Hey guys! Thank you for being awesome and reviewing (: love it!

Reappasid: uuuuuuuuppppppdaaaaaatttttttiiiiiinnnnnggggg~

Jessieklove: I know I'm trying how to do that, maybe I'll do a part with Dally when the gang finds out.

The Girl With The Temporary Dragon Tattoo: ok updating cause I'm lonely too.

Padamajedward: thanks!

Phoenixx Rising: No he won't and of course not!

Pop punk: I'm glad I did good!

Xx-Beautiful-Chaos-xX: glad Steve came out good. Ok thanks!

Whoosh Im Batman: here's more.

Arlena. Ferrell: thanks hun.

Iwatchsunsets2: yay! Thank you!

Guest: thanks for another wonderful review.

So for chapter this school will be starting. So I decided that for schooling years it goes 7-9th is middle school and 10- 12th is high school.

I spent the next two weeks avoiding Steve, which shouldn't be difficult. Well unless you change the fact he's Soda's best friend and their always together. Avoiding Steve is like avoiding Soda and, avoiding Soda is the hardest thing ever.

Every night Soda ask me if something is wrong and I of course lie to him and tell him everything is peachy perfect. Then I feel like the worst human alive because once again I lied to one of my brothers. The ones who do so much and all because I'm not perfect.

Just keep pushing darling, Ana says, one day there will be no more lies and you will be perfect.

It's all so hard, I want perfection but I don't want perfection like this.

Maybe going back to school will make it better. I won't be home all day and I'll be distracted. Then again it come back to being perfect in school. I have to do good, I have to make perfect grades. I have to get into college and make something of myself because Darry gave up his chance now it's up to me.

Then Ana say's I'll never be good enough for either of those things. I'll never get out of this town and I'll be a disappointment for the rest of my life.

Isn't that funny? One minuet she's telling me one day everything will be fine then the next it's I'll never be good enough no matter what. It's a game I can never win.

What's worse is I tell myself the exact same.

In the morning I wake and say I'm going to try. I'll listen to Steve and stop this. That yesterday was the last time I'll ever skip a meal or throw one up. Yet later on at dinner time there I sit with a full plate of food pushing around steamed peas and chicken not able to raise the damn fork to my lips. Sometimes my promise to myself ends with me hunched over the toilet and the shower running to mask any sound.

It always ends with me laying in bed not able to sleep because I once again failed. Only this time I regret not sleeping because the second the clock turns to 7:30 Soda starts shaking me chanting, "Pony! Wake up! First day of school! First day of ninth grade. Last first day of middle school!"

I feel tired and drained and I haven't even sat up yet. It gets worse when I do sit up my head spins and I grip the blanket tightly. Soda doesn't seem to notice because he gets up once he sees me out and walks out of the room. I manage to drag myself out of bed after that and I find some clothes from the closet. The same ones I got the day I…

I lock the bathroom door when I finally get a chance. I step on the scale and the red needle bobs between 83 and 82. I hold my breath and watch the needle settle at 82.

Not good enough but better.

I continue with the rest of the cycle I have in the morning, finally finishing with me leaving the bathroom and heading down stairs. Darry has already beaten me to making breakfast and is currently handing out plates. He looks at me whilehanding me a plate, "Morning Pony, ready for school?"

I take the plate, "Yeah."

"Last year of middle school!"

I nod, "uh-huh."

I sit at the table with everyone else except Soda who's doing lord knows what. Steve looks me up and down before going back to his plate. I look down at my plate and shuffle eggs around, today's the day. New school year, new me right?

I lift a fork to my mouth as Soda comes in. I stare at him confused. There he is dressed and ready for the day.

The work day, that is.

"Soda, you're not wearing that to school are you?"

Suddenly everything is still. There's this sudden elephant in the room. Like there's some big secret everyone knows but me. I hate this feeling.

Soda looks around for a few seconds then looks at me, "look Pony its better like this."

No, my mind instantly thinks.

"I mean I'm not good in school, not like you."

There it is the pressure to do well in school. Now both Darry and Soda gave up their chances to get out.

"Besides you saw how well we do with both Darry and I working full time. We can pay for bills better this way. That way you don't have to worry, you just go to school and relax you dig?"

Yeah, I dig alright. Soda's dropping out and it's all my fault. Because I cost money. Money Darry and Soda can't provide with one of them working part time and going to school.

"You're not mad are you?"

I look around and everyone is looking at me. I shrink back and look at my plate. Zero is all I can think of. If I reach it everything will get better, Soda will go back to school and things will just be better. I push my plate away a little and look at him.

It's not even noon and I've already broken my promise to myself.

"No I'm not. If that's what you want." He grins at me and I stand up to take my plate to the sink. "We have to go or else we'll be late."

Then we leave.

School is nothing different then what's expected for the first day. Kids screaming and yelling how they missed their friends, getting lost trying to find new classrooms, and getting shoved around by upper classmen. My classes weren't anything special the typical, say you're name, fun fact and sit back down.

In my opinion I think my name by itself is a fun fact.

Lunch comes by I sit with Johnny. He should he in high school with Steve and Two-bit but, he failed this past year so he's in ninth grade. He failed one year and I skipped one so I guess we're all caught up with each other.

I don't eat lunch. I can't bring myself to after this morning. Johnny doesn't ask or comment like he did last year just starts talking about classes and what his teachers are like so far. We compare the schedules for the rest of the day to see if we have together. Which we don't, I'm all A classes and he's in regular.

Lunch is over and we go off to our classes agreeing to meet up and wait for Two-bit and Steve together. The afternoon classes are like the morning ones. No homework other than papers and information cards Darry needs to fill out.

After school we all get in Steve's car and drive to the DX. To see Soda and Steve also has work. When we get there Soda has a grin greeting us asking about school. I say my day was fine and take a seat on the stool in the garage.

I watch Steve and Soda clown around for a bit till Two-bit holds out a candy bar right in front of my face. I blink tiredly because golly it's been a long first day of school. I don't resist it. I grab the bar from his hands then he walks off talking to Soda about some girl. I don't know where Johnny went and I don't ask.

I tear open the candy bar and break off pieces. I bring each piece to my lips, then I remember this morning and end up flinging it to the floor.

It's a bad day, I realize, one of the days I should know better than to try. Still here I am bringing another piece to my lips. It lingers there, I can feel the chocolate start to melt, but I'm able to do anything else. I can't open my mouth and put it in there. So I sigh annoyed and toss it so it lands by a wrench.

That's how it is the rest of the whole bar too. Pieces are completely flung around the garage turning into sizzling puddles of mush. I wonder briefly what it would be like to have that happen to me. To just melt away no more worrying about being perfect and making everyone happy. Nothing but my skin dripping off to the floor and my bones collecting in a pile.

Hmm sounds nice.

"You know if you were going to throw it on the floor you shouldn't have even gotten it. Candy don't grow on trees kid." I glance up at Steve who has chocolate smeared wrench in his hands.

"I did eat it I must have dropped that piece," I say, I lie.

I'm so sick of lying.

"Yeah you managed to drop it all the way over here, and by the tires, that chair, the-"

"I get it now get off my case," I snap.

He shakes his head.

He just doesn't get it does he? It's not easy being like this. I hate being like this but at the same time I can't imagine being any other way. A world where I just eat and have no control over it terrifies me and at the same time makes me wish I could have that.

It's just like the numbers the bad contradicts the good.

Do I want flab and imperfections or some chocolate?

See what I mean it's one positive facing two negatives. Of course I'm going to avoid the negatives like my life depends on it.

Now Soda has officially dropped out I need to work harder. This only losing three pounds in two weeks won't cut it. I have to kick it up a notch. I have to eat less and run more.

Or maybe I could just stop this whole thing?

I could tell someone, anyone. Hell I could Steve right now.

Steve I lied to you. I'm not ok this hasn't been going on for a few weeks it's been months. I'm done, I've been done. I need help.

I don't know why I can't ever do it!

Is it really that hard to form words like that? I'm supposed to be the poetic and deep one right? So what make it so hard to string together a list of words asking for help? I can think up a real nice way to tell someone their pet died but not to say I need help, wonderful.

I don't know maybe it's the angry vibes Steve is always giving off. I can never tell if he's going to pat my back of break my nose. He already doesn't like me and this is just something tobig tell someone who doesn't like you.

Why would you tell your enemy your biggest secret?

It goes agents everything every superhero ever teaches you. You don't trust the bad guy.

Why am I so desperate to tell mine everything?

Steve's not a bag guy though, just thinks I'm a tag along. Not that I blame him I wouldn't want the tubby Curtis hanging around me either.

There it is again the screwy part.

I tell myself I want to stop because I fear getting too thin and, here I am calling myself fat again.

A game I can never win.

I try to win and tell Steve. Day after day I tell myself I'm going to do it. It goes on for weeks and months.

Till Steve gets arrested.

Bleh I hope Pony came out ok. I don't know did it make sense? I tried to show how he want help but doesn't want help.

I don't know, sorry it's short. Anyway tell me what you think, reviews are happiness in an email.