Author's Note: Chapter 7 revised now!
Bruce and Loki are heading down the hallways from the lab, chatting.
"... and then we actually used the emissions to raise the output, so we turned tables and made the radiation work for us. Bam, instant reaction!" Bruce tells her, and Loki shrugs at him, "Well, there you see again that sometimes you need brute force, no?"
"Seemingly so," Bruce agrees with a smile tugging at his lips.
"Oh, I almost forgot. I finished the transcripts you asked me for," Loki says.
"So fast?" Bruce blinks at her.
"If you wanted me to take longer, you should have told me so," Loki frowns at him.
"No, no, no. I just didn't expect you to be so fast with it. Normally that takes weeks and months to put together... and for me it would have been impossible anyways coz I don't know what the hell this language is," Bruce holds up his hands. Loki moves her hand once and the folders appear in her arms and says, "Those are the ones you gave me to fill out. I think it should suffice."
"I'll look through it later. Thank you very much. You really saved me a lot of trouble with this," Bruce smirks.
"Always at your service. Very well, then I shall confine myself to my own studies now. I'll see you later the day," Loki nods curtly.
"Sure, looking forward to it. Catch you later," Bruce waves at her. With that Loki heads off. Bruce makes his way over to the lounge as he bumps into Clint.
"Hi," Bruce greets him sheepishly.
"Hi, I see that you took the enemy under your wing?" Clint snorts.
"You are not past that yet, are you?" Bruce makes a face.
"You tell me, if someone makes you do something against your will by taking over your brain... would you trust that person?" Clint huffs.
"Would you trust a person who just needs the right trigger to send him into a green anger-monster to destroy everything?" Bruce argues.
"You didn't do anything to me. That person did," Clint snarls.
"Well, perhaps it would do you good to give her a chance to redeem herself," Bruce retorts.
"You mean that," Clint grimaces.
"I don't say that everything's forgiven now and that we should just fully trust her, but she is trying," Bruce argues.
"Just coz she gets along with you doesn't mean that she's really changed," Clint snorts.
"You say that, not me," Bruce shakes his head.
"What now? I see that you are some kinda best buddies, and is not like I mind or whatever, but perhaps you realize that you are the only one," Clint grumbles.
"I never was the type to just go with the crowd," Bruce replies.
"You know what they say... mostly majority is right in the end," Clint huffs.
"Even if so... I don't see the necessity to be resentful with someone I work with. I don't bear her a particular grudge other than going havoc that one time. And it is as I said before. I believe in second chances," Bruce tells him.
"I'd just be careful. If you start to trust her too much, it might not only backfire on you, but also us, and possibly the world," Clint warns him.
"You know, to say it with the words of Earnest Hemingway: The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them. I can grow suspicious once she gives me reason for it. Until now, she is simply great company and of even grater help to my research, which in turn also helps you all," Bruce argues.
"Just saying. If it happens, then...," Clint shrugs, and Bruce completes with a roll of his eyes, "Then you can say you told me so."
"Good that we talked about this," Clint smirks sarcastically.
"Yeah, I find that also. Either way, I'm heading my ways now. I still got to work through the transcripts Loki was so kind to translate for me," Bruce sneers. Clint grimaces before walking off once again. Bruce shakes his head. He really defended Loki, much to his own surprise. In the few weeks' time they now spent together... she really grew on him. And it actually makes Bruce sad that seemingly no one sees the effort Loki puts into redeeming herself. She does all the research, works of ways to improve their weapons, she stays up late at night to work on those tasks – she is really trying, but up until now Bruce is the only one treating her with respect and actually showing somewhat gratitude for her actions. Clint is obviously against anything about Loki, and at some point really no one can blame him for feeling a personal resent towards her – though it is fairly obvious that she is accepting that the utmost and does not even speak up to him, something really not part of her nature at all. Natasha simply ignores her, which could be suspected. Though she spoke for her, Natasha is just not the type of person to befriend someone that easily, especially if it is unclear whether she can trust this person. Steve seems awkward around Loki which is why he usually retreats when seeing her around, even if Bruce is convinced that Loki actually enjoys his discomfort. Tony is just Tony – he doesn't trust her much, but he usually brushes it off with a comment, and asking if she can transform into whatever she likes, again and again – and taking particular interest in her transforming into a toaster for some reason... and Thor, well, Thor couldn't be any more distant to her than he is now. If he doesn't completely ignore her, he yells at her and is that close from swinging Mjölnir at her face. She basically has no backup on the team. Maybe that's one of the reasons why Bruce is so persistent in taking her under his wing. She has no one to do that – so, even if he may have some doubts in the back of his head, it seemingly falls upon him to take care of that and be her one spokesman.
Later the day, Loki sits on the couch in one of the Mansion's lounges, one book in her lap, the other floating midair, the next on hovering to her right. She seems perfectly intrigued with her task which is why she does not acknowledge Tony's arrival much. She does hear him, but the sorceress does not really care for what the idiot is up to, after all, those books are far more interesting in her opinion. He stands there for a couple of seconds without saying a word, just bobbing up and down by rolling over his heels, hands folded over the back. The fact that he actually didn't talk for five seconds gets her interest, though. Not that she would ever admit that out loud.
Loki, not glancing up from her book, says in calm voice, "Master Stark, what can I do for you?"
"Hm? Just wanted to see how things are standing," Tony tells her playfully.
"Standing for what and for whom?" Loki narrows her eyes at him.
"That's just a saying," Tony makes a face. He actually thought that Loki would not be so slow on the uptake. That seems to be more Thor's part, at least he took Loki for being the smart one of the bunch.
"I know," she hums in a sing-song.
"Then why did you ask?" Tony huffs.
"I mean to express my resentment about this saying by pointing out its stupidity," Loki shrugs.
"Noted...," Tony grimaces.
"Well, then what do you wish to say in reality, and not metaphorically?" Loki asks.
"Well, just like... small-talk, how it is to work with our own little brainiac... you know, the usual things?" Tony smirks at her. Loki studies the billionaire's face. One thing he and Thor share is this almost dog-like attitude that creeps all the way up their faces. Whenever they are asking for something, they look just like puppies waggling their tails at the hand of their master, if they are sad... well, kicked puppies, obviously. As far as Loki's knowledge reaches by now, after all, she spends a great deal of time catching up on earth's history now that she is on this planet, that is what many women actually find attractive in men, this sense of loyalty and vulnerability that you see in puppies. Even if Loki can't deny that this might be one of the few instances where their charm sparks... she is more of a cat-person. Puppies just have it coming.
"You mean Doctor Banner?" Loki frowns at him.
"Who else?" Tony snickers.
"... why do you wish to discuss the nature of my relationship to Doctor Banner now exactly?" Loki grimaces.
"Are you really that unfamiliar with the concept of small-talk?" Tony makes a face.
"I do not like to take part in it," Loki tells him smugly.
"And here I thought you were the type of person to always speak. I mean... they call you Silvertongue and all, right?" Tony argues.
"In fact they do. Yet, I am not a Silvertongue for my proficiency in small-talk, but for using just the right words at the right time. One could say I have learned to minimize my speech so that it actually matches my needs, which is quite the opposite of small-talk altogether in my opinion," Loki replies.
"Interesting point. Well, now I tell you what small-talk here on earth is. For us it's a way to get to know each other, break the ice?" Tony tells her, to which she smiles viciously, "Aha... just like you meant to break the ice in the first place, with me, when you didn't know?"
Tony grimaces though now he can actually smile about it... kinda, "... not like that."
"Good, or else I may have to violate my contract and scratch your eyes out," Loki says, perfectly calm. Tony grimaces. Now with Loki as a girl, she can be even creepier. And Loki as a guy could make your flesh crawl with just a glance. It's probably that she looks so sweet in this form, like a really nice, innocent girl who couldn't harm a fly. But then she can put on just this smile and say the utmost mean and sadistic things and be perfectly calm about it. That really makes Tony's flesh crawl, all the way from toes to scalp.
"Well, now that you know about its concept... why don't we have a bit of small-talk? We didn't have much of an opportunity yet...," Tony suggests.
"Well, having this kind of conversation would imply that I would actually have interest in getting to know you, no?" Loki argues.
"Ho, there is the old Loki we all know and learned to hate," Tony huffs.
"And on the other side it also means that you have a real interest in learning about me as a person – and that is something I actually doubt, for good reasons, so I believe," Loki adds.
"Why?" Tony fronws at her, to which she replies icily, "Because I know myself pretty well, despite what some people, Thor, may say. And as I know me, there are just things people don't want to know about me. People are scared in the dark."
"I camp out in a metal suit. I'm not really afraid of the dark," Tony smirks.
"There is dark and there is darkness, you see. I really doubt that this is something you would like to get to know," Loki sighs.
"Well, I'm kinda making an effort now," Tony argues.
"But perhaps more out of conscience or because of a kind of curiosity I find with most people who are scientists, such as you or Doctor Banner," Loki huffs.
"Can't deny I am... ugh, curious," Tony frowns. Loki contemplates for a few moments, but then... her own curiosity gets the better of her and wants to test his curiosity in turn. This could become really funny, as far as she knows Stark, so what harm can it do?
"If that is so, then straightly ask me what you want to know, I shall answer you," Loki declares finally, and Tony almost jumps at that as he smirks, "Seriously?"
"There is nothing much to hide," Loki shrugs. She is already exposed, isn't she?
Tony wants to make sure another time, "Okay, so you are serious – and that is not just to be mad at me?"
"I am actually quite curious at to what you may have on mind," Loki says, leaning back.
"Okay, uhm... so... how old are you?" Tony narrows his eyes. Loki tilts her head as she counts, but then says with a shrug of her frail shoulders, "In earth time, I should be something around 1048, if I am not mistaken, though I miss a huge part ever since I was with the Chitauri, because you lose track after some time with those kind of creatures as your company... and they have a different time, so... I may have gained or lost some years there... so you see, I am way older than you. Hitting on me might not be as much of a good idea. I am a woman of experience."
"Well, that would only make it attractive again...," Tony grins at her smugly.
"Ah-ha," Loki makes a face.
"And you actually mean it with being both, like male and female?" Tony asks.
"Most certainly so," Loki nods. Really, it's curious just how set these mortals are in their ways... if that already sends them off-track.
"Cool thing... cool thing... and... did you live as a woman before, like really live as one, or... is that your first time you stay in the shape for longer?" Tony carries on.
"No, I lived like this in a long while," Loki tells him.
"Yeah? What did you do? I mean...," Tony grimaces, but Loki explains with a smile tugging at her lips, "I just went on a journey, if you mean to imply that Thor is not all too familiar with this very form. He did not accompany me on my voyage, though, which is why he is what you coin as awkward around me. And of course because he hates me, but that is on a different page."
"And... what did you do on that journey, then?" Tony questions.
"I explored. I went to different places. Lived the lives of many women," Loki can't help but smile at the memory.
"Huh?" Tony blinks at her, so she explains in a soft voice, "At each place I was another me, another woman, another race, another being. One time I was a peasant, earning her living in the fields. At another time I was a dancer. Then a teacher. A travelling artist. Then a long-lost queen who reclaimed her throne. A singer. A priestess in one of the most beautiful temples that ever met my eyes. A muse for artists and poets. Wrote speeches for the great men of some realms. Enchanted men as a ghost traveling along the outskirts of town, throwing men off their horses as I passed through the mist of the night... Picked fruit... and flowers... lay in the grass and did nothing all day long... it was a very interesting time."
"Wow," Tony puckers his lips, honestly impressed.
"Anything else you would like to know?" Loki asks.
"What does a Jotun look like exactly?" Tony questions.
"You wish to see my true form, I take?" Loki concludes.
"That would of course be the best way to show me that," Tony shrugs his shoulders playfully. Loki smirks before her hair suddenly flares as if electrocuted. Her features take on a dark shade of blue and grey, the skin texture is more pallid, her eyes turn a dark shade of red, like mellow cherries. Much to Tony's surprise her clothes disappear as well, only for a short and tight leather kilt around her waist, the chest only covered by her long hair. The woman gets up from her seat, smirking her vicious kind of smirk.
"Wow... okay... that is... puh," Tony blushes.
"I could have taken on this form also, but I fear it may have brought major confusion to people your kind. No?" Loki hums playfully.
Tony struggles for breath, "Certainly."
"Are you feeling uncomfortable, Master Stark?" Loki smirks mischievously.
"What? Me, no... why would I? I mean...," Tony stammers. Loki glances down at herself and then snickers, "Ah, I see, it's the lack of fashion, no?"
"Well, I didn't expect it," Tony scratches the back of his head.
"You wished for an authentic picture, so I thought I might do good at adding the traditional fashion," she shrugs.
"Hey, I'm all up for tradition," Tony grins.
"How did I know you were to say that once again, hm?" Loki rolls her eyes at him. Her skin suddenly fades to her pale rose skin color, changing back into a human once again.
Tony runs a shaky hand through his hair, "That is a really... neat... trick."
Loki smirks at him, well aware of the fact that she is still dressed in no more than the kilt around her hips.
"You know that I'm actually..." Tony gesticulates, visibly uncomfortable, to which Loki smirks, "... spoken for? Of course I know, Lady Potts, as far as I'm informed, no?"
"Yeah," Tony tilts his head.
"Well, I have no intention of procreation with you, Master Stark. So you only have to worry for perhaps your own wishes and fantasies, no?" Loki grins at him viciously.
"... right," Tony grimaces.
"But we don't want Lady Potts to get the wrong idea, hm?" Loki snickers. With that her clothes return as she sits back down.
"... sure," Tony grimaces. Pity... sorry, Pepper, a short moment of weakness.
"What else would you like to know?" Loki asks him curiously.
"Is it true that you... well, I read some lore and there they said that you once... you had, uhm... you and that horse, you...," he gesticulates.
"Svalfari and I? Yes, we did have a child, Sleipnir," Loki nods, though her voice turns bitter towards the end. "And the irony that now my father is riding him never went without my notice."
"Wow, awkward," Tony blinks at her, but Loki sighs with sadness filling her voice, "It is rather tragic, so I believe. My son is bound to be a mere servant to the Allfather."
"That sucks," Tony grimaces sympathetically. And that is about the understatement of the millenium, Tony knows, but... what can you say? There are no words to describe such a pain, of losing one's children, or, far worse, have them taken from you.
"Well, he has perhaps the smallest misfortune, of all my children, though," Loki exhales, her chest heaving.
"There's more," Tony puckers his lips, and Loki nods, "Yes."
She would like to deny the pain in her chest, but it's a lost cause. A battle long since lost to mighty hands that claim to do the right thing, though it's wrong. That is the feeling that always accompanies the memory of her children - and will probably always.
"Was wondering... did you ever try to get them back?" Tony asks softly.
"What parent doesn't? But I can't, for the Allfather. He took... measurements, to prevent that. But... I made arrangements so that they have it considerably well. They might be monsters, but that just means they know how defend themselves. No one can truly hurt them, physically. They are good children. They are grown now. And a part of me still hopes for the day to come that they take their revenge on the Allfather for bringing that upon them, but I do not believe they will be granted this kind of victory," Loki explains.
"Why not?" Tony blinks at her.
"With the God of Misfortune as their parent... I do not believe that fortune is on their side," Loki shrugs. No, cursed children can only bring forth more cursed children.
"Do you miss them?" Tony asks, his voice almost a whisper.
"Do I miss them? Yes. Of course. They are and will always be my children. And for that I feel affection for them," Loki scolds, but then she grits her teeth. "Yet... I am past the point where I weep over their loss. They are alive, and strong. And isn't that what all parents want for their children? They know how to survive. I tried my best at bringing them up, as time allowed me... now it's no longer in my powers. I let go."
"Why did they take them away from you?" Tony asks.
"Who wants a whore to be his son, really?" Loki sneers.
"... still, I mean... did Odin really have to give them away?" Tony argues, to which Loki replies coolly, "Most certainly so. I think the concept of reputation is not unfamiliar to you and your realm either, Master Stark. The Allfather is the King of Asgard, he cannot have a son who is a whore and procrastinates with monsters not the like of an Aesir. And of course... it made sure that it is not discovered that I am actually of Jotun heritage. Aesir normally cannot do what I did – change the sex and all. We blamed it on my magic, for in truth it was my nature calling."
And whenever Loki thinks about these days, the rupture only becomes deeper, like a wedge driven further into the wound. Even if back then Loki didn't put the pieces together, much to her own dismay, that was already one if not the worst crime Odin committed to her. Not only to lie to her about her heritage, but to keep up that lie... by taking her children away, ignored her pleas, her cries, her whimpering, her actual begging, on her knees, with blood still over her. This pure dread, the clearest form desperation and agony, so blinding white that it burned her eyes... and all those back turned on her, no one daring to look her in the eye... if she didn't know what true hatred was, those were the times when she learned it.
"But still, wouldn't it have been enough to punish you or whatever? Why do that to them?" Tony can't help but question. It just won't go into his head.
"You would have to ask that the Allfather, of course. But my suspicion is that he wished to punish me by punishing my children. For it is our children who are the most precious to us. If you take them away, hurt them... you hurt the parent multiply-fold," Loki hisses, the pain flooding her chest once again.
"Not as they say in the child's books on you and your life...," Tony sighs.
"I am past this now... and I do not need pity for that, neither do my children," Loki shakes her head.
"Yeah, no, I get that, but... I'm sorry for the kids... and you, honestly. No one deserves that," Tony grimaces earnestly. He can't even imagine what that must be like... and at some point, Tony honestly starts to understand what made Loki so angry in the past. He'd be angry, too.
There is a longer pause.
"Thank you," she says softly.
"Does Big Guy know about all this?" Tony grimaces.
"He was there when they were taken from me. Didn't it say in your books also?" Loki huffs, though sadness hums within her voice. He was there. He was. And he turned away.
"Not really," Tony puckers his lips.
"He was there, as part of the royal family. It was a feast, pretty much. I do not blame him, or our Mother... no one disobeys the Allfather," Loki shrugs.
"Not even your own brother?" Tony makes a face. Maybe you can expect that from your enemy, but not from... you family. Even if Tony himself doesn't have the brightest childhood to show, he still has a faint idea of what you don't do and what you do. You don't take a family member's child away, you don't let it happen. And if it does, you are still there to support that person.
"As I said, I do not blame him for that. For other things perhaps, but not this... It was a scandal after all, and more than anything I brought shame on this family. Then it is natural to think that way, perhaps," Loki shrugs. That is what she figured long ago. She was a cursed child from the start, a shame, a dark stain on the otherwise golden family saga, the dark, shrivelled, withered twig that fell to the ground and decayed.
"Hm, I wouldn't react like that," Tony shakes his head.
"You are not Aesir, so you cannot really tell,"Loki argues. Even if a part of her appreciates this concern for her person and her children, that man has simply no idea what it means to be King, what it means to be in Asgard. The rules are different. The cards are shuffled. A new game is played. You can't compare worlds. There are just too many layers to peel away to find only a grain of truth.
"Just as person I wouldn't. I mean... that's just... wrong," Tony shakes his head.
"Right and wrong... those two are never quite distinguished. Other than in science perhaps. Zero and One. Yes or No. But when it comes to people... to individuals... it is no longer possible to tell right from wrong. Something might be wrong for you, but it might be very right for me. What you see as right might be questionable to me. It wasn't wrong to my brother back then for many reasons: for the shame, for the humiliation, for how he was raised, in what codex he lives and thinks... it was right to him to act like that. And it was wrong to him... how I acted, because it was... against anything he knew or learned. So who am I to say that he did me wrong? What is wrong to me is not wrong to anyone else," Loki argues, her voice humming at the thought. Tony grimaces. One should think that Loki would just curse at Thor, since she is likely doing that on most other occasions, but on this one, where she really would have any reason to yell and cry... she doesn't, but actually finds empathy for him? To Tony, this really seems outrageous. If someone had done something like that to him, he wouldn't just forgive that guy, or actually make up an excuse to justify his actions. Really, Loki is nothing she seems to be.
"Hm, interesting perspective, never quite saw it like that... but you might have a point," Tony shrugs, trying to keep it casual to relieve some of the tension he feels rising.
"I'm glad if I can be of help to perhaps shed a different light on your perspectives," Loki smirks at him.
"See? Small-talk is helpful!" Tony tries to maneuver out of the darkness, at least a bit. Much to his surprise, Loki instantly takes up on the cue, "... you might actually have a point also."
Tony grins at her.
"Is there anything else you would like to know?" Loki asks.
"Will you finally answer my toaster-question?" Tony raises his index finger, puckering his lips at her. Loki just glares at him.
"Fine, okay, then not. Was worth a try," Tony shrugs. He didn't see it happening anyways. They fall silent for a while.
"Alright... uhm, I guess I should head my ways again. Was great talking to you. Thanks for the insight. Mind repeating that some time?" Tony asks casually.
"You know where to find me, Master Stark," she replies.
Tony walks off. At the other hallways stands Thor, his head against the wall, having overheard Tony's and Loki's conversation with a heavy heart. He really forgot about Loki's children – and how they treated them. It is something Thor would actually rather forget about altogether, for he actually feels regret for how they treated Loki and his children, with scorn... and laughter. Thor remembers, he actually laughed at Loki as he tried to contemplate, bring the Allfather to let them stay... one of the few times Loki was actually begging their Father for mercy. It was horrible for her, thinking about it... to be constantly reminded that you cannot see your own children, or if you do, then only in the stallions, which are no more than a prison. It is really odd how easily everyone forgot about the matter, though, the Thunderer reminds himself. Loki was still much younger when this took place... and later... when did he actually start to act normally around his older brother again, Thor asks himself. When did he call him that again: brother? The God of Thunder can't remember. At some point it is really hard to believe that Loki actually managed to look either one of them in the eye after what they did to him and his children. But somehow... he did... But the far more hurtful question might be... how did he manage to?
Thor runs a shaky hand through his hair before walking off. He knows better than to talk to Loki right now... and even if he feels remorse over his past mistake... there is still all the mistakes Loki has made. And those are that matter now...
Or do they?