Chapter 11: Shock

*Logan's POV*

"I can't believe you guys didn't fucking tell me." Kendall shouts.

"Like you're one to talk- druggie." Comes Carlos' reply.

"Oh shut it, alc-y- we've all got problems." Kendall responds.

I begin to struggle to concentrate on driving- I keep going dizzy, I shouldn't be driving but what choice do I have. I have to keep going.

"I know we all fucking have problems but it's not our fucking fault." You know when Carlos swears, that it's serious. Carlos never swears. I start fighting back the tears, another thing to obstruct my sight whilst driving.

"Well I'm sorry that I'm fucked up inside. Man, I hate all of you. If I wasn't ever friends with you guys, I would never have got you to come to LA, which caused us to be so messed up." Kendall rants; I hope he doesn't mean it.

"You hate us?" James whispers in shock.

"I hate us," Carlos says. "We messed up, what about our fans? Their role models-" He stops mid sentence, not revealing what we already know. We are the worst role models ever.

And suddenly it builds up on me, and I utter my first words of the day. "I hate me". I think the guys understood that I don't hate them, there's only one person in the world that I hate and that's the person thinking of these words. Me.

"What on earth Logan?" Kendall asks.

"I know what he means." James says. "I hate me too. I hate everything about myself. I hate that I'm fat, and that it was my dream that got us here in the first place. I really hate myself. I FUCKING HATE MYSELF. YOU HAPPY NOW WORLD? HUH?"

'I'm sorry you feel like that." Carlos murmurs, unsure of how to handle this.

"Actually it is your fault James." Kendall starts. "It's your fault that we all fucking moved to LA because Gustavo didn't like you. I wish we were dead." He shouts clearly angry at us.

"I wish I was dead." I whisper, barely audible but they all heard me clearly. I truly mean it, I want to die.

Suddenly I hear the screech of tires and see the brightness of headlights through pouring rain on a miserable Monday morning. I guess I should be careful of what I wish for...