you're hyper sensitive to that, then you've been warned.
As always, (and I forgot this last chapter), many thanks to NayaFan, UnholyUnderBoob, & Beaner008, for the encouragement and support.
If you haven't reviewed in a while please do so. Reviews are like crack & I'm suffering withdrawals, although, I wasn't too go on record & day that for those who do review, no matter the method, (some people PM me), I am SO incredibly grateful.
Happy weekend to you all!
A week had gone by, since Marley had "seen" Terri in the bathroom with her. She was doing much better, although she spent a lot of time in her little girl world, around age three or four. Santana was starting to get back to a more regular schedule, but today she was off and it was a day for therapy for Marley.
Marley was seated in the living room playing with her see and say while she waited for therapy to start and Santana was in the kitchen making sure a snack was ready for when it was done. Joe showed up, just as she finished preparing the snack and Marley frowned. "I don't wanna Mommy," she pouted as Santana let Joe in.
"And why is that my love?" Santana asked calmly.
"I don't wanna walk," she said simply.
"You can't crawl across the city my love," Santana told her.
"I juss don' wanna Mommy," Marley said.
"Well Mr. Joe is here, so we have to follow his rules at the moment okay? And we're going to be polite and respectful, or Marley is going to sit in time out," Santana warned her kindly.
Marley pouted but Joe smiled at her. "It's going to be such a simple day for you Marley, you're going to be bored," he told her and she looked at him with question. Therapy was never boring. "You've done exceptionally well lately so today I just want you to stand," he said and she gave him a very skeptical look, one that was classic Santana saying "yeah right" with just her eyes.
"Marley," Santana warned, catching her look and not approving of it at all.
"Mommy," she whined softly.
"No baby, we have to do therapy today," Santana told her and she helped her to her feet and gave her a hug. "I love you and I'm right here. We're not asking you to run a marathon," she said and then she turned to Joe. "Wait, are we?" she asked him trying to lighten the mood, but apparently Marley didn't think it was so funny.
"No, not until next week," Joe teased. "Today I just want her to stand still," he said. "No support, no help, just Marley standing up by herself. That's all I want her to do. She knows how to stand, she does well with that. The next step is to just let her stand up, on her own. Marley, I will not let go for long and your Mommy can stay with you too. Eventually though, by the end of today, you'll be standing on your own, for up to a full minute," Joe explained.
"No, fall down!" Marley protested.
"Do you really think I would let that happen?" Santana asked her quickly and sternly and Marley shrunk back a little bit. Santana softened and knelt in front of her. "I'm here and I'm not leaving and I will not let you get hurt on purpose. I have said that to you every day, since we first got together and I have no intentions of doing anything different. So we are going to stand up and go over to Mr. Joe and we're going to start therapy," Santana said.
Santana stood her up and held her close, rubbing her back and talking kindly to her. "You're okay my sweet girl, and I'm right here and I'm not going to leave you alone. We're going to stand here together and we're going to just listen to what Mr. Joe says.
"Marley it's very simple. I want you to stand and we're going to help you balance and then very slowly we're going to start letting go. We're going to have our hands on your stomach and back, like we've been practicing. Then we're going to take them away and put them back on and you're going to count," he said.
"Gators?" she asked.
"Yes, in alligators," Joe said. "First only three alligators," he told her and Santana gave him a curious look. "Kurt came up with it," he said and Marley nodded.
"Papa said gators make me even," she told her.
"That doesn't make any sense to me, but if it works, then that's what we'll do," Santana said. She wasn't sure she liked talk of alligators. She wasn't sure why, but it bothered her. She took a breath and watched as Joe moved his hands carefully to Marley's back and stomach. Once she was steady, he moved the hand on her stomach away, keeping her back braced.
"One gator, two gator, three gator," she said evenly and he nodded putting his hand back in place.
"That was excellent Marley, now let's do the back. Still only three," he told her. She nodded and as soon as his hand was gone, she counted out three alligators. "Very good. Now I will hold on and Mommy is going to let go. Stomach first, three seconds. Then back, three seconds." That exercise was repeated four times before Joe decided that it was time to progress. "Okay, now Mommy will hold you and I will take away both hands. Do you know what that means?"
"Fall down," she practically growled at him.
"Stop it now," Santana told her sternly.
"I will," she whined.
"If we both pulled our hands off of you really quickly, then yes you might. That is not what I said though. I said that only I was going to let go for three seconds, and your Mommy will still be holding you," he said and she blushed a bit in embarrassment, but nodded. "When I take them off, then you can start counting," he told her. He removed his hands and she counted. He gave her lots of praise and then held her while Santana let go. It was a comforting feeling to be wrapped in someone's arms. It was safe and secure. When they were holding her, bracing her with just their hands on her core, it was safe as well, but not as safe. Over time she'd learned she wouldn't fall down, but now it was going to change from two sets of hands to one set of hands and the new strange feeling of that scared her. "Alright Marley, let's go again," he said and she just kept nodding along, waiting for Joe's hands to leave her body.
His hands came off and she started counting. "One gator, two gator, three gator," she said and when his hands didn't go back onto her immediately, she panicked. "Three," she said again and still he didn't move. "Three, three, three," she said, over and over again waiting for him to put her hands back on her.
"Shhh, calm down Marley. I said it was going to be longer," he told her eventually when he realized she wasn't focusing any longer.
"No!" she cried angrily.
"Yes I did," he told her gently.
"NO NO NO!" she screamed at him her hand moving directly on top of Santana's and holding it tight in place.
"Stop screaming baby," Santana said seriously and she got in very close and held Marley tight to her body. "Shhh, stop screaming. You did a good thing. You did well. You should be proud of yourself," she tried.
"No, no, no," she cried.
"Shh, okay love, why?" she asked her gently. Something wasn't adding up and Santana couldn't figure it out.
"Lied, three, only three," she pleaded.
"But you did five, that should be celebrated," Santana reasoned.
"No," she said seriously. "You lie!" she said seriously to Joe.
"No he did not little girl. Mr. Joe said we were going to try again but for more than three seconds. He asked you to count to five and you nodded your agreement. Did you not hear him?" she asked her and it all came crashing down like a ton of bricks around Marley. Someone had spoken to her and she didn't remember it.
"YOU LIED!" she yelled at Joe.
"And you are going into the corner, right now, ten minutes," Santana told her seriously. She wasn't going to let Marley get away with that.
Rachel came home to screaming and crying and one look at Santana she knew Marley had given Joe a hard time. She sat herself down on the couch and Marley quickly crawled over to her. "Mama!" she cried out and crawled over to her and carefully made her way up on to the couch.
"Marley Rose, what did Mommy tell you?" Santana scolded.
"Mama home, I see Mama," Marley back talked.
"You can see Mama when you're done sitting in the corner. You do not back talk," Santana scolded. "Get back. Ten minutes."
"I was!" Marley whined.
"You left before I released you. Back to the corner!"
"Mama," Marley pouted looking at Rachel.
"You're not getting me in trouble. Into the corner," she told her and Marley burst into tears. "Come on munchkin," Rachel said kindly and she helped Marley to the corner and had her sit down before going over to Santana. "What happened?" she asked kindly.
"She's afraid and needs reassurance. I will give her all of that, but she doesn't get to back talk Joe, or any of us, and she knows this," Santana said.
"MAMA!" Marley cried and Santana watched Rachel keep herself composed.
"Kurt should be home in half an hour, will her time be up by then," Rachel whispered and Santana nodded.
"Well as long as she stays in the corner now," Santana told her.
"Good," Rachel whispered slipping up close to Santana and wrapping her in a hug, "because I can't take that painful cry for much longer, and I think you can't either," she said and Santana shrugged.
"It's just frustrating. I want to help her and she wants to help herself, but she doesn't even truly know what's wrong, so nothing can be done. The back talk thing though, that I won't put up with," she said seriously as she fished some carrots out of the spaghetti sauce.
"I think you're right," Rachel said and she leaned in and kissed Santana's cheek and tried to steel a carrot at the same time and Santana smacked her hand.
"Stop being a thief," she scolded her, slapping her hand away, but letting her keep the carrot. "You're eating all the tomato acid, that's why we put the carrots in, in the first place," Santana lectured but she stopped when she heard a sharp soft noise. Marley sat in the corner crying and she was starting to hyperventilate. Santana caught it out of the corner of her eye and sighed. "Just breathe Marley, you're okay and your pacifier is in your left fist," she told her seeing how tense Marley was. "She's freaking out," Santana hissed at Rachel.
"Do you want me to go talk to her?" Rachel offered.
"No, but you can release her, she's been there for ten minutes," Santana said.
"No my dear, that is you. You release her and I will be with her should she want, but you were the one who said we had to be consistent, which means since you were the one who put her in the corner, you need to release her and for love of God wrap her in a hug and keep her there."
"I can't keep her in a bubble," she said.
"We can try," Rachel told her.
Santana rolled her eyes and went over to Marley. "Alright baby girl. Time out is over, you can come out now," she said and Marley practically flew into her arms, holding on tight, trembling violently.
"No bad, no bad," she cried holding on as tight as she could and Santana sighed.
She sat herself down on the floor and kept Marley in her lap, keeping her close and soothing her gently. "Marley, you are not a bad girl. You are a very good girl who sometimes does naughty things. Do you know what you did today that was naughty?" she asked her gently. Marley thought for a moment, shook her head yes, and then shoved her pacifier into her mouth, trying to stay calm, needing Santana to hold her. "You know what would be great? If you told Mommy what it was," she encouraged and Marley couldn't do it. All she felt was fear and pain in her muscles. Her legs were starting to cramp a little bit from the work she'd done earlier.
"Okay my lovely ladies, if you're ready to eat, so is dinner," Rachel said and Marley shook her head no and pushed her body into Santana. Unable to take the pitiful sight before her, she made a large plate and added a decent sized piece of bread. She moved over to the other two girls and sat down. She twirled some spaghetti onto the fork, made it a decent sized bite and fed it to Santana first. Then she repeated the process for herself and then made a small bite for Marley.
"Look baby, dinner time," Santana told her. "Look, Mama has a bite for you," Santana said trying to get her to turn her head so Rachel could feed her. Marley whimpered, rested her head on Santana's shoulder and felt pain wrack her body. Santana felt Marley's muscles tense and she sighed and rubbed her back. "You know what baby, if you let Mama feed you, then the pain will go away," Santana said and as she spoke, she ripped off a small piece of bread. She hooked her finger into the ring of the pacifier, but didn't tug. "Can Mommy have this for now, so you can eat?" she asked her and Marley simply cried, dropping her jaw so the pacifier would fall out. It fell out and Marley carefully accepted the bite, but then turned back into Santana. "You know what I think? I think Mommy's baby girl, needs a good dinner, and a bath, and cuddle time on the couch, and then bed," Santana told her lovingly and Marley simply cried.
Rachel took the moment to feed Santana her next bite and spoke kindly. "You know what baby? Maybe if you told Mommy or Mama why you were so sad, we could maybe help you," Rachel suggested. Marley shook her head no and pressed herself into Santana.
"Okay baby girl, this is what we're going to do. You can cuddle with Mommy if you like, I will always hold you," Santana told her. "However, Mommy and Mama are very hungry, so we're all going to move to the table and if you want to continue to sit on my lap, you can," Santana told her.
"Shouldn't she eat?" Rachel asked.
"When she's hungry, she will tell us. Marley is a very bright girl," Santana assured her as Rachel helped them both to stand up and then moved them over to the table. Santana sat down and Marley didn't hesitate, she carefully moved to straddle Santana's lap, so they were chest to chest, and she put her head on Santana's shoulder, trembling slightly, and pushing her pacifier into her mouth.
Susan walked by Beth's office and noticed that her friend and boss looked perplexed about something. "Need help?" she asked standing in the doorway, looking in on Beth.
"Perhaps, do you have time, or do the boys need you?" Beth asked. She knew all of her employees, very well.
"The babysitter said they are doing fine. I can stay," Susan said and she sat down.
"I'm actually very concerned about our new applicants, and about Marley," she said and Susan nodded at her to continue. "We have three applicants, two female and one male. I'm only concerned about this one," she said pushing the file of Terri Swanson over to Susan.
"Is the the same person I think it might be?" Susan asked.
"Thank you for saying that, because I thought I was being over critical," Beth said and then she explained the entire story of this Terri person calling and giving not only Nicole, but Beth a hard time.
"I would be cautious. It's not the most popular name."
"Well it actually isn't as low ranked as we thought. I did some research earlier and it turns out that in the late 70's early 80's which is about the time, this woman was born, the name ranked around the 200's out of all the names that were registered those years," Beth explained.
"Yeah, but the chances of it being her? We are in New York City, it's not an unheard of name. It's not as unusual and unique as something like Davina. It is however a name that will scare the shit out of Marley," Susan said. "Quite possibly literally."
"That is my other concern. Santana would like to bring her in to be with you, tomorrow, so that she can have her own proper session."
"Who is she having it with?"
"Me."
"Good, spank her for being fresh," Susan said seriously and Beth laughed softly, but made a note and agreed to doing so. "Here's the main question though, what's happened with the Terri person?"
"I've put her name down with security, as well as her picture, and they've been told she is not allowed on this floor," Beth said. "I was also thinking that we meet Santana and Marley down at the entrance, to make sure they get up here safely. If this is the Terri I don't want it to be, then she is applying here for one of two reasons."
"To find Marley or to find someone else," Susan finished and Beth nodded.
"Thank you for confirming my suspicions," Beth smiled.
"So how long do I get my baby girl Marley for?" Susan asked and Beth moved to the computer to look up the information.
"Three hours," she said.
"That's going to be a very stressful three hours," Susan said thoughtfully. "She does like the rocking horse though."
"Marley?" Beth asked in surprise.
"Yes, Marley."
"Susan my friend, I've been in the nursery. I know perfectly well what goes on with that rocking horse," she said giving Susan a look.
"Miss Beth," someone whined in the hallway, although they stood at the door and waited for permission. "Miss Karen left me, and said she was bringing me to Nanny's room so I could ride the horse in there," she pouted.
"Katherine Anne, what are you doing out of your session with Miss Karen?" she asked her sternly.
"She had to go pee, and left me with a video, but then she took forever, and I didn't want to wait and now she forgot me," the little girl whined. "Hi Nanny, do you like my dress?" she asked twirling for her.
"Young lady, come over here," Beth said sternly and Katherine pouted and moved over to Beth, looking at her with a pout and puppy dog eyes, hoping it would help her case. "You know that Miss Karen told you to stay in your room and yet you left, without her knowing, so you could come find me. Many things could have happened to you."
"But Miss Beth, I'm eight, I'm a big girl," she said.
"Big girls follow instructions. You did not. Over my knee," Beth told her seriously and the little girl pouted. Beth helped the nineteen year old "eight year old" over her lap, and gave her ten firm spanks. "Now then. Into the corner, and you wait there," she said and then hit the intercom. "Nicole darling, please find Miss Karen and tell her that little Kitty is with me," Beth said.
Karen arrived a few moments later and frowned. "You just lost your trip to go on the horse little girl," she scolded and took her hand and lead her to the door. "Apologize to Miss Beth and Nanny for interrupting them," she scolded. Kitty gave her apology and was then taken back to the room and Beth smiled at Susan.
"There is no way that Marley wants to ride on the horse, for the same reason Kitty does," she said.
"Marley doesn't know that there are attachments to the saddle. The vibrators and all stimulating piece can be hidden or removed completely. You can take it off or invert it on the saddle. I've inverted it, so to her, it's just a fun little toy and she actually smiled, the last time she rode on it," Susan said.
"Then I apologize, I didn't know about that part," Beth said kindly.
"You are forgiven and for what it's worth, I think you've done a very good job with preparing security about this Terri person. It's definitely much more suspicious now that she's called to harass us, well the club, about working here," Susan said.
"Well for now, I think I've done all I can to protect my staff and my clientele. For now, go home to your sons and I will see you tomorrow," she smiled.
Kurt came home to find the girls resting on the couch. Marley was lounging in Rachel's arms while Santana fed her dinner, bite by bite, being sure to go slow and careful for her. It was always much more of a challenge when Marley was tired, and right now, she was exhausted. Santana had been very careful, but as Marley's tired body, gave up on staying awake and her head lolled to the side slightly, the fork accidentally touched her cheek and Marley set to screaming.
"Shhh, shhh, shhh, hold on sweetheart," Rachel said and she wiped her face. "Shhh, all done baby, all done. You're okay. No more mess," she cooed softly and Marley continued to whine and fight.
"Oh my goodness, what happened?" Kurt asked softly walking over to see if he could help.
"Papa!" Marley cried and Santana frowned and nodded at Rachel to let her go. Marley used every last ounce of strength she had to pull herself up to kneeling at the back of the couch and reached for Kurt, so she could be held. She needed him and when she was that upset, he hated denying her.
"It's okay," Santana sighed and she got up, wrapped Marley's dinner in tupperware and put it in the fridge. She watched from the kitchen as Kurt held Marley in his arms and she watched her eyes cloud over and her body tense. She heard Kurt tell her to breathe and to calm down and saw it not happening.
Marley hung on to Kurt and started to tremble and looked fearful, her eyes widening in pure terror as they focused in toward Santana. "Slut! Do you hear me little girl! A complete slut!" Terri screamed and she stood near Santana and Marley was starting to wet herself. Rachel heard it hit the seat of her diaper and struggled not to move too quickly seeing how upset Marley was. "Nothing but a worthless slut who doesn't deserve anything at all. You just wear the diaper, because you're not worthy of using the toilet. Only normal people get to use the toilet. You should be lucky I don't use you as my toilet!" Terri yelled. She was screaming it and it was so loud and so clear that it was giving Marley a migraine. Her ears were starting to hurt with the shrill voice that was getting louder and Marley saw Terri getting closer and she started to shriek and cry. She screamed when she saw Terri shove Santana into the fridge. Kurt felt her body jerk and she started to melt down into the couch, slipping out of his arms.
Rachel helped her to stay in Kurt's arms and Santana moved as quickly as she could to the couch so they were surrounding Marley. "Some, where, over the rainbow," Santana said keeping her voice gentle and making it as much a lullaby as she could. Once Marley was a little bit calmer, Santana continued to sing and lightly touched Marley's face, locking eyes with her waiting for Marley to respond. "Way, up, high," she sang gently and Marley blinked a bit and tears sprang to her eyes, but Santana kept singing, until Marley was reaching for her, begging to be held. Santana stopped singing and pulled Marley into her arms, having her sit on the back of the couch while she stood between her legs and rubbed her back and combed her fingers through her hair.
"Mommy," she cried and Santana frowned.
"Shhh, Mommy's here, you're safe baby. You and Mommy and Mama and Papa. Everyone is here and everyone is safe, so we're going to put you in a clean diaper, and you and Mommy are going to go to bed, because I think my beautiful, sweet, gentle baby girl, is very tired and in need of bed," she said giving her kisses between each descriptive word to help emphasize her point, wanting Marley to feel loved, important, and special.
She very carefully carried her into the bedroom and Kurt and Rachel moved quickly to support Santana's back so she would be better able to support Marley's weight. Santana carried her to their bedroom, put her down on the bed, and gently moved to her side, kneeling next to her hip. She needed to keep her calm. "Shhh, look at me baby, look at Mommy," Santana said softly. Marley shifted her gaze and saw Terri behind Santana and started to fuss. "Shhh, just Mommy baby, just Marley and Mommy Santana," she tried and Marley focused in for three seconds before drifting off again, her eyes going over Santana's shoulder to the far off corner of the wall. "Shhh, look at Mommy baby, only at Mommy," she coached and Marley shut her eyes and cried, while Santana alternated between singing and talking so she could change her.
Once Marley was set, Santana gathered her in her arms and kept her close. She rocked her gently side to side, telling her how good she was, and how safe she was, and then sang softly to her. They were still cuddled up tight on the bed when Rachel showed up in the doorway. "Mama's snooping," Santana teased and Rachel wrinkled her face and moved in to speak softly.
"Mama came with a story," Rachel said softly.
"Mama?" Marley asked.
"Yes baby, it's just Mama," Rachel told her kindly moving to take a seat on the bed. "You know what sweetheart? I think you and Mommy should lay down on the bed together and just cuddle while Mama reads a story," Rachel said.
"A story?" Santana asked.
"Do you suddenly despise my voice?" Rachel asked Santana directly and softly.
"Since high school," Santana smirked and Rachel simply poked out her tongue and showed Santana the book. The Pokey Little Puppy. "Sure," Santana sighed.
"Alright my girls lie back for me," Rachel said kindly and she sat near Marley's hip while Santana spooned Marley gently in her arms, keeping her cocooned between then. Rachel read the story slowly, upside down, so that Marley could look at the pictures while Rachel read the story.
When she finished the story, she closed the book and gently tucked some stray hairs behind Marley's ear. "You did that very well," Santana said.
"You sound surprised," Rachel smiled.
"I haven't mastered reading upside down yet," Santana said.
"You're not the only one who can commit something to memory," Rachel smirked and Santana raised an eyebrow in question. "When I'm on break at work, I read this," she said dancing the book in her lap. "I had to do something to help out, so this was the best I could come up with," Rachel explained. "Are you okay?" she asked after a moment.
"Yeah," Santana said.
"That was very terrible. I'm not convinced at all, because I know what I saw," Rachel said.
"And what was that," Santana asked, her voice holding question and she was trying to find patience inside her body. She was exhausted and she didn't think snapping at Rachel was going to help anything at all.
"I know that I saw my friend standing at the fridge, looking on at her little girl, with pure fear in her eyes. I've seen you sad and I've seen you nervous before, but I've never seen pure fear in your eyes. You're unshakable. You're the strongest woman I know," Rachel told her.
"Well congratulations you found a chink in my armor," Santana said fighting back her tears. She didn't like that Rachel could see she was afraid and unsure of what to do.
"Hey," Rachel said softly and she placed her hand on Santana's cheek, using the pads of her thumbs to brush away the tears. "It's not a bad thing. I want to help, but if you don't talk to me, I'm not going to know how," she told her. "I know you don't like hearing this, but it's true. I love you. Kurt loves you. We are all in this together and what's more is that Kurt and I want to help you. You just have to let us in," she told her.
"I don't know how," Santana said honestly. "She has questions that need to be answered, but I can't answer them, because she doesn't actually know what her questions are, and it's all very frustrating," Santana said on a sigh.
"Have you talked to your bosses about a break? A true and proper Mommy break? Where you can just go and be Santana and not worry about Marley, you just get to be yourself. Let go, be free, all that hippie sounding stuff," Rachel said.
"You're a dork, and yes I have. I have a three hour session tomorrow, for me."
"Good, and when is it? Why haven't you asked for a babysitter?"
"Calm down there Kujo," Santana said. "She's coming with me. She's going to be with Susan. She was excited about it. Is excited about it," Santana said and Rachel smiled.
"Just remember. You have support, here in this house, in our house. Please don't think you can't ask for help," she told her.